* 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒆 ╱ 𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰

[jecngs]

                it’s  ya  girl  𝒅𝒓𝒊  (nineteen,  she/her,  pst  but  i’m  in  the  philippines  for  two  weeks  so  that’s gmt+8 !),  a  soft  edgy  born  with  a  name  that  means  "dark  one  of  the  lord"  on  friday  the  13th  !  if  you’re  meeting  me  for  the  first  time,  some  fun  facts  are  that  i  have  the  incredibly  dangerous  combo  of  high  ambition  and  poor  time  management  and  i’d  Risk  It  All  for  a.c.e,  ateez,  and  loona  !  so,  anyway,  here’s  my  poor,  poor  girl,  miss  amelia  !  why  i  did  her  so  dirty  is  a  Good  Question  i  do  not  have  the  answer  to,  but  let's  plot  !

* ╱  𝑸𝑼𝑰𝑪𝑲 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑻𝑺

𝗕𝗜𝗥𝗧𝗛  𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘:  amelia  christine  jeong   𝗡𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘:  lia,  li,  call  her  amy  and  she’ll  beat  u  up   𝗔𝗚𝗘:  twenty   𝗗𝗢𝗕:  november  29,  1998   𝗭𝗢𝗗𝗜𝗔𝗖:  sagittarius  sun,  aries  moon   𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:  bisexual   𝗢𝗖𝗖𝗨𝗣𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:  actress

* ╱  𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫

         ♡   daughter  of  edith  byun  and  christopher  jeong,  two  major  players  in  broadway  (and  later  on  the  film  industry),  she  was  practically  famous  in  the  industry  before  she  was  even  born.  it  was  without  a  doubt  that  she  was  anticipated  to  be  nothing  short  of  talented  and  successful  once  she  popped  out  of  the  womb!  imagine  legendary  dance  couple  keone  and  mari  madrid’s  child  but  if  they  both  had  a  reputation  akin  to  idina  menzel  or  lea  salonga.  that’s  basically  lia.

        ♡   with  this,  her  parents  unfortunately  succumbed  to  public  pressure  and  wanted  to  ensure  that  their  daughter  would  meet  these  expectations.  to  fall  short  would  be  the  greatest  misfortune  on  her  reputation,  and  they  simply  would  not  have  that.  was  it  the  healthiest  mindset  to  have  raising  their  first  and  only  child?  lmao  no,  but  it’s  the  mindset  that  came  with  the  fame  they  had.  eyes  would  be  on  her  the  moment  she  came  into  the  world,  so  she  had  to  be  everything  the  public  wanted  her  to  be.

        ♡   a  few  months  before  lia  was  scheduled  to  be  born,  her  father  was  cast  in  the  us  tour  of  miss  saigon  (pretend  there  was  one  in  1998),  and  it  overlapped  with  the  due  date!  he  was  supposed  to  be  performing  at  the  pantages  for  a  few  weeks  in  that  general  timeframe  of  when  her  mom  could  be  going  into  labor,  so  they  took  a  risk  and  just…  moved  to  los  angeles  because  he  wasn’t  going  to  miss  the  birth  of  his  child!  so  ever  since  she  was  born  she  resided  in  the  hollywood  area!

        ♡    she  was  homeschooled  for  a  majority  of  her  childhood,  but  ur  a  Big  Fool  if  u  thought  it  was  by  her  parents!  they  were  incredibly  busy  with  their  own  careers  so  she  had  a  nanny  and  a  homeschool  teacher!  and  to  be  Quite  Honest  her  nanny  was  more  of  a  mother  to  her  than  miss  edith  could  ever  be!  to  lia,  her  parents  were  more  like  a  dream,  a  fantasy,  some  sort  of  ethereal  beings  —  untouchable.  [cue  parental  longing]

