That first time seeing you again..
Almost three years has past since we have seen each other, I am starting to think that there is hope that I will not run into you, if I can just make it these last few months before graduation without running into you, If I could be so lucky!
One Saturday, I was watching my niece and nephew and decided that I would take them to the zoo and their favorite restaurant, HuHut. So after I quickly got myself and them ready we set off to our destination! We were so excited and ready for the fun, chilly day that we had in store. We were sat down at our table and I helped the little ones get their food and sit down. Then I noticed you, I had almost forgotten that you were not a figment of my imagination. There you were not 5 feet away from me standing there, just like you stand, being you. I had forgotten what that meant, you see for so long, I had thought of you in my head and whether or not those things were real or fantasized, they were all erased in my mind and were filled with the real you. The you that I can see and hear... As I purposely tried to not look in your direction, I am sure you either saw my failed attempts to look anywhere but at you or the small peeks at you that I did allow myself to have. Across the sauce bar, I saw your familiar fingers, your familiar scent, I was now close to you, but in a completely different way then before. God how I wanted to melt away and not be there. I was dying in the inside for so many reasons, most of which I do not have the words to begin to explain. And then as I was walking back to the table to sit with my niece and nephew, you do the unspeakable. You called out my name.... “Jenna, Jenna” you said. My heart has never fallen so far in my body that it hit my toes, but in that moment, it surely was barely in my shoes. So I stumbled over to you and your group of buddies you said “I thought that was you, How are you?” And I just didn't have words for a second, I didn't realize until that second that you moved on from our break up like any other and for you, talking to me, saying hello, was not even the slightest of large deals compared to how big of a deal it was for me to even hear your voice again, let alone talk to you in person. “I... I am good, Graduating in May.... you, How are you doing?” I asked so sheepishly, “Good, I am good,... Gosh it has been a long time. What are you up to?” you ask, seeming to not even realize how badly I am dying on the inside as I look at you. “I am just out with my.. my niece and nephew we are eating here then going to the zoo” to which you reply “ Wow, isn't it too cold out for the zoo?” and of course I respond with “Well if you were wearing long pants it won't be too bad”, because unlike you I was wearing long pants not shorts. Then my nephew walks over and asks “Jenna, who is this, who are you talking to?” “No one buddy, just go sit down I am coming” and then I say goodbye and nice to see you and walk away. And with that, once I sat down I texted literally everyone I could ever think of to tell them what had just happened. Now my day went on, but I was so consumed with everything that had happened that my mind could not think straight and I spent much of my time at the zoo on my phone texting and talking on the phone to various support systems telling me I would be okay and to not freak out. Then the real kicker came when you unblocked me from Facebook and added me as a friend. I was so confused by this move, I mean you blocked me the second you broke up with me and hadn't second guessed the decision since, I’m sure. Then another loop was thrown at me, you started messaging me on Facebook, catching up with me. What did you think we are friends now? I was so confused and not understanding what was going on, but answered your questions. I still am confused as to why you're back into my life and why God put you back into my life, but as for now, I am just waiting for him to decide what he wants to do about you in my life. He has control, not you, not me, God has all the control. Because this is completely out of my hands.