A retrospective since “then”...
A lot has changed in this time between now and then. Some nights that ended in a bottle, some days where I wanted to find the people who wronged me(and believe me, behind whatever lies have been spun in my name, there was a lot of wrong that was blown over to save face) and make them face what they did to me, there were some bad days resulting in two very near heart attacks and death(I’m 25, a heart attack is sort of out of left field). There were bumpy patches with my families(yes, I count my closest friends as family) and there was a patch in which me and my blood family lost contact. I’ve spent the better part of a year repairing those relationships. I have my own home, I support myself(despite what everyone thinks, I did that at home too...). New job, new people, new relationships. Now comes the fun part; introspective analysis. Since “then” I have realized I wasn’t who I portrayed myself as 100% of the time. I’ll admit, I lied, I made bad life decisions, and I treated others pretty fucking badly. I, however, will stand by my statement of “the person who ruined me, did that on their own.” I won’t run from that statement because I still 100% believe it. I read an old post from a while back on one of my angry benders. To quote a segment from it “I’ve been called a liar and a cheater...”. You lied. You cheated. Therefor???? A lot of people will say “Jeremy, this post sounds real hate/anger driven?” And while it may seem that way, it isn’t. That person knows who they are, they know what they did, and THEY(and me by proxy but idgaf) have to live with it. Wherever they are, I sincerely hope they are doing better than the state they were in when they left my life. The part about this retrospective of the last little bit is about me. I was young, dumb, and caught up in the notion of “love”(ha). I was so caught up in holding on to something only I was willing to fight for I let my basic survival instincts kick in and tried to keep that notion alive when it was no longer there. I beat myself up, I hurt other people in the process, and I allowed myself to go into an almost tunnel vision state. I’ve grown up, matured, and made myself into, what I can only hope is, a better person. I hole the same has happened for the people(yes, people) addressed. Don’t contact me. Goodbye tumblr. You are the last social media site to get my permanent sign off.
