[jennifernonuts-too]

I'm sure folk have noticed that I have been fully AWOL. I haven't even watched the last 3 races (unsure if I'll be watching the next which is Canada this weekend)... Don't even know the results of the Spanish GP.

Some of y'all will know that 2025 has not been great. My wife has spent most of it in England. Helping out her mum while dealing with her siblings (not going to lie folks, as her nearest and dearest I'm ready to remove them all from the planet, their toxicity and treatment of her has been off the scale).

Unexpectedly, my beloved Mother-in-law passed at the weekend. We're all very broken. And it's going to take a while... My poor wife is now an orphan. She's not even swearing, she's that out of it. Don't know what I'm trying to say here at all, but I just wanted folk to know...

Please, don't respond with AI /greetings card type responses. My wife HATES those. A real, a clumsy, a messy, "I have no bleeping clue what to say" or a "that sucks" kind of response is the order of the day... No "better places" or "she would have wanted blah blah". Heck, deeply inappropriate will also work... Just yeah, no generic stuff, yeah?

[jennifernonuts-too]

In completely unrelated news... If y'all want to start crowdfunding for my bail and defense costs, might be a plan.

Finding it very hard not to go nuclear on my missus's siblings. I doubt it's possible to have been worse than they have... And their indignation and aggressive reactions to the fact that for once, FOR ONCE, she is in no state to sort each of them out. It's jawsdropping.

Attacking your buffer between each other because you've had to deal with all the ugh that she always cleans up for you?!? WTH? Entitled jerks.

[jennifernonuts-too]

Yeah, I'm not around on here of late, as you'll have noticed...

Been pretty hellish here. Thank you for those who have reached out.

Mrs No Nuts is just broken. Which is not our dynamic... Doing the best I can to be like "What would SHE do? and step up. Difficult because 1) she excels at everything and I [soft chuckle] very much do not 2) she has now lost both parents and I legit cannot comprehend that...

[jennifernonuts-too]

My head is a complete shed. It's like I'm a permanent glitch. I just forget things... Or have no memory of having done something or a situation. Now that is kinda TBI territory, but I know it's not... The grief is seriously doing so many numbers on me. I "watched" the GP back last Sunday and I just didn't care. I was so unengaged, like I DID stuff during it... Just bizarre. Anyway, at least I'm still starting to write something and then going off in other points, that's me - the point of this was I was thrown to discover I'd not responded to a single one of folks's messages. Which makes zero sense because I was so happy to get each and every one of them. They really are a comfort. So a heartfelt thanks...

[jennifernonuts-too]

Did I just post this to the wrong blog... [Headdesk] Case in point

[jennifernonuts-too]

My head is a complete shed. It's like I'm a permanent glitch. I just forget things... Or have no memory of having done something or a situation. Now that is kinda TBI territory, but I know it's not... The grief is seriously doing so many numbers on me. I "watched" the GP back last Sunday and I just didn't care. I was so unengaged, like I DID stuff during it... Just bizarre. Anyway, at least I'm still starting to write something and then going off in other points, that's me - the point of this was I was thrown to discover I'd not responded to a single one of folks's messages. Which makes zero sense because I was so happy to get each and every one of them. They really are a comfort. So a heartfelt thanks...

[jennifernonuts-too]

I have never been so off Tumblr in my life...

Ten out of ten recommend. [Grins]. Let's see if I can keep it healthy into the new season...

[jennifernonuts-too]

Y'all have obviously twigged that having not been around as much, I graduated to not being around at all...

I'll be back come the new season (unless I just despair completely with the zero sum trend of fandom).

Please read all the following with bemusement, cos that's how I wrote it. [Grins]

2025 has absolutely sucked so far and I would like a refund...

My insomnia issues have now reached the point that I have started going cold out in a room full of folk in the afternoon, mid-convo, as my body goes "Yeah, you've been awake for five days, night night".

Och. It'll get better...

[jennifernonuts-too]

Not me busy setting up a Blue Sky account [terrified]...

Also without any help from the Missus. So that terrified might turn into pure fear when I discover that BlueSky is not approved 😬

It's the same as my Twitter handle, so if you know that, have at it... And yes, even I was smart enough NOT to use my Tumblr username there... Can you IMAGINE what I'd get sent [👀]

[jennifernonuts]

One of the few certainties in life, is no matter what - this account will log in before 11 October each year. Some posts must not be missed...

Points to those who work out the why...

[jennifernonuts-too]

[Waves] In a rare example of sensibleness, I'm NOT going to spend time checking up on Tumblr activity... Nor writing a post updating y'all. Or replying. I'm just in and out sorting tomorrow's post.

Know that I appreciate anyone who has reached out. I'll get back to you when the time is right... [Hugs]

[jennifernonuts-too]

1) Grief is a b***h 2) I uninstalled Tumblr off my phone after that last post... That was the most sensible thing I've done all day (ok, probably all week). 3) If you delete a main blog, does it delete sideblogs? 4) See no. 1. Hilariously the "vulnerable post" I was going to put out earlier was literally just "I really need a hug circle"...

PS. My Missus' logic has been proved sound for the nth time... She's not happy about it.

[jennifernonuts-too]

Trying to pull myself together to live blog Notebook (which I am watching)... But I can't.

[jennifernonuts-too]

https://www.tumblr.com/jennifernonuts-too/720294109159555072/wow-it-does-not-feel-like-six-weeks-later-seems

My other blog will be putting out previously scheduled posts...

