[jeremieclaeys]

Dear followers. I will no longer keep blogging at this address. If you are at all interested in my illustrations and articles, please follow along @ theillustrationbookclub.tumblr.com/  You can also follow me on Instagram @instagram.com/jeremieclaeys/ Thank you :-)

[jeremieclaeys]

Daring Greatly// Wrapping up So what now? I finished reading this amazing book Daring Greatly and I’ve dedicated four months writing and illustrating these articles about vulnerability and how it has impacted me. Right now, I feel more exposed than I have ever been. I feel vulnerable. I’ve poured my heart and passion in this project and I hope people felt it. I’ve also been scared a few times... What will people think? What will my family think? What about these friends having no idea about “this particular thing” regarding me? What about “my clients”? Have I gone too far in sharing these personal issues with the world? What if this whole thing is a flop? What if in the end people say “Uh-uh, yeah, that was interesting” and then move on to the next thing? What if there’s no follow-up? Is this what Brené Brown calls “a vulnerability hangover”? On the flip side, I also feel more humbled and grateful than ever. This project has led to numerous interesting and meaningful discussions with people in my direct and indirect community, which is all I was hoping for. I’ve also been encouraged by some very positive feedback I got. When people said they were touched, or empathised with, or felt the same feelings, or said they were wrestling with the same issues. I felt less lonely. More known for who I am really. I felt connections. And I hope you did too. This project has been a way of testing the waters. Was it ok to be “me”? Seems like it was. Feels like it was all right to share these words and the world didn’t stop spinning, did it? Now that’s a relief. So what now? Well, it seems like the adventure is only starting. Vulnerability is not only an interesting concept I wanted to study, it’s a lifestyle I fully want to adopt for the rest of my life. When I practice it I see good fruits. Whether in my relationships, in how I relate with people or in difficult situations, vulnerability was the best choice. I also saw fruits in my art. I do want to be more courageous. More honest. More bold and more colourful. In the words of Rick Blaine at the end of classic movie Casablanca: ”My friends, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

[jeremieclaeys]

Friends, I can't be more excited today as I have the pleasure of sharing with you my fifth and final guest on my Daring Greatly project. Her name is Tine Modeweg-Hansen and she's a crazy talented lady from Montréal. She's been working with various clients going from editorial to edition. I love how free her artwork is. It's so full of life and funny details. Go follow her work on Instagram @tinemodeweghansen and enjoy the read. Thanks Tine ! 👌

Daring Greatly // Show and teach // Feat. Tine Modeweg-Hansen⠀

There are many big take-aways from the chapter on parenting, but the one that resonated with me most as a mother is the importance of how I live my life. I already knew that I’m a role model, the first role model, for my children. But Brown reminded me that I need to take a breath sometimes and be mindful of how I’m conducting myself, with both the small things and the big things. I’m being watched by very important people!⠀

Brown elaborates on this concept:⠀ “If we want our children to love and accept who they are, our job is to love and accept who we are. We can’t use fear, shame, blame, and judgment in our own lives if we want to raise courageous children. Compassion and connection - the very things that give purpose to our lives- can only be learned if they are experienced. And our families are our first opportunities to experience these things.” ⠀ She encourages parents to, “recognize our own armor, and model for our children how to take it off, be vulnerable, show up, and let ourselves be seen and know”.

Brown has a pretty terrific “Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto” that you can download from her website! Here’s a taste: “Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and are lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions - the lessons on love are how I treat you and how I treat myself” and “I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.” Gulp. That’s good stuff!

[jeremieclaeys]

A portrait of Brené Brown

[jeremieclaeys]

Does Andy J. Miller really need an introduction ?! I'm sure you've seen his beautiful and colourful illustrations all over the internet, and I feel so privileged he accepted to be part of this ! If this Daring Greatly project happened, it's thanks to him as this has been a direct product of the CPT MFBA class I did with him earlier this year. So cool to have him on ! Go follow him on Instagram @andyjpizza !

