I was gifted this lovely graphic by @jolapeno. Isn’t she amazing? 💜💜
Under the cut you’ll find links to all my fics.
My writing is mostly fluff with a bit of angst/spice sprinkled in here and there. If you like anything you’ve read, don’t be shy! Comment, reblog or drop a note in my inbox.
A Symptom of Being Human (OFC Maggie)
Summary: An unlikely connection forms between Joel and a new resident of Jackson.
Tags/Warnings: fluff, slight age gap (Joel is 50ish, OFC is 40ish), grief, loss of spouse, loss of child, panic attacks, mild violence, allusions to SA but no specific details, possible friends to something more, soft!Joel
A Sunday Kind of Love (f!reader)
Summary: A lazy Sunday afternoon at the Miller House.
Tags/Warnings: fluff, domesticity, soft!Joel, married!Joel. Written for beefrobeefcal's Joel Sat On Me '24 challenge
It’s Only Make Believe (f!reader)
Summary: What began as a publicity stunt turns into much more than you expected.
Tags and Warnings: fluff, allusions to smut, kissing, drug use, Dieter is a goofball but so sweet, anxiety, allusions to body shaming/bullying (reader receiving, not from Dieter), fake dating, unspoken feelings, longing. Written for burntheedges Roll-A-Trope Challenge
Puppy Love (f!reader)
Summary: Dieter gets a Christmas Present
Tags/Warnings: fluff, established relationship, one brief mention of drug use (weed), brief allusion to smut, one tiny (bad) period joke, sweet!Dieter
Save Me (f!reader)
Summary: A professional rejection leads Dieter down a dark path. Can he find his way back?
Tags/Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, worry, drug use, mentions of abusive childhood (Dieter), mention of Dieter being a bit of an asshole (but he loves reader), two people in love who are just trying to figure it out. Written for bitchesuntitled Get Dieter Sober Challenge.
Just Another Saturday Night (f!reader)
Summary: Javi invites himself to help you babysit for Steve and Connie on Valentine's Day. What happens between you is completely unexpected.
Warnings/Tags: fluff, sexual tension, friends to lovers, no significant age gap. Written for Space Sisters Valentines Day Exchange
Every Time You Go Away (f!reader)
Summary: You have very few vices and the biggest one is Javi. It can never be serious but tell that to your heart.
Tags/Warnings: fluff, angst, allusions to smut, fingering (f! receiving), unprotected PIV (wrap it up, peeps), idiots in love, unspoken feelings, longing, two people who want what they think they can’t have. Written for yopossum mootboard challenge.
Like the Rain (f!reader)
Summary: Frankie has something to say....will you listen?
Warnings/Tags: fluff, spice, oral (f receiving), unprotected PIV (wrap it up), unresolved feelings, idiots in love, maybe a hint of angst. This is slightly AU: Written for guiltyasdave 1.5k follower celebration
More Than Friends (f!reader) for Jolapeno’s Dear-uary Challenge
Summary: Some time away from your best friend forces you to confront your feelings.
Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader
Rating: T
Word Count: 3.5k
Tags/Warnings: fluff, idiots in love, best friends to lovers, Frankie is a mechanic post TF (that’s my head canon for him), slightly non-canon (no lady, no baby
Someone Like You (f!reader)
Summary: A vacation you didn’t want to take turns into something you never expected.
Pairing: Marcus Pike x f!reader
Rating: T
Word Count: 2.3 k
Tags/Warnings: tooth rotting fluff, allusions to smut, shitty ex-boyfriend (not Marcus), brief mention of infidelity (again, not Marcus. He would never), meet cute, instant attraction. Written for whocaresstillthelouvre follower challenge
Amid the Falling Snow (f!reader)
Summary: Ezra suprises you with your winter wish.
Tags/Warnings: fluff, a hint of smut, allusions to smut, oral (f receiving), Ezra being Ezra, soft!Ezra, established relationship, two people madly in love. Written for a discord Secret Santa Exchange.
Gift of a Friend (OFC Talia)
Summary: An unlikely meeting leads to something unexpected.
Tags/Warnings: fluff. A “This is how they met” story. It’s just two people who could use a friend finding each other. Maybe it might lead to more. Written for the swiftiscruff friendship exchange.
Ballroom Blitz (f!reader)
Summary: Din Djarin gets more than he bargained for when he attends a party celebrating the New Year on Plasir-15.
Warning/Tags: fluff, Din is soft for his girl, teensy bit of jealous!Din, established relationship, shenanigans, Grogu being Grogu, brief mention of vomit, holiday party gone wrong, brief mention of a fight and minor injuries, takes place after season 3, the Razor Crest is back because I said so.
Love in a Bar (OFC Sadie aka Dusty) for kedsandtubesocks’ Cowboy Challenge
Summary: Jack's childhood best friend comes to work at his bar. What happens when the feelings he's tried to hide for so long come to the surface?
Tags/Warnings: fluff, language, kissing, Jack is a menace, friends to lovers, idiots in love, AU where Jack is the owner of a country bar. Jack uses pet names (sugar).
Starting Over (f!reader) for guiltyasdave and sizzlingcloudmentality’s writing through the seasons challenge.
Summary: Jack finally decides to make a big life change and takes you along for the ride.
Tags: fluff, two people so in love, kissing
I Will Follow You Into The Dark (f!reader) for almostfoxglove's Angst Challenge
Summary: Max tries to help you the only way he knows how.
With The Mandalorian abd Grogu right around the corner, it's time to show your favorite Mandalorian fics some love (as well as our favorite siny metal man).
They can be stories you've read or you can shout about your own works.
Let's spread some joy.
Tagging for a signal boost- @simpingforjoel @sawymredfox @bergamote-catsandbooks @the-blind-assassin-12 @avastrasposts @pedroscurls @djarins-cyare @dindjarindiaries @djarinmuse
Gift of a Friend by @jennaispunk She gifted me this lovely story!
An unlikely meeting leads to something unexpected.
Beskar Doll by @justagalwhowrites
“I said I’d get you there so I’m getting you there,” he growled. “I’m not letting some silly doll make me a liar.” He stalked off toward the fresher, but you followed. “Doll?” You demanded, raising your voice. “That’s what you think I am?” “Yes,” he said, turning back to face you, towels clenched in his fist. “A doll, some decorative, useless thing to sit there in pretty dresses and take up space. A doll.”
You have a knack for finding trouble, be it in the midst of Galactic Civil War or when trying to live the quiet life after getting out of the game. So when you're stuck fleeing your new home planet after pissing off the wrong people - again - there's only one person willing to take you: the Mandalorian.
But after years of fighting faceless men, you're not the trusting type toward someone always wearing a helmet and the Mandalorian quickly suspects there's more to you than he knows.
Long Gone and Found by @burntheedges
Long Gone: Din won't let himself remember.
Found: It's been years, but you'd know those shoulders anywhere.
Wildest Drams by @604to647
After the events of The Mandalorian Season 3, Carson Teva dispatches Din Djarin and Grogu to a New Republic stronghold planet to train and strengthen their armies in the face of whispered threats from Empire remnants. On the planet Solana, General Djarin earns the loyalty of a legion and wins the heart of their princess.
When a Feather-Light Touch is Agony by @bergamote-catsandbooks
You own a small repair shop on Nevarro, where you settled to build yourself a new and quiet life. It just so happens you developed a good friendship with a Mandalorian and his son. But is it just friendship?
Chrysalis Heart by @kedsandtubesocks
As queen you can handle many things (like the assassination attempts threatening your life) but the alluring mandalorian hired to protect you might be your heart’s biggest threat
And for the self-rec. I'd like to share these stories!
Mine A night adventure ends up being something much bigger.
The Mirage of a Goodbye Forgiveness and healing are heavy words. They come with a price, one that may be life-changing tonight.
For the First Time The decision is made, it's time to do it. Hopefully, he'll survive the pain.
Please, rb the fics you appreciated, that's how they live 🧡🙏
Check the warnings before reading
(dividers @/saradika-graphics 🙏)
Joel Miller
Play innocent @time-for-my-weekly-spanking
Joel gets a batch of pills with strange side effects. He decides that it would be a shame to waste them. After all, he can use them to get something: you
You should feel lucky | part 10 | part 7 @ess-evo
Welcome to Stalker!Joel...He wants you, and he is going to find you
The last night @ess-evo
The summer before your senior year, you returned to your Texas hometown to stay with your dad. You spent the break working to save money, leaving little room for fun—until your dad insisted on a “going away party.” Hooking up with his best friend, Joel, was definitely not part of his plan
Ride him rough @shadowqueen2024
For the last week and a half, Joel has been busy working himself to the bone to get ration cards for the deal he was trying to make with some people through the QZ. This left you feeling hornier by the day, and usually, he'd be able to fuck it right out of you. But now that he's busy again, you decided to take matters into your own hands, unaware that he comes back earlier than expected
Daddy issues | chapter 5 @aurorawritestoescape
Dilf. That's what young women think when they see Joel. He doesn't mind. In fact, he welcomes it and uses his status to get what he wants. His scheme works smoothly until he meets you. You seem to be the only one who sees through his bullshit, the only one he should avoid. And now the only one he craves
Lead me not into temptation | part 21 | part 22 @tateypots
Reverence @peepawmiller
After a string of mishaps at work keeps Joel away for far too long, you come up with the perfect way to help him unwind
Fade into you @aurorawritestoescape
‘Mysterious girl’ — that’s what people in Jackson call you because of your amnesia. All your memories lost, alone in the world, you’d probably be miserable and lonely if it wasn’t for your saviour, Joel Miller— a man who filled a hole in your heart with love and became your friend, your lover, your family. He makes you happy and you accept him with all his flaws. During a heated argument Joel reveals a shocking truth about your past and you come face to face with a dilemma — can you trust the person who became your whole world?
Javier Peña
Everytime you go away @jennaispunk
You have very few vices and the biggest one is Javi. It can never be serious but tell that to your heart
Marcus Acacius
This never happened part 2 @rosharanfiction
The Friday before you start your new job, you get drunk and kiss a hot stranger. But it turns out Marcus isn’t just any stranger. He’s your brand-new boss, the guy who seems to get you like no other, and the last guy on earth you should want to kiss again
Reed Richards
Pass/fail @604to647
You have a foolproof plan to guarantee a passing grade in your stepdad’s class this semester. Professor Richards couldn't possibly outsmart you, could he?
