Let's Go See the Reason You're Alive

All Wallace, no Gromit.  {North of Somewhere RP; not Justice Smith}

[tinystegosaurus]

[je-wally-wallace]

graciecollins​:

You know what? I never noticed that, but they do look like large dogs. Your secret is safe with me, don’t you worry.

Thank you. I feel like that woman’s always looking for an excuse to kick my ass. Or maybe I’m just exaggerating.  

[je-wally-wallace]

graciecollins​:

Finally! Someone else who finds horses weird. I mean, they kinda scare me.. to be honest. They’re so big and powerful and people just trust them completely. It’s insane to me. One wrong move and they can kick you or trample you. I just don’t get the hype behind them.

They just look like large, weird dogs, and I don’t like those either. But a friend of a friend works on a ranch so I can’t say that too loudly or else she might kick my ass.

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

Yeah, and you can watch me eat it while you study. [He smirks, reaching forward with his fingers in a pincer grasp to pretend to pinch Jake’s pout.] You just can’t catch me out of nowhere with something nice like that. I’ll think you’ve been possessed or you’re dying or something. 

Bitch. [rolls his eyes, trying to avoid Diego’s pinching hand] Well I fuckin’ hope I haven’t been possessed. Otherwise the new church I’m going to’s doing a real shitty job. 

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

I could spend like 150$ on the test, or I could get pizza for like three weeks. Is that a compliment, Jake? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call me smart before. Making me feel special n shit.  

So does that mean you’re going to buy me three weeks worth of pizza when it’s time for me to take my test? [pouts at him] I could go back to roasting you if you’d prefer that.  

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

[Diego pinches his lips together as he frowns, looking deep in thought.] Nah… Nah man I swear to god next time you’re at the library why don’t you pull out one of those encyclopedias and look for it. It’s like a Latin root word I promise. Yeah… I’m not at a point in my life where I wanna spend GED test money on hoping my estimates are right. [Diego reels back from the punch, clutching his arm.] God, that fucking allergy season when will she end?

I can’t believe you’re gonna make me look at an encyclopedia. How dare you. [pouts] Come on, man. You’re smarter than you think you are, and the test and test prep really aren’t as expensive as I thought it would be. Well, not so expensive now that we have jobs and shit. [shrugs] Beats me. Probably not ‘til we’re dead.  

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

Alright I’ll wait… [Diego leans back against the store wall and watches while Jake scribbles furiously, humming every so often as he’s trying to do the own math in his head.] Damn, bro. That’s some pretty good math. Not hypothetical sexy Diego though, I’m very pothetical. I just pulled those numbers out of my ass though so I’m so glad it actually came up to sixty thousand. [He looks up from the paper once more as Jake cringes, smirking at the sight.] You should just be glad you can still breathe, dude. Now you know you’re better off staying away from my feet and armpits though. 

[shakes his head] Pothetical? Dude, English wasn’t my best subject-- in fact, I never really had a good subject in school besides from band-- but I don’t think that’s a real word. Somehow you ended up making a good enough estimate. Good job. Maybe you should be taking the GED test with me after all. [gently punches his shoulder] I can, but I’m pretty sure my septum’s permanently fucked up. Allergy season’s been a bitch because of it. 

[beau-gar]

JUSTICE

www.beau-gar.tumblr.com

[je-wally-wallace]

moon-jaemin​:

[Jaemin turns his head towards Wally in a deliberately slow manner, giving more weight to the following glare he throws his way. He lets a beat pass, holds eye contact, before he focuses back on the shelf in front of him, chest falling with a deep sigh.] What do you want, Jake? [He reaches forward and grabs the concealer he’d been eyeing when he was interrupted.]

[slips his hands into his pockets, shrugging at his question] I’m bored, you’re here, I figured, “Hey, let me actually try to have a one-on-one conversation with the newest edition to my household.”

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

Nah… you’re missing the whole point here. Think of it as one of your GED questions, k? If Jake can make 10$ an hour as a pool boy, and Diego can get a bonus 20$ an hour for being sexy, how much will Jake make in a year, and how much will Diego make in a year? Yeah… rewatch it as if Raven is standing over your shoulder, waiting for you to drool over boobs. [Diego laughs, rolling his eyes] Yeah yeah, you know it but you talk like you’re doing me a favour. Just remember that my reflexes when I’m tickled might end up with you and another broken nose. 

... Hold on. I’m actually gonna solve this. I know this is definitely not the point you’re making, but I need to practice my math. Okay. So Jake makes $10 an hour... times 40 hours per week... times 52 weeks per year... [grabs a piece of paper and writes out the multiplication] ... which comes out to $20,800 per year. Then Diego makes $30 per hour, times 40 hours per week, times 52 weeks, which is... $62,400 per year. Then 62,400 minus 20,800 is... $41,600. So hypothetical sexy Diego would make $41,600 more per year than hypothetical not-sexy Jake... [ignores pretty much everything else that’s being said, too distracted by the math, but cringes when he mentions breaking his nose] Between you that one time when I tickled you too hard, prison fights, and fights with the dumbasses we used to squat with, my nose has been broken more than enough times, thank you. 

