Jess's Blog

A space for my writing, artwork and photographs :-)

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One of my photos :)

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I was just wondering. Do you have a blog like on blogspot or do you write on here? I started a blog recently + I used to write on Tumblr but deleted it. Toying with making a Tumblr again but nobody read what I wrote on there when I wrote text posts, only blogs that reblog other people's things seemed to get all the attention, so annoying

This is my only blog. ☺️ And yeah, I totally get it, it’s hard to get your work read these days. It’s like the difference between books and movies... most people would watch the movie because it’s less time-consuming and requires less effort than reading a book. It’s the same with images vs text. I suppose the trick is to hook your reader, get them intrigued, asking questions, and wanting to know more. Also, keep it relevant. (I’m not saying I always do this. I’m just pulling ideas out of my head). The main thing is... don’t give up 👍 and keep on writing!

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I love you a latte <3

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Google says Monday, July 30, is Friendship Day! Needs more awareness.

Aww that’s so cool! I had no idea :P x

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Loving the idea of appreciating friends on Valentine's Day. Should have an International Friendship Day.

Aw thanks! That’s a good shout, it should definitely be a thing ;) x

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The Single Girl’s Guide to Valentine’s Day.

If you’re a single girl (like me), Valentine’s Day can be a bit... shit. Everywhere you look, there are people confessing their undying love for each other and gushing about how lucky they are, while plastering mushy photos all over social media. Which, y’know, is great for them. I, too, would love to be given a cute Valentine’s card and flowers and my body-weight in chocolate. But hey, apparently I just haven’t found the right person yet... and that’s totally okay! Here are my tips for Valentine’s Day, if you’re not in a relationship... :)

#1 Tell your friends how much you love them!

Valentine’s day isn’t all about romantic love. It’s about friendship too! So buy some cards (or make them, if you’re feeling crafty) and give them to all your friends. It’s a brilliant way to brighten their day!

#2 Eat as much chocolate as you want...

... and don’t even feel guilty about it.  

#3 Invite your single friends over!

Chances are, they’re probably feeling a bit left-out too. So chill out together, get some food, drink some wine, watch a film... whatever makes you happy!

#4 It’s probably best that you don’t text your ex.

... as much as you may want to. It’ll probably just make you feel sad, and that’s definitely not worth it. Focus on yourself, and being as happy as you can possibly be! 

#5 Go ahead and buy yourself some flowers.

Why should couples have all the fun? If you want flowers, you go ahead and get yourself flowers. ;)

#6 Be thankful.

Even though you’re not in a relationship, remember that there are so many people that care about you, and want you to be happy. And that counts for a lot, right? :)

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Short Story: What did you do last night?

Daylight streamed through a gap in the faded yellow curtains, falling across my face and making me shudder. My head ached like nothing I had ever experienced before and my mouth tasted like smoke and stale alcohol. The clock on the opposite wall read 8.30 in the morning. I shuddered, rubbing my eyes and peering around the dingy room that I had woken up in. It all looked disturbingly unfamiliar.

 I was lying under a worn-out quilt on a cracked leather sofa. Looking up, I could see my canvas shoes hanging from the lampshade on the ceiling. My jacket had been thrown on the floor with the empty beer cans and cigarette butts, like litter. A boy that looked about my age was spread-eagled on the other side of the room, face down and snoring, his dark hair sticking up at dodgy right angles.

 I took a deep breath, lowering myself off the sofa and picking my way across the stained carpet towards the boy.

“Hello?” I reached down and nudged him. The boy grunted. I nudged him again.

“Hey you… wake up!” I said. My voice sounded dry and croaky. I swallowed and bit my lip. Eventually he rolled over, peering up at me with bloodshot eyes. I stared at him, desperately trying to remember him, recognise his face. Nothing came. The boy grinned at me. “Hi Cassie.”

I hesitated, missing a beat. “Who are you?”

He laughed. “I’m Andy. Remember? I met you last night at that club.”

“I… don’t remember anything.” I shook my head.

Andy rolled his eyes. “You had a lot to drink last night.”

“How much?”

“I don’t know. You were knocking it back though, like tap water. You put me to shame, that’s for sure.” He paused, still grinning. “It did the trick though.”