Marcus Pike
Beauty sleep @peepawmiller
Marcus loved it when you stole his clothes. Loved it even more when you paraded around in them like an insatiable temptress. It's like you wore his clothes for the specific purpose of letting him unwrap you. To unearth the beauty hidden under his too-large button downs, or the oversized sweats you had to roll three times in order to walk safely around the apartment. But his favorite was the FBI t-shirt. Because it had a very. Specific. Meaning
Dave York
Not a lot, just forever @baronessvonglitter
Your married ex Dave told you it's over. You're totally normal about it.. right?
Ted Garcia
Office hours | part 4 @baronessvonglitter
You and Mayor Ted Garcia have kept your working relationship strictly platonic. But so much can happen after office hours
Frankie Morales
Goodbye @cozymochaa
Grief has never been something you've been able to navigate. it comes and goes in waves, and you never know when the dam will finally break
Come undone @bergamote-catsandbooks
You and Frankie navigate a relationship that isn't supposed to be one
Harry Castillo
Earned it @cozymochaa
Harry is a man who always needs control. But when you come along, the lines between lust, obsession, and love start to blur, and he gets the urge to let go completely
Multi p boys
Crosshairs | part 3 @rosharanfiction (Joel Miller x Javier Peña)
There’s something about Jackson’s newest resident that gets under Joel’s skin. It’s not just Javier Peña’s cocky attitude that Joel can’t stand - it’s his tight pants and his too-smooth voice, and especially the way he’s sleeping with half of Jackson. But Joel can’t deny that Javi is a damn good shot, so when raiders make camp in the nearby mountains, he begrudgingly agrees that they can work together. Soon their rivalry shifts into an attraction, as fever-hot as it is terrifying. But Javi’s not the kind of guy who does commitment, and Joel doesn’t want to let him get too close. As feelings start to spiral and raiders close in, Joel and Javi both have to fight for their lives - and maybe for each other, if they decide it’s worth the risk
Good behavior @magpiepills (Ted Garcia x reader ; Tim Rockford x reader)
Reader, you are an inmate at Tim’s prison and he owes a favor to the mayor
My writing
Never tear us apart | part 1 | part 2 (Joel Miller x reader)
September 26th. The day the world went dark, you were on the other side of the country, separated from the love of your life For 20 years, you and Joel have been surviving, unaware of what happened to each other, until your paths finally cross again
Summary: You have very few vices and the biggest one is Javi. It can never be serious but tell that to your heart.
Pairing: Javier Peña x f! Reader
Rating: T
Word Count: 2.8k
Tags/Warnings: fluff, angst, allusions to smut, fingering (f! receiving), unprotected PIV (wrap it up, peeps), idiots in love, unspoken feelings, longing, two people who want what they think they can’t have, smoking, reader understands Spanish but does not speak Spanish in this story, reader is shorter than Javi, has hair that can be tucked behind her ear, and can be picked up by him but no other physical description is given, reader has an occupation (she's a teacher). Reader has a nickname (cariño, and one other that I won't spoil here). If i missed anything, please let me know.
A/N: This fic was written for @yopossum mootboard challenge. I love this moodboard so much and I love how much it inspired me. Thanks to @fallingforthearch for being my #1 fan and to @fhatbhabiee for looking this over for me. This is the first thing I’ve written that’s anywhere close to being angsty and it killed me to not give these two a HEA (maybe I will someday)
divider and banner by @saradika-graphics
Most people would be out on the town on a Friday night, enjoying the bars and nightlife Bogotá has to offer, but not you. You sit at home on your couch, waiting. He’s going to knock on your door any moment now, he always does at this time of night. You sip your glass of wine and stare at the stack of ungraded papers spread over the coffee table. You had assigned your fifth-grade class an essay and now came the laborious task of reading them.
Why you do this to yourself, you’ll never know. Javi doesn’t love you and he probably never will. You are an outlet for him, a place where he can unload his stress and drown his worries inside you. You’re no better than a whore, but at least whores get paid. You let him use you for free. You let him use you and leave and you never ask for anything in return. You’re always there with a soft smile and a willing body. Damn, you wish you could turn him away, tell him that this isn’t working for you anymore, but you can’t. You’re in love with him, you have been since the moment you met at that boring Embassy party. The thought of him not being in your life hurts worse than being his fuck toy; at least you get to touch him, kiss him, give him some sort of comfort.
“Hey, cariño.”
He props himself against the doorframe, his lean body drawn to its full height. His leather jacket creaks as he moves his arm, and heat slowly spreads through your chest.
You silently make way for him to enter your apartment and softly close the door behind him. He moves across your apartment with feline grace, like he owns the place. You suppose he does, in a way. No other man has spent so much time in your apartment since you moved to Columbia.
He prowls over to the small bar near the kitchen and pours himself some whiskey. A soft chuckle fills the air as he realizes it’s his favorite brand. There’s only one store in Bogotà that sells this brand and it’s not that close to the school or your apartment. His heart squeezes in his chest, you really are too sweet for him.
He lands heavily on the couch, the familiar mixture of cigarette smoke, aftershave and whiskey invades your nostrils. The scent fills you with a myriad of emotion and your bottom lip finds its way between your teeth.
He lights a cigarette and takes a long drag as you settle onto the couch next to him. He’s the only one you would ever let smoke in your apartment. You sit close enough to touch him, but you don’t. Javi likes to be in control, and you wait for him to make the first move.
He shouldn’t do this to you. You should be with someone who could give you everything you need….someone who wasn’t him. He wasn’t any good for you, he knew that, yet he showed up at your door like he always does, and you let him in.
He knocks back his whiskey in one fluid gulp, his Adam’s apple bouncing as he swallows. You look so goddamn sexy in those silky lavender sleep shorts. His left hand clenches and unclenches trying not to jump you right then and there.
“What’s all this?”
He jerks his head toward the chaos in front of you. Leaning forward, he sets his empty class on the table and picks up the top sheet of paper.
The corner of your mouth tugs upward as he studies the paper with intensity. You could almost make yourself believe this is what it would be like if the two of you were actually a couple, the two of you sharing a quiet moment after a long day.
“My students had to write an essay on their dream job. I was trying to get a head start on grading them.”
His signature smirk played on his lips as he read.
“The Ambassador’s son wants to be a DEA agent, huh? Bet she loves that.”
Your soft laughter lifts over the quiet music you had playing in the background. The Ambassador had no love for the DEA agents working in Columbia, especially Javi and his partner Steve.
“Maybe I should have you come in and talk to the class.”
You were only half joking but the thought of the tough and stoic Javier Peña standing up in front of a group of ten year olds makes you smirk.
He drops the paper and loud sigh escapes his lips as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You know exactly what that means.
“Tough day?” you ask quietly.
He tells you about his day while you listen silently. He leaves out the worst parts, of course. He can’t bear to tell you the whole truth, not wanting to subject you to the worst parts of his job. You don’t need that.
His large, warm hand rests on your bare thigh. As he talked, his hand caresses your skin, his fingers kneading your soft flesh. The need to feel you, to possess you is almost overwhelming and he grits his teeth. Those lavender silk pajama shorts are killing him, so much of your creamy flesh is exposed to him. His hand snakes further up your thigh as he takes a deep breath.
You watch his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed, the heat burning between your thighs. You shouldn’t want this; you know exactly what this is, but you can’t help yourself. You need to hang onto him, even if what you have isn’t real. This is enough. Oh, the lies you tell yourself.
“Want a refill?”
You already know the answer. He never gets drunk with you. He never has more than one drink when he’s with you, but you always ask. You’re just buying time, trying to stretch out the time spent together as long as possible.
He shakes his head slowly. His shoulders sag like he’s carrying the weight of the world. He knows he shouldn’t do this. He shouldn’t do this, he should have just went to see Vanessa or one of the other girls. He hadn’t done that in weeks. You’re the only one who can give him what he needs.
“Come here, cariño.”
He pulls you into his lap and wraps his hands around your waist, keeping you settled securely in his lap, right over the bulge in his grey jeans. The heat from his body soaks into yours and desire pools at your core.
He couldn’t look you directly in the eyes for more than a few moments at a time. He knew exactly what he’d see there. He’d see the most beautiful woman he’d ever met, and he knew that he was ruining you. He knew that you would never ask for more than he gave you and that broke his heart.
His lips crash against yours, his soft tongue plunging deep into your mouth. The wine on your tongue mixed with the whisky on his and he gripped your hips tighter. He wanted to lose himself in you, let you calm his raging soul, if only for a brief time.
Javi’s thick fingers snake up your back and into your hair. His grip is firm, but not painful. He doesn’t want to hurt you, even though that’s exactly what he’s doing. The pain may not be physical, but he was causing you pain, nonetheless.
He tilts your head back, his lips trailing down your neck. Vanilla and cherry fill his nose, a scent that’s uniquely you, driving his need for you even higher.
His teeth lightly graze your skin, and you moan softly. He knows just how to touch you, which parts of you are the most sensitive and he played your body perfectly.
He wraps your legs around his waist as he stands. His mouth is on yours again and he kisses you deeply as he takes the familiar walk toward your bedroom. It’s a trip he’s taken enough times that he doesn’t need his eyes to know where he’s going.
Your body looks so beautiful spread out for him on your soft sheets. You’re always so willing to let him have you anyway he wants. You give yourself to him so freely. How could someone so pure want someone like him? He’s not a good man and he doesn’t pretend to be. He did horrible things, told himself it was for the greater good but was it really? Are the things that he was doing worth it?
Javi slowly unbuttoned his shirt as he stood between your parted legs. He knows you like to watch him undress and he is more than happy to give you a show.
His smooth, tan chest is exposed to you little by little, making you throb harder with every pop of the buttons. The belt came next, unlatching it one handed as his other hand strokes your thigh.
You squirm as he unbuttoned his pants, giving you a peek at the small curve of his belly and the strip hair that led to the thing you wanted most.
