𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖗𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖗

𝙠𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮, 𝙧𝙚𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙩 !

[jvremy]

Hey punk, where have you been keeping yourself? I've been at peace for far too long. Realized you haven't come around to annoy the shit out of me. Should I be worried you're replacing me? Please say yes. I watched No Hard Feelings by the way. Thanks for the warning. I can't get that beach scene out of my head and I'm having nightmares. / @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

did you miss me? it's cute if you did. i've just been cultivating my annoying tendencies, plotting the next grand irritation scheme tailored just for you. replacing you? you're irreplaceable... like a weird rash that just won't go away. oh, you watched 'no hard feelings'? about the beach scene, think of it this way: it's now part of your core memories. you're welcome. what’s up with you? what’s the latest news? what kept you from annoying the hell out of me? / @jvremy

[chalamt-deactivated20231114]

height jokes don't make sense when i'm taller than you so hush. sounds pretty on point for you. mmm - both ? nobody sees me coming. one day i'm just there, fucking your daughters and inviting myself to dinner. aren't you good friends with kris or was that some type of fever dream i had ? if so, put a good word in for me. it's the least you can do after exposing me for being a bad kisser in that interview. / @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

you know what? it's pretty bold of you to assume that i always aim to make perfect sense. don't underestimate my connection with kris. she called me her daughter once. oh, and by the way, don't even think about trying to sleep with me to get closer to her—i’d rather put in a good word. and about that interview... i didn't exactly call you out for being a less-than-stellar kisser. i just provided a vivid visual description, and it's not my fault that people connected the dots. there's always room for improvement, right? my pr agent is still waiting for that angry email from yours, by the way. / @chalamt

[sophietrnr]

i'm not going to say no that that. it's fucking hot when you take charge. let me be in charge of the third date and it'll be so terrible that you'll find yourself questioning why you ever agreed to a first one, i promise. oh babe, you know just the right things to say to get me feeling all warm and fuzzy. similar to a stain, not annoying -- keep it coming and i might just start planning our wedding. it's kind of weird to think about, honestly. how long were you with your husband ? you're the only one i'd consider dating so put those picket signs away. i say we leave delphine with him next time too. she's not ready for the maldives life just yet. / @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

threatening me with a potentially disastrous third date? well, you certainly know how to keep the mystery alive. i’m intrigued. but hey, even if it turns into a disaster, just remember: pizza and embarrassing tv reruns can always save the day. just a thought. now, onto the wedding talk—a carnival theme with a bouncy castle? that sounds like a whole lot of fun, but maybe we'll save that for the fifth date. i was with cooke for about five years and we tied the knot after just one. what a dumbass i was. thanks fuck i've definitely upgraded to the special edition, aka you. so, how are we feeling about joe these days? are we still in the "i can't stand that guy" camp for the way he treated you? i know he didn't exactly win any awards for being a good person. here's a fun idea: if we leave delphine with tom and everything goes smoothly, maybe it's time to start house-hunting for a bigger place and give him his own bedroom. a live-in nanny is all i want from life. / @sophietrnr

[tcmhiddlesx]

private: true, it's never too early to start preparing a photo album full of guilt-trip material. he'll have to come spend time with dear old dad as an adult when he sees all the terrific things we did together when he was a baby. i'm getting him a replica Loki costume and taking photos of us, that should give me at least a monthly phone call in the future. all the necessary paperwork has been filed and i think we're due in front of the family court judge soon. maybe after that we'll release something? we'll provide as little information as possible and let everyone make up their own minds. we're a united front in this and i have your back. you've had to do this alone for far too long but not any more. any chance i get to spend time with the little man i'm taking. here's to many more successful dates for you two - you're quite the striking pair. i'll be in new york until next wednesday, so my services are available. i can come stay the night if you two would like to have some private time without a baby walking either one of you up in the middle of the night. / @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

