The truth behind the smiles.

Someone whose fighting each day, trying to figure out his purpose in life, and what may be his passion.

[jeffroong]

I love you pi

Tsuper Star

[jeffroong]

25012017

This date every year, for the past few years, has been a miserable day for me. I lost a best friend, my BFF, the one whom I’ve poured my heart to for so many years. What hurts the most is that I do not know what went wrong that we suddenly had no contact at all. Tried finding any reason I could but it was to no avail. I see her updates ever so often on Instagram and Facebook, but not once has she replied me. What did I do so wrong that I deserved to be cut out that way? *sobs, sigh and sulks* Why this day in particular? Because it’s her birthday.

[jeffroong]

17012017 Can't get along with mum

It might come to you as a strange relationship that I have with my mother. In most cases, after going through hardships together, family are more likely to grow closer. However, that isn't the case for me. I grew a mind of my own as a kid, hence I stop following orders or instructions (and also the very tired of constant threats from my family) even before I was in secondary school. I didn't particularly appreciate the older generation's thinking like I owe the family great debt and my purpose was to repay that debt. I didn't ask for this life anyways. So between my mum and I, we argue and "fight" ever so often that I'm getting sick and I've decided to avoid confrontation as she's the type that doesn't listen to me nor practice what she says, let alone learning from mistakes. From her I learned to never easily say sorry unless you mean it. I learned about undivided attention and unconditional love. But I learned it from what I didn't quite feel or get from our mother-son relationship. Am still managing this awkward relationship and hopefully I don't get fed up and give up altogether.

[jeffroong]

11012017 Awake at 0300

I’m not sure what’s keeping me up at this hour. Is it stress, or reluctance to go to bed knowing that tomorrow I need to work? I very well know that I need sleep, but at the very same time, I’m not able to sleep. If I were to read things right now, it would stay in my head and more queries will come about. If I eat, I’ll only grow an appetite. If I play game, I’ll lose sense of time and most likely sleep even later.

Crazy as it sounds, more often or not, I’d be reflecting my day at this hour (or slightly earlier). And I’d sometimes be worrying about things that I know for fact that I need not worry yet. But I’m a thinker, I can’t help it. I hope getting this out of my system will help me sleep.

[jeffroong]

03022017 New Year’s First Day

How many people out there had to drag themselves out of bed today? I know I did! Feeling dreaded to go to work, but eventually I had to pull myself together. Funny thing about work today is that no one seemed to noticed that I wasn’t that all enthusiastic about work at all. I had to be there, because I was paid to be there. But I guess you can easily hide yourself and your emotions beside layers of smiles and goofy texting. Yea, someone called me goofy in (it was meant in a good way), and when I think about it again, I’d too be fooled by myself as a jolly-go-lucky too.

Well, at least the first day went well. I’m gonna just keep moving forward as much as I can.

P/s: Let’s see how far I can keep going with this journal. In case if I forgot, this is going to jot down the down or nay-times that I can’t share out elsewhere.

[jeffroong]

01012017 New Year, New Hope?

As the new year arrives, and the old year passes by, many thoughts came to my head. Change is so fast - just a split second defines the old year (31.12.2016 23:59:59) and the new year (1.1.2017 00:00:00).

Time passes by like that no matter what we do. And here again I stand, wondering of my purpose, who I am and what my passion may be. I have done a lot in the past year, but at the same time what I have accomplished seemed and felt very little as well.

Two voices are playing in my head (and I don’t know since when they started getting loud again). It’s been hard trying to reach out as I have no either where to begin. One voice say, “You’ve done well, at least you’re not on the streets” while the other says, “You’re still a nobody.” Conflicting, yes they are. And they are around as often as the sun rises and sets.

Hoping in the new year, along with some things that I’ve planned, that the voices tone down a little. I’ll start with more positivity and give more compliments to others.

[jeffroong]

"If we surround ourselves with people who are successful, who are forward-moving, who are positive, who are focused on producing results, who support us, it will challenge us to be more and do more and share more. If you can surround yourself with people who will never let you settle for less than you can be, you have the greatest gift that anyone can hope for."