He gently jerks you to a siting position. Practiced hands pull your tank top over your head, exposing you to him. He kneels before you, his soft lips brushing your neck. You’re so sensitive to him and it only serves to make him even harder.
Teeth gently nip at your exposed skin as he makes his way down your body. You are soft and so much of his world was rough. You soothe him, you make him feel whole.
“Javi…”
Just like always, you’re putty in his hands. You let him mold you in his image, desperate to have any piece of him that you could. You’d take anything he gave you. Despite what he might think, he’s a good man. You’ve seen how much he cares about his work and the people closest to him.
“Shhh, cariño….I’ve got you.”
His lips and tongue tease at your nipple, and your fingers tangle in his hair. He chuckles lightly into your skin as he plays your body like an instrument.
He pushes you back onto the bed and pulls off your shorts. His pupils are blown with lust as he marvels at the sight before him.
In a perfect world, he would take his time with you, he would treat you as gently as you deserve but he couldn’t. If he did, he’d only drag you down with him and he couldn’t live with that on his conscience. It was better to keep you at arms length, keep you safe.
His fingers drag through your wet folds and dip inside. He can’t hold back a strangled groan as your heat surrounds him. He works you slowly, opening you up for him until the tingle in your lower abdomen tells you it won’t be long before you came undone for him.
Your body clenches around his digits, your moans filling the room. Stars blind you as your orgasm ripped through your body with a vengeance. Javi’s hushed voice works you through it until you whimper his name.
You didn’t give you much time to recover before he was pulling off his jeans and his body covered yours, settling between your thighs. His weight on you feels good, comforting even but it shouldn’t. For now, you pretend this was more than it was. You pretend that this meant something and not just a way for him to release his tension.
He intertwines your fingers with his, pinning your hands to the bed. Holding your hands like this is the only bit of intimacy he allows himself.
He pushed himself inside you, holding back a moan. All his worries vanished as your warmth surrounded him. He’s lost in the feel of you, the way you grip him so tightly. He’s convinced this is the closest he’ll ever come to heaven.
His pace steadily increased as you moaned for him, making those sounds that he loved to hear. You sang so beautifully for him.
You mewled as he hit the spot that only he could reach, and you knew you were close to coming for him once again.
You cried out his name and your walls squeezed around him.
“That’s it, cariño…don’t fight it.”
You tried to hold back. You wanted this to last as long as possible because you know as soon as it was over the spell would be broken. You’d have to face the reality that you loved a man that didn’t love you back.
“Be a good girl and come for me.”
You obey his command, and your walls fluttered around him as your second orgasm hit you. It felt like an electric shock through your entire body. Every nerve in your body fired all at once.
You whimper softly as the aftershocks ripple through you. Javi never stopped, working your through your orgasm once again as you whine and cry for him.
He picked up his pace and his hips slap against you as he chased his own release. His hips stutter as he buries his face into your neck and spilled himself inside you, painting you with his seed.
He laid on top of you for a minute, breathing you in and taking advantage of the last few moments he had you like this. He couldn’t let himself linger too long and he rolled off you, reaching down for his jeans to grab his pack of cigarettes.
Your mind was still hazy as you roll onto your side, watching him rest against the headboard and light his smoke. This was yet another thing you only did for him, you would never let any other man smoke in your bed.
He smirked at you as the cloud of smoke obscured his face. It was his way of telling you he was satisfied. He couldn’t say it out loud, that would be too much.
He crushes the butt into the ashtray on the nightstand and laid back down. He smooths the hair from your face, tucking the strands behind your ear. It’s the only bit of comfort he can offer you. It’s not nearly enough, he knows that, but he can’t let himself give you more.
“Get some sleep, rana (frog).”
A giggle bubbles up from the depths as you hear that stupid nickname he gave you. Not long after you first met, he told you that you reminded him of Sally Field’s character in “Smokey and the Bandit”, his favorite movie. You thought he was crazy, but somehow the nickname just stuck.
You didn’t want to sleep because you knew what came next. You knew he would leave once you were out. He would leave the way he always does, like a thief in the night. Did he know that he was also leaving with your heart? Did he even care?
Sleep finally took you. You never could stay awake long after being with him but maybe that was for the best. If you were awake when he left, would you be able to resist the aching need to ask him to stay? You didn’t think you were that strong.
He watched you for awhile as you slept. You looked so peaceful in that state, like an angel. Maybe you were…. maybe you were here to save him even though he didn’t deserve it.
He quietly disentangles himself from the sheets and looked back at your sleeping form one last time. You look so beautiful with your messy hair and your soft body wrapped up in the sheets. His heart ached to tell you how he felt, how he longed for you, but he could never do that. You’re too good for him; he’d only ruin you with his roughness. He would never forgive himself if he hurt you. You belong with someone better than him: a doctor or a lawyer, someone who would treat you the way you deserved. You’d drown his darkness; it would swallow you up and change the very essence of who you were. Still, he came back, time after time, taking everything you gave him without so much as a complaint. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t let you go. He loved you…you were the one thing that kept him sane. Maybe one day he could be the man you needed but today was not that day.
The sun streaming through your bedroom window woke you. Just like always, you woke up alone. The bed cold and empty next to you, but his scent still lingered. You roll over and bury your face in the pillow allowing yourself to breathe him in the way you never dare let yourself when he’s here. Admitting your feelings is not an option but that’s all you want to do. Maybe one day you’ll be brave enough to look him in the eye and tell him you want more. You can handle his darkness; you’ve been doing it for months even if he doesn’t realize it. Maybe next time you won’t just fall asleep…. you’ll ask him to stay.
Summary: You have very few vices and the biggest one is Javi. It can never be serious but tell that to your heart.
Pairing: Javier Peña x f! Reader
Rating: T
Word Count: 2.8k
Tags/Warnings: fluff, angst, allusions to smut, fingering (f! receiving), unprotected PIV (wrap it up, peeps), idiots in love, unspoken feelings, longing, two people who want what they think they can’t have, smoking, reader understands Spanish but does not speak Spanish in this story, reader is shorter than Javi, has hair that can be tucked behind her ear, and can be picked up by him but no other physical description is given, reader has an occupation (she's a teacher). Reader has a nickname (cariño, and one other that I won't spoil here). If i missed anything, please let me know.
A/N: This fic was written for @yopossum mootboard challenge. I love this moodboard so much and I love how much it inspired me. Thanks to @fallingforthearch for being my #1 fan and to @fhatbhabiee for looking this over for me. This is the first thing I’ve written that’s anywhere close to being angsty and it killed me to not give these two a HEA (maybe I will someday)
divider and banner by @saradika-graphics
Most people would be out on the town on a Friday night, enjoying the bars and nightlife Bogotá has to offer, but not you. You sit at home on your couch, waiting. He’s going to knock on your door any moment now, he always does at this time of night. You sip your glass of wine and stare at the stack of ungraded papers spread over the coffee table. You had assigned your fifth-grade class an essay and now came the laborious task of reading them.
Why you do this to yourself, you’ll never know. Javi doesn’t love you and he probably never will. You are an outlet for him, a place where he can unload his stress and drown his worries inside you. You’re no better than a whore, but at least whores get paid. You let him use you for free. You let him use you and leave and you never ask for anything in return. You’re always there with a soft smile and a willing body. Damn, you wish you could turn him away, tell him that this isn’t working for you anymore, but you can’t. You’re in love with him, you have been since the moment you met at that boring Embassy party. The thought of him not being in your life hurts worse than being his fuck toy; at least you get to touch him, kiss him, give him some sort of comfort.
“Hey, cariño.”
He props himself against the doorframe, his lean body drawn to its full height. His leather jacket creaks as he moves his arm, and heat slowly spreads through your chest.
You silently make way for him to enter your apartment and softly close the door behind him. He moves across your apartment with feline grace, like he owns the place. You suppose he does, in a way. No other man has spent so much time in your apartment since you moved to Columbia.
He prowls over to the small bar near the kitchen and pours himself some whiskey. A soft chuckle fills the air as he realizes it’s his favorite brand. There’s only one store in Bogotà that sells this brand and it’s not that close to the school or your apartment. His heart squeezes in his chest, you really are too sweet for him.
He lands heavily on the couch, the familiar mixture of cigarette smoke, aftershave and whiskey invades your nostrils. The scent fills you with a myriad of emotion and your bottom lip finds its way between your teeth.
He lights a cigarette and takes a long drag as you settle onto the couch next to him. He’s the only one you would ever let smoke in your apartment. You sit close enough to touch him, but you don’t. Javi likes to be in control, and you wait for him to make the first move.
He shouldn’t do this to you. You should be with someone who could give you everything you need….someone who wasn’t him. He wasn’t any good for you, he knew that, yet he showed up at your door like he always does, and you let him in.
He knocks back his whiskey in one fluid gulp, his Adam’s apple bouncing as he swallows. You look so goddamn sexy in those silky lavender sleep shorts. His left hand clenches and unclenches trying not to jump you right then and there.
“What’s all this?”
He jerks his head toward the chaos in front of you. Leaning forward, he sets his empty class on the table and picks up the top sheet of paper.
The corner of your mouth tugs upward as he studies the paper with intensity. You could almost make yourself believe this is what it would be like if the two of you were actually a couple, the two of you sharing a quiet moment after a long day.
“My students had to write an essay on their dream job. I was trying to get a head start on grading them.”
His signature smirk played on his lips as he read.
“The Ambassador’s son wants to be a DEA agent, huh? Bet she loves that.”
Your soft laughter lifts over the quiet music you had playing in the background. The Ambassador had no love for the DEA agents working in Columbia, especially Javi and his partner Steve.
“Maybe I should have you come in and talk to the class.”
You were only half joking but the thought of the tough and stoic Javier Peña standing up in front of a group of ten year olds makes you smirk.
He drops the paper and loud sigh escapes his lips as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You know exactly what that means.
“Tough day?” you ask quietly.
He tells you about his day while you listen silently. He leaves out the worst parts, of course. He can’t bear to tell you the whole truth, not wanting to subject you to the worst parts of his job. You don’t need that.
