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"Broken Shattered Nothingness"

Forgetting my worth. Remembering the hurt. This all too surreal. Pain is what I gain. My broken pieces remain. Scattered in the dust. I need to strive for better as that is a must but this is what misery lusts. I just feel like... Broken shattered nothingness I wish I couldn't feel Cold. Alone. Weeping the sadness. Enduring the madness. I wish this wasn't real. Used and abused. Devalued by your eyes. Your unwelcomed touch is what I despise. I am a person with emotions. So deep, it fills oceans. I am a woman with a mind. Too far advanced for your kind. Pay no attention as I'm under remission. Piecing myself together with blood filled eyes. I've lost all of my guides. I just feel like... Broken shattered nothingness I wish I couldn't feel Cold. Alone. Weeping the sadness. Enduring the madness. I wish this wasn't real. This degrading invasion, I didn't invite you. Pin me up against the wall, I will fight you. Your hand covers my mouth, preventing me to shout. Your other hand prowling my body. Disgracing me with your violations. With venom filled words, voicing you can't control your actions. You're a predator in the most wicked way. You named me as your prey. As I lay black and blue, it's a shame that I knew you. I just feel like... Broken shattered nothingness I wish I couldn't feel Cold. Alone. Weeping the sadness. Enduring the madness. I wish this wasn't real. Bleak Blue Bleeding Broken Screaming Scrapping Shearing Shattered Numb Naked Nullity

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“That Girl”

                                                 (Verse) Save the small chat. I don't like it when you talk. Don't wine & dine me. I'm not that type, I'd rather bite. I'm not classy, I'm sassy, & a bit messy.                                                  

                                                 (Chorus) I want to be that girl who has the best fuck, best luck, best love, best trust. Make you hard, make you wet, make you sweat, make you beg. 

                                                                                                    (Verse) Cut the feelings. Got no time for that shit. You wished for a pristine queen when you got a royal bitch. My only itch is to be tied & ride. Give it. Give it. You better give it.                                                    

                                                   (Chorus) I want to be that girl who has the best fuck, best luck, best love, best trust. Make you hard, make you wet, make you sweat, make you beg.                                                    

                                                    (Verse) There are no safe words. No boundaries or lines. Give me all you got hon because I'm not going home until I cum. Tie me up, defy me, satisfy me.

Get it Get it Get it Get it Get it in Do it Do it Do it Do it Do me in

                                                   (Chorus) I want to be that girl who has the best fuck, best luck, best love, best trust. Make you hard, make you wet, make you sweat, make you beg.

Give it hard Get it in Listen hon I'll make you bend

-Jen Van Houten

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#Poetry #Love #Positivity #In My Perfect World

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I’ve recently started adding my poems onto images. Have to say I’m liking this better than just leaving it as a text. 

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“Struggle For Equality” is a poem I wrote speaking of the struggles that women had to go through & how we overcame it.

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Unspoken Layers

Broken silence. Shattered sound barrier Strip me of my skin for I don't feel comfortable exposing who I am

This mask I wore to please you My face is what displeased you Inner me screaming

Beating myself from the inside Begging to come out Accept me, please

- Jen Van Houten

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Caged Bird

We step into the moonlight glowing through the window of your beach house master bedroom. The soft blue hue eloquently lays on our skin. Our eyes passionately locked onto each other’s stare. Wearing black lace bra and panties letting the soft material seduce you into my body. Enchanted by our lascivious bodies. Touching skin made of silk. Mesmerized by each gentle touch. You cup my body into your arms.

Lifting me up to place me on the bed. The chills start to succumb my body. You quietly whisper sweet nothings into my ear as airy breaths escape my mouth. A sense of surprise where his hands touch. Bra unhooked, panties torn off, my breaths become moans. Rhythmically in unison with the crashing waves hitting the soft sand. You slip inside me, and then out creating the wetness on the white sheets under us. Two souls becoming one, now transcending into a dream world.

Your emerald green eyes meet my icy blue eyes with such intensity. You then say to me, "You were a caged bird that is now set free."

- Jen Van Houten

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In My Perfect World

In my perfect world    there would be no hate    no insults to decimate    ethnicity wouldn't matter    all love, nothing to shatter

In my perfect world    everyone is equal    holding hands, nothing lethal    no hardships or broken hearts    only peace in all parts

In my perfect world    abuse wouldn't exist    animals, children    men & women    forever protected, never amiss

In my perfect world    there wouldn't be any wars    roam the world, free to explore    religion would be absent    no control, just relaxant

-Jen Van Houten

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Unidentifiable

I see through your smoke screen and two-way mirror Deceit so strong I can taste your lies The bitter truth chokes me every time Alone, I die inside The true you need to come out and not hide

Unidentifiable. Did I ever know the real you? Standing in the sun with your shadow casting. Signifying your two personas. Which do I lean on? Which do I follow? Believing has become obsolete

Cheerful one minute Indignant the next Don't know what to expect A caring touch for a short age That turns into ballistic rage

Unidentifiable. Did I ever know you the real you? Standing in the sun with your shadow casting. Signifying your two personas. Which do I lean on? Which do I follow? Believing has become obsolete

I want to know you, but I can't I want to trust you, but I can't When your shadow comes out to play, that's when I stay away It dwells deep inside Escaping when it can, because it knows where I am

Unidentifiable. Did I ever know you the real you? Standing in the sun with your shadow casting. Signifying your two personas. Which do I lean on? Which do I follow? Believing has become obsolete

Believing has become obsolete Believing has become obsolete

-Jen Van Houten

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Absence of Feelings

A love once lost Never to find its home Like a blind man dumped in the woods

A traveler without her compass A wooden torch without a flame The essentials you need are astray