PRIVATE: a loki costume? now you're playing the long game! one day we’ll be able to say 'remember that time when you were the cutest asgardian god ever?' i mean, if that doesn't lock in those future family dinners, i don't know what will. family court sounds about as fun as stepping on lego bricks in the dark. but i'm with you on this, we’re partners now. it's a breath of fresh air to not feel so isolated. i have to gather up the courage to tell my family, i'm not their biggest fan but they don't deserve to learn of such a life changing piece of information from the media. but i'll make sure to procrastinate that until the very last moment, possibly one day before we decide to release a statement. thanks for rooting for sophie and me; she's pretty wonderful. and honestly, the fact that you're willing to offer babysitting services? i might have to start calling you 'saint tom' soon. but in all seriousness, your offer means a lot. let's see if the universe allows us grown-ups to have a date night without a diaper change or two. though, let's be honest, with my luck, it's me who's more likely to spill something and need a change. / @tcmhiddlesx

[taylorrvssell]

The badge design should be a pair of lips that light up or prehaps it could look like a chapstick. Either way, it definitely needs an added something to amp up the wow factor. Surly it'll draw more people in if we have that. "Lips, locks, and (ocassional) flops" is perfect and we need to pitch this show as soon as we possibly can before someone tries to steal our idea. Poor Jeremy, he's going to be out most difficult contender I fear. Who is this Jeremy and why do you have so many negative connotations towards him? I must get to the bottom of this. I'd love to think that's true. Sadly, I think I'm just as hopless as everyone else. Bad kissers are everywhere, hiding in plain sight. Just when you think you're safe, they jump out and trap you, leaving you with chapped lips and a bruised ego. As for the moving thing, we didn't really go to one set place. I came from a low income family and my dad had a job to keep us steady but it required us moving around every so often. From Vancover to Toronto to Montreal, I think I moved a total of sixteen times before I was 18. The whole high school thing was surly paved with good intentions. It's just not exactly hit that way and you're right, they've got us believing becoming Katnis is the solution when all we're supposed to be doing it learning. Truer words have never been spoken. Who's on the committee for that kind of thing? Who decides? Do we have to submit an application or do they just look into the good deeds happening in the world? I need answers but surly our mission highlights the importance of such a tragic tale that's often glossed over. A lippy revolution and we will be standing strong at the front of the herd, leading our people towards a better civilisation. Who needs 5 star? I just don't want anything gross beside me. So long as I have room to breathe, I should be just fine. @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

that badge idea? brilliant! lips and chapstick—we're prepping everyone for both the best and worst kiss of their life, all in one package. i love that kind of torture. but seriously, bad kissers are stealthy ninjas, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. i'm still recovering from my last one (could be timmy but i won’t confirm nor deny it); therapy's helping. jeremy? oh, that fucking dude... he once told me that pineapple belongs on pizza, and honestly, it's been a love-hate thing ever since. mostly hate—just kidding. i have no clue who jeremy is, but i'm sure there's some dude named jeremy out there who's a real piece of shit. moving 16 times?! fuck, you could probably create your own map of canada with that experience. must have been tough, especially as a kid, not being able to form stable connections. on the bright side, you've got the whole "new girl charm" down pat. how in the world did you end up in hollywood? they sell high school like it's some epic teen drama where you never have to attend classes, but in reality, it's just a bunch of hormonal teens in a building trying not to trip over their own feet. they tell them, "hey, learn trigonometry," but no one ever teaches kids how to resist a 50% off shoe sale or how not to burn toast, do taxes, or change a tire. priorities, right? as for the committee, they're probably a secret organization, meeting in a dimly lit room deep underground. their only agenda: finding good deeds and deciding if they're worthy. i sent them a carrier pigeon with our proposal. not sure if they got it, but i'm keeping my fingers crossed. leading a lippy revolution? you bet! and forget about 5-star luxury. i mean, as long as there's no unidentified sticky substance next to me, i'm all good. i'm thrilled to hear you're low-maintenance too – you're officially in! / @taylorrvssell

[tayzakharperez]

