Jill April - Untold Lesbian Lovestories

Find my fanfiction on AO3 & Wattpad☺️❤️

[jillapril]

Alicent cannot have Rhaenyra and that is the great tragedy around which her entire life revolves. I’m genuinely convinced that this is what has always driven her at the deepest level. Not a desire for power, certainly not a belief in her sons as rulers, nor even an unconditional love for her children. Not even the longing for freedom she discovered in Season 2 truly motivates her at her core. Those are all just layers covering what lies beneath: Rhaenyra.

By now, Alicent has fully internalized this painful resignation. And it is precisely this realization she tries to pass on to Mysaria when Mysaria stops her escape. She has to improvise - and instinctively reaches for the only thing she truly has to offer: her own story.

“There is only one who could walk that path with her—and she chose him long ago.”

There is so much bitterness in that line.

For Alicent, one of the defining moments of Season 1 was when Rhaenyra lied to her about her night with Daemon. Something broke inside her that day - something she has clearly never fully recovered from.

A wound that kept reopening: Rhaenyra married Daemon. Rhaenyra rejected Alicent’s “Come with me.” None of it truly surprised Alicent, but it hurt every single time.

Daemon represents something much larger: the Targaryen way itself. Something inherent to dragonriders that Rhaenyra and Daemon share and that Alicent has never believed she could compete with. Even as a young girl, in her very first appearance in Episode 1, she refuses to fly with Rhaenyra on Syrax. She could never follow her down that path. It’s easy for Alicent to turn Daemon into a symbol of everything she believes she has lost between herself and Rhaenyra.

“Her attentions may be on you now that you bathe in the warm light of her gaze…”

That line alone is remarkable. Alicent describes Rhaenyra’s gaze something almost sacred. It is strikingly romantic language. She connects with Mysaria by invoking a feeling they supposedly share: the experience of standing in the favor of the woman they love.

“But will you stake so high a wager on the whims of a dragonrider?”

Alicent has been burned by that unpredictability more than once. Most recently when she believed Rhaenyra would let her leave after Alicent opened the gates of King’s Landing. Whatever political reasons Rhaenyra may have, Alicent is left with the feeling of, once again, not having been chosen. Once again, she has been run over by the unstoppable force of the Targaryen path.

So Alicent turns her attention to the only thing she still believes she can both save and keep: Helaena.

Her renewed attempts to flee, prompted by Helaena’s pregnancy, are undoubtedly an expression of genuine concern for her daughter. And yet another question inevitably arises. Given the doubts Helaena repeatedly expresses, whether about leaving Jaehaera behind or her refusal to terminate the pregnancy: who is this escape really for?

Is Alicent fulfilling Helaena’s wishes - or her own?

Her actions seem to be an inseparable mixture of love, projection and selfishness.

Helaena is the only one of Alicent’s children she still wants to save at all. Aegon, Aemond, and even Daeron seem lost to her. Helaena, by contrast, embodies something Alicent still longs to preserve. Not power, not dynasty… It’s innocence. With her neurodivergent nature, Helaena exists outside the court’s endless games of ambition and manipulation. She is as innocent as Alicent once was - and as Rhaenyra once was - before everything fell apart.

Perhaps Alicent is clinging to the last chance to preserve a fragment of that innocence she herself lost long ago… and that, in her mind, remains inseparable from her relationship with Rhaenyra.

Her fixation on Helaena is not a new motivation. It is the inevitable consequence of her old one.

She knows she can never win Rhaenyra for herself. Nothing she has ever done has freed her from that pain. She wants, at last, to leave everything behind - and save the one part of herself that has not yet been completely destroyed: Helaena.

Whether that will be possible remains to be seen. The Season 3 poster feels almost revealing. Alicent is moving away from the Iron Throne alongside Helaena - but her gaze turns back, lingering, as always, on Rhaenyra. A visual representation of the greatest tragedy of her life.

[jillapril]

The first half of HotD S3 is behind us. Too early for bold predictions - but not too early to look at the patterns that keep repeating…

Alicent and Rhaenyra remain true to themselves, disguising their own feelings through conversations about Viserys. Instead of speaking directly about what they feel, they repeatedly take the detour of saying things like, “Your father would have… wanted…” Episode 4 offers another striking example when Rhaenyra personally delivers Otto’s ring to Alicent.