I looked at him with wide eyes. I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out, running my fingers through my hair and taking a deep breath of stale air. A message was flashing on the screen.  9 missed calls.

“Shit.”

“What?” Andy looked up at me, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting up. I frowned as the room filled with smoke.

“Oh god. Did something happen last night?” I said sharply, snapping my phone shut and staring at Andy.

Andy sniggered. “You really don’t remember, do you?”

I could feel the blood beginning to drain from my head. “For god’s sake, just tell me.”

Andy grinned and took another drag on his cigarette. The smoke swirled upwards. I felt sick, faint, dizzy.

 I heard Andy laugh. “Well, you were off your face. You kept going on about your boyfriend… what was he called? Rodger?”

I nodded, suddenly terrified.

“Yeah. Well anyway, you were talking about how he cheated on you or something. I mean, I felt sorry for you. So… you know.”

I froze. The obvious hit me. I felt as though I’d been whacked around the head with a spade.  

“Cassie… what’s up baby?”

I stumbled backwards, head spinning. “Don’t call me baby,” I said through gritted teeth.

Andy frowned, sitting up. “But what about last night? What about you and me?”

I shook my head, backing out of the room.

“Cassie, wait…” Andy said, climbing to his feet and grabbing my shoulders. “You can’t just disappear. I need you, ok?”

“Need me?” I repeated. “You don’t even know me.”

“But I want to know you.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Crazy about you!”

I rolled my eyes, reaching up and removing his fingers from my shoulders. “The only thing that I need from you,” I said slowly, “Is to tell me where the hell I am.”

 I could see Andy faltering. I watched his hands fall to his sides.

“You’re on 10 Grange Road, just outside of town. Bus route 45 should get you back to the university.”

“Thanks,” I said, snatching my shoes down from the lampshade and bending to pick up my coat.

“Don’t mention it,” Andy muttered, turning away from me and face-planting onto the sofa. I took a deep breath, sliding my shoes onto my feet and stumbling outside. I was greeted by concrete grey sky, crumbling terraced houses and plastic shopping bags blowing around in the gutter. I swallowed, trying to push away the uneasy feeling that was sitting in the bottom of my stomach.

*

I could feel everybody watching me as I got onto the bus. I sat down at the back, hiding behind my bird’s nest hair and wrapping my arms around my legs. A little old lady blinked at me and shook her head. I scowled and looked down, feigning interest in the floor.

 The house was quiet when I got back. I wandered through into the kitchen, sitting down at the table with a cup of hot blackcurrant and a packet of stale bourbons. I pulled out my phone, flicking through the messages that I had received last night.

 Cassie! It’s Emily. Where are you? You literally just disappeared. Did you go back to the house? Please don’t do anything stupid. You can be such an idiot sometimes.

 Hey Cassie, it’s Rodger. I’ve messed up, Ok? I know you’re not going to believe me right now, but it was a mistake. I didn’t mean to do it. Please, Cassie. Just come back and we’ll talk about it.

 Cassie, this is Charlie. Where the hell are you? We’ve looked everywhere for you. We’re really worried. Rodger is freaking out.

 The kitchen door suddenly swung open and my friend Emily appeared in her rainbow striped pyjamas. She looked at me, her eyes huge.

“Cassie?” Emily bit her lip. “You look… awful.”

“I’m aware of that,” I muttered, taking a mouthful of blackcurrant.

“You stayed out the whole night, didn’t you?”

I swallowed, trying to find the words. “Emily,” I mumbled. “I think that I did something terrible. But I can’t remember why.”

*

Emily helped herself to a bourbon and sat down next to me. She frowned. “These biscuits are about a week out of date.”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear.

“Cassie?”

There was a pause.

“Cassie, what is it? What did you do last night?”

I struggled. My mouth was dry and my stomach felt as though it had been tied into a haphazard knot. “Emily…” I said slowly. “Did Rodger cheat on me last night?”

Emily frowned. “No! Well…”

“Well?”

“Kind of. Maybe...” Emily stuttered, shaking her head. “But… it was a mistake. He didn’t mean to.”

I felt my whole body stiffen. The knot in my stomach pulled tighter.

“A mistake?” I rolled my eyes. “Are you serious?”