His large, warm hand rests on your bare thigh. As he talked, his hand caresses your skin, his fingers kneading your soft flesh. The need to feel you, to possess you is almost overwhelming and he grits his teeth. Those lavender silk pajama shorts are killing him, so much of your creamy flesh is exposed to him. His hand snakes further up your thigh as he takes a deep breath.
You watch his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed, the heat burning between your thighs. You shouldn’t want this; you know exactly what this is, but you can’t help yourself. You need to hang onto him, even if what you have isn’t real. This is enough. Oh, the lies you tell yourself.
“Want a refill?”
You already know the answer. He never gets drunk with you. He never has more than one drink when he’s with you, but you always ask. You’re just buying time, trying to stretch out the time spent together as long as possible.
He shakes his head slowly. His shoulders sag like he’s carrying the weight of the world. He knows he shouldn’t do this. He shouldn’t do this, he should have just went to see Vanessa or one of the other girls. He hadn’t done that in weeks. You’re the only one who can give him what he needs.
“Come here, cariño.”
He pulls you into his lap and wraps his hands around your waist, keeping you settled securely in his lap, right over the bulge in his grey jeans. The heat from his body soaks into yours and desire pools at your core.
He couldn’t look you directly in the eyes for more than a few moments at a time. He knew exactly what he’d see there. He’d see the most beautiful woman he’d ever met, and he knew that he was ruining you. He knew that you would never ask for more than he gave you and that broke his heart.
His lips crash against yours, his soft tongue plunging deep into your mouth. The wine on your tongue mixed with the whisky on his and he gripped your hips tighter. He wanted to lose himself in you, let you calm his raging soul, if only for a brief time.
Javi’s thick fingers snake up your back and into your hair. His grip is firm, but not painful. He doesn’t want to hurt you, even though that’s exactly what he’s doing. The pain may not be physical, but he was causing you pain, nonetheless.
He tilts your head back, his lips trailing down your neck. Vanilla and cherry fill his nose, a scent that’s uniquely you, driving his need for you even higher.
His teeth lightly graze your skin, and you moan softly. He knows just how to touch you, which parts of you are the most sensitive and he played your body perfectly.
He wraps your legs around his waist as he stands. His mouth is on yours again and he kisses you deeply as he takes the familiar walk toward your bedroom. It’s a trip he’s taken enough times that he doesn’t need his eyes to know where he’s going.
Your body looks so beautiful spread out for him on your soft sheets. You’re always so willing to let him have you anyway he wants. You give yourself to him so freely. How could someone so pure want someone like him? He’s not a good man and he doesn’t pretend to be. He did horrible things, told himself it was for the greater good but was it really? Are the things that he was doing worth it?
Javi slowly unbuttoned his shirt as he stood between your parted legs. He knows you like to watch him undress and he is more than happy to give you a show.
His smooth, tan chest is exposed to you little by little, making you throb harder with every pop of the buttons. The belt came next, unlatching it one handed as his other hand strokes your thigh.
You squirm as he unbuttoned his pants, giving you a peek at the small curve of his belly and the strip hair that led to the thing you wanted most.
He gently jerks you to a siting position. Practiced hands pull your tank top over your head, exposing you to him. He kneels before you, his soft lips brushing your neck. You’re so sensitive to him and it only serves to make him even harder.
Teeth gently nip at your exposed skin as he makes his way down your body. You are soft and so much of his world was rough. You soothe him, you make him feel whole.
“Javi…”
Just like always, you’re putty in his hands. You let him mold you in his image, desperate to have any piece of him that you could. You’d take anything he gave you. Despite what he might think, he’s a good man. You’ve seen how much he cares about his work and the people closest to him.
“Shhh, cariño….I’ve got you.”
His lips and tongue tease at your nipple, and your fingers tangle in his hair. He chuckles lightly into your skin as he plays your body like an instrument.
He pushes you back onto the bed and pulls off your shorts. His pupils are blown with lust as he marvels at the sight before him.
In a perfect world, he would take his time with you, he would treat you as gently as you deserve but he couldn’t. If he did, he’d only drag you down with him and he couldn’t live with that on his conscience. It was better to keep you at arms length, keep you safe.
His fingers drag through your wet folds and dip inside. He can’t hold back a strangled groan as your heat surrounds him. He works you slowly, opening you up for him until the tingle in your lower abdomen tells you it won’t be long before you came undone for him.
Your body clenches around his digits, your moans filling the room. Stars blind you as your orgasm ripped through your body with a vengeance. Javi’s hushed voice works you through it until you whimper his name.
You didn’t give you much time to recover before he was pulling off his jeans and his body covered yours, settling between your thighs. His weight on you feels good, comforting even but it shouldn’t. For now, you pretend this was more than it was. You pretend that this meant something and not just a way for him to release his tension.
He intertwines your fingers with his, pinning your hands to the bed. Holding your hands like this is the only bit of intimacy he allows himself.
He pushed himself inside you, holding back a moan. All his worries vanished as your warmth surrounded him. He’s lost in the feel of you, the way you grip him so tightly. He’s convinced this is the closest he’ll ever come to heaven.
His pace steadily increased as you moaned for him, making those sounds that he loved to hear. You sang so beautifully for him.
You mewled as he hit the spot that only he could reach, and you knew you were close to coming for him once again.
You cried out his name and your walls squeezed around him.
“That’s it, cariño…don’t fight it.”
You tried to hold back. You wanted this to last as long as possible because you know as soon as it was over the spell would be broken. You’d have to face the reality that you loved a man that didn’t love you back.
“Be a good girl and come for me.”
You obey his command, and your walls fluttered around him as your second orgasm hit you. It felt like an electric shock through your entire body. Every nerve in your body fired all at once.
You whimper softly as the aftershocks ripple through you. Javi never stopped, working your through your orgasm once again as you whine and cry for him.
He picked up his pace and his hips slap against you as he chased his own release. His hips stutter as he buries his face into your neck and spilled himself inside you, painting you with his seed.
He laid on top of you for a minute, breathing you in and taking advantage of the last few moments he had you like this. He couldn’t let himself linger too long and he rolled off you, reaching down for his jeans to grab his pack of cigarettes.
Your mind was still hazy as you roll onto your side, watching him rest against the headboard and light his smoke. This was yet another thing you only did for him, you would never let any other man smoke in your bed.
He smirked at you as the cloud of smoke obscured his face. It was his way of telling you he was satisfied. He couldn’t say it out loud, that would be too much.
He crushes the butt into the ashtray on the nightstand and laid back down. He smooths the hair from your face, tucking the strands behind your ear. It’s the only bit of comfort he can offer you. It’s not nearly enough, he knows that, but he can’t let himself give you more.
“Get some sleep, rana (frog).”
A giggle bubbles up from the depths as you hear that stupid nickname he gave you. Not long after you first met, he told you that you reminded him of Sally Field’s character in “Smokey and the Bandit”, his favorite movie. You thought he was crazy, but somehow the nickname just stuck.
You didn’t want to sleep because you knew what came next. You knew he would leave once you were out. He would leave the way he always does, like a thief in the night. Did he know that he was also leaving with your heart? Did he even care?
Sleep finally took you. You never could stay awake long after being with him but maybe that was for the best. If you were awake when he left, would you be able to resist the aching need to ask him to stay? You didn’t think you were that strong.
He watched you for awhile as you slept. You looked so peaceful in that state, like an angel. Maybe you were…. maybe you were here to save him even though he didn’t deserve it.
He quietly disentangles himself from the sheets and looked back at your sleeping form one last time. You look so beautiful with your messy hair and your soft body wrapped up in the sheets. His heart ached to tell you how he felt, how he longed for you, but he could never do that. You’re too good for him; he’d only ruin you with his roughness. He would never forgive himself if he hurt you. You belong with someone better than him: a doctor or a lawyer, someone who would treat you the way you deserved. You’d drown his darkness; it would swallow you up and change the very essence of who you were. Still, he came back, time after time, taking everything you gave him without so much as a complaint. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t let you go. He loved you…you were the one thing that kept him sane. Maybe one day he could be the man you needed but today was not that day.
The sun streaming through your bedroom window woke you. Just like always, you woke up alone. The bed cold and empty next to you, but his scent still lingered. You roll over and bury your face in the pillow allowing yourself to breathe him in the way you never dare let yourself when he’s here. Admitting your feelings is not an option but that’s all you want to do. Maybe one day you’ll be brave enough to look him in the eye and tell him you want more. You can handle his darkness; you’ve been doing it for months even if he doesn’t realize it. Maybe next time you won’t just fall asleep…. you’ll ask him to stay.
reading this yearn-fest filled my eyes with tears and filled my emotional torment quota for this tuesday, gaah I just want them to be happy together!! 🥺💔
Thank you so much for reading!! This is one of my favorite things I’ve written and I’m so happy you liked it. I’m sorry for the emotional torment, but in my head, these two found their happy ending. 💜💜
hiiiii friends!! gentle reminder that there's some new stuff joining my shop tomorrow!! it'll open at 8PM central europe time 💌 (make sure you access through this link if you'd like a little discount)
new prints will come in A4 and A5 sizes + Ashamed Joel is now a sticker too 🙂↕️
A4 prints will be printed on demand so they'll take longer to dispatch. ok the other hand, A5 prints can now be shipped everywhere!! 😚
also, i don't have lots of joel stickers and they're a little difficult to restock! it might take me a while to have them again. keep that in mind if you want one! 💝
Another fun little quiz!!! Thanks for the tag: @tinytinymenace 💜
I am not surprised by this in the least!! 🤭 Frankie is my favorite P-boy and I would happily take him on a vacation any time. We would have an amazing time.
Since I’m a bit late to the party, no tags. If you are seeing this and want to play, you can take the quiz here.
YOUR WRITING IS NOT DEFINED BY THE NOTES YOU RECEIVE.
i’ve seen way too many people, including my lovely mutuals, who are experiencing low interactions with their work.
this is incredibly frustrating. you work so hard to put out content for yourself and others to enjoy. it’s not a great feeling to post something and have it be looked over, especially because writing is so vulnerable.
that being said, it does not define you. low notes on a post does not mean you are any less of an amazing writer. you are creative. you are talented. you are a writer.
and we want you to keep writing. i want you to keep writing.
