✽ . ˚ &. 「 MEGAN FOX. FORTY. DEMI-FEMALE. SHE/THEY. 」 JESSICA DAIR occupies LEVEL EIGHT: #801. you’ll know THE GEMINI is home if you hear i got 5 on it by LUNIZ blasting through their speakers. the FASHION PHOTOGRAPHER has been living in wisteria for EIGHT YEARS. since then they’ve built a reputation for being CREATIVE and CONDESCENDING , typical for THE AESTHETE .
full name. jessica conrad dair
age. forty
height. 5′9″
sexuality. pansexual
temperament. sanguine
children. mateo dair ( 13 )
prized possession(s). a black and white self portrait with their son
languages. english / french / german
born in the haight district of san francisco
at the age of 8 , her parents divorced prompting a splitting of the household . their father moved to new york while mom stayed behind in SF .
split their time between new york and california — mom was always the artistic type painting , popping paint balloons for murals , stained overalls was the norm for jessica growing up .
jess’ father however had an eye for photography which is the path jess ended up following
she began taking photos of her friends at a young age - always seen with a camera ; whether it was digital or polaroid .
their muse was found at the skateparks - something about the grunge movement . black and white stills were the top favorite around that time
jess wouldn’t get into fashion photography until she dropped out of high school and moved to new york to be with her father full time . her father was already in the art scene in nyc - often shooting for some of the biggest fashion brands whenever they wanted a less classy perspective and more of that raw look
jess would follow him to every step of the way ; by 2000 , she was shooting for small time designers . by 2008 , she was one of the youngest photographers to shoot for w magazine and interview magazine .
fast forward to late 2009 , jess ended up pregnant via their ex-boyfriend . mateo was born in june 2010 and honestly was the greatest thing to ever happen to her and became her muse from there on out .
the recent years have been a bit slower as she’s taking the time to be a more constant figure in her son’s life - the two of them moving to los angeles in 2015 - having lived at wisteria ever since then .
she still does photography but mostly her style is now more ... of a terry richardson-esque photographer ( minus the controversy and .... creepiness . we dont do det )
“ what did gaga say again ?? oh yeah !! talented , brilliant , incredible , amazing , show - stopping , spectacular , NEVER THE SAME , co ... TOTALLY UNIQUE !! “ a cross of their arms , bright eyes smize-ing in response . “ need i go on ?? “
“Yea, um…it’s funny you say that ‘cause I actually, you know, didn’t even hear you say anything. It just went in one ear and out the other. You know how that happens sometimes…” He chuckled awkwardly. “But I mean, that’s cool. An Audi…I don’t think I’ve ever even been inside one. Gotta wonder how much that scratch costs to fix, I mean the paint from your car, or even his car…or her car, it could be a she, maybe the Audi owner is like this rich chick with a trust fund.” Shit. He was doing it again. The rambling. Man, she was pretty.
“Oh yea, yea absolutely…I don’t want any trouble either. I work for doordash, doing deliveries. I’m not like an Audi cop or something. Do they even have those?” He wondered aloud. “But yea, you don’t gotta worry about me. I won’t tell anyone. Scout’s honor.”
blue eyes narrow at the other as he rambled , a hand resting on her hip as she sucked on her teeth with a somewhat ... lost expression . her mouth soon stretched into a thin - lipped smile ; a slow nod of her head following . “ ahhh ... “ they began , a bit of inflection in their voice . “ yeah audi’s are ... dope . but yeah probably does belong to a ... trust fund baby . i don’t know . “ she shrugged , locking her own rover from a distance .
“ the fuck is an audi cop ?? “ she whispered , although still loud enough for him to hear . her face twisted in confusion before walking off into the ice cream shop . “ yeah okay , from the way you ramble , i’m taking that with a grain of salt . “
The sound of the door opening escaped his notice all the way up until the shrill, startling sound of Jessica’s voice breaking the silence and he made to leap out of the laundry basket he was digging in when he managed to smack his head with a resounding THUNK against the open door of the washer above it.
“JESS!” He cried out, frantically shaking off the vibrant pink, lacy thong that was more than likely hers off of the jacket sleeve it was currently statically stuck to.
“This is not what it looks like, I swear on my entire life and yours!”
jessica was about to respond to julek , lips closing shut — it was like if andy were to catch his toys coming to life on some wacky shit . closing her eyes for a moment , her fingers lifted to massage the temples on the side of their head ; blue eyes rolling to the back of their head in frustration .