Unruly hair? Please, I'm sure your hair is amazing even messy. Yup, that's me. We would, maybe we should team up and make the messiest team of heroes. Yes, I love the logo idea! I'll have a video set to your Instagram DMs momentarily. I'm with you on the hotel shampoos, they do smell just truly amazing. Tripping out of Starbucks? Damn, that's hard to live down. I always enjoy some judgement with my morning Joe. Okay, fine, you caught me -- yes, me and Nicholas got like overnight fame hard with that film. Such a random time to pick. Can I snag a raincheck for next Tuesday at 2-ish? Fashion week, and seeing a friend. You may have your existential crisis this week and please -- share all about it with me during our meet up. I'm all for winging it and yes, no dicks, thanks. Glad we're understanding there. || @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

you flatterer! my hair's natural state is somewhere between ‘got electrocuted’ and ‘finger in a socket’, but i'm rocking it... sometimes. a messy superhero team? fuck yeah! we could totally embrace the bed-head look. villains won't know what hit them. we can raincheck, i'll pretend not to be offended. besides, between your fashion week and me organizing my drawer, our calendars are just so packed. i'll pencil it in right next to 'contemplate life choices' and 'google if plants can feel pain.' fashion week sounds chic though, are you in milan? can't wait to spill my existential thoughts with you. and will expect same from you. / @lovetayzakharperez

[chalamt-deactivated20231114]

a decade ? fuck. i'll just use my imagination to make up the movie at this point. awkward dance breaks are very important so i hope there's a couple of them in there. a little ? you want to watch the world squirm a lot. be honest, jen. what can i say ? i can be very sneaky when i want to be. kris is the head of the empire so it makes sense to go for her. need to work my way into her heart and her will. i think you should be all three, but mostly impressed. i'll take a round of applause anytime. / @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

i know, we suck—at this rate you might've grown an inch taller. both are equally unlikely, though. oh, trust me, i don't just want to watch the world squirm. i want it doing the macarena in confusion. sneaky, eh? like ninja-sneaky or 'i-swiped-the-last-cookie' sneaky? working your way into kris' empire, though? ambitious. might want to start with a friendly basket of muffins or something. you know, butter her up (pun intended). or stop fucking her daughters one by one. / @chalamt

[sophietrnr]

means i'll have to raise the bar on our next date. if you're interested in going on another one, of course. how romantic of you to compare me to a stain. got me swooning over here, lawrence. you were nervous ? shut up, that's so fucking cute. makes me kind of smug knowing i had that type of effect on you. i spent the last couple of days feeling giddy. it was the first time going on a date with someone that wasn't joe in seven years so it was pretty exciting. he's def rethinking all his life choices at this point, but good on him for surviving a night with cy and willa. think we should make him the official babysitter. / @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

sure, i'm game for round two,but let me take the reins next time. we could even engage in a bidding war to come up with the most terrible date idea. but please keep the bar so low it's practically underground. thanks for understanding that comparing you to a stain is the highest form of compliment, right up there with "you're not as annoying as i first thought." we're setting a new standard for romance. although, to be honest, you're as annoying as i initially imagined—i find it fucking hot. i didn't even realize you and jonas had been together for that long. thanks for not dropping that bombshell on me before the date; i might have gone completely insane. i'm glad i could make it an enjoyable experience. i hope it wasn't enjoyable enough for you to consider getting back into dating—otherwise, i might have to stage a protest right here, right now. or maybe just leave tom with babysitting duty forever. sounds fair, right? let's jet off to the maldives for a month. / @sophietrnr

[stonefms-deactivated20231112]

EMMA: ALWAYS!! EMMA: babe, you were living together and sleeping together. remember how you told me how dumb i was for not seeing it with ryan well hello!!! it's been so obvious. stop!! i love this. being so dumb with one another, it's the best. i love seeing you like that. you in blue?? she must be in love because that is hard to resist. ahhHHHH. so a second date?? EMMA: sigh. i already picked out my hat. EMMA: ooft, we need to get you knowing more people. but also not because you can't like anyone more than me. yes, it's been getting better and i am just thankful for that. we've been staying local, little trips here or there, the girls are in school so we can't go too far but it's been nice, having this time together to help us. i think if we were working it would have made it all a lot harder. EMMA: so gross. oooh, he is fully aware that wife is number one. no questions asked. made up the guest room for him for when you come to stay. @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