Emily nodded. “This girl came up to him. He was drunk. He thought she was you…”

I shut my eyes. “Emily, I don’t want to hear this.”

“Cassie, nothing happened!” Emily said. “It didn’t happen because you pulled her off him, yelled abuse at them both and then ran out.”

I opened my eyes sharply.

Emily hesitated. “What happened, Cassie? After you left?”

I shook my head, exasperated. “All I know is that I woke up this morning in some random guy’s house. And… and that I slept with him last night.”

Emily stared at me. “You slept with him?”

I nodded. “I guess it makes sense now.” I looked over at Emily. I could feel the tears brimming, spilling down my cheeks. “Emily, am I the worst person in the world?”

“No. You were drunk. You weren’t exactly in control of your emotions.” Emily patted my shoulder, sympathetically. “Plus, you’d completely got the wrong end of the stick.”

I sniffed. “I can’t tell Rodger.”

Emily glanced at me. “Are you sure? Don’t you think…”

I shook my head. “I’m positive.”

*

And for two whole weeks, that is what I did. Life went back to normal. I stopped holding my breath, stopped constantly looking round corners, stopped feeling guilty. I let my guard down. As far as I was concerned, Emily was the only other person that knew. I guess I’d forgotten about Andy. I guess I wasn’t expecting him to turn up one day, just standing there outside my lecture room, like a creepy statue of impending doom.

 I froze when I saw him. “Crap.”

Rodger blinked at me, bemused. “Cassie? Are you ok?”

I shuddered. “I… I think I left something in the lecture room…” I gabbled, turning on my heel and darting back inside.

“Cassie?” Rodger called after me. I could see everyone staring at me. Rodger poked his head round the door to see me cowering at the back of the room. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” I stuttered. “I’m… fine.”

Rodger raised an eyebrow. “Really? I mean, you don’t look fine.”

I took a deep breath, eyes wide and beads of sweat dripping down my neck. “Just go, Rodger. I’ll catch up.”

Rodger looked at me. “Well, as long as you’re ok…”

I forced a smile as Rodger turned to leave. The door slammed shut.

 I waited, watching, feeling vaguely sick. It wasn’t long before Andy was pushing the door open, his dark grey eyes fixed on me. I swallowed.

“Cassie!” Andy shouted at me. His hair was dishevelled and he had dark circles under his eyes.

I stood up, teeth clenched. “Andy, what the hell are you doing here? How did you find me?”

Andy took a step towards me. “I had to see you. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re driving me crazy.”

“This is insane. I have a boyfriend,” I said, backing away.

Andy laughed, harshly. “You mean Rodger? The boy that cheated on you?”

“He did not cheat on me. It was a misunderstanding.”

“Then you cheated on him?”

“That was a huge mistake.”

“Well, I don’t believe that.” Andy lurched over to me, backing me up against the wall. “You can’t just push me away, Cassie.”

I scowled. I could feel his breath on my cheek. He smelled of cheap booze and cigarettes. “I can just push you away,” I argued. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want you!”

 I heard the door bang. Rodger was standing there, Emily in tow.

“Rodger…?” I said, startled.

Andy turned, grinning. “So, you’re Cassie’s boyfriend?” he asked Rodger.

I shuddered, feeling faint.

“Cassie, who the hell is this guy?” Rodger asked.

“He’s nobody. Nobody at all,” I stuttered.

Andy laughed at Rodger. “No. I’m just the guy that your girlfriend screwed the other night. No big deal.” He took hold of my shoulders, slamming me into the wall and barging past Rodger and Emily. I heard Emily scream. I fell forwards, my head throbbing, winded.

 I remember Emily running up to me and grabbing my hand, her face pink and panic stricken. I remember Rodger, standing over me, staring down as though I were a bug that he could so easily squash under his foot. He looked so angry; yet so sad, lost.

“Rodger,” I groaned, fighting to breath. “Rodger, I’m so, so sorry. It was… a mistake. I thought…”

Rodger closed his eyes, taking a breath. “I know what you thought,” he stared at me. “But you didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I closed my eyes, tears streaming. My breath was coming in sharp, painful gasps.

“She… didn’t tell anyone,” I heard Emily say, “except for me. I was the only one that knew.”