Daring Greatly // Things Could Go Terribly... Right! // Feat. Andy J. Pizza What hit me hardest in this chapter was the idea that in a work or school culture where shame is prevalent, people are afraid of sharing new ideas. Students or employees don't feel like it's worth it to share novel thoughts that may not be full proof or fully formed for fear of ridicule and humiliation. It's such a tragedy really. I believe that ideas precede everything. Philosophy birthed the idea that everything is made up of tiny atoms ages before it could be tested with science. Not to mention the countless times that ideas in science fiction sparked the imaginations of scientists and innovators who make the impossible a reality. It reminds me of my journey as a father. I was too young to understand fear when we had my first kid. But I often say that the birth of my daughter was also the birth of fear in my life. It just got real on another level that day. After that, talks of more children were always dripping in anxiety for me. What if we tried to bring this new thing into the world, and something TERRIBLE happened? Ultimately, we decided that the possibility of the opposite happening was worth the leap. We decided to ask this instead: what if we brought this new thing into the world and something INCREDIBLE happened? So we did, two more times! I thank God everyday for these three "risks" and nothing can compare to the depth of the joy their existence has brought me. In smaller ways, I try to remember this when I'm on the verge of diving into something new and risky in my creative journey. Yeah, maybe things could go terribly wrong... but they could go incredibly right too! Hope this acts as an encouragement to you and me to keep trying to say yes to the vulnerability of adventure!

[jeremieclaeys]

Daring Greatly // Empathy (12/12)

Here’s a scoop for you : I’m no good at empathy. My wife will tell you, I’m not a whiner. I can’t handle someone whining for too long. At some point I want it to stop. Do something about it. Find a solution. Fix it ! But haters gonna hate and whiners gonna whine. And then I feel helpless. And terrible. So I had to learn, and I discovered empathy.

If you’re at all familiar with the Karpman drama triangle (google it, it’s amazing!), just know it’s a social model of human interaction mapping a type of destructive interactions that can occur between people (it’s a tool used in psychotherapy). There are three behaviours: the victim, the rescuer and the persecutor. I won’t go into details but I fall into the category of “The Rescuer”. I’m the one, without you asking, that will suggest to “help you”. But I’m not helping because I want to, I do it out of guilt. And the “wounded person” can feel it. Believe me, it’s unhealthy. So imagine how I feel when someone's sharing their difficulties with me ? I just want to flippin’ act on it. My first reaction would be to show “the bright side of things”. Or worst, I’d try to get rid of the discomfort by finding a quick fix. But we know this is not what we really need. When there’s pain involved we don’t need a quick band-aid. We need compassion. Brené Brown quotes Pema Chodron here: "Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity”. Compassion and empathy go hand in hand. It allows us to connect with each other. Brené Brown said : “In order to connect with the wounded I have to make myself vulnerable and connect with something within me that knows that pain”. She goes on : “Empathy sounds a bit like “Hey I know what it’s like and you’re not alone”. How powerful. In seemingly doing “nothing” but silently sit in the darkness with the wounded I know we are bonding and that's all we need. No massive rescuing plan. No clever answer. Just connection. And that makes all the difference. BOOM!

[jeremieclaeys]

Daring Greatly // Fitting in VS Belonging (11/12) This topic is one that’s close to my heart as fitting in and belonging has always been a lifelong struggle of mine. I want to belong somewhere so bad, but I’ve spent so much time trying to fit in. Whether at home, in school, in church or in a group of friends, I had nothing else but me to offer, but all I felt like I had to do was to fit in. Talk the talk. Act the act. Adapt. Meanwhile, I ended up losing my true colours and started adopting others’. I remember when I was in high school. I wasn’t part of the cool kids (yes the sporty ones) nor was I part of the black sheep. I was in between. I was no one and everyone. Never completely part of one group but also never completely marginalised (probably because I’m a social guy - you see, I learned to act). I used to say I was a chameleon. Which means that even surrounded with “friends” I felt lonely. Very few people knew me for real, and those who did I truly cherished their friendship. Unfortunately, unaware, as adults we end up behaving like the kids we used to be. Only with a smart car and a beard. I sure did (minus the beard). Until not so long ago, I carried on wearing - what I thought were - “the right colours”. So I could fit in of course! But I got sick and tired of it. You can’t forever wear a costume that’s not yours. At some point it starts to stink. People change. So do I. And actually, even if the process was sometimes tricky there was real joy to find in changing and allowing myself to “just be me”. First I felt more in tune with my inner self. And second I ended up finding those who enjoy my presence for nothing else but the pure joy of companionship. No agendas. No mission to accomplish. No points to win. No set of values to subscribe to in order to be “in”. We enjoy each other's company just for who we are, with the good and the bad. In doing so, I felt like I belonged. With them. And I believe this is what “loving your neighbour as yourself” really means. You don’t ask him to fit in. You make him feel welcome.