JEN: ugh, but i kinda love the fact that we're like human magnifying glasses for each other, spotting things we're too oblivious to notice on our own. it's like we were put on this planet to keep each other in check. JEN: i was toying with the idea of sending a singing telegram to spill all my feelings, but i figure a date might be a tad more subtle. JEN: jk, yes a second date! 👀 i'm thinking of taking the reins this time, so i'll have to come up with something to sweep her off her feet. any suggestions? JEN: so, are you planning to rock a hat at my wedding? JEN: who needs to expand our social circles when i've got you around? but seriously, it's really nice to hear that you and gos are getting to spend some quality time together. those little moments can be the most special. if you ever want a break to enjoy some romantic shit alone, especially when the girls are with their mom, just drop lou lou off at my place. this house is always bustling. hiddles even had his first babysitting experience. JEN: can't wait for the day when i can crash in your guest room once you two move in together. i promise to bring all the embarrassment with me xo. / @stonefms

[tcmhiddlesx]

private: i've missed quite a bit of time with him and this is the best time to start making these core memories with him. so that he'll know he was included in everything from the start. he won't remember but the photographs will tell the story for us. i'll have my solicitor to draw up the paperwork and have it filed in new york since that's your primary residence. with the courts getting involved, it won't remain a secret for much long, so we might as well correct the narrative that's been going on. i'm just hoping the press remains respectful of his privacy, as he's the party that hasn't chosen this for himself. thank you for letting me watching him and willa the other night. have to admit i was a bit frazzled and running around like a mad man but i loved every single second of. i wouldn't be opposed to doing it again, give you and sophie a little more time alone. how was the date? / @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

PRIVATE: the kid might not remember, but those photos will serve as a guilt trip when he's older, nudging him to visit his parent. it's like planting emotional landmines for the future—pretty clever. yeah, i'll get all the paperwork sent over to my lawyer, and they'll handle everything, including dealing with cooke's legal representative. honestly, i'd rather not let him ruin my good mood by dealing with him myself. things have been going too well lately. once that's sorted, i'm more than ready to set the record straight and release a co-statement. i know i'll probably get dragged because i'm a woman, but i'm grateful to have you by my side in this. i won't say it too often, but you're all kinds of amazing, hiddles. thank you for doing this. you're basically on your way to sainthood with those little troublemakers—or at least a gold star sticker. giving sophie and me more alone time? watch out, you're racking up those "best friend ever" points at a dangerously fast rate. the date went fucking well, which means there's definitely going to be a second one soon. time to gear up for round two! are you back home in london? / @tcmhiddlesx

[sophietrnr]

explains why the city seems busier than usual lately. i think a little black dress was appropriate for a first date so hope it lived up to all your expectations. rather surprised tom survived an evening with both of them and came out unscathed. wonder how much psychological damage they did to him. you know what ? i really do look good on you. how are you feeling after last night ? @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

the little black dress? babe, it didn't live up to my expectations, it set them. hey, thanks for the compliment. you do look good on me, like that stain on my favorite shirt—hard to get rid of and always making a statement. i actually feel pretty fantastic. i'll admit, i was pretty darn nervous in the days leading up to it, but all those nerves vanished the moment i laid eyes on you, you charmer. how about you? and it seems like tom did a great job, i'd say. the kids were still alive, and so was he—that's a win in my book. hopefully, he's not reevaluating all his life choices right now./ @sophietrnr

[stonefms-deactivated20231112]

EMMA: I LOVE YOU MORE. EMMA: yeeeees... EMMA: shut up!!! i love this for you. i mean, you guys clearly have a vibe already. don't let that stress you out. you like her, she likes you, it's just you guys getting dinner. send me your outfit so i can hype you up please and thank you. EMMA: it's been good, esmeralda doesn't hate me too much anymore after we went to the beach house. we've been using the strike to plan for family days and i think it's helping. EMMA: also??? falling for him more every day? it's really sickening, actually. @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