Summary: Max tries to help you the only way he knows how.
Pairing: Max Phillips x f!reader
Rating: M
Word Count: 4.4k
Tags: angst, love, tw: blood, tw: illness, brief oral (f!receiving), allusions to smut, I can’t tag much more without spoilers, no physical description of reader, reader can be picked up by Max but is a vampire so he’s ridiculously strong.
A/N: This was written for @almostfoxglove “Lets Get Angsty” challenge. I’m sorry it’s so late, Freya!! This is my attempt to give Max a bit of a backstory to explain why he became what we see in Bloodsucking Bastards. I hope you enjoy it. The title comes from a song by Death Cab for Cutie.
Thank you so much @jolapeno for letting me bend your ear about this. Your kindness and friendship are such a blessing.
The moodboard was not my creation, it was all the lovely genius of @almostfoxglove.
Dividers and banner by @saradika-graphics
It all happened so fast….
Since the moment you met Max, everything seemed to move so fast, like those Japanese bullet trains you read about, hurling you toward your destination at breakneck speeds as the rest of the world went by in a blur.
The day you met Max would be forever engrained in your memory. You were in a hurry to meet your friends at a bar and the road was slick with rain. You slipped when your heel got stuck in the trolley tracks and you hit the pavement. In a flash, he was there, and before you realized what was happening, he was lifting you off the pavement with ease. You would never forget the way his eyes shimmered in the streetlights.
Falling in love was never part of the plan. It was just supposed to be fun, with no strings attached. Somehow, you found yourself ensnared by his crooked grin and effortless charm. Those eyes pulled you in; sparking pools of chocolate that pulled you in and refused to let go.
Pushing him away was the hardest thing you’d ever done. He told you he loved you; he all but begged you not to go, but you walked out anyway. You didn’t have a choice. They had given you a death sentence, and you wouldn’t let him watch you slowly slip away. It was better this way, at least that’s what you told yourself, but the ache in your heart reminded you of how much of a lie that was.
Life wasn’t fair. How could the universe be so damn cruel to give you this death sentence after you finally found the love of your life? The two of you were supposed to have years together, maybe even eternity. You wish you could live in blissful ignorance of this disease and believe that you had the best years of your life ahead of you with the man you loved. Now, you had to face your mortality alone.
He never thought he would find love after being turned, but you had wormed your way into his heart without even trying. Your blood called to him like a siren song, your scent like honeysuckle and strawberries. He tried like hell to fight it, but he knew the second he saw you that the two of you were meant for each other.
He knows he shouldn’t be here; you asked him to stay away. He should respect your wishes, but he can’t.
The slight pressure of his knuckles against the door causes it to creak open. His brow furrows: It isn’t like you to leave your door unlocked, let alone open. The soft click of his against the hardwood floor echoes through the empty room. The apartment is too quiet. You always have the television or music on in the background. The little hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He calls out your name once, then twice, and gets no response.
His eyes go wide as he finds you curled up on the bathroom floor. Immediately, he drops to his knees and scoops you into his arms. Your skin is clammy, glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. Something is wrong, and he’s thankful he showed up when he did.
“Baby…are you okay? What’s wrong?”
It sounded as if he were talking underwater, his voice muffled. You blink a few times, trying to clear your blurry vision before giving up and closing them again. How did he get in here? You thought you locked the door, but you don’t even remember closing it.
“I-I’m fine.”
Like an idiot, you forgot your pills this morning. You thought you’d be home before your headache got too bad. Obviously, you were wrong.
The ringing in your ears is subsiding, the world slowly coming back to you. You push away from Max and rest against the bathroom wall. His pity is the last thing you need.
“You’re not fine.”
Max’s eyes roam over your body and settle on the angry, raised bump on your forehead.
“I said I’m fine.” you snap.
“You’re not fine,” he snaps back. “I’m taking you to the hospital.”
Your head jerks up to look at him. Bile rises in the back of your throat, and you clamp your eyes closed. Maybe your medication hasn’t kicked in yet.
“No.”
“Damn it! Why are you being so stubborn?”
You release a shaky breath. Why couldn’t he just stay away?
“The hospital won’t to help me.”
His fists clench at his sides. Why won’t you just let him help you?
“What? What wouldn’t the hospital be able to help you?”
You swallow hard. The truth was bound to come out eventually and now that he’s seen you like this; you know he won’t stop until you tell him the truth.
“I-I’m dying, Max.”
Your voice echoed off the tiles. That was the first time you said those words out loud. The devastation you felt when you got the diagnosis comes rushing back.
You didn’t think you had any more tears left to cry, but once again, your cheeks were wet. Your tears blurred his beautiful features. You could barely make out his mocha eyes and his pouty lips.
Strong arms wrap around you. His left hand snakes into your hair, cupping the back of your head and cradling you to his chest. He was at a loss for words. He could feel all your pain…all your heartbreak. For the first time since he turned, he felt powerless. He hated the feeling.
“How long?”
His voice was so quiet, you almost didn’t hear him.
“Six months.” you mumble. “But the doctor said there’s no way to know for sure.”
The rage he felt made his fangs itch. He wanted to tear the entire world apart for doing this to you. You were a beautiful, vibrant woman in the prime of her life. You didn’t deserve this.
The silence between you buzzed in your ears. The universe must be punishing you for what you were doing. Maybe God was real, and this was the consequence of dancing with the devil.
Max loosens his grip on you and tucked a finger under your chin, forcing you to look up at him. Even your tears didn’t dampen how beautiful you looked.
He knew there was something he could do to fix this, but it was the one thing he dreaded most. His eyes bored into yours and his Adam’s apple bobbed. He wouldn’t suggest this if there was any other way.
“I could save you,” he whispers. “I could take this all away.”
Your eyes went wide, knowing exactly what he’s suggesting.
“Are you offering to make me like you?”
The last time you brought it up, he flat out refused. He shut you down without even discussing it. He said he would never hurt you by making you a vampire and made you swear to never bring it up again. You kept that promise.
“Yes.”
The word felt like acid in his throat. He swore he would never turn you into a monster, and now here he was offering to do exactly that.
He had never turned anyone before. He wasn’t even sure exactly how it worked. There was no one he could turn to for help; he’d have to figure it out on his own.
“I thought you didn’t want me to be like you.”
He never wanted this life for you, but things had changed. Losing you wasn’t an option. Keeping you with him was his only priority.
“Things are different now.”
His eyes darkened as he looked at you. Would you be different once you turned? Would his sweet girl disappear? A million other questions ran through his mind, but he couldn’t think about all that now. He had to save you, no matter the cost.
“You don’t have to do this, you know? I know what this will cost you.”
He crushes you against his chest and slants his lips on yours. He kisses you hard, his tongue pushing past your lips to taste you. There’s nothing sweet about what he’s doing; it’s rough and passionate. He pulls back, leaving you panting for air.
“Yes, I do.”
The conviction in that statement made everything real. Your heart pounded in your chest. It couldn’t be that easy, could it? This wasn’t just a little taste, he would have to drink more of your blood than he ever had before. He had always been so careful with you, but would the temptation of be too much for him? The risk you were taking was huge, but then again what was the alternative? Wasting away, becoming weaker until your body finally gave up?
There was no doubt in his mind that he would do whatever it took to keep you. He spent so many years feeling like he didn’t deserve love, and you changed all that. He wasn’t about to let you slip through his fingers.
He kisses you once more. This time, it’s soft and sweet. He gently nibbles on your bottom lip before his tongue slips inside. His tongue languidly explores your mouth for the briefest of moments.
Your mouth chases his as he pulls away, but he stops you by pressing his forehead against yours.
“I love you.”
You feel a rush of air against your face and open your eyes to find he’s already gone.
“I love you, too.”
Max scoured the notes and journals he’d acquired, looking for anything that might help him. There had to be something in these old papers that would help him do this right. The few journal entries about turning a human were vague at best, leaving him with more questions than answers. For the first time in a very long time, he wished his maker were here so he could tell him what to do. This had to work; the alternative was unthinkable.
Time was not on your side. If he was going to turn you, he had to do it sooner rather than later, or you would be too weak to survive the transformation.
He hated that he even had to do this. He was supposed to spare you from pain, not cause it. This wouldn’t be easy on you, not by a long shot. All he could do was hope that he was doing the right thing.
You both decided his place is where it would happen. His apartment was soundproof, so no one could hear you if you scream. He tried to prepare you the best that he could. He explained what he would do and how you would feel. It would be painful, but that pain would subside into a peaceful sleep and when you woke up, you’d be his forever. The two of you would be forever bonded by blood and you would feel a connection unlike any you ever felt before.
You put on a brave face, but you were scared. Max sugarcoated the process, you were sure of it. He was trying to keep you from getting too scared to go through with it and you loved him for it. Before stepping into the bedroom, you sneak into his study and slip a note into the desk drawer. It’s a note you hope he never has to read.
Max set up his bedroom like something out of a romance novel. There were dozens of candles lit, giving the room an ethereal glow. He made the bed using the softest cotton sheets in your favorite color, adding pillows and warm blankets. This should be the most special night of your life. You were taking a risk and trusting him to do something that might kill you. He had to make this everything you dreamed of.
Everything about the room was perfect. He filled the room with all your favorites: your favorite colors, your favorite scents, and your favorite sounds. It was beautiful. You wanted to remember this moment. Tonight was the last night of your life as you knew it. You hug yourself as the reality of what’s about to happen hits you.
“Do you like it?”
The touch of his hand on your shoulder makes you jump.
“It’s beautiful.”
You walk to the bed and run your fingers over the sheets. This was really happening; You were about to let him turn you into a vampire.
He gently grasps your shoulders and turns you to face him. His eyes are softer than you’ve ever seen them. He swallows hard and smiles.
“Do you want another minute?”
Your lips press into a thin line. Your throat is so dry that you can barely get the words out.
“No…I’m ready.”
Max’s hand trails down your arm and takes your hand in his. He hopes you can’t see how scared he is. If this doesn’t go well, he’ll never forgive himself. He has to try though, it’s worth the risk. He can’t lose you.