[jeremieclaeys]

Friends, I’m super duper excited to share with you my amazing third guest on my DARING GREATLY project ! He’s an awesome pixel artist, a gifted illustrator and a really good friend with a great heart - this guy also helped me many times during my early stages when I started my freelance illustration career, and when I moved to Paris. Folks, here’s Laurent Bazart ! Check his website, his gallery page on Illustrissimo and make sure to follow him on his new Instagram account.

Daring Greatly // MTG motto // Feat. Laurent Bazart

I mind the gap. Every darn day.

When I speak to somebody, I mind the gap. Don’t get me wrong : I do not try to challenge the person I am chatting with nor do I speculate about some upfront coded strategy to achieve my ends. I simply stay aware. As a famous belgian gap enthusiast named Jean-Claude Van Varenberg would say : “I believe in the moment.” Everything is a gap. It’s essential to see any gap as a probability, something that does not exist at the precise moment but can materialize at any moment in the future. It’s not about right and wrong. It starts by becoming one with the moment and surely not staying apart from it. When you stay apart, on purpose or not, you dig the gap. Thus when you become one with it, you fill it and give meaning to the moment.

Brené Brown reminds us “we don’t have to be perfect, just engaged and committed to aligning values with action”. So you mind, then you fill. “Who am I and where I stand right now” is the only reality that entails my own future. Everything else is a delusion. As you need to be vulnerable, as in being “aware of”, perfection is to a certain extent counterproductive. When I mind the gap, I’m vulnerable so I’m ready to achieve. I do not judge myself, I evaluate my options and I act. And if I fail, I try again, changing the process to change the outcome.

As an active gap minder, I endeavor minding the gap at a family scale with my uninhibited four year old son. He doesn’t mind the gap… simply because there is no gap for him. He lives and breathes the moment. You remember? He’s like a mirror to me. Each day with him brings an opportunity to learn something new, something different forcing me to “MTG”. By extension, at a community level with my team-mates, nurturing my kind-of-unaware-peers to embrace vulnerability as a dynamic gathering power has become an effective pattern. Achieving goals together has become easier and less stressful. At a livelihood level, lastly, minding the gap has become henceforth my primary step : what achievements can I pledge to, what outcome can I reach while aligning to my values, how much time do I have to accomplish my artwork. MTG as a motto.

[jeremieclaeys]

Daring Greatly // Sitting on the same side of the table (10/12)

In my family, we talk like men. I have two younger brothers. Including my dad and myself, we are 4 men + my mum. To say she was happy when my wife became part of our family. At last, a bit of lightness in this world of vikings ! Because vikings we are, damn it ! If we have something to say, like it or not, we say it. Discussions get intense pretty fast. And if I think one of my brothers is wrong, you can be sure Mr-big-brother-who-knows-it-all will come their way and let them know precisely how he feels. I’m right. You should learn. Got it ?

Talking in this way, how could I be surprised that there was communication-break-down?. Reading Brené Brown’s chapter about ‘The Disruptive engagement’ has been an eye opener to me, as it was all about how we engage with each other. This shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone but the secret lies in how we talk to people, even down to where and how we sit. For a long time, the posture I was adopting was the following : I’m on this side of the table, you are on the other end. And if I had something difficult to say (for ex. something that made me suffer in the past and I want you to recognise it), I’d cleverly slide it your way asking you to endorse full responsibility and wait for an apology. Quoting Brené Brown again: “I don’t know a single person who can be open to accepting feedback or owning responsibility for something when they’re being hammered. Our hardwiring takes over and we self-protect.” Seems logical.