“And that makes it better?” I heard Rodger say, cruelly. “She’s my girlfriend. And she couldn’t even be honest with me. How do you think that looks?”

“She was scared. Scared of what you might think. Scared that you’d leave her.”

Rodger breathed in, eyes narrowed. I looked up at him, through blurry eyes.

“I’m so sorry.”

 *

  It’s strange, how one tiny misunderstanding can affect your life in such a big way. I never saw Andy again after that day, yet he managed to cause so much damage in such a small amount of time. Rumours spread like wild fire and most of my friends turned their backs on me. Labels were plastered onto me like wallpaper; labels of the worst kind.

 I took to burying myself in my room, in a helpless attempt to shut out the world and everyone in it. Yet Emily was still there for me. And, given time, Rodger forgave me for what happened and how I handled the situation. He appeared at my door the following week, bearing cuppa-soup and sandwiches, by way of a peace-offering.

 *

Alcohol has a way of screwing you over; messing with your head, making you do things that you would never usually do under normal circumstances. And getting drunk to the point where you have no idea what you did the night before may seem like the most incredible idea in the world. But believe me when I say it’s not.

 I guess I learnt that lesson the hard way.

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‘Keep growing.’

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‘We’re letting you go...’

Most people, at some point in their lives, have been out of work. This is currently my situation, and I can tell you that it’s not fun. I was pursuing a career in primary teaching, which seemed (at the time) like the dream job. I’d had plenty of good feedback over the year and a half... I’d had some not-so-great feedback too, obviously, but how else was I going to learn and improve? I hadn’t done my teacher training yet, so I figured constructive criticism was exactly that- constructive. 

However, I was abruptly smacked down to earth when I got ‘let go’ from my TA job, just before Christmas. The headteacher sat me down in her office, and said, ‘Jess, I like you, but you’re never going to be a teacher.’ I had no words, honestly. I just sort of stared at her. I’d moved halfway across the country to start my teaching career, committed a year and a half of my life already, and I’d spent hours applying for, preparing for, and attending interviews to get a place on a teacher training course to start in September.

And guess what? It had all amounted to nothing. I was left feeling hurt and confused and... worst of all... jobless. 

When you’re paying you’re own rent and bills, suddenly finding yourself without an income is completely horrifying. But I did some research and realised that I could apply for Universal Credit (previously known as Jobseekers), to help me out financially. This seemed like the best plan. Other than that, I’ve been applying for every job that I have relevant experience in, and praying.

Obviously teaching wasn’t meant for me, but the way that I was treated was not very nice. I honestly wish that schools did more to support their staff, and help them to improve, rather than just writing them off completely at any sign of potential weakness. Who knows whether I would have been a good teacher or not?! With the right training and support, I know I could have been good. But I guess we’ll never know.

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Scared of sharks? Don’t be.

Sharks get a lot of bad press. But did you know that more sharks are killed by humans than the other way around? If you know of shark finning, then you’ll know how barbaric and inhumane it is. Statistically speaking, humans kill around 100 million sharks per year. Whereas, in comparison, sharks only kill around one human per year. If this trend continues, sharks could very easily go extinct.

Sharks are a vital part of the food chain, and without them, things would not be so great. Put simply, the predatory fish that sharks feed on would multiply, and eat more of the herbivorous fish that feed on algae. This would cause the algae to flourish. Too much algae would basically kill off the coral reefs, and lower the oxygen levels in our oceans, meaning that other marine life would suffer too. As if that wasn’t bad enough, algae blooms can produce toxins, which are harmful to both marine life and humans.

Going forward, the collapse in the oceans’ food chain and potentially toxic fish would have a dramatic impact on the global fishing industry; basically, there wouldn’t be much of a fishing industry left. Millions of people would lose their jobs and income, and the world’s economy would suffer pretty drastically.

But there is hope. Organisations like Greenpeace and many others are working to help causes like this, and I think it’s so important that more people become aware of what is happening out there in the natural world. Sharks are just one example of many. For more info on sharks and why we should protect them, see this article from Greenpeace USA.

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“Life is short.”

I’ve never understood this phrase. Life is the longest amount of time you’ll ever have. Ever.

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Red flags two and three absolutely hit the nail on the head.