He guides you to the bed, helping you to lie down. The scent of your blood is driving him crazy; making it hard to think straight. Watching the bounce of your carotid is mesmerizing. He could just bite down and take his fill. He knows you would let him, but you’re not just a meal. You are the love of his life. You are the one that loved him for who he really was, not the monster he’d become.
He crawls over you and slants his mouth on yours. His tongue dances with yours as he pushes up the hem of your dress and caresses your thigh. The monster within him wants to ravage you. He wants to take you rough and fast, devouring every inch of you until you are completely his for eternity. The man he wants to be is trying to do the exact opposite.
He pulls back and turns his face away from you. The war within himself is raging. He didn’t want you to see his darkness; He wanted to be strong for you and be the man you deserve.
You reach up and touch his cheek, trying to turn his face back toward you. You can see the tendons in his neck strain. The muscles of his jaw twitch. Was he having second thoughts?
“What’s wrong?” you pant softly.
His eyes are closed so tightly that he sees white. He has to get control of himself for your sake. This isn’t supposed to be a terrifying experience for you.
“Nothing.” He says through gritted teeth. “I just need a…a minute.”
The tingle in his fangs grows stronger; the blood lust is taking over. He runs his tongue over his teeth to buy some time.
You stare up at him. He looks like he’s in pain. This isn’t what you want for him; you don’t want him putting himself through this just for you.
“It’s okay, baby.” you whisper. “I trust you.”
His jaw goes slack. Your trust is the greatest gift you could give. He looks down at you, his mocha irises have taken on a maroon hue. He knows what he has to do. The monster can’t win.
He doesn’t respond, he just kisses you again. He wants you to get lost in the feeling and let all your worries go.
Nimble fingers ghost over your skin as they follow the trail of open-mouthed kisses down your body. A gentle nip against one thigh, and then the other before he descends upon your center. Your hips twitch as his lush lips suction over your sensitive bundle of nerves. The sensation zings through your body and you know your orgasm is only seconds away. The delicious tension in your lower abdomen is enough to make your eyes water and your first tightens in his hair. He draws his tongue in tight circles, and waves of pleasure wash over you as you cry out his name.
“Max…” you breathe. “Bite me, please.”
“Not yet.” he murmurs into your skin. “Not yet.”
His lips find every spot on your body that makes you shiver, marking them as his. You are an addiction for him; the one that he can’t get enough of. His world is so much brighter with you in it. You believe he’s saving you, yet you’re the one giving his life purpose.
Every kiss, every ragged breath, draws you further into him. He’s the only thing that exists for you now; he’s your second chance at life. Life…what a funny word. How ironic that the one thing that will allow you to live is death.
He makes love to you slowly and gently, making you fall apart for him, ringing every bit of pleasure from you until you're exhausted and sweaty.
He kisses you one more time. His eyes are even more red now, but you’re not afraid. You want this; you want him, more than anything.
“Just try to relax, okay? It’s going to hurt for a minute, but then it will feel amazing, I promise.”
You smile weakly and nod your head. If this is how it ends, it’s worth it. Dying in the arms of the man you love is the way you want to go.
“I love you.”
Your whispered words float to his ears like a gentle breeze, and the corner of his mouth lifts into a crooked smile.
“I love you, too.”
His fangs glisten in the candlelight and then sink into your neck. There’s a slight pinch and then your body feels as if it’s on fire. The heat spreads from your neck, radiating out to your arms, down your torso and all the way to your toes. Your fingers dig into his shoulders and a scream ripples from your throat. The intense sensation becomes even stronger, like you’re burning from the inside out. Your back arches off the bed as he drinks from you. All you can feel is pain…and then it’s gone.
Max moans as your blood touches his tongue. It’s the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted, better than the finest wine or richest chocolate. He could drink from you forever; it’s as though every bit of goodness from you is a part of him now. All your love and compassion are just as much his now as they are yours. Your essence flows through him, making him feel whole again.
You feel lighter than you ever have, like you’re floating on the fluffiest cloud. It doesn’t hurt anymore, and you’re at peace. Your mind drifts and you imagine yourself in a beautiful open meadow; birds are chirping and the sun is warming your face. Max is beside you as wade through the tall grass. It’s euphoric, like the best high you ever had. This feels like heaven.
Max drinks deeper. He should stop soon, but you taste so good that a little more won’t hurt. You feebly push at his shoulder, but he can’t pull away. He keeps taking and taking; drinking in your essence.
Darkness descends on your meadow. The vibrant colors of the flowers and the sky become muted. Looking down at your hand, you see it’s become almost transparent. You're fading away and you’re powerless to stop it. You grasp for Max, but he slips through your fingers. Little by little, your body is disappearing until you completely fade away.
He doesn’t have the strength to pull away. In the back of his mind, he can feel your breathing become more shallow. ‘Just a bit more…it’s okay’ he tells himself. The monster inside him won’t let him stop.
Your hand slips from his shoulder as your final breath leaves your body. There’s just nothing now, just endless black all around.
Max pulls away and wipes the blood from his chin. He feels more alive than he ever has. He looks down at your still form. You look so peaceful, like a beautiful angel sent to earth just for him. You made him believe in love again, and now you were his for eternity. He kisses your parted lips and tears himself away from you.
As he waits, he wipes the blood from your neck with a soft cloth. His mind races. What will you say when you open your eyes again? Will you feel scared or angry? Will you regret letting him do this?
Each tick of the clock feels like an eternity. It could take several hours for you to complete the transition and become your new self, but he doesn’t want to leave you alone; the worst thing that could happen to a new vampire is to wake up alone.
Time is crawling. He paces the floor in front of the bed, waiting for a sign that this worked. He prayed for it; something he hadn’t even thought about since he was a little boy when his mother forced him to attend church every Sunday. The silver cross his mother wore around her porcelain neck is permanently etched into his memory.
Looking down at the dried blood crusted on his chest, he felt his skin tighten. He should clean up, so you don’t panic when you see him. The red tinged water cascaded down his body and into the drain, washing away the brutality of his actions. This was a new start for the both of you, a chance to go anywhere and do anything. You would be free of pain and the two of you could spend forever together.
He sat down on the bed and took your limp hand in his. Little droplets of water ran down the back of his neck. You should be awake by now; it had been hours. He ran his hand through his hair as the panic set in. Maybe he just needed to give it more time. There wasn’t an instruction manual for turning humans into vampires.
The hours ticked by and he couldn’t take it anymore. This was taking too long. Something was wrong.
He sat at your side, never moving as the sun’s rays slipped past the blinds. When he shook you gently and you didn’t respond; he shook you harder, your body jerking with the motion.
“No, no, no.” he whispers.
He tapped your cheek, but you didn’t move. A feeling of dread washed over him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. You should be awake right now, looking at him with tired, beautiful eyes. You were his.
He gathers you into his arms and holds your limp body to his chest. He slowly rocks you as tears stream down his cheeks. You’re gone…and you’re not coming back.
Rage fills his body, and he gently lowers you back to the bed. He paces, raking his fingers through his hair. This was supposed to save you, not end your life. He can’t help but think of all the things he’s stolen from you, from the both of you.
Max pulls the journals off the shelves, furiously flipping the pages. There must be something that he missed…but there’s nothing. There are no magic words, no spells or potions that can take back what he’s done. He’s killed the thing he loved most in this world. The desk landed on its side with a loud thud, sending the books and papers flying.
Something caught his eye in all that mess. An envelope with his name on it, the handwriting was yours; he could recognize it anywhere.
Max,
If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. I want you to know I fought so hard to stay with you. I wanted that forever so badly.
Whatever you do, promise me you won’t blame yourself. I don’t. You did the best you could for me. It just wasn’t meant to be.
There is so much good in you, my love. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Please don’t lose that. Fight the darkness inside you.
I love you with all my heart. If there is something after this, I will find you again. I swear. We’ll have the things we’ve always dreamed of.
His head tilts back, and he howls, screaming to the heavens and cursing anything and everything for taking you from him. He chucks a lamp across the room, watching it shatter against the wall. He’s blinded by hatred for himself as he tears the room apart, the crashing and banging doing nothing to absolve him of his guilt.
You lie splayed across the bed, and he moves to you once more, the mattress creaking softly beneath his weight. His fingers caress your cold cheek as he murmurs his apologies into your temple.
“I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry, baby….”
He’s not sure how long he holds you like this, but his voice is hoarse and he’s hungry. He needs to feed again. The thought disgusts him, but he can’t deny the need for blood. That monster inside him is calling to him once again, the monster that he could only keep in check because of you. There wasn’t any need to fight that monster anymore.
Under the cover of night, he takes your wrapped body to your favorite place. You loved stargazing, and it only seemed right for you to be where you had the best view of the stars.
“Please forgive me, my love.”
Those whispered words would be the last he ever said to you. He hoped he hadn’t dammed you to some horrible afterlife by doing what he’d done.
He pulled his mother’s silver cross from his pocket. He hissed in pain as he laid it on your chest. His skin sizzles and thin wisps of smoke rise into the air. The wound will heal soon enough, but he wishes it wouldn’t. The pain was a small price to pay. He deserved to suffer for his mistake, to burn for eternity for harming the most precious thing in the world.
He looks to the full moon, shining down on the freshly packed dirt that covered your body. Never again would he let someone in; he wasn’t worthy of someone’s love.
The hunger gnawed at him again. The monster called out, and this time, he didn’t fight it. It started with a hallow feeling in the pit of his stomach, shadows wrapping their dark, wispy tendrils around what used to be his heart. He let the darkness consume him…and then he was gone.
NPT (because there was interest on my wip wednesday post): @sawymredfox @letsgobarbs @maggiemayhemnj @bitchesuntitled @mermaidgirl30 @jessthebaker @pedges-world @vichons
Well, damn. I sort of "hated" canon Max (affectionate), but you've written a softly sweet and sad origin story for him that made me feel sorry for him.