So how can I change ? By sitting on the same side of the table babe ! This has been a massive shift in my mind. I’d never seen it that way. We are on the same team! It means that when facing an issue, if I am willing to make myself vulnerable, instead of blaming it all ON you, I am willing to handle it WITH you. You are not the only one responsible. We are. And if we care enough for each other then we can get through this. We are going to take ownership and we are going to work on it. Yes, feedback is needed. Yes, sometimes hard things need to be discussed. But I’d rather do it by being encouraging and working together rather than against each other.

[jeremieclaeys]

Daring Greatly // Mind the gap (9/12)

We all know this saying right ? Whoever has been on the London Underground at some point has heard this warning, reminding travellers to be careful while stepping over the gap between the train door and the station platform. I can even recall the specific tone of voice of this recorded message : “Mind The Gap”.

In her book, Brené Brown writes about “this gap” as being the space between where we’re actually standing and where we want to be. It’s a bold call to really live according to the values we consider as important. Not just saying it. Living it. And when both things don’t align with each other, indifference happens. This is the gap. When reality doesn’t fit with what we believe, we disengage. We can only live a certain way for so long until we need to be really honest with ourselves. And when this happens, we only have two options : give up or engage.

Reading this chapter was a bit hard for me. Brené Brown’s examples are a lot about parenting, so it took me straight back to my upbringing. And of course, like any family, I’ve noticed some of these “gaps”. The values my parents held in high regard didn't always reflect the way we experienced it in reality. “Do what I say, not what I do” would be a good illustration. It’s a weird and uncomfortable thing to notice. Usually, my operating system is the following : notice a recurring problem, make an analysis, try to fix it. Sounds pretty normal doesn’t it ? I love solving problems. I love to save the day and pretend like I’m the one who’s figured out all of my family’s issues. But in this case, the temptation would be too easy to point the finger to my elders. I don’t want to blame them for it. We all do this.  They did their best and I’m grateful for it. I don’t want these difficult observations to be a dead end. I want an open end. For now, I think the real questions I’ve got to ask myself are : how do I take responsibility in this ? What’s my part ? How do I sit - not in front of my parents - but alongside them, so we together can change our family culture for the best ? And even more so, how do I close my own gaps ?

[jeremieclaeys]

Beware of the sensitive viking.

[jeremieclaeys]

It's an absolute pleasure for me to introduce my second guest of this DARING GREATLY project : Grant Kratzer folks ! I love Grant's graphic and visual universe! It is funny, manly, very diverse and definitely rock'n'roll (check his work here). Grant and I also met during Andy J Miller's MFBA class and it's was a delight to discover his bang on article on "Vulnerability in men" which I'm sharing with you today.

Daring Greatly // Vulnerability in Men // Feat. Grant Kratzer

Picture yourself at the grocery store. Casually browsing the fruits, debating on if the avocados are worth the price. Then, you see the biggest man you've ever seen. You can't not see him, he makes the watermelons look like apples. Then if you can, picture him bawling his eyes out. weird right? Right in the middle of the fresh fruit?! IN PUBLIC?! You don't dare ask this guy if he's okay. you simple leave the produce, or the store, or town. no one wants to see a man cry. - and we rarely do. Now picture yourself, same store, same outrageously priced avocados. But instead of the mountain shaped man there is a woman. Crying into the pile of tiny tomatoes. This situation you can handle, You recognize someone is in need of basic help and you're right there willing. Without much effort it's easy to lend a "Hey, are you alright?"

In our society there is an unspoken rule that men, are simply not supposed to show emotion. Even in the most vulnerable situations a man is supposed to be "tough" and not show his weakness. If you do, show your emotion you are docked what's known as " man points" and it is then completely up to the man to regain the lost points. You can do this in a few ways. such as an incredible act of strength. a humongous meat based meal. Or, quickest route. a fist fight.

Of course there is no quick solution to this. It's highly unlikely that a vulnerable man will become acceptable anytime soon. Don't get me wrong there are a ton of examples of incredible groups of people supporting each other without question. I think it's fair to say we would be in a very different place if as a society If men could drop the act and just say how they really feel.

[jeremieclaeys]

Daring Greatly // The Live or Die Mentality (8/12) “GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN’” was the title of 50 Cent’s 2003 hip-hop album. There was also a movie with the very same title. Don’t worry I’m not going to digress and talk about 50 Cent. I just find this quote to be the perfect example of something utterly wrong.

