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@jdetler-blog
@jackdetler said ; “ that’s not what I meant and you know it. ”
❛ do i? ‘cause if i did, i wouldn’t have–––– alright… what did you mean then? ❜
“ nothing -- -- i meant nothing by it. sorry, i just, haven’t seen you in a while and sometimes i say things and it ; how are you doing ? ”
‘ but, silly: no one’s innocent! not even children, some of them really are the devil’s spawn. they’re so little & opinionated, jack. it just tends to freak me out. now you’re the one speaking in riddles. want — - want what to work? fixing my screw loose? screws. plural, maybe. seems a little late for that. i’m happy. i like to hear you talk all serious. but you’re not really serious, are you. ‘
“ fine. no one’s innocent ; but some people are pretty close, like children. you can’t, you can’t hurt people just because. us to work ! isn’t that obvious ? you don’t need to be fixed & i’m not trying to either i’m just trying to ... i’m glad you’re h a p p y. i-i don’t have to be serious, i was being serious but i don’t have to be. i’m SCREWING this up completely, aren’t i ? ”
❛ and i’m still not. don’t know if you’ve noticed, but –– everything’s gone kind of downhill in the past couple of months. last thing i need is him messing it up some more. ❜
“ or maybe he’ll do the OPPOSITE. what he did was shitty, and i’m not trying to sympathize with him but ... you deserve happiness ; and if he can make you happy, you should let him. ”
‘ … i guess that’s — — i guess that’s alright. uh —– no blood? it’ll all stay inside; where it belongs, right? i don’t LIKE blood — — it’s evil syrup, it drips too much & it means you’re DYING. ’
“ evil syrup ! i like that ; but it’s not evil ---- you just have to PROTECT it to stay alive. in any case, no syrup’s gonna leave your body alright ? can you tell me how your hurt yourself ? how did you fall? ”
❛ i wasn’t MISERABLE. –– – and i still want to. that hasn’t changed. but now? i can’t, –– can i? ❜
“ well you sure weren’t HAPPY. -- -- no, you can’t ; but maybe that’s a good thing. ”
‘ ——- - define W R O N G. some say it’s wrong to cheat, others say it’s okay. some think you shouldn’t take an innocent man’s life, some say it’s no problem ; careful, that’s not something you should say. & right now i really have no idea what you’re talking about. have you been drinking again? ‘
“ well, it’s wrong to cheat & to murder ! it’s pretty CLEAR. but your dad, he wasn’t innocent. what ? of course i haven’t been -- d’you think i’d really show up to our ; whatever this is, drunk ? i just want this to WORK liza, and i know you do too. it doesn’t have to be complicated. ”
❛ i would’ve been BETTER OFF if they’d stayed gone. ❜
“ aw c’mon, you don’t really MEAN that. -- -- you were miserable ... you were gonna leave. ”
‘ if … if you’re just pretending, i think … i think that’s okay. —– —– no needles? what … what’s gonna happen then? ’
“ well i’m not pretending pretending, i know what i’m doing ! just, y’know, apocalypse came before this guy here could go to med school. kidding, i probably would’ve never gone to med school in a million years, but what d’you know, doctor detler is in the house. NO NEEDLES. you mind if i give it a feel ? just wanna make sure nothing’s broken -- all i’m gonna do is press your shoulder a little, here and there, and if it hurts, don’t be afraid to tell me and i’ll STOP right away. sound good ? ”
‘ i don’t … i don’t like … doctors. needles & wires & … they’re bad. ’
“ you have nothing to worry about, as long as you let me help you. don’t worry there aren’t going to be any needles or wires. as for the doctor part, would it help if i told you i’m not really like, y’know, certified ? ”
‘ meant to be ? what’s next; –– star-crossed lovers ? post-apocalyptic romeo & juliet ? you know, just ‘cause they came back… does not mean i WANTED ‘em to. ’
“ so you didn’t want them to come back ? ”
@jackdetler said ; “ look, we think the important people are always going to be in our lives until they aren’t. ”
‘ and then they come back. ––––– like cockroaches. ’
“ and maybe it’s a sign. that you’re meant to be -- -- that they didn’t DIE. ”
‘ my arm twisted & i fell, and now the feeling went away. but the shoulder is still … it needs HELP. ’
“ so you’re not in pain anymore ? your shoulder just feels a little funny ? either way i’ll make sure you’re in tip-top shape before i let you go. ”
@lves ; “ i’m in unspeakable pain. ”
“ well then we should most definitely do something about that. mental, physical ? lay it all on me & we’ll figure out what’s going on -- sound good ? ”
‘ you’re not a bad anything — . . you’re one of the good guys. & you deserve someone who really, genuinely likes you. i’m just not sure that somebody can be me. ‘cause i’m afraid i’m going to H U R T you, jack. i saw it; i saw all red. like something blocking my vision, so much stronger than the voices. & i really don’t want to miss out on working with you. you tell yourself i never could be any of those things, because that’s what you see ; or want to see —– the face of a 12 year old. i really think everything’s wrong with me. ‘
“ NOTHING’S wrong with you ; and i’m not just saying that, or seeing you through rose-coloured glasses, and just because you’re different, that doesn’t make you wrong. i mean, you’re liza scalley, you’re never wrong. you wouldn’t hurt me, i know you wouldn’t ... not intentionally and ... whatever it is, you don’t need to PROTECT me. i just -- as long as you’re with me, when you’re with me, i don’t know ; you make me feel kinda like, nothing could hurt me, not even you. s’like i’m invincible. ”