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

God, Jake, you’ve got no clue of the female gaze… I could make 60k a year easy as a pool cleaner for bored housewives. Get sweaty and flex by the pool? that’s 30 dollars an hour work. You know Raven would beat the shit out of you for saying that right? We’re not the target audience for the boobies in that show, the least you could do is try and remember the plot. [Diego frowns and looks around, wondering if he’s in some alternate reality] Jake you… you know I’m a professional boxer right? Like I… compete for money? and help train other people who want to compete for money? We’re in such different weight classes that I wouldn’t even be allowed to fight you cause it’s too easy a win. 

$60k? I feel like that’s an exaggeration. If you can really make that much as a pool boy, then where can I sign up? [his face falls when he mentions Raven] Yeah, I know. She would kick my ass just for looking at her the wrong way. Maybe I’ll try to rewatch it. Jayden still lets me mooch off of his account. [blinks at him] Dude, yes, I know what you do for a living, and you know that I’m not actually going to try to fight you. Saying that’s just a force of habit. But remember that I know your ticklish spots and I’m not afraid to play dirty.

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

Whatever, I know I’m hot. Every milf’s dream.  No but that is a thing, Jake. Don’t you remember that girl from Orange is the New Black did credit card fraud like that? [Diego shakes his head] It’s so obvious you never played sports, you scrawny twerp. I’m just a guy with a smackable ass and rugby is a sport only fit for guys comfy with getting up close and personal with their friends’ bodies.  

Every milf’s dream? Maybe in your dreams. [snorts] Dude, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t remember that. I don’t remember a lot of what happened in that show. I was distracted by the boobs. Bitch, who are you calling a scrawny twerp? I’ll kick your ass right here and now. 

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

Of course I am, just look at me, this beauty is so distracting. I’m proud of you for not stealing from your customers, you’re a real big boy now. [He shakes his head, tsking at his friend.] Do you look like my mama? I thought I outgrew those locker room towel whips when I left high school, it’s such a shame I can’t be naked in peace even at almost thirty. Yeah, man. I’ve always been the king of gift giving. 

Alright, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night, man. [tsks] You know what I wish was a thing? Online shoplifting. [laughs at his locker room comment] Damn, that’s a thing that actually happened? Either you went to a kinky ass high school or I missed out on something.  

[je-wally-wallace]

moon-jaemin​:

[Upon seeing it’s only Wally, Jaemin rolls his eyes and focuses back on the shelf before him, only this time, making sure to keep his collar up to conceal his hickey. He doesn’t spare him a glance as he deadpans.] And you’re getting in my business… again.

Aw come on. What’s got you so crabby? Does someone need a Snickers? 

[je-wally-wallace]

moon-jaemin​:

[In the beauty product aisle of the pharmacy, Min stares at the dauntingly vast array of concealers that stand before him. One hand toys with the collar of his shirt, tugs it up and down, as if hesitating to hide the fresh hickeys that adorned his neck. The other extends forward, eyes squinting as he tries to color match from a distance. The footsteps of your character striding down the aisle alert him that he isn’t alone anymore, and he retracts his hand from the shelf. He finally decides on pulling his collar up before throwing a nasty glare at your character.] …what are you looking at?!

[After picking up a box of over-the-counter allergy medicine, Wally started wandering the aisles for snacks. He spotted Jaemin and decided to go bother him. He initially tried to sneak up on him, but the sound of his sneakers squeaking on the freshly mopped floor gave him away] You getting into drag, Min? 

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

I’ve always been a simp, dude. You’re forgetting you’re talking to the dude who failed at being a criminal cause I was too nice to be any good at it. Besides, bro, it’s not about being nice it’s about that l-o-v-e. I have a romantic soul. I was doomed to be whipped from the first kiss. [Diego can’t help but grin, puffing out his chest as he feels more and more macho] It’s not your fault at all. The opposite, even, if you consider we’re trying to keep it down because of you. I learned my lesson before Min even started staying over when you’d whip me with a towel if I tried leaving the bathroom naked. I’m so modest now because you’re such a prude about my comfort with my naked body. Fuck, Jake, I didn’t know you were so passionate about water! Guess I’m getting you a Brita filter for your birthday. 

You’re right, you’re right. You were always better as the distraction. I can’t believe I used to pickpocket people left and right, and now I’m a florist. I haven’t even stolen one customer’s wallet since I started working there. I’m basically a saint now. [laughs at his own comment, unable to take himself seriously] It’s because my Mama used to do the same thing to me if I tried to leave the bathroom naked the few times we actually lived in apartments. Old habits die hard. Wait, like one of those ones that you put on the sink that make the water all crisp? That would actually be a pretty good gift. 

[je-wally-wallace]

diegoxsandoval​:

Oh you should hear the compliments I get, Jake. That kind of reaction is worth quitting for over and over again. The kinda reaction that made Min and I go out of town four weekends ago so we could fuck without you banging on the wall. Fruit thing works, but it’s also a combo of not eating ramen and convenience store hot dogs as our main meals anymore. Turns out, a vegetable can do wonders for the taste of your semen, and you can tell your friend who is definitely not you to try replacing all the coffee and Gatorade he drinks with water. 

Wow man, I can’t believe you’ve become such a simp. If I start being nice to you, will you finally listen to me when I tell you to do shit? [sighs, shaking his head a little] It’s not my fault y’all are going at it all hours of the night and don’t have any sense of volume control. Like damn, we’re lucky we haven’t been evicted yet. [rolls his eyes] I do drink water. I drink more water than you do. Fuck outta here.