I call it “The Live or Die Mentality”. It’s a black and white vision of life. It’s a belief by which we live and understand the world to be divided into two categories of people : vikings or victims. Winners or losers. Live or die. Either you kill to survive or you are the one being killed. There are no in-betweens. This creates a terribly unhealthy vision of the world and makes it a hard place to live in. It’s true, life can be hard and the human experience often involves a lot of pain. There’s no denying it. But living our lives as if we’re in a never-ending war is no way to live. When you’re in the middle of a battle, there’s little space for rest, fun, connection, positive change, trust and intimacy, the core ingredients needed for building meaningful relationships. If we spend our lives this way, we can never be vulnerable and therefore we are unable to really connect with one another. We end up alone.

I’ve spent most of my life as a viking. Of course, there’s a million reasons why I’ve been wired this way and everybody has their own story, grounded in their upbringing. As for me, I had to succeed. At any cost. I’ve discovered lately that I - indeed - have a tendency to impose myself. Especially with my siblings. As the elder of three brothers, I always wanted to own the space and be the centre of attention. And then there’s perfectionism. I had to do everything I could to pretend I was the perfect son. Even if that meant putting my brothers down. When I think about it, I hate myself for behaving that way. But becoming aware of this is the beginning towards change. When I lay down my sword I feel more vulnerable, and that's when I begin to relate and connect better with the world around me. I know I still have a long way to go, but hey, I’m working on it!

[jeremieclaeys]

Daring Greatly // Perfectionism and the “enough” mandate. (7/12) A few months ago, when looking at my portfolio, a good illustrator friend of mine told me “It seems like you know how to talk but you’re not saying anything”. Pretty interesting knowing I’ve always been known as a very talkative guy. How can this be ? Talk and not say anything ? Empty pictures. What he meant was that my illustrations were pretty but they don’t say much about who made them - me. He was right. I’ve always been scared to let myself truly been seen. What will people think if I really expressed publicly what I believed deep down ? For a long time I thought I was an anomaly. That I had nothing to say. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a chatty guy and I love social gatherings. I rarely run out of things to say in conversations. But I learned to play the part. I know what’s expected and what I’m supposed to say in this or that context. That way, I’m avoiding “the real me” to be seen. The one I think will be disturbing or uncomfortable. The one I should keep silent. I learned to conform, act polished and perfect.

Perfectionism is a poison and a lie I’ve fed myself with for too long. It’s one that pretends that if I try to do things perfectly, then I am beyond blame. If I follow the rules to the letter, then you can’t judge me. If I believe the right things, then I’m in the right camp. Only If I have it all together, have I something valuable to say. Only if I’m a trying my best, am I worthy of your love. Guess what, this is a never-ending game, and a vicious one. For too long I have tried to live by the rules. There are a million reasons why I’ve adopted this attitude since my childhood but I can’t carry on this way. I know that I will never be perfect. I know I need grace. So why pretend that I have it all together ? I don’t. In her book, Brené Brown wrote “With that sense of “being enough” comes an embrace of worthiness, boundaries, and engagement.” I will no longer wait to know everything perfectly before allowing myself to say something and be seen. I know I am flawed, limited and young but this doesn’t mean I have no value to offer. I don’t want to play the part, I want to play my part. So here I am, imperfect.

[jeremieclaeys]

Daring Greatly // Resilience. The antidote. (6/12)

Friends, I have good news for you. If shame is a trap there’s also a way out. It’s called resilience. Brené Brown frames it this way : “It’s the ability to practice authenticity when we experience shame, to move through the experience without sacrificing our values, and to come out on the other side with more courage, compassion, and connection than we had going into it”. Resilience is also about recognizing shame and understanding its triggers. It’s a great tool helping us practice critical awareness, own and share our story and reach out for help. It’s making ourselves vulnerable, so we can take responsibility and help us say “Shame, get the hell out of here !”.

