Today I am here to talk a little about what happened through my life time. Depression was something there but I wasn’t aware of, it was a crouching tiger waiting to attack. Depression was hidden deep within me; depression was creating their evil layer within me. I was the happy kind of guy, friends, family and teachers would always describe me as the happy and always smiling type of person, I’ve lost so much in this short 22 years of my life, each event adds another building block to the ultimate creation of the evil within me, depression. People may think depression is just a mental obstacle, but in my opinion and through experiences depression is a untouchable source of energy that awakes when your alone, when your sad and strikes when you least expect it. I moved to Canada when I was 8 years old, I left behind some friends since birth to come to this unknown country, yes it was exciting but the feeling within aches but don’t know what to do. Years gone by even though I have kept in touch with those friends back in China yearly but it still couldn’t fill the hole. I miss them, it hurts till this day leaving them but most of all I didn’t know what was happening to me as time pass, I would sit in my room by myself staring into blank space. In Canada I’ve finally learned to speak English and made a couple friends but my family chose to move to another part of Toronto, it’s exciting and I’ve made plans to keep contact with the first friends I’ve made in Canada but as time goes by, contact with them soon disappeared. There are many occasions where people left and go, it must be because people didn’t want to hang out with me anymore, and I’ve become a less important person. This may be small things when you hear about it but this happened when I was around the age 8-10, when I don’t understand how most things happen in this world, I stopped making friends because I know soon or later they will disappear and I stopped caring about the things around me, all I had in mind was go to school go home and play video games to escape reality. As I grew older, reflecting back to when I was much younger made me realize there was something missing, something irreplaceable and valuable. When high school started I started doing things differently, making new friends and met up with some old friends made me realize I am not alone anymore and the joy filled within and I never felt better. But once I get home, an unknown energy source feels like it’s dragging me down, I feel the most unhappy when I am at home; the loneliness and the overwhelming environment of me raging while gaming didn’t really help me at all. After I started noticing these small things, I tried figuring out what happened and how can I be the best I can be once again, it didn’t take long for me to realize that I have been a victim of depression, now the questions popping up one by one when did this happen? How long has it been? What happened? All those questions lead to another and I was scared, I didn’t know what to do till my best friend came and asked “you good bro? You seem off” then I just started telling him everything and surprisingly I felt better saying it out loud! I’ve never felt so “light” since forever, thanks to him I was able to be who I once was. Talking to someone about what you are going through, how depression is taking over you… It’s okay, they are your friends for a reason. There is always professionals out there’s urging to solve your case!
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