jemmas.shame.corner

jem // 19 // she/her // lesbian, despite what my page would lead you to believe // yt: jemmas.shame.corner

[jemmas-shame-corner]

just made my first criminal minds edit...

thoughts?

[criminalminds-and-cookies]

[pagetbewbster]

this CM promo pic looks like one of those anti-bullying posters you’d see in elementary school Leave Hotch Alone u assholes

[thecrimsonbook]

A normal day in BAU

[jemmas-shame-corner]

[jemmas-shame-corner]

i think i will never fully understand this obsession but that’s okay

[grapejuiceblue5]

" We're looking for a white male, approximately mid to late 30s, between 5"6 to 6"2 "

" wheels up in 30 "

[in-another-april]

bitches will be like “this is my comfort show” and its a show where the characters have never felt a day of comfort in their lives (its me im bitches)

[jemmas-shame-corner]

[jemmas-shame-corner]

viewing other media containing criminal minds actors because i ran out of criminal minds to watch

part 3: shadow wolves (2019) with tg

viewed on: tubi

movie rating: 1/10

actor in other media giggles: 7/10

quite frankly, this movie is terrible. unfortunately, it’s not terrible in a delightfully humorous way that makes you want to show all your friends, it’s just bad and truly makes no sense.

the movie is about an elite native american group (plus one random white guy) tracking down an isis guy working with the cartel trying to bring explosives across the border. the shadow wolves are a real, super interesting unit of the DEA who actually patrol reservation lands to stop traffickers using traditional tracking techniques, but this film’s interpretation of them feels truly disrespectful. all of the actors who portray native american characters are actually at least part indigenous, which is always a positive, but this movie turns a real unit of trackers into a strange group of underdeveloped “quirky” protagonists who can’t hit the broadside of a barn with assault rifles despite all their purported expertise. instead of portraying the real shadow wolves, this film rips off the name and turns them into something completely different.

there’s one scene where the white protagonist has an encounter with the navajo hero Naayééʼ Neizghání in the midst of a PTSD flashback, who is rendered in possibly the worst CGI ever this side of 1999.

a friend of mine has a theory this movie was only ever made because it was bankrolled by the LDS church, which seems to be about accurate.

now, on to the part anyone still reading this cares about:

the man who is larger on the posters than any of the native americans: fully evolved stereotypical Government Guy, TG. this alone makes me giggle a little, we pokévolved from Government Suit to General Crewcut.

i do not know what TG does in this movie, truly. he sends the white protagonist to go help his old pal nabahe (shadow wolf team leader) and then liases with several mi6 agents who also did not need to be in the movie. however, since this cast is needlessly huge, he becomes like the 8th most useless person on the cast instead of the 1st, so i will let it slide.

however, these giggles do not save the movie. at all. i would have quit watching half way through if it wasn’t for TG and this series of mine that no one reads.

i’m serious, don’t watch this movie. just don’t. it’s not worth it, and the plot falls to pieces if you pull on any of the threads. it’s not cult classic material, it’s just bad. besides, you’ll only encourage them to make the spinoff show that was allegedly in development as recently as 2022.

until next time!

[jemmas-shame-corner]

[jemmas-shame-corner]

viewing other media containing criminal minds actors because I ran out of criminal minds to watch

part 2: how to be a serial killer (2008) with mgg

viewed on: tubi

rating: simultaneously 1/10 and 11/10

actor in another media giggles: 5/10

to be blunt, this is an objectively terrible movie that made, according to wikipedia, a whopping $899 back of it’s 2 million dollar budget. the problem is, i think it was Supposed to be terrible?

plot, with minimal spoliers: a video store employee (mgg) meets a serial killer (dameon clarke) who teaches him the tricks of the trade, which is intercut with footage of said serial killer giving a 10 step seminar on how to be an effective serial killer and occasional confessionals.

so, obviously, this film is a satire on motivational speakers/ life coaches. which is actually very funny. if it was just a movie, it would be absolutely terrible. it’s a surreal watch experience, and honestly i recommend it as a watch with friends because of how unhinged it is.

the problem? the point of this series for me is to giggle about actors i know and love being in different environments from the show i love, and while that suits here, it also… doesn’t? like mgg’s character in this is basically if spencer reid was a stoner. similar mannerisms, even similar outfits, just simply a dumber character. odd experience, certainly not as giggle-worthy in this regard as the last film.

also, just have to throw out there how extremely homoerotic this movie is despite them never acknowledging it. like i was waiting for them to kiss, and not in a “i ship it but they never will” tumblr girlie way. in a yes, this seems like where this is going way.

if you’re going to watch, you should know there is a lot of the f-slur, r-slur and also jokes about SA (in a male prison context) so if any of these things make a film fundamentally unwatchable for you, don’t watch.

until next time!

[jemmas-shame-corner]

viewing other media containing criminal minds actors because i ran out of criminal minds to watch

part 1: The Inheritance (1997) with thomas gibson

viewed on: tubi

film rating: 6/10

actor in other media giggles: 11/10

well, what can I say except this movie was Certainly made in 1997? (this is not a serious review, if you can’t tell.)

now for starts, i have never read the book this was based on, but consulted a literarily minded friend for this review, who was horrified. apparently the setting was changed from England to the US and the timing was changed by like 30 years? So not entirely sure what the point of that was.

as for the movie, with as few spoilers as possible:

an orphaned companion raised like a daughter (cari shayne) falls in love with the suitor (james) (thomas gibson) for a evil cousin of the family she works for, and they ride horses together and do cute shit, and they will-they-won’t-they all day long and no spoilers… but you know what happens.

did i like this movie? yes? it wasn’t great. but it was okay. and the giggles about mr didn’t-smile-for-13-seasons-of-television playing the romantic novel heartthrob were plenty enough for me. there was plenty of up-down-up-down-up, i definitely wasn’t bored, even if it certainly had it’s cringe moments.

i think it would have looked better in black and white, but a shoutout to the absolutely epic dresses throughout!

and now the part all of y’all are actually here for… young tg in a victorian suit

Until Next Time!