Here’s a personal confession : my main regular shame-based trigger situation is church. Yep. I’m a christian. Meaning that since a very young age I went to church with my parents and still to this day, most sundays I do. Now, let’s make one thing clear : I’m not ashamed of believing in God. This is a personal faith-based journey I’ve been on since my childhood and I’m not asking anyone to agree with me. And if you’re asking me, it’s been a life changing experience. Mostly for the best. What I’m referring to as “church” is the social sunday gathering of believers. And God knows how many times I’ve been willing to quit. Because for many years I’ve felt like I didn’t fit and don’t recognize myself in some of the popular ideas we hear in church. Because I don’t feel as passionate as some. Because I’ve been hurt. Because I feel different. Time and time again. And then shame kicks in : “You’re a phony because you’re thinking differently. You’re a bad christian”. And because enduring pain for too long is too much to handle, I want to unplug.

Or should I ? Thinking about it, no one in my actual church has ever rejected me for being who I am. Quite the opposite, I’ve been welcomed with open arms and been heard with attention and respect. This faith-based family has been a loving one to me. And when experiencing a crisis, I’ve been able to openly talk about it and be heard. No one is forcing me to fit in a box. Meaning there’s no need to unplug. This is resilience.

[jeremieclaeys]

It's my great pleasure to introduce to you my first guest on my DARING GREATLY project. Ladies and gentlemen, she's called Erin Barker and she's one crazy talented lady ! We met during Andy J Miller's MFBA class ! I've asked Erin to read chapter 3 of Brené Brown's book. She then wrote a short piece of what she learned and then illustrated it in her own unique way. I hope you will resonate with her. And btw, go follow her on Instagram @hooraylorraine and like her Facebook page Erin Barker Illustration, her illustration work is beautiful !⠀ Daring Greatly // The Shame Tape // Feat. Erin Barker⠀ ⠀ It's really easy to attach my self-worth to the work I create. No matter what happens, whether my work is accepted or not, I get trapped in the jaws of shame. If people see it as "bad", I see myself as worthless. If it's seen as "good", I'm imprisoned by what others think, a slave to people-pleasing.⠀ ⠀ Then those words I hear from others play over and over in my head, messages of self-doubt and self-criticism, and I become crippled by my own thoughts. "Shame started as a two-person experience, but as I got older I learned to do shame all by myself." - Robert Hilliker⠀  ⠀ One of the keys to combating shame is recognizing it within yourself and what triggers it. Talking about the things that bring you shame and shedding light on them is crucial. I'm ashamed of my inability to focus and stay mentally present in my day to day life, especially when it comes to my creative work. I'm ashamed of my weight and how I'm not making enough money and what if my friends don't really like me etc etc, the list goes on. ⠀ But being transparent with my shame is the only way to overcome it. I'm taking steps toward that, and hoping to move toward a healthier place where shame doesn't have as much control of my life.

[jeremieclaeys]

Daring Greatly // Shame’s the quietest bitch you’ll ever meet (5/12) A few years ago, I encountered my biggest shame-related experience. I experienced a time of depression.It lasted 6 months. To my memory, this was the worst period of my life. Even today, it’s kind of difficult for me to write about it.As this is not the right place for it, I’m not going to write in details, but here are a few things everyone can relate to : I felt lonely. I was anguished. My mind was constantly accusing me. I knew these thoughts were lies but I couldn’t stop them. I was ashamed of experiencing this. I didn’t know at the time it was shame but I knew I shouldn’t believe these lies. It was a constant fight with little rest. I was losing weight. I had insomnia. And I was confused. I needed to understand what happened to me but there was no rational explanation. It just happened. I think this feeling of helplessness was the worst. I didn’t knew what to do and very few people knew how to help me. Of course I mentioned I wasn’t feeling great and I was having insomnia. But the real reasons of this depression were too much to handle I thought. How could they understand ? If I told them they would definitely think I was crazy. I thought I was flawed, that I was losing my sanity. I was so ashamed and felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. A few years later, all of this was just a horrible memory. I was feeling better. But at the moment I was least expecting it, some symptoms started creeping back in. Those lies in my head again. But at this point, there was no way I was going to stand there with my arms crossed. I needed help. I didn’t want depression to drag me down again. So against all odds, I started to see a therapist. I needed to understand what happened and why it was potentially happening again. At first I was terrified, but to live a freer life I had to look my demons in the eyes and speak to them. As soon as I started to put words to my story, shame began to wither. From there, reconstruction started to be possible and thankfully I haven't had any symptoms of depression since. It was one of the best decisions I made, and for this, I am forever grateful.