        ♡   despite  how  much  the  media  loved  to  talk  about  amelia  and  her  parents,  she  didn't  actually  get  to  see  them  all  that  often!  they  loved  her,  there's  no  doubt  about  it,  but  they  didn't  exactly  know  to  express  it...  despite  being  acclaimed  performers  SGKSDJGHDS  so!  basically  in  lia's  mind,  succeeding  meant  getting  love  from  her  parents  because  they  always  seemed  to  pay  the  most  attention  to  her  when  she  was  doing  something  impressive  —  they  loved  to  show  her  off  to  their  colleagues  like  some  sort  of  dog  who  can  do  tricks.  lia  ate  up  this  "love",  though,  because  there's  nothing  that  beats  the  glimmer  in  their  eyes  when  they  watch  her  perform.

        ♡    lia  took  private  lessons  for  everything  ranging  from  acting,  voice,  and  dance!  fun  fact:  she’s  classically  trained  in  several  dance  styles,  such  as  contemporary,  jazz,  ballet,  tap,  and  hip  hop!  she  was  basically  set  to  follow  her  parents’  footsteps  with  all  of  this  training.  she  played  several  child/teen  roles  in  musicals  thanks  to  her  family,  and  it  was  an  almost  effortless  kickstart  to  her  career.

        ♡    when  she  was  high  school  aged,  lia  was  admitted  into  la  county  school  of  the  arts,  but  she  wasn’t  there  for  long.  despite  growing  up  being  taught  how  to  handle  lingering  paparazzi  and  answer  questions  interviewers  sent  her  way,  she  was  never  quite  taught  how  to  handle  the  Hell  that  is  high  school.  she  wasn’t  accepted  well  into  the  social  climate  and  was  frequently  bullied  and  judged.  they  didn’t  believe  that  she  worked  to  be  there,  she  was  only  there  because  of  her  parents.  they  didn’t  actually  know  anything  about  her,  but  they  made  these  assumptions  that  eventually  led  to  her  pulling  out  of  school.  she  had  been  excited  to  finally  see  what  it’d  be  like  to  make  friends  of  her  own  —  friends  that  weren’t  just  fed  to  her  because  of  who  her  parents  were.  she  didn’t  know  that  same  fact  would  make  it  all  the  more  difficult.

* ╱  𝑪𝑨𝑹𝑬𝑬𝑹

        ♡    she's  a  theatre  kid  through  and  through,  and  that's  all  i  have  to  say  about  that!  lia  grew  up  adoring  the  theatre,  not  only  watching  the  shows  her  parents  were  casted  in  but  almost  every  single  one  she  could  become  an  audience  to!  it  was  to  no  surprise  when  the  public  found  her  in  minor  and  supporting  roles  as  a  child,  and  it  was  pretty  much  expected  for  her  to  become  one  of  the  next  big  names  in  broadway  —  she  was  anticipated  to  make  the  Big  Move  to  new  york  once  she  got  her  footing  in  the  industry!

        ♡    as  time  progressed,  she  continued  to  pursue  theatre,  slowly  taking  on  more  mature  roles.  every  now  and  then  she  would  be  given  television/film  offers,  but  it  was  more  of  a  side  gig  at  the  time.  theatre  was  truly  what  she  was  passionate  about.  even  though  it  was  a  profession  forced  on  her,  it  was  no  lie  that  she  actually  enjoyed  it.

        ♡    she  began  to  develop  her  own  fame  outside  of  her  parents  around  the  time  she  was  seventeen/eighteen,  with  a  supporting  role  in  an  independent  film  that  garnered  pretty  notable  success.  around  this  time,  her  parents  invested  in  a  publicist/agent  just  for  her,  a  relative  of  edith  who  was  also  involved  in  the  industry.  it's  true  when  they  say  it's  bad  to  mix  personal  affairs  with  business  because  things  began  to  take  a  bit  of  a  turn  for  miss  lia!

        ♡    her  pr  team  was  really  big  on  transforming  her  the  Big  Name  everyone  expected  her  to  be,  all  the  while  creating  an  identity  completely  separate  from  her  family  where  she  can  thrive.  and  that’s  exactly  what  they  did.  they  created  an  identity.