“ no ... noooooooo this is exactly what it looks like . “ they began , placing the laundry bag to the side with a frustrated flick of the wrist . charging over to him , she forcefully snatched the thong from his arm . “ this is the second time in two WEEKS , julek . you have a problem !! “
Julek was low on everything…. and when he said everything, he meant EVERYTHING. His fridge was empty of everything but a slightly disturbing looking block of cheese and the Arm-N-Hammer deodorizer someone made him buy, his cabinets were bare except for the liquor cabinet and he was out of any and all laundry detergent….. and down to his last fuckin’ pair of clean boxers.
On a last minute decision, Julek decided to venture down to the laundry room anyway, see if maybe… someone had simply forgotten some detergent that he could borrow steal for a few loads of clothes. As he was poking around and digging, he missed the door opening and someone entering the once empty laundry room.
jessica’s washer machine is down AGAIN and the repairman won’t be able to get the necessary part in for another two weeks , so it looks like she’s gonna have to do her laundry down in the basement which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing , but waiting for a washer to open up ... was literal HELL . well ... literal hell for someone who was used to having it in their unit for the past what ?? some - odd years ?? hearing her alarm go off , jess took that as a signal that her sixty minute wash cycle was finally up . looking at her son , she reminded him , ‘ i’m getting the laundry . i want that algebra done when i get back . ‘ they heard the quiet ‘ kay , mom ‘ — a single nod of their head as they slipped on their ugg scruffettes , the laundry basket , and her key fob .
taking the elevator down , she exited — noticing the light in the laundry room was on . great ... she’s gonna have to make fuckin’ small talk . opening the door , jess stopped in her tracks ; a brow hiking to the ceiling as she stood there like the standing emoji .
“ ... julek ... IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR RAT TAIL ASS out my laundry ... “
‘ i drive a certified mom mobile , ’ jinyoung speaks without hesitation , a soft laugh spilling from her petals . granted , it’s not really a mom mobile , but there was a carseat and one too many fries on the floor . ‘ can anyone parallel park these days ? i’m pretty sure i failed that part of my driving exam . ’ it sounds bad to say out loud , but she avoided parellel parking wherever she could . a regular parking lot was right up her alley . ‘ wait , is that combo actually good ? i’ve always gotten strawberry … ’
“ you & me both , girlfriend . “ jessica nodded with a smile , a slight hike of her shoulders ; agreeing with the other . “ both the mom mobiles & the fact that i had to take my driver’s ed test twice . at my age i still have trouble — although granted , i have to wear glasses to drive and i wasn’t using those when i was checking the amount of space i had between myself and the curb , “ they explained . “ plus even though my car has a back - up camera , i still forget its there . i learned how to drive without one so my brain isn’t letting me compute with the fact that it’s there to help me . “ she sighed , paying the few cents in the parking meter as the two of them spoke . “ dude , that combo is the BEST . this place has the most unique flavors and you settle for strawberry ?? girl , lets pop that goat cheese ice cream CHERRY . “
ears perked as a voice cut through the noise in her head. lifting her deep brown hues towards where the voice was coming from, sunny rose’s eyes caught sight of a tall, dark haired, stunning creature. “uh..” sunny rose paused a moment, letting her brain catch up to the conversation. “no, but i think i might know who’s it is.” just moments before, a total douche bag had walked into salt and straw, pushed right passed her in fact. the interaction had caused her to debate if she even wanted to enter the establishment anymore. however, the mention of goat cheese and cherry piqued her interest once more. “don’t worry though, your secret is safe with me, honest.” she added dramatics by making an x over her heart. “sorry, i’m soleil, or sunny for short.” sunny rose allowed a smile to grace her features.
jessica’s arms were crossed underneath their chest — at first , concern of the other snitching appeared in her mind causing a slight grimace to adorn their features until the woman promised to keep jessica’s minor fender bender a secret then a smile slowly took over her cheeks . “ good , hope whoever it was has good insurance like triple a or something . “ she shrugged before nodding a head in a friendly manner . “ soleil ... i think i’ve heard of you before . you do music right ?? i have a job coming up and ... i think you’re one of the few people i need to take photos of for this label . “ they rambled , stopping short to finally introduce themselves . “ i’m jessica , but everyone calls me jess . not jessie though , i fuckin’ hate that nickname . “
a brow raised and stevie pursed her lips. “i’m not. i’m the owner of a 2005 ford f-150,” she said. “but now i know who to point out if i hear someone bitching about a scratch on their car,” she joked. nah, she wouldn’t do that. that was just putting herself into drama that wasn’t hers to be in. “i’m bad at parallel parking, too. so i don’t do it. makes me nervous.”