I've always wondered about vampires, and how much (if any) humanity they keep when they're turned. Maybe they're not literally soulless creatures, after all. 💚
Thank you so much for reading. I have always had a soft spot for Max and I will always try to see the good in a character, no matter how bad they seem. 💜💜
Robby is such a strong example of what happens when someone seen as a hero, a pillar of strength, the go-to guy, the mentor, the father figure, starts to become painfully human and vulnerable. The audience so quickly shifts from loving him to vilifying him, because a mental health crisis is ugly. It isn’t charming, it isn’t something you can romanticize or comfortably watch unfold, and it’s not easy to love someone who is doing unlovable things. The lack of empathy for Robby, while simultaneously demanding empathy from him, is astounding.
Summary: Max tries to help you the only way he knows how.
Pairing: Max Phillips x f!reader
Rating: M
Word Count: 4.4k
Tags: angst, love, tw: blood, tw: illness, brief oral (f!receiving), allusions to smut, I can’t tag much more without spoilers, no physical description of reader, reader can be picked up by Max but is a vampire so he’s ridiculously strong.
A/N: This was written for @almostfoxglove “Lets Get Angsty” challenge. I’m sorry it’s so late, Freya!! This is my attempt to give Max a bit of a backstory to explain why he became what we see in Bloodsucking Bastards. I hope you enjoy it. The title comes from a song by Death Cab for Cutie.
Thank you so much @jolapeno for letting me bend your ear about this. Your kindness and friendship are such a blessing.
The moodboard was not my creation, it was all the lovely genius of @almostfoxglove.
Dividers and banner by @saradika-graphics
It all happened so fast….
Since the moment you met Max, everything seemed to move so fast, like those Japanese bullet trains you read about, hurling you toward your destination at breakneck speeds as the rest of the world went by in a blur.
The day you met Max would be forever engrained in your memory. You were in a hurry to meet your friends at a bar and the road was slick with rain. You slipped when your heel got stuck in the trolley tracks and you hit the pavement. In a flash, he was there, and before you realized what was happening, he was lifting you off the pavement with ease. You would never forget the way his eyes shimmered in the streetlights.
Falling in love was never part of the plan. It was just supposed to be fun, with no strings attached. Somehow, you found yourself ensnared by his crooked grin and effortless charm. Those eyes pulled you in; sparking pools of chocolate that pulled you in and refused to let go.
Pushing him away was the hardest thing you’d ever done. He told you he loved you; he all but begged you not to go, but you walked out anyway. You didn’t have a choice. They had given you a death sentence, and you wouldn’t let him watch you slowly slip away. It was better this way, at least that’s what you told yourself, but the ache in your heart reminded you of how much of a lie that was.
Life wasn’t fair. How could the universe be so damn cruel to give you this death sentence after you finally found the love of your life? The two of you were supposed to have years together, maybe even eternity. You wish you could live in blissful ignorance of this disease and believe that you had the best years of your life ahead of you with the man you loved. Now, you had to face your mortality alone.
He never thought he would find love after being turned, but you had wormed your way into his heart without even trying. Your blood called to him like a siren song, your scent like honeysuckle and strawberries. He tried like hell to fight it, but he knew the second he saw you that the two of you were meant for each other.
He knows he shouldn’t be here; you asked him to stay away. He should respect your wishes, but he can’t.
The slight pressure of his knuckles against the door causes it to creak open. His brow furrows: It isn’t like you to leave your door unlocked, let alone open. The soft click of his against the hardwood floor echoes through the empty room. The apartment is too quiet. You always have the television or music on in the background. The little hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He calls out your name once, then twice, and gets no response.
His eyes go wide as he finds you curled up on the bathroom floor. Immediately, he drops to his knees and scoops you into his arms. Your skin is clammy, glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. Something is wrong, and he’s thankful he showed up when he did.
“Baby…are you okay? What’s wrong?”
It sounded as if he were talking underwater, his voice muffled. You blink a few times, trying to clear your blurry vision before giving up and closing them again. How did he get in here? You thought you locked the door, but you don’t even remember closing it.
“I-I’m fine.”
Like an idiot, you forgot your pills this morning. You thought you’d be home before your headache got too bad. Obviously, you were wrong.
The ringing in your ears is subsiding, the world slowly coming back to you. You push away from Max and rest against the bathroom wall. His pity is the last thing you need.
“You’re not fine.”
Max’s eyes roam over your body and settle on the angry, raised bump on your forehead.
“I said I’m fine.” you snap.
“You’re not fine,” he snaps back. “I’m taking you to the hospital.”
Your head jerks up to look at him. Bile rises in the back of your throat, and you clamp your eyes closed. Maybe your medication hasn’t kicked in yet.
“No.”
“Damn it! Why are you being so stubborn?”
You release a shaky breath. Why couldn’t he just stay away?
“The hospital won’t to help me.”
His fists clench at his sides. Why won’t you just let him help you?
“What? What wouldn’t the hospital be able to help you?”
You swallow hard. The truth was bound to come out eventually and now that he’s seen you like this; you know he won’t stop until you tell him the truth.
“I-I’m dying, Max.”
Your voice echoed off the tiles. That was the first time you said those words out loud. The devastation you felt when you got the diagnosis comes rushing back.
You didn’t think you had any more tears left to cry, but once again, your cheeks were wet. Your tears blurred his beautiful features. You could barely make out his mocha eyes and his pouty lips.
Strong arms wrap around you. His left hand snakes into your hair, cupping the back of your head and cradling you to his chest. He was at a loss for words. He could feel all your pain…all your heartbreak. For the first time since he turned, he felt powerless. He hated the feeling.
“How long?”
His voice was so quiet, you almost didn’t hear him.
“Six months.” you mumble. “But the doctor said there’s no way to know for sure.”
The rage he felt made his fangs itch. He wanted to tear the entire world apart for doing this to you. You were a beautiful, vibrant woman in the prime of her life. You didn’t deserve this.
The silence between you buzzed in your ears. The universe must be punishing you for what you were doing. Maybe God was real, and this was the consequence of dancing with the devil.
Max loosens his grip on you and tucked a finger under your chin, forcing you to look up at him. Even your tears didn’t dampen how beautiful you looked.
He knew there was something he could do to fix this, but it was the one thing he dreaded most. His eyes bored into yours and his Adam’s apple bobbed. He wouldn’t suggest this if there was any other way.
“I could save you,” he whispers. “I could take this all away.”
Your eyes went wide, knowing exactly what he’s suggesting.
“Are you offering to make me like you?”
The last time you brought it up, he flat out refused. He shut you down without even discussing it. He said he would never hurt you by making you a vampire and made you swear to never bring it up again. You kept that promise.
“Yes.”
The word felt like acid in his throat. He swore he would never turn you into a monster, and now here he was offering to do exactly that.
He had never turned anyone before. He wasn’t even sure exactly how it worked. There was no one he could turn to for help; he’d have to figure it out on his own.
“I thought you didn’t want me to be like you.”
He never wanted this life for you, but things had changed. Losing you wasn’t an option. Keeping you with him was his only priority.
“Things are different now.”
His eyes darkened as he looked at you. Would you be different once you turned? Would his sweet girl disappear? A million other questions ran through his mind, but he couldn’t think about all that now. He had to save you, no matter the cost.
“You don’t have to do this, you know? I know what this will cost you.”
He crushes you against his chest and slants his lips on yours. He kisses you hard, his tongue pushing past your lips to taste you. There’s nothing sweet about what he’s doing; it’s rough and passionate. He pulls back, leaving you panting for air.
“Yes, I do.”
The conviction in that statement made everything real. Your heart pounded in your chest. It couldn’t be that easy, could it? This wasn’t just a little taste, he would have to drink more of your blood than he ever had before. He had always been so careful with you, but would the temptation of be too much for him? The risk you were taking was huge, but then again what was the alternative? Wasting away, becoming weaker until your body finally gave up?
There was no doubt in his mind that he would do whatever it took to keep you. He spent so many years feeling like he didn’t deserve love, and you changed all that. He wasn’t about to let you slip through his fingers.
He kisses you once more. This time, it’s soft and sweet. He gently nibbles on your bottom lip before his tongue slips inside. His tongue languidly explores your mouth for the briefest of moments.
Your mouth chases his as he pulls away, but he stops you by pressing his forehead against yours.
“I love you.”
You feel a rush of air against your face and open your eyes to find he’s already gone.
“I love you, too.”
Max scoured the notes and journals he’d acquired, looking for anything that might help him. There had to be something in these old papers that would help him do this right. The few journal entries about turning a human were vague at best, leaving him with more questions than answers. For the first time in a very long time, he wished his maker were here so he could tell him what to do. This had to work; the alternative was unthinkable.
Time was not on your side. If he was going to turn you, he had to do it sooner rather than later, or you would be too weak to survive the transformation.
He hated that he even had to do this. He was supposed to spare you from pain, not cause it. This wouldn’t be easy on you, not by a long shot. All he could do was hope that he was doing the right thing.
You both decided his place is where it would happen. His apartment was soundproof, so no one could hear you if you scream. He tried to prepare you the best that he could. He explained what he would do and how you would feel. It would be painful, but that pain would subside into a peaceful sleep and when you woke up, you’d be his forever. The two of you would be forever bonded by blood and you would feel a connection unlike any you ever felt before.
You put on a brave face, but you were scared. Max sugarcoated the process, you were sure of it. He was trying to keep you from getting too scared to go through with it and you loved him for it. Before stepping into the bedroom, you sneak into his study and slip a note into the desk drawer. It’s a note you hope he never has to read.
Max set up his bedroom like something out of a romance novel. There were dozens of candles lit, giving the room an ethereal glow. He made the bed using the softest cotton sheets in your favorite color, adding pillows and warm blankets. This should be the most special night of your life. You were taking a risk and trusting him to do something that might kill you. He had to make this everything you dreamed of.
Everything about the room was perfect. He filled the room with all your favorites: your favorite colors, your favorite scents, and your favorite sounds. It was beautiful. You wanted to remember this moment. Tonight was the last night of your life as you knew it. You hug yourself as the reality of what’s about to happen hits you.
“Do you like it?”
The touch of his hand on your shoulder makes you jump.
“It’s beautiful.”
You walk to the bed and run your fingers over the sheets. This was really happening; You were about to let him turn you into a vampire.
He gently grasps your shoulders and turns you to face him. His eyes are softer than you’ve ever seen them. He swallows hard and smiles.