Having intercourse with someone Still feeling alone Feeling like no one is there

Mimicking frostbite effortlessly Senses are numb Limbs are cold

A Weeping Willow Leaves so brittle Branches giving up strength

Distance grows Like a road stretching towards nowhere You begin to wonder what happened between you two

Just because someone is there doesn't mean they're with you Next to you, sharing the same air It all means nothing if they truly don't care

When one person makes all the sacrifices, it begins to exhaust them Especially when those sacrifices aren't good enough I give up

Drain me now, because I have no more tears to cry Rip me up, because I have no more blood to bleed Throw me out like the trash I am

- Jen Van Houten 

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R.I.P. Chester Bennington

Completely stunned and heartbroken at learning one of my favorite vocalists died. Chester Bennington committed suicide on July 20th, 2017. He’s battled with addiction and depression which ultimately he lost the battle to... Linkin Park was a huge part of my childhood. All of our childhoods. Their music spoke to each and every one of us. A few months ago they came out with their newest single called, “Heavy.” It had a completely different sound to their earlier work. The majority of Linkin Park’s fanbase didn’t accept it. They got nasty fast. Linkin Park was being accused of becoming sell-outs when truly they just wanted to change their sound, their lyrics, and grow further as a band. These insults affected Chester greatly. “Heavy” was something personal to Chester. It had deep meaning as it was about fighting addiction and self-loathing. I’m left feeling angered that these people felt so comfortable to attack at their new style of music. If you don’t like something, then don’t say anything. Or, just say it in a nice way. “I’m not into their new style, but I’ll always appreciate their older music.” See? Was that so hard? 

My message is, don’t be an ass to someone. You don’t know what they’re going through. Don’t attack people just because you may not agree with a different style choice. Attacking at an artist work is attacking their soul. It’s damaging. Stop the hate. Learn to love. 

- Jen Van Houten

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“Reflecting The Past”

As a young kid, I wasn't all that naive I saw through you Growing up in your negativity, it drained me You were jealous of me You didn't accept me Condemned

I was gifted with all the talents You had none Instead, you knocked me down Didn't help me to strive for more Oppressed

You're blinded by color One thing I am embarrassed to admit about you I accept everyone I love everyone Amiable

My teenage years I wish I could redo Without you being there You twisted my way of thinking Made me do something that I should never have done Confused

I hated myself I was underweight Always sleeping You were oblivious to my cries of help Neglected

At 15 I was physically assaulted Arm, back, and shoulder was injured I needed to go to the hospital You only cared about the money Greed

At 19 I decided I wanted to change Be a better me Built the strength to say no He raped me Lost

Years pass I kept on a brave face No one to help me I fixed myself Audacious 

- Jen Van Houten

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“A Promise Within The Stars”

Sitting under the sparkling night sky                                                                       Feeling so small                                                                                                     So insignificant                                                                                                         But, am I really?

Wanting to be known                                                                                               Wanting to have a role in life                                                                                   Wanting to get to know myself more                                                                       I want to be those stars I see

They hold an important part in the universe                                                           Guide travelers who adventure on foot                                                                   A part of how we became to be                                                                               Shooting stars for you to wish on 

I sure am yearning for a shooting star right now...                                                 Or a few                                                                                                                   I have a lot of wishes I would like to make                                                             Please, I beg to the sky to let this be my night

Every star is different                                                                                               Every star has its own story                                                                                     I want to be one of those stars                                                                               Oh look!

A shooting star!                                                                                                       I close my eyes                                                                                                     Take in a couple deep breaths                                                                                 I make my wish-

No, I make a vow                                                                                                   A promise to myself                                                                                               That I will be an inspiration                                                                                   That I will reach my goal in life 

That I will be an importance                                                                                     Just like these stars that shine above me                                                               There's enough room in the sky                                                                             More stars there will be

- Jen Van Houten

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Songs Of The Tortured

The hollowness, it screams The pain and agony, it screeches  The lonely isolated, it weeps The dangerously insane, it wails The neglected outcast, it howls

The rejected lover, it bawls The mocked weird one, it whimpers The starving poor, it shrieks The abandoned one, it cries The grieving widow, it bellows

- Jen Van Houten

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The World Viewed Through Raw Eyes

Just an average Joe walking these streets at night. These eyes see what this world shouldn't hold. A young boy digging through the trash in an alley. Before he could find any scraps of food, he was chased away by some thugs. He sure was skinny. Doubt he has a home to go to.

A missionary helping a poor village overseas. She sees many are sick and weak. Death soon sweeps upon them. They don't have a cure, yet. So, they stick to local medicinal herbal remedies. A plant mushed into a paste to then rub on their bumps seems to only satisfy the area for a minute. These eyes shouldn't bare witness to such tragedy.

In a home that is never quiet. Bloodshed. Tears. A daughter age of six sees her father beat her mother on a daily basis. Confuses this for being normal. Do my friends father's treat their wives like this? Is this how I should be treated when I'm older? This sight hurts my eyes...

A group of protesters peacefully fighting for their beliefs. Standing on a corner holding signs up saying; "Love Wins All", "Equal Rights" to just be treated like trash. Their eyes full of love meet eyes full of hate. To be pepper-sprayed and pushed down all for supporting love.

Late at night, working till 2:00 a.m. A man running a convenient store by himself. A couple of suspicious men walk in. Black masks on, guns pointing. They demand money. Body shaking. Lips trembling. His eyes see the guns. His eyes see the money he's handing them. His eyes see his death.

- Jen Van Houten