JEN: YOU BETTER! JEN: but we live together !! and cy and willa are getting really close. it's just an unexpected twist of events. i should've known i can't do fwb with anyone because i always end up catching feelings. but i do genuinely like her… a lot. We spend most time laughing and being dumb as fuck, it’s endearing. i wore this sexy blue dress, btw, and the date went really well! brb, planning the proposal. jen: JUST KIDDING jen: no one in their right mind could dislike you for more than two minutes. you're the funniest and sunniest person i know. the fact that even esmeralda had a change of heart is proof. i'm glad things are going well now! enjoy the constant vocay mode. where are you going next? jen: it's kind of gross, and i'm here for itttttt. what does he think about the fact that you do, in fact, have a wife? / @stonefms

[chalamt-deactivated20231114]

mission accomplished indeed. bring that same energy to our comedy and we might just have something award worthy on our hands. you're writing a movie with amy schumer ? can't wait for whatever R-rated mess you two come up with together. think it's both -- you're interesting and messy enough to land on their radar so congrats. i'm expecting some judgement for this one but i actually dated kylie first and it turned out that i liked kendall better. working my way through the jenner list, you know ? kylie and kendall are nothing more than stepping stones to kris. @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

amy and i have been working on this movie for like—a decade? we’re just lazy like that. but yep, once out you can bet your sweet bippy it’s gonna be a wild, r-rated ride filled with questionable life choices and awkward dance breaks. why? no idea, actually. we’re just chaotic like that. and, just maybe, because we want to watch the world squirm a little. now, as for your jenner escapades... huh, you're quite the overachiever, i didn’t think you had in you, chalenmoi. dated kylie, then moved to kendall, all to reach the ultimate prize: kris? i can't even find my tv remote half the time. i can't decide if i should be impressed, horrified, or low-key jealous. but hey, everyone knows kris is the ultimate boss. / @chalamt

[taylorrvssell]

Well, I'm not sure I'm deserving of that title but if it comes from you then I'm claiming it. It's too late to take it back now. Listerine would love the promo, I'm certain of it because I have a feeling this support group is going to become a session. Bkit is a stroke of genius. We can have little badges made so we can recognise each other beyond the doors of bkit and that way we can really feel solidify ourselves in the world. The TV show is a must! It could be like reality shows only less scripted because we have to show people the raw, intense work that goes in to fixing something so broken. Kissing takes time to master, especially if you've been doing it wrong for years. It'll be hard for our candidates not to slip back into old habits. They need kissing bootcamp. Trust me when I say, I wouldn't wish the high school expierence on my worst enemy. I love learning but I would have rather done so in a better environment. High school is hell. Kids are mean and the teachers act like they hate their jobs. Besides, I moved around a lot when I was a kid so I never had a stable group of friends to help. I'd have to agree with you there. We're going above and beyond to help better lives. That is not only groundbreaking but needed in today's society. Well surly be on track for the nobel peace prize as we fix the destruction of this world one bad kiss at a time. It's truly God works. It's why we were put on this planet. I think we've officially found our calling. Oh, don't worry about the lint and gum wrappers. If I'm living out of your pocket, I'm grateful it's yours. I can only imagine the horrors I'd find in other people's. @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