“Do you want another minute?”
Your lips press into a thin line. Your throat is so dry that you can barely get the words out.
“No…I’m ready.”
Max’s hand trails down your arm and takes your hand in his. He hopes you can’t see how scared he is. If this doesn’t go well, he’ll never forgive himself. He has to try though, it’s worth the risk. He can’t lose you.
He guides you to the bed, helping you to lie down. The scent of your blood is driving him crazy; making it hard to think straight. Watching the bounce of your carotid is mesmerizing. He could just bite down and take his fill. He knows you would let him, but you’re not just a meal. You are the love of his life. You are the one that loved him for who he really was, not the monster he’d become.
He crawls over you and slants his mouth on yours. His tongue dances with yours as he pushes up the hem of your dress and caresses your thigh. The monster within him wants to ravage you. He wants to take you rough and fast, devouring every inch of you until you are completely his for eternity. The man he wants to be is trying to do the exact opposite.
He pulls back and turns his face away from you. The war within himself is raging. He didn’t want you to see his darkness; He wanted to be strong for you and be the man you deserve.
You reach up and touch his cheek, trying to turn his face back toward you. You can see the tendons in his neck strain. The muscles of his jaw twitch. Was he having second thoughts?
“What’s wrong?” you pant softly.
His eyes are closed so tightly that he sees white. He has to get control of himself for your sake. This isn’t supposed to be a terrifying experience for you.
“Nothing.” He says through gritted teeth. “I just need a…a minute.”
The tingle in his fangs grows stronger; the blood lust is taking over. He runs his tongue over his teeth to buy some time.
You stare up at him. He looks like he’s in pain. This isn’t what you want for him; you don’t want him putting himself through this just for you.
“It’s okay, baby.” you whisper. “I trust you.”
His jaw goes slack. Your trust is the greatest gift you could give. He looks down at you, his mocha irises have taken on a maroon hue. He knows what he has to do. The monster can’t win.
He doesn’t respond, he just kisses you again. He wants you to get lost in the feeling and let all your worries go.
Nimble fingers ghost over your skin as they follow the trail of open-mouthed kisses down your body. A gentle nip against one thigh, and then the other before he descends upon your center. Your hips twitch as his lush lips suction over your sensitive bundle of nerves. The sensation zings through your body and you know your orgasm is only seconds away. The delicious tension in your lower abdomen is enough to make your eyes water and your first tightens in his hair. He draws his tongue in tight circles, and waves of pleasure wash over you as you cry out his name.
“Max…” you breathe. “Bite me, please.”
“Not yet.” he murmurs into your skin. “Not yet.”
His lips find every spot on your body that makes you shiver, marking them as his. You are an addiction for him; the one that he can’t get enough of. His world is so much brighter with you in it. You believe he’s saving you, yet you’re the one giving his life purpose.
Every kiss, every ragged breath, draws you further into him. He’s the only thing that exists for you now; he’s your second chance at life. Life…what a funny word. How ironic that the one thing that will allow you to live is death.
He makes love to you slowly and gently, making you fall apart for him, ringing every bit of pleasure from you until you're exhausted and sweaty.
He kisses you one more time. His eyes are even more red now, but you’re not afraid. You want this; you want him, more than anything.
“Just try to relax, okay? It’s going to hurt for a minute, but then it will feel amazing, I promise.”
You smile weakly and nod your head. If this is how it ends, it’s worth it. Dying in the arms of the man you love is the way you want to go.
“I love you.”
Your whispered words float to his ears like a gentle breeze, and the corner of his mouth lifts into a crooked smile.
“I love you, too.”
His fangs glisten in the candlelight and then sink into your neck. There’s a slight pinch and then your body feels as if it’s on fire. The heat spreads from your neck, radiating out to your arms, down your torso and all the way to your toes. Your fingers dig into his shoulders and a scream ripples from your throat. The intense sensation becomes even stronger, like you’re burning from the inside out. Your back arches off the bed as he drinks from you. All you can feel is pain…and then it’s gone.
Max moans as your blood touches his tongue. It’s the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted, better than the finest wine or richest chocolate. He could drink from you forever; it’s as though every bit of goodness from you is a part of him now. All your love and compassion are just as much his now as they are yours. Your essence flows through him, making him feel whole again.
You feel lighter than you ever have, like you’re floating on the fluffiest cloud. It doesn’t hurt anymore, and you’re at peace. Your mind drifts and you imagine yourself in a beautiful open meadow; birds are chirping and the sun is warming your face. Max is beside you as wade through the tall grass. It’s euphoric, like the best high you ever had. This feels like heaven.
Max drinks deeper. He should stop soon, but you taste so good that a little more won’t hurt. You feebly push at his shoulder, but he can’t pull away. He keeps taking and taking; drinking in your essence.
Darkness descends on your meadow. The vibrant colors of the flowers and the sky become muted. Looking down at your hand, you see it’s become almost transparent. You're fading away and you’re powerless to stop it. You grasp for Max, but he slips through your fingers. Little by little, your body is disappearing until you completely fade away.
He doesn’t have the strength to pull away. In the back of his mind, he can feel your breathing become more shallow. ‘Just a bit more…it’s okay’ he tells himself. The monster inside him won’t let him stop.
Your hand slips from his shoulder as your final breath leaves your body. There’s just nothing now, just endless black all around.
Max pulls away and wipes the blood from his chin. He feels more alive than he ever has. He looks down at your still form. You look so peaceful, like a beautiful angel sent to earth just for him. You made him believe in love again, and now you were his for eternity. He kisses your parted lips and tears himself away from you.
As he waits, he wipes the blood from your neck with a soft cloth. His mind races. What will you say when you open your eyes again? Will you feel scared or angry? Will you regret letting him do this?
Each tick of the clock feels like an eternity. It could take several hours for you to complete the transition and become your new self, but he doesn’t want to leave you alone; the worst thing that could happen to a new vampire is to wake up alone.
Time is crawling. He paces the floor in front of the bed, waiting for a sign that this worked. He prayed for it; something he hadn’t even thought about since he was a little boy when his mother forced him to attend church every Sunday. The silver cross his mother wore around her porcelain neck is permanently etched into his memory.
Looking down at the dried blood crusted on his chest, he felt his skin tighten. He should clean up, so you don’t panic when you see him. The red tinged water cascaded down his body and into the drain, washing away the brutality of his actions. This was a new start for the both of you, a chance to go anywhere and do anything. You would be free of pain and the two of you could spend forever together.
He sat down on the bed and took your limp hand in his. Little droplets of water ran down the back of his neck. You should be awake by now; it had been hours. He ran his hand through his hair as the panic set in. Maybe he just needed to give it more time. There wasn’t an instruction manual for turning humans into vampires.
The hours ticked by and he couldn’t take it anymore. This was taking too long. Something was wrong.
He sat at your side, never moving as the sun’s rays slipped past the blinds. When he shook you gently and you didn’t respond; he shook you harder, your body jerking with the motion.
“No, no, no.” he whispers.
He tapped your cheek, but you didn’t move. A feeling of dread washed over him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. You should be awake right now, looking at him with tired, beautiful eyes. You were his.
He gathers you into his arms and holds your limp body to his chest. He slowly rocks you as tears stream down his cheeks. You’re gone…and you’re not coming back.
Rage fills his body, and he gently lowers you back to the bed. He paces, raking his fingers through his hair. This was supposed to save you, not end your life. He can’t help but think of all the things he’s stolen from you, from the both of you.
Max pulls the journals off the shelves, furiously flipping the pages. There must be something that he missed…but there’s nothing. There are no magic words, no spells or potions that can take back what he’s done. He’s killed the thing he loved most in this world. The desk landed on its side with a loud thud, sending the books and papers flying.
Something caught his eye in all that mess. An envelope with his name on it, the handwriting was yours; he could recognize it anywhere.
Max,
If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. I want you to know I fought so hard to stay with you. I wanted that forever so badly.
Whatever you do, promise me you won’t blame yourself. I don’t. You did the best you could for me. It just wasn’t meant to be.
There is so much good in you, my love. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Please don’t lose that. Fight the darkness inside you.
I love you with all my heart. If there is something after this, I will find you again. I swear. We’ll have the things we’ve always dreamed of.
His head tilts back, and he howls, screaming to the heavens and cursing anything and everything for taking you from him. He chucks a lamp across the room, watching it shatter against the wall. He’s blinded by hatred for himself as he tears the room apart, the crashing and banging doing nothing to absolve him of his guilt.
You lie splayed across the bed, and he moves to you once more, the mattress creaking softly beneath his weight. His fingers caress your cold cheek as he murmurs his apologies into your temple.
“I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry, baby….”
He’s not sure how long he holds you like this, but his voice is hoarse and he’s hungry. He needs to feed again. The thought disgusts him, but he can’t deny the need for blood. That monster inside him is calling to him once again, the monster that he could only keep in check because of you. There wasn’t any need to fight that monster anymore.
Under the cover of night, he takes your wrapped body to your favorite place. You loved stargazing, and it only seemed right for you to be where you had the best view of the stars.
“Please forgive me, my love.”
Those whispered words would be the last he ever said to you. He hoped he hadn’t dammed you to some horrible afterlife by doing what he’d done.
He pulled his mother’s silver cross from his pocket. He hissed in pain as he laid it on your chest. His skin sizzles and thin wisps of smoke rise into the air. The wound will heal soon enough, but he wishes it wouldn’t. The pain was a small price to pay. He deserved to suffer for his mistake, to burn for eternity for harming the most precious thing in the world.
He looks to the full moon, shining down on the freshly packed dirt that covered your body. Never again would he let someone in; he wasn’t worthy of someone’s love.
The hunger gnawed at him again. The monster called out, and this time, he didn’t fight it. It started with a hallow feeling in the pit of his stomach, shadows wrapping their dark, wispy tendrils around what used to be his heart. He let the darkness consume him…and then he was gone.
NPT (because there was interest on my wip wednesday post): @sawymredfox @letsgobarbs @maggiemayhemnj @bitchesuntitled @mermaidgirl30 @jessthebaker @pedges-world @vichons
