ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴍʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ?

annabelle "annie" keane. twenty-seven. maintenance. there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people are capable of doing [ h o r r i b l e ], unimaginable things to each other. --- ooc; meme. they/them.

[lves]

bye bye birdie:

        ‘ WELL, at least you’re back to one piece now. without stitches, wounds get infected and never really heal —– - what about penguins? ‘

‘ was ... was i in two pieces? ----------- penguins? i’ve never met one, you know, up close. too much glass between, otherwise your teeth would chatter. ’

[lves]

syrup stan:

        “ evil syrup ! i like that ; but it’s not evil —- you just have to PROTECT it to stay alive. in any case, no syrup’s gonna leave your body alright ? can you tell me how your hurt yourself ? how did you fall? ”

‘ i was ...  r u n n i n  g. and i tripped. and my arm went SMACK against the ground and there was a  P O P ... and everything was dizzy. ’

[lves]

fake doctor? real doctor? who KNOWS:

        “ well i’m not pretending pretending, i know what i’m doing ! just, y’know, apocalypse came before this guy here could go to med school. kidding, i probably would’ve never gone to med school in a million years, but what d’you know, doctor detler is in the house. NO NEEDLES. you mind if i give it a feel ? just wanna make sure nothing’s broken – all i’m gonna do is press your shoulder a little, here and there, and if it hurts, don’t be afraid to tell me and i’ll STOP right away. sound good ? ”

‘ ... i guess that’s --- --- i guess that’s alright. uh ----- no blood? it’ll all stay inside; where it belongs, right? i don’t LIKE blood --- --- it’s evil syrup, it drips too much & it means you’re DYING. ’

[lves]

a small birb:

@lves said  ☁  ( teddy bear by melanie martinez )

        ‘ stitched you up, put you together, with cotton and feathers !! ‘

‘ i don’t like ... stitches. or ... feathers. birds swoop down and go in your hair, and ... i don’t like them! ’

[claudiablacks]

high school yearbook meme  ♡  firefly + most likely to take over the world; └ requested by @illyana-rasputina river was more than gifted. she… she was a gift. everything she did, music, math, theoretical physics, even dance - there was nothing that didn’t come as naturally to her as breathing does to us. 

[lves]

not a doctor:

     “ you have nothing to worry about, as long as you let me help you. don’t worry there aren’t going to be any needles or wires. as for the doctor part, would it help if i told you i’m not really like, y’know, certified ? ”

‘ if ... if you’re just pretending, i think ... i think that’s okay. ----- ----- no needles? what ... what’s gonna happen then? ’

[lves]

doctor detler:

      “ so you’re not in pain anymore ? your shoulder just feels a little funny ? either way i’ll make sure you’re in tip-top shape before i let you go. ”

‘ i don’t ... i don’t like ... doctors. needles & wires & ... they’re bad. ’

[lves]

jack detler, md.:

@lves ; “ i’m in unspeakable pain. ”

      “ well then we should most definitely do something about that. mental, physical ? lay it all on me & we’ll figure out what’s going on – sound good ? ”

‘ my arm twisted & i fell, and now the feeling went away. but the shoulder is still ... it needs HELP. ’

[bebopbecca]

[lves]

why doesn’t zach love richie no mo:

          every word his sister spoke simply made his heart ache; he was happy to have her here, ecstatic in fact, but what had she endured whilst on her own? every time he thought to bring it up a lump formed in his throat, his usual cowardice kicking in as he made attempts to stay away from the subject. ‘ it’ll be okay, i’ll be there to protect you. ’ he used his shoulder to nudge open the door to first aid, wiggling his fingers to wave those who would’ve usually descended upon annie off. he wanted some time with her first, to talk to her and make sure… she was okay. he placed her softly upon a bed, keeping one of her hands in his the entire time as he brought a nearby chair closer to him with his foot before sitting upon it. ‘ they can’t find you anymore, i promise. it’ll be just us and valdez from now on. ’ he pressed his lips together as she spoke about her insides, shifting slightly in his seat, ‘ you are beautiful, inside and out. those bugs? the dirt? it’ll all go away, but you have to stop scratching. it’s what the bugs want, annie, they want you to keep going but i know you’re stronger than that. i know. ’

‘ no ---- ---- no they put them there, they made them so they can’t go away, i have to get them out! ’ the familiarity of the room as something medical triggered something in her, PANIC rising like bile in her throat as she tore her hand from his, grabbing into the bed as tightly as she could, squeeing her eyes shut. ‘ i don’t want to cut them out, it hurts. take them out. take them out, zach. please. they’re turning my mind different. ’ different. the word, to annie, had always had a  n e g a t i v e  connotation. the doctors that were supposed to treat her always said things had gone differently than expected, right before the searing pain came back. her mother whispered to her friends between cigarette puffs that she was different before unloading her at her father’s. different was bad, and she was different. finally, her shoulders react, and she stuck out a hand to reach for his again, eyes opening as tears pooled in them, an apology was mumbled through barely parted lips. ‘ i’m sorry, zach. i’m sorry. ’

[bestoftswift]

[lves]

can never divorce richie:

          as her hands slipped around his neck zach breathed another sigh of relief, slipping a hand underneath her knees as he picked her up, keeping her in a cradle position as he began to walk forward. ‘ we’re going to go to first-aid, alright? they’re going to have to clean you up, but no needles or tests, alright? they’ll just wipe you down and put some bandages over you––– –– ’ he spoke in a soft tone, keeping a brisk enough pace to let annie feel the breeze whilst also being stable enough to keep her stable. he always explained where they were going, always made sure she knew she was safe; that was his priority. ‘ ––– and then after that? you can rest, and i’ll be right by your bedside when you wake up; sound good? ’