The day I've been dreading has arrived. It's daft because the other month I finally thought I was moving on from the denial and might be ready to start processing it... Only then in the last few weeks, I found myself actually DOUBLING down on the denial. Like some messed up she's way exceeded the timescale, so clearly she's immortal conclusion...

I've actually spent the evening in shock. Like, how, how am I shocked?

Think she'd have liked it being Solstice.

Kit, all knowing that she is, recognised the bird that was singing as a robin, so dragged me outside so we could find it and watch it... And it was indeed a robin. Which I know reads very random. But robins were her thing... And I may be unreligious as all get out, but she was a Spiritualist. Like, properly one. I've had to sit through many a convo with her, keeping a pokerface at unlikely things... So, yeah, she would want me to buy into the robin. So I'm going to.

Oh crap. This hurts.

[jennifernonuts-too]

Ugh... I had promised a proper explanation, but I'll save you that emo delight... I've been slowly working myself back up to, um "resilient" I guess? And I just feel rather flattened right now [sigh]

Some of y'all may have processed that before 2020 I worked 3, yes 3 jobs (after the accident, being unable to resume my career and then having a loooong time incapacitated = debt/non-transferable skills) which went down to 2 as the hotel receptionist gig fairly obviously wasn't happening... So I've been plugging away at the 2. BOTH were actually regarded as "key worker", so I didn't stop over Lockdowns... One (reception work) was regular, set hours. My supermarket gig is shifts. Variable (but around the other one).

My whole being fragile and timing out on here? I was dealing with something and feeling I couldn't say anything... Well, sod it. Long story short... The regular, reliable gig? GONE. Place went out of business...

The cherry on the cake, is that here I am, down to the one job... And those asshats at the supermarket have been coming in for the last fortnight, clearly ill AF... So now I'm sat here, Goddess knows when I'll get a shift again BECAUSE THEY'VE GIVEN ME COVID...

See, I, I take a test to check. And I, don't go back into work, or where there are old people or vulnerable people... I still wear a mask. But no, I've been coughed and breathed at so much, and I really can't afford to not have shifts right now... And the last time I got it (waaaaay back in 2022, again, from work when the customer mask rule no longer applied), I was asymptomatic. This time? I hurt SO BAD. So yeah, I'm flattened... I'm isolating from the missus (managed not to give her it the last time I isolated), so do your worse imagination of a giant sulky, toddler... IT'S. JUST. NOT. FAIR. [stamps foot]. Pretty accurate me right now... [Wails].

[artemispt]

I miss @jennifernonuts

[jennifernonuts-too]

OK, apologies because this is hella egotistical [Cringing at self], but it's what my brain came up with as the best way to respond and also not lose the post... And the Missus said you should keep positive things where you can refer back to them when you're having a "I suck" day... [Doing really well on the being brief and NOT Emo here. Aherm].

[Suddenly realises he could do the reblogging on the OTHER account. Yes. That's much less aggrandising. Proud of brain functioning there]...

Guys... [Welling up]. Oh heck. Did not expect this... [Embarrassed, but very touched]

Thank you.

@someone-worth-racing-for @chaoticzoomies @mclarensangels @goldenboygate @metalbenders-and-telepaths @ehcahache

[jennifernonuts-too]

I've spent literal hours writing and re-writing this post... I'm in double bind territory

The best I've got is:

If my Shared Braincell™ uninstalled Tumblr from their phone, I should have seen that as a (deeply unsubtle) sign from the universe.

Tumblr is doing me more harm than good at the moment

I've done hiatuses before, but I need to go further and do the uninstall this time.

I fully intend to be back.

And apparently I can't help myself with the double bind, because my need to not be an asshole is greater than my fear of confirming folks' opinion of me, so I am sorry if I've caused others upset or discomfort, I strive to do the opposite. I am genuinely sorry. I just am. Appreciate that's not how you'll read this and so I've actually upset you further, but see double bind above...

Any posts you see on my Tumblr are my Queue. Once I've switched my profile pic out on main, then I'm AWOL.

Take care...

[jennifernonuts-too]

And that's my profile pic switched out. In retrospect I shouldn't have uninstalled from my phone BEFORE I did that, because I had to I.T., and that was F.U.N. Should you read this, my paranoia would appreciate it, if somehow you indicated that you had. Thanks.

Apologies for not being there if any of y'all are needing an ear while I'm gone...

[jennifernonuts-too]

I've spent literal hours writing and re-writing this post... I'm in double bind territory

The best I've got is:

If my Shared Braincell™ uninstalled Tumblr from their phone, I should have seen that as a (deeply unsubtle) sign from the universe.

Tumblr is doing me more harm than good at the moment

I've done hiatuses before, but I need to go further and do the uninstall this time.

I fully intend to be back.

And apparently I can't help myself with the double bind, because my need to not be an asshole is greater than my fear of confirming folks' opinion of me, so I am sorry if I've caused others upset or discomfort, I strive to do the opposite. I am genuinely sorry. I just am. Appreciate that's not how you'll read this and so I've actually upset you further, but see double bind above...

Any posts you see on my Tumblr are my Queue. Once I've switched my profile pic out on main, then I'm AWOL.

Take care...

[jennifernonuts-too]

On the plus side I got to visit her AND spend a decent amount of time with her...

On the other side, the sheer joy on her face on seeing me (we're talking full on hung the moon territory), broke me.

I KNOW I should listen to all the folk telling me what a good thing that is... That she's happy and that's what she needed AND what I COULD give her... But all my brain hears is extreme, overwhelming guilt.

I very much, just do not want this to be happening [Heavy Sigh].