Anthony Robbins, Unlimited Power, p. 408

[jeffroong]

WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

I can still recall the time when I was still a kid (4-5 years old perhaps) going into kindergarten, being very happy to see my mum before she leaves to work and and to see her again when she comes to pick me up.

[jeffroong]

@claracmusic's album! :) (Taken with instagram)

[jeffroong]

Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drowned your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Steve Jobs

[jeffroong]

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.

Albert Ellis

[jeffroong]

There is no greater importance in all the world like knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you.

Norman Mailer

[jeffroong]

Belated Halloween (Taken with instagram)

[jeffroong]

The superior man seeks what is right; the inferior one, what is profitable.

Confucius

[jeffroong]

Night + Ideas = Nideas!

Can't sleep at night, 'cause you've got a lot on your mind or suddenly there's a gush of ideas in your mind?

Well, one of the suggested solutions would to get them thoughts out of your mind. How? Fairly simple, move the thoughts out of your head and into a written form - paper, notes, etc.

If you're wondering whether this works or not, why not just give it a try and see what happens? Otherwise, your other choice would be to stay up pondering with it until you grow tired of it =P

Sometimes I do both! Only because when I write down an idea, it leads to another and soon grows to a concept which later on makes me really glad I managed to write it out =) Else, come morning, I'd be scratching my head over what happened last night that kept me awake the whole time =D

So what do you need to get the thoughts/ideas out? You just 3 things:

1. Night Lamp (optional but better to have some clear light, especially if you have a lot of things to write)

2. Paper (and lots of it, better in the form of a notebook)

3. Pen (duh, definitely!)

With this I hope you can get a good night rest! =D

[jeffroong]

Fear is not evil, it tells you what your weakness(es) is. And once you know your weaknesses, you can become stronger as well as kinder. It's necessary to reach the top, and you'll need to learn it soon, if not today.

Anonymous

[jeffroong]

Listen to Your Dentist

I had learned a great lesson as I stepped out of the dentist clinic earlier today. To be honest, I've not visited the clinic in a long while, or more specifically in years. Dentist tells me to be regular, but I guess the fright of the screeching sounds from the tools kept me away. But not today, as I gathered my courage *takes a deep breath* and walked into the room. It wasn't all pleasant for me, after all, it had been years since I was last there (and no I didn't go anywhere else). So, I got my check up, my cleaning and patching for some minor cavities *yikes!* Okay I didn't do a great job at dental care, so sue me! (Noooo, I'm kidding! Don't sue me, I'm broke... and you'll know why in a bit) The price to pay for the time I've missed is great (somewhat RM500) but considered rather small if you calculate it based on the years. Nevertheless, there's still traces of burning in my wallet as I "speak" this. "Why so expensive?" Well, I guess I missed out the part on the x-ray? "What x-ray?" Yeah I got some abnormal wisdom tooth (molar) growth, and according to the dentist, whom by the way is very good, I've got to undergo a dental surgery soon, otherwise I'll be potentially losing more teeth. (See the illustration below for better understanding) You see, in the recent years I've somewhat grown extra wisdom teeth (molar) on bothleft and right ends of my jaws. Well, that's normal, but what's not normal is the position they grew in. Though not normal, this kind of scenario happens rather frequently amongst people, but they are usually taken care of when found. In my case, I only thought they were broken tooth, since I could only see a portion of it. Little did I know, after the x-ray was done, they were full grown teeth with good, strong and long nerves with it *facepalm*. The risk is here that if left there for long, I may lose out my front molars, and eventually have nothing to chew my food. I may have to wear denture!!! *OMGosh!!!* So lesson learned well - Visit the dentist often, and keep your teeth in good care. Otherwise, you'll soon regret it! P.s: But I guess it's a good thing for me, if I had waited until next year, I might be in real trouble. Hehe, so for now, I've gotta plan for the right time and plan financially how to take care of this - It's a surgery after all, big time money investment in dental care!