        ♡    she  had  a  love/hate  relationship  with  being  associated  with  her  parents.  on  one  hand,  it  was  a  burden  having  to  constantly  live  with  the  expectation  of  being  just  as  successful  as  them,  but  on  the  other,  it  fueled  her  fantasies  of  being  the  dream  family  she  had  always  wanted  them  to  be.

        ♡    they  stressed  the  importance  of  whom  she  associated  with,  they  slowly  transitioned  her  out  of  theatre  and  immersed  her  completely  into  the  film  industry,  lining  her  up  for  roles  that  would  eventually  become  quite  memorable.  they  took  who  lia  was  and  restructured  her  as  they  saw  fit,  and  lia  went  along  with  all  of  this  because  they  constantly  reassured  her  that  this  was  what  was  best  for  her  career.  she  didn't  want  to  go  against  family,  for  to  ruin  any  connections  with  her  parents  would  be  a  step  closer  to  losing  them  completely,  so  she  played  along  in  this  role  made  just  for  her.

        ♡    her  brain  eventually  became  fine  tuned  to  see  relationships  as  “how  can  this  benefit  me?”  rather  than  actual  companionship  which  Sucks  bc  she  totally  wants  friendship  —  she’s  always  craved  it  —  but  in  the  back  of  her  mind  there’s  always  this  lil  checkbox  where  she  has  to  get  something  from  this  which  is  Not  Healthy  but  she  doesn’t  know  what  to  do  about  it  because  she’s  in  too  deep  to  change  anything

        ♡    she’s  become  so  detached  from  her  individuality  and  become  the  rising  starlet  her  team  shaped  her  into.  she  hasn’t  been  in  a  musical  production  in  a  long  time,  so  it’s  as  if  they  ripped  a  major  part  of  her  identity  away  from  her.  but  i  guess  that  was  the  plan  all  along.  i  don’t  wanna  say  that  her  mom's  cousin  has  some  lingering  resentment  toward  her  due  something  along  the  lines  of  always  living  in  her  shadow…  but  her  mom's  cousin  has  some  lingering  resentment  toward  her  mom.  it’s  just  cleverly  disguised  because  lia  is  technically  thriving  when  you  look  at  it  from  the  outside.  inside,  she  yearns  for  her  past.

        ♡    in  the  past  few  years,  she’s  been  conditioned  to  want  the  world.  she  thinks  she  is  owed  it,  but  this  sentiment  is  also  fueled  by  her  longing.  she  has  this  hunger  for  success  that’s  highkey  kinda  unhealthy!  she  isn’t  even  capable  of  discussing  these  things  with  her  parents  because  they’re  all  busy  all  the  time!  her  team  would  tell  her  to  say  yes  to  projects,  pr  stuff  including  false  articles  later  debunked  just  for  the  publicity,  whatever  works!  she’s  been  forced  into  this  addiction  for  attention  but  it’s  pretty  much  a  result  of  her  channeling  the  negative  energy  toward  her  career…  to  help  her  career?  but  in  a  way  that’s  detrimental  to  her  own  health.  her  sleep  schedule?  fucked  up!  she’s  ruining  herself  from  the  inside  out  and  she  doesn’t  want  to  admit  it!

        ♡    her  sentiment  toward  her  public  identity  is  akin  to  lottie  person  of  the  snotgirl  comic!  who  she  is  interpreted  as  on  social  media  isn’t  the  whole  truth.  she  posts  as  if  she’s  under  careful  watch  because,  well,  she  is.  anything  her  team  didn't  like  simply  didn't  cut  it  and  was  deleted  almost  immediately  followed  by  a  sharp  scolding.  "image  is  everything"  is  one  of  the  many  sentences  ingrained  into  her  mind.  an  effortless  kind  of  everyday,  that's  what  she  was  supposed  to  be.  idk  how  to  explain  it  well  but  u  know  those  instagrams  where  it  looks  super  casual  but  is  probably  super  planned?  yes?  idk  in  my  head  she  has  an  instagram  feed  like  hyulari  or  pameluft  where  it  looks  rly  normal  but  it's  rly  pretty