‘ sleeping makes my mind go dark, ‘ she murmured into his chest, clinging to the elder for comfort --- --- he was a rock in the midst of the storm that seemed to be a constant in her mind. she listened to him caefully, moving her fingers as he listed each statement. she wasn’t scared of bandages, wasn’t scared of resting ---- ---- slowly she relaxed, her voice more steady as she spoke. ‘ they put things in me, ’ she explained. ‘ so they could find me -- -- i want to get them out, that’s why ... ’ she diverted her eyes from her own wounds, burying her face in his neck. ‘ they aren’t clean. there’s bugs and dirt and mud and blood and --- --- my inside isn’t clean. ’

[lves]

horse hater:

“ ———a l r i g h t, weird, but okay. are we talking about real horses here ? or did the apocalypse finally drive you legitimately INSANE ? ”

‘ i’m not crazy, you just ... you don’t comprehend. the horses forgot they were horses because there was no water for them to drink and no fields to graze in. so now they’re promises. ’

[lves]

the groom at the wedding:

          he let a smile rise to his lips, a small nod echoing the truth of his words from before, ‘ forever. i’m not gonna’ let anyone else stand between us again, got it? ’ he moves a hand to her back, helping to guide and support her as he always did. her wounds are plentiful, and he hides the slight tremble in his fingertips by shaking them out slightly, ‘ are you alright to move? i can carry you if you want? ’

as always, annie is able to ignore the stinging pain in her wounds --- --- her arms are rough and scarred from the previous slices into smooth flesh; and the knowledge that it is bad never escapes her: but the pain stinging her limbs reminds her she is in the present, not caught in the past. the pain there was  d i f f e r e n t. wordlessly, she lifted her arms clutching his neck and waiting to be lifted. it wasn’t an unusual occurrence, the elder carrying her where she needed to be. often during nightmares or particularly rough episodes of harming herself, her knees would give out as she cried, and he was necessary for transport. however ---- even if movement was possible, the younger would most likely pick the feeling of her brother’s heartbeat against her ear, a comforting rhythm, before stumbling beside him. 

[lves]

richie’s boyfriend:

          ‘ completely. i promise. ’ his fingers unfurled from her wrists, his eyes meeting hers with an oddly uncharacteristic warmth that many others in valdez had never witnessed before. he smiled; a small, gentle curl at the corner of his lip that reassured her as much as possible. ‘ why don’t we go and get you cleaned up? ’ his hands moved, almost on instinct, to hers, helping them to stay slightly busy rather than travelling to her wounds.

‘ --- --- okay. ’ she was still QUIET, but the  p a n i c  was gone from her voice as slowly, she stopped grabbing for the cuts, hands clinging to his as he reached for hers. she always felt SAFER with him, more secure --- --- whenever her brother wasn’t in her presence, she never felt more secure. he was her superhero. to annie, the elder was  i n v i n s i b l e, and nothing could stop him from keeping her safe. ‘ you ... you’re ... back forever? ’

[lves]

her safe haven:

          he doesn’t let it show, the excruciating pain coursing through his veins at the presence of her timid frame in his arms, just pulls her closer and presses his lips to her forehead as she continues to writhe; her fear was always the worst part, having to let his fingers wrap softly around her wrists to stop herself from tearing away at pieces of her own flesh, having to stop her from lashing out at those that weren’t there. ‘ you don’t remember, annie? they can’t get me. they’ll never get me. not while i have YOU to protect ––– –– not now, not ever. ’ he lets his thumbs run in circular motions, her blood seeping onto his skin, his eyes stung from the sheer force of it all –– – she was really here, alive, but in a bad way and his voice was hoarse when he finally spoke again. ‘ we’re together, that’s all that matters. ’

it was as if a FOG had been lifted from in front of her --- her breathing immediately steadied as she felt familiar hands go around her wrists, and the writing and shaking quickly slowed & halted, tearful eyes looking up into his. ‘ we’re ... safe? ’ she whispered, her voice choked up and low. panic was still reflected in her eyes, and her fingers still made moves to attempt to move past his hands and to her wounds again. ‘ ... they won’t get us? ’ 

[lves]

big brother, protector:

          it’s almost as if time itself bows before them, the image in front of zachary’s eyes playing out in painfully slow increments as he attempts to take it all in. she’s murmuring, a soft sound he hasn’t heard since the painful haze of his teenage years, and he almost stumbles forward, shifting into a person most of valdez wouldn’t recognise. ‘ annie, annie it’s me. it’s zach. ’ the only reason he says anything at all is to avoid scaring her; he’d always announce himself when they were teens, always make sure she knew it was him approaching and no-one else. ‘ they’re–– – ’ he kneels down beside her, hands only hovering over her shoulders as he feels the swell of emotion rise in his chest, eyes carefully examining her wounds, ‘ they’re gone, annie. they’re all gone. i’m here. i’m… FINALLY here. ’

she can sense his presence, and for a moment, the panic subsides. he’s there, she’s safe, zach, her zach, her brother wouldn’t let anyone hurt he -- ‘ no, no, zach! you have to go, they’re gonna get you. they’re going to hurt you, you can’t get hurt ---- ---- ’ she collapsed into heart wrenching sobs, shaking as she writhed away from him, still clawing at her cuts. ‘ zach, where are they? where are they? ’ another sob escapes her, and slowly, she moves back towards him before her drawn out movements become a quick scramble towards him. she finally latched onto the elder, clinging to him as if her life depended on it --- and perhaps it did.