there's no one i'd rather team up with to co-found the BKIT than you! and yeah, badges. imagine it: glitter, neon lights, maybe even a tiny disco ball. it's like a badge, but with extra flair. or, we could name our reality show "lips, locks, and (occasional) flops." i can totally see the drama unfolding: "will jeremy learn the difference between a peck and trying to eat someone's face? find out next!" i'm so into this now that names just keep popping into my head. ugh, high school. based on everyone's stories and complaints, it sounds like that place was built on an ancient cursed burial ground or something. i mean, who designed it, dante?! and the teachers acting like they're prepping you for the hunger games instead of calculus. i can't say i'm sad about missing out on the high school experience. moving around a lot must've been tough, though. but hey, maybe it gave you some mad skills, like a chameleon, but instead of blending into backgrounds, you're avoiding those dreaded bad kissers—except when you're working with them. where did you move when you were a kid, by the way? and listen, if we're not on the shortlist for a nobel prize for raising awareness about the world's most overlooked issue, then there's definitely a flaw in the system. one bad kisser at a time, we're saving the world from traumatizing romantic encounters. it's a movement, a revolution, a...lippy revelation? you're welcome to hop in my pocket anytime. can't promise a 5-star hotel, but i'm a clean freak, so it's gotta be better than other pockets. some people have portals to narnia in there, and we just don't have time for that kind of drama. / @taylorrvssell

[tayzakharperez]

Really? I'm really fucking jealous right now. Generic or not, I want to see them so we need to hang out like -- right away. I watched a video not too long ago talking about most ridiculous superheros and laughed because there is legit a hero for everything. Maybe I should find it again and send it to you? Is that you as a hero? If so -- I should admit, I'm 'Sure Spills-A-Lot'. Oh my god, it is! I never thought shoes would make a great metaphor! You do give that vibe -- so how have you enjoyed fame though? You got big fast! Aww, thanks! Can they not be dicks? All I ask. Yes I need my soggy fries lunch with you or my life won't be amazing and we'll surely bond. When are you free for this? || @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

yep, that's me, fighting crime with unruly hair. "sure spills-a-lot"? ha! we'd be the dynamic duo of messes. just imagine our logo, a wine stain and a coffee spill, iconic. please do send me that video, i expect "man who runs slightly faster than a normal person but only when he's late" to be on the list. truly iconic about fame? at some point there was a fine line between contemplating stealing the hotel shampoo (it smelled like dreams and starfruit, okay?) and paparazzi snapping me as i tripped out of starbucks. but hey, lattes still taste the same when you're famous, just with more judgment. i’m sure you get it, didn’t you became everybody’s favorite overnight after ‘red, white & royal blue’? as for soggy fries—siri, put it in my calendar. say...tuesday at 2-ish? wait, or was that when i scheduled my existential crisis? meh, we'll wing it. no dicks, gotcha. i’m not a big fan lately anyway. @lovetayzakharperez

[sukialicefms]

SUKI: WTF SUKI: I really hope'd the chicks would be of another form but I don't think that would have made me laugh quite that much. SUKI: and that might be a first because I don't making me laugh has ever been on your bingo cards before SUKI: and I'll boldly assume it wasnt now

[jennilawrence]

JEN: you're obviously not the person i meant to text. JEN: I've gotta say, your standards have always been so high, i had to take an escalator just to meet them JEN: but i'm happy to have succeeded in making you laugh. life made.

[chalamt-deactivated20231114]

needed something that would put me to sleep so i had to go with one of your movies. was quite surprised when it actually turned out to be good. a comedy project ? you know i'm in. any idea what the movie should be about or have you not thought that far ahead ? alright, i'll just make up my own stories about what you've been up to. might leak it to deuxmoi too since they seem to love focusing on your life. life's fucking great. won't hear any complaints from me. since when is kendall your favorite jenner ? i thought kris held that spot. / @jennilawrence

[jennilawrence]

ouch, using my movies as a sleep aid? guess i should've warned you about the unintended side effects. but hey, if you accidentally enjoyed it, mission accomplished. just because i don’t have any original ideas for the next comedy doesn’t mean i don’t... okay, yeah, i don’t have any. and to be honest, i'd most likely be too lazy to write it anyway, just like my movie with amy schumer. as for deuxmoi, if they're focusing on my life, i must be doing something right. or something very wrong. maybe both. it's a talent, really. and kendall? psh, it's just a phase. you know how fickle i can be. kris will always be the og. she's got that mom-ager swag i just can't resist. today, for the sake of our conversation, kenny is my favorite today. you’d make cute babies, i’ll give you that. so, how did it happen?