Judy @jcstanleyig - Tumblr Blog

“I have almost never worked with an abused woman who overlooked her partner’s humanity. The problem is reverse: He forgets her humanity. Acknowledging his abusiveness and speaking forcefully and honestly about how he has hurt her is indispensable to her recovery. It is the abuser’s perspective that she is being mean to him by speaking bluntly about the damage he has done. To suggest to her that his need for compassion should come before her right to live free from abuse is consistent with the abuser’s outlook. I have repeatedly seen the tendency among friends and acquaintances of an abused woman to feel that it is their responsibility to make sure that she realizes what a good person he really is inside - in other words, stay focused on his needs rather than her own, which is a mistake.”

— Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via seebster)

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This is my sister after my nephew’s father beat her for twelve hours straight. He would knock her out, rape her while she was unconscious, and then wake her up to beat her some more. He locked her in her car naked for longer than I even know, naked, and tortured her by making her eat her own waste. She barely escaped with her life. She sustained severe, permanent, psychological and physical damage. She hasn’t been the same girl since, and no one could be after what she endured.

I watched domestic violence take my sister away from me, and I fucking hate it every single day. I watched David Joseph Fields rip my best friend’s life apart. I will always hold a dark place in my heart for that man.

If you are in a relationship that may be heading downhill and want advice, or are in a relationship that’s already at the point of violence, please don’t hesitate to ask me for her number. She wants to talk to women about this issue, and share her story, but doesn’t know where to start, so this post is my helping hand. I hate domestic violence more than anything in this world, and I want you to know you’re not alone. Not ever. As long as there is a breath of fucking air in my sister’s lungs, or mine, you are not ever alone. You can get out. You are valuable. You deserve better. Don’t ever let any motherfucker tell you otherwise, or force anything less than perfect on you.

Please reblog this, and help me let people know there is always hope. This shit has gone on long enough.

donthither

“An abusive man is not unable to resolve conflicts nonabusively; he is unwilling to do so. The skill deficits of abusers have been the subject of a number of research studies, and the results lead to the following conclusion: Abusers have normal abilities in conflict resolution, communication, and assertiveness when they choose to use them. They typically get through tense situations at work without threatening anyone; they manage their stress without exploding when they spend Thanksgiving with their parents; they share openly with their siblings regarding their sadness over a grandparent’s death. But they don’t want to handle these kinds of issues nonabusively when it involves their partners. You can equip an abuser with the most innovative, New Age skills for expressing his deep emotions, listening actively, and using win-win bargaining, and then he will go home and continue abusing.”

— Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via seebster)

inkskinned

you know what? fuck it, man. the world is held in the fists of people who like to break things. at this point i’m saying who gives a shit. wear that victorian dress you don’t have an excuse for. dress up like a witch, pointed hat and all. who cares anymore. why worry about it when there’s bigger stuff to worry on. i’m saying. yeah, this lipstick is too dark, wanna share? i’m saying go talk to her, tell her that you like her hair. i’m saying she’s out of my league but i’m still swinging, i’m saying yeah i’m in a ballgown and it’s a pta meeting. what about it. eat the extra brownie, tell her your feelings. i’m saying if nothing matters than we might as well give nothing meaning.

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bew502

sunhealings

blossomfully

Learn which parts of yourself to give away and which to keep,“ she said, “often we give away too much in our haste to be loved, then regret it when we realise we will never get it back.

S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #293 (via blossomfully)