@jewelsandrosethorns - Tumblr Blog

I made this and showed it to a friend. She said I should post it, so here we are.

"I'm not in love with him/her anymore" is bullshit

If your idea of marriage is being with someone you’re “in love” with, don’t you dare get married. Your marriage will fail, I promise you.

“In love” is that romantic, bubbly feeling. That thing that makes you sigh when they walk into a room, but disappears when their acne breaks out, or they get constipated and need you to buy them an enema, or when they’re vomiting from the flu, or when you’re fighting with them about money or children.

“In love” is no reason to get married. It is fleeting. It comes and goes like the tide and sometimes you have to work hard to create that feeling.

“He/she is my best friend” is a good reason to get married. “I will never leave” being at the front of your mind during the most hellish debate you’ve ever had is a reason to get married. “I want to understand their point of view” when you feel like it’s impossible to understand each other in that moment is a good reason to get married.

Real love gets ugly sometimes. Real love is when two people see the ugly side of each other and they still want to work together and be better for each other.

Real love deals with sickness, poverty, and misery together. It doesn’t point the finger or whine to your friends about the romance being dead instead of getting up and reviving it your damn self.

Don’t you dare get married to someone while you’re “in love.” Get married after you survive a struggle together. Get married knowing it’s going to be harder than you ever imagined it would be. Get married knowing you want your children to be like your partner as much as they’re like you. Marry someone you can argue with the right way, the productive way, the “won’t shut you out” way, the “we’re gonna talk this out even if I need a minute to cool off” way.

Don’t marry someone just because you’re “in love.” In love is easy. Love is a challenge two people take on together for the rest of their lives; and if either one of you is half hearted about it don’t you dare get married. And if it fails don’t you dare use “I wasn’t in love with him/her anymore” as an excuse. If you can say that as your excuse you never really loved them anyway

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Yes, this. Ok, I’ll admit it. I have never been *in love* with my husband. That rollercoaster, giddy, feeling, worrying about whether he was going to call, wondering how serious a relationship it was, working out what I wanted and what he wanted and whether we were on the same page. From the day I met him, I didn’t have a single doubt. This was the man I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And I still feel that now (nearly 12 years married, just under 13 years together). Yes, there’s been romance along the way - the hearts, flowers, declarations of love - but it pales into comparison. That isn’t love. Love is writing a eulogy for him to read at his grandad’s funeral. Him reading the eulogy I wrote for my mum’s. It’s sitting next to each other and sharing the same worry about whether or not we could afford to pay the mortgage that month. It’s holding hands at the doctor’s surgery while waiting for test results. It’s driving 12 hours on a Friday, then again on a Monday, just so I could spend a few hours with my mum when she was ill. If you can’t do things like that, if you can’t cope when your partner is ill, or has a period, or breaks down crying, or has other stuff going on and you have to take a back seat for a while, *don’t marry them*.

Marriage isn’t the be all and end all. It’s a social construct and too many people get married because they think it’s expected of them. Marriage is *hard*, it will hurt, there will be compromises. If that isn’t for you, don’t get married, no matter how much you’re in love with someone. Wait until you love them and can’t imagine life without them, no matter what that life looks like.