        ♡    i'm  trying  to,  like,  put  it  into  words  what  her  persona  is  perceived  as,  but  it's  something  along  the  lines  of  a  person  you  think  you  know  but  you  really  don't.  you  see  her  posts,  you  see  who  she's  with,  where  she's  having  coffee,  but  who  is  lia,  really?

        ♡    clearly,  this  entire  situation  can  get  extremely  overwhelming!  the  melatonin  she  takes  to  help  control  her  sleeping  habits  also  gifts  her  with  the  side  effect  of  irritability,  so  there  have  been  times  when  she  “slipped  up”  and  Snapped!  her  fans  are  quick  to  defend  her,  however,  claiming  she’s  tired  and  needs  rest,  or  place  blame  on  the  individuals  who  dare  disrespect  her  privacy  and  personal  space. 

        ♡    scandals  are  also  something  she  isn’t  immune  to.  she  frequents  club  and  party  settings  often,  and  rumors  often  circulate  about  her  activities,  but  it's  easy  to  shift  blame  on  bad  influences.  her  image  isn't  exactly  squeaky  clean,  but  hey,  as  her  team  likes  to  say,  "total  prudes  don't  get  attention"

        ♡    people  who  work  with  lia  either  love  her  or  hate  her,  there's  really  no  in  between.  she's  friendly  or  stuck-up.  some  believe  she's  ungrateful,  maybe  they're  onto  something.  she  doesn't  cause  trouble  on  sets,  but  people  love  to  make  assumptions  about  this  girl  whose  identity  they  can't  seem  to  crack.  but  they'll  be  damned  if  they  don't  see  her  come  in  every  morning  with  a  smile  on  her  face.

        ♡    if  it  wasn't  clear,  she  despises  the  identity  she’s  forced  into!  it  feels  like  a  role  she  has  to  play  almost  24/7,  and  she’d  easily  give  it  all  up  if  it  didn’t  mean  losing  everything  good  that  came  from  it.  she  missed  the  girl  she  used  to  be,  the  girl  anyone  could  easily  approach  to  talk  about  their  day.  she  doesn’t  know  amelia  anymore.  she  hasn’t  been  amelia  for  a  long  time,  only  lia.

        ♡    she  learned  recently  that  the  contract  with  her  team  is  set  for  a  renewal  soon,  which  prompted  a  crisis  within  lia.  to  terminate  the  contract  would  mean  freedom,  but  at  what  cost?  spicy,  stay  tuned.

* ╱  𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀

        ♡    lia  and  her  relationship  with  her  own  identity  has  definitely  affected  her  personality  and  how  she  portrays  herself  even  when  she  is  at  her  most  comfortable

        ♡    my  base  inspiration  that  Started  It  All  for  lia  came  from  me  watching  a  stephanie  soo  vlog  KSDLHGDSG  so  yea  she's  like  this  likable,  kinda  loud  and  blunt  personality  but  that  comes  more  as  a  surprise  to  people  who  get  to  know  her  because  she's  been  molded  into  having  a  more  suppressed  type  of  character  —  friendly,  but  never  too  much

        ♡    for  the  sake  of  her  sanity,  i'm  gonna  say  that  she  still  holds  on  to  her  personality  in  fear  of  becoming  too  absorbed  by  her  public,  consumable  image,  but  there  are  times  when  she  confuses  the  two.  she  can  slip  up  and  say  something  a  bit  too  blunt  in  an  interview  or  find  herself  holding  back  with  her  close  friends.  she's  essentially  become  a  blend  of  her  true  nature  and  her  public  image  where  it's  almost  the  same  thing

        ♡    incredibly,  incredibly  insecure!  lia  does  not  have  a  hold  on  her  own  identity,  so  even  the  smallest  things  will  make  her  question  everything!  she  constantly  wonders  if  there’s  a  party  happening  that  she’s  not  invited  to,  if  people  like  her,  if  people  are  gossiping  about  her.  so  many  aspects  of  her  current  identity  have  been  conditioned  to  be  close  enough  to  genuine  that  she  actually  doesn’t  know  what’s  real  anymore.