“ bitch , you better be joking ... “ jess fake threatened , the end of their sentence hiking up into an inflection as her brows raised . “ i’m just so used to pulling in everywhere i go . or like ... not driving at all . finding parking in downtown LA is like finding a needle in a haystack sometimes . plus , have you seen these METER PRICES ?? the fuck ?? “ she ranted on , furrowing their brows deeper . “ anyway , you wanna grab some cones with me ?? “
Cody was half coherent as the brunette took it upon herself to seek confession in his refuge. A cigarette lingering between his lips despite the very obvious “no smoking” sign to his left. A habit, another bad one he couldn’t seem to quit, just like the women and the drinking and sometimes the men but definitely the cigarettes and the money. Then there was the often swiping of a piece of jewelry to…borrow. Some called it theft, he preferred procurement. Licking his lips slightly he smiled an ease overcoming his posture as he put out the cigarette on the bottom of his Gucci loafers and then disposing of the butt in the trash. While he might be a smoker he wasn’t going to be a dick about it. “I watched,” the Brit pointed out with a soft laugh, “Next time you want your side view mirror to be nice n snug against the other cars before you start backing in,” shit he was mansplaining. “I have less of a care on how you part that, but goat cheese and cherry swirl? That’s where I draw the bloody line, love.” Nodding to his Aston Martin, “That’s me, forget about the Audi,” turning he opened the door to the ice cream shoppe, “You first? Despite your horrible tastes in creamery.”
the whiff of cigarette smoke entangled through jessica’s nostrils — a smell she had gotten used to over the years . both of her parents were smokers ... shit still are . although jessica had more of a preference for a flum or elfbar ... wasn’t vaping technically safer anyway ?? anyway , the brunette pressed their lips together with slightly widened eyes as they slid their keys into their jean pocket . he had watched that whole thing go down -- holy , that was more embarrassing than admitting it out loud .
a roll of her eyes followed as they began walking the couple steps towards the front door of the ice cream shop . “ geeeeeeee thanks for the driver’s ed lesson . “ jessica responded with a quiet mumble before turning to look at the aston martin cody had pointed out . “ how much does that get to the gallon ?? eight miles ?? let me be a little more generous .... TEN ?? “ the sarcasm oozed from jess’ lips as the two of them stepped into the parlor . “ don’t knock it ‘til you try it , chap . “
reuben looks at the car. “ never seen it before. can’t see the scratch from where i’m standing, either. ” his vision isn’t what it used to be, even with glasses, but a scratch so small that he can’t see it is surely going to go unnoticed long enough for the owner to forget about the cars they might have seen near theirs. “ i’m much more interested in the flavour you’re getting — goat cheese and cherry ? that sounds cool. ”
a sigh of relief — jess was holding their breath for a hot minute . exhaling , they use the car remote to lock the doors ; nodding in agreeance as her head tilted slightly to see if there was any ACTUAL damage besides the scratch . hm ... nothin’ . they’ll leave a note later . anyway , back to the task at hand — “ it is cool , but not as cool as you , reuben . didn’t have a chance to thank you for finding that 70s amazing spider man comic book for my son ?? mateo has it right on his mantel and everything , he won’t even let me touch it . he’s like ‘ gloves only . ‘ ... i keep forgetting he’s thirteen ... more like thirteen goin’ on thirty . “
bonnie lifts her chin to follow the other’s voice. “ 2021? ” she squints. “ no i took the 2023 porsche taycan today. ” luxury is the standard for the han heir. bonnie smiles, “ i promise i didn’t see a thing … only on the basis that you’ll treat me to a scoop too. ”
jessica craned their neck back at the response , nodding slowly in a rhythm to their words . “ ooooohhh she took THE 2023 porsche taycan , okay — “ an inflection in her voice with every ooh and aah that fell from it . this - of course - was jess being their most sarcastic self . “ but yeah i’ll get you a scoop . what do you want ?? chocolate , vanilla ?? little gold flakes sprinkled on the top ?? “
“ you’re not the owner of a 2021 audi Q7 are you ?? because if you are ... no , i don’t know how that scratch got on your bumper . and if you aren’t .... you didn’t just hear me confess that i’m bad at parallel parking . “ jessica cleared their throat , looking over at the other ; a slight side eye as they lifted their hand to remotely lock the doors of their vehicle . “ i want no trouble - i’m just here for a goat cheese and cherry swirl scoop . “