Thank you! Yeah, I couldn’t be with someone who was unfaithful to their girlfriend for me… I would never be able to trust them. And family and friends are very important!👌

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Relationship Red Flags 🚩

“When you’re wearing rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

Yes, I did steal borrow that quote from Bojack Horseman. 10 points if you got it.

I’ve had quite a few relationships in my time, and, while I can’t tell you the secret to ultimate success and happiness (believe me, I wish I could), what I can tell you is a pretty conclusive list of red flags to look out for... and why you should probably run if these things are happening in your relationship. (But hey, it’s up to you, this is just my opinion.)

Red Flag #1

You don’t agree on big things, like marriage, kids and where you both eventually want to live. This might be easy to ignore at the beginning, but it’s going to get difficult in the future. Neither of you are going to be happy if you don’t agree on this stuff.

Red Flag #2

Your partner cheated on their previous girl/boyfriend with you. Trust me, if she/he did it to them, they’ll do it to you too. If you want to go for it anyway, then do, but be wary. Anyone who thinks that cheating is ok is highly unlikely to change.

Red Flag #3

Your friends and family don’t like your partner. It’s so easy to think your boyfriend/girlfriend is completely perfect, but if your friends and family aren’t keen, there’s probably a good reason, and you might want to listen.

Red Flag #4

Your partner is sending dirty messages to other people. Whether you consider this cheating or not, it’s still downright disrespectful, and you should get out of the relationship ASAP.

Red Flag #5 

Your partner pays more attention to their phone/computer/tablet than you. I’ve been there, many times, and it’s upsetting. If they really cared, they wouldn’t do this.

Red Flag #6 

You get side-lined if something better comes along. Again, this is upsetting, and if it’s happening a lot, it’s probably a good indication that you should leave.

Red Flag #7

The person you’re seeing refuses to put a label on the relationship, even though you want to be exclusive with them. Don’t let this person have their cake and eat it. You end up feeling used, and believe me, it’s not fun.

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Fantastic Mr Fox 🦊

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Looking for something new to read?

Great, because I have recommendations! You don’t have to thank me. 😉

1. The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins. Forget the film, read the book.

2. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. Both a dystopian science-fiction novel and a heartbreaking love story. This one covers all bases. Plus, it’s amazing.

3. Dark Places by Gillian Flynn. You’ll know that Gillian Flynn wrote Gone Girl. Dark Places is a lesser-known novel by her, but just as good. 

4. Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. This one is about racism in modern America, and it is honestly one of the best books I have ever read.

Happy reading!

[jesswritesaboutstuff-blog]

My Bucket List

I don’t know about you, but there are so, so many things that I want to do before I (metaphorically) kick the bucket. And so I’ve narrowed them down into a short, comprehensive list, in an attempt to inspire myself (because I need some inspiration right now) and hopefully you guys too! Good, huh?✌️

1. Write a bucket list. Check.

2. Do a skydive. Or a bunjee jump. Or both. Don’t wimp out. 🤨

3. Go travelling for at least a month-minimum. If anyone fancies being my travel buddy… get in touch.

4. Work towards an actual career. I’ve tried this twice now and failed. Third time’s a charm! Ha…

5. Get my ears pierced. Needles scare me, but I do want to be able to wear earrings at some point in my life. And not the kiddie clip-on kind.

6. Write a book. This has always been the (slightly difficult, but not completely unachievable) dream.

7. Publish aforementioned book. Shouldn’t be too difficult… right? Right?!

8. Go to Glastonbury. I have only ever been to one festival in my life, and this needs to change.

9. Own my own house. I feel like I’m going to be about 50 before I accomplish this one, but hey, I might win the lottery. You never know.

10. Actually buy a lottery ticket. This may help with the whole ‘winning the lottery’ thing.

11. Buy a VW Campervan. Self-explanatory. VW Campers are cool. 😎

12. See the Northern Lights. I just think it would be so pretty.

13. Have a family. That would be quite nice. But slightly out-of-reach for now, as I need an actual long-term boyfriend first. Ha..

14. Roadtrip across America. Maybe Route 66?

15. Live by the beach. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is called living the dream.✌️

🙂

[jesswritesaboutstuff-blog]

Post more art? :)

Aw thanks, I will do! 😘x