        ♡    she  can  be  a  little  bit  manipulative  if  it  comes  down  to  her  career.  she  doesn’t  really  mean  it  but  she  can’t  help  it  at  this  point!

        ♡    if  she’s  friends  with  someone,  even  if  it’s  for  some  symbiosis-type  relationship,  she  will  play  into  that  role,  she  will  act  as  if  it’s  real.  even  if  she  doesn’t  believe  it,  she  wants  to  believe  it  because  she  also  is  unsure  if  she’s  capable  of  real  feelings??!  she  thinks  she’s  devoid  of  emotion  but  she  just  …  doesn’t  think  about  it.  like,  she  doesn’t  want  to  admit  to  herself  that  she  cares  about  people  bc  she  knows  the  Ugly  side  of  her  brain  will  hyper-analyze  the  relationship  and  find  ways  to  sabotage  it  for  herself  to  the  point  where  she  can’t  enjoy  it  anymore  —  so  i  guess  it's  safest  for  her  to  think  that  this  really  isn't  her!  coping  mechanisms  let's  roll  out!

        ♡   she’s  definitely  had  her  fair  share  of  significant  others  in  the  past,  but  they’ve  been  mixed  into  a  bag  of  a  bunch  of  pr  relationships  (she's  had  so  many)  so  she  doesn’t  know  if  she’s  capable  of  actually  loving  someone.  it!  all!  seems!  fake!  but  she  definitely  craves  affection  and  will  try  to  find  it  wherever  she  can.

        ♡    tldr  she's  actually  a  nice  gal,  outgoing,  caring,  but  she  can't  help  but  think  that  she's  a  robot  because  she  thinks  too  much  about  how  people  see  her

* ╱  𝑭𝑼𝑵 𝑭𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑺

       ♡    super  prone  to  asian  glow

       ♡    loves  anything  peach!  peach  soju  with  yakult  is  her  favorite  alcoholic  beverage,  peach  is  her  favorite  color,  but  she  doesn't  like  actual  peaches???  make  it  make  sense

       ♡    credited  as  lia  jeong  in  everything.  feels  weird  if  someone  addresses  her  as  amelia  if  they're  not  reading  an  official  document  or  really  close  to  her.

       ♡    feels  a  strange  connection  to  "the  i  love  you  song"  from  the  25th  annual  putnam  county  spelling  bee

       ♡    her  favorite  film  genre  to  work  on  is  definitely  romance  because  it's  fun  to  pretend  to  be  loved!  coming  of  age  is  a  close  second.

[jecngs]

i’m about to board my flight so i’ll see y’all in 16ish hours with my intro !

[femaleidol]

soojin ✧ billboard interview .*･｡ﾟ

[weltenwellen]

And I thought that maybe there were ghosts inside of me that I hadn’t even met yet. They were there. Lying in wait.

Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (via weltenwellen)

[themysteryoftheunknownuniverse]

[aseaofquotes]

Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

[lifeinpoetry]

i laughed today. / for a second i was unhaunted. i was the sun, not light / from some dead star.

Danez Smith, from “it began right here,” Don’t Call Us Dead (via mirroir)

[jecngs]

⟨       𝐓𝐀𝐆 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐏  。    ⟩

⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒓  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅  ╱  𝒇𝒕. muse  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒅𝒚𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒄  ╱  𝒇𝒕. muse  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒎𝒐𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒆  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒚  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒄  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒌  。    ⟩ ⟨       𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  ╱  𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓  。    ⟩