The camera lingers on the women’s hands for so long that the moment feels far more intimate and emotionally charged than the surface-level situation (two women who are officially enemies, one of whom executed the other’s father) would seem to warrant. Rhaenyra could easily have sent someone else to return the ring, but she chose to do it herself. After assuring Alicent earlier in the episode that she would have spared Daeron, this is the second time she signals that Alicent’s thoughts and feelings still matter to her.

More than that, Rhaenyra continues to seek Alicent out, even when there is seemingly little to gain from doing so. Amid the chaos of the Red Keep, Alicent has become something like a refuge or place of longing... A reminder of a different time, when everything was different. But Rhaenyra approaches her cautiously. After handing over the ring, she lingers for a few seconds, visibly torn over whether she can, should, or wants to say something more - until she notices Helaena and abandons the thought. She leaves, and we watch her walk away entirely from Alicent’s perspective, step by step. You almost want to call out on Alicent’s behalf: “Rhaenyra! Wait!” But Alicent remains silent and lets the moment slip away. It is quintessentially them.

At the moment, Alicent is the more defensive of the two. Yet she repeatedly reveals that Rhaenyra’s presence still affects her. When, in Episode 3, she - who so rarely smiles - remarks with a smile, “It is odd to be here with you.” The line lands somewhere between irony, disbelief, and wistful nostalgia.

The air between them feels heavy with caution. And understandably so. Alicent wants to protect Helaena, and no matter how much she may wish things were different, Rhaenyra remains a potential threat. What if circumstances change? What if the Queen decides or is forced to demand more heads? Alicent has every reason to stay guarded.

And yet, with every episode, the two women have moved a little closer together - both emotionally and physically. From being separated by the distance between King’s Landing and Dragonstone, to sharing space in the Red Keep, and now meeting in Alicent’s bedchamber, with Alicent in her nightgown. It is a steady escalation of intimacy.

The ring itself is, of course, loaded with symbolism. On the surface, it is simply Otto Hightower’s ring - a reminder of Alicent’s complicated and deeply painful relationship with her father. A reminder of where everything began, of how different things once were, but also of the patriarchal path that ultimately shaped both of their lives.

But rings also carry another layer of meaning. They symbolize eternity, love, loyalty and commitment. Once again, the emotional depth between these two women is concealed beneath relicts of their fathers. They hide what they cannot say behind the language of duty and family.

Sometimes I wonder whether they actually understand the messages they keep sending each other - or whether, out of sheer caution, they remain almost completely in the dark about their own feelings…

Perhaps they will never find the courage to put those feelings into words. Perhaps what exists between them will always remain hidden behind fathers, duty, crowns, and war.

But the series gives them away. Again and again. Through lingering glances, restrained touches, shared silences and the way the camera frames them together.

No other relationship in House of the Dragon is given the same narrative attention, emotional nuance, or symbolic weight as the one between Alicent and Rhaenyra. They remain the heart of the story. ❤️‍🔥

[ormundshightower]

[jillapril]

Just watched „Wicked - For Good“ and though I know the stage show and knew what was coming… I‘m a little disappointed in myself for letting my feelings and hopes fly high after part 1.

I didn’t expect them to really change anything. But… while I was watching, I thought - and thats really heartbreaking - that I‘m making a fool of myself if I still keep on talking about Gelphie being a thing or Glinda being lesbian.

They just did not show anything that would backup that theory.

But they showed her being excited to get married. During their talk in „Thank Goodness“, to me it looked like Glinda wanted a kiss from Fiyero. He was struggling with it - not her. It would have been easy to just not have them kiss at all - but they did. So everyone could see that Fiyero had no deep feelings for her - but Glinda? Could be all in.

Not to talk of „I‘m not that girl Reprise“ - of course I was sceptic that they would change the lyrics... But it would have been easy, if they wanted to make clear who was more important to Glinda - but they chose not do it. All we got to see was a girl crying over not being the girl that „he“ loves.

Of course there were moments between Glinda & Elphaba. But. With everything about Fiyero being either physically romantic (kiss), or connected to romantic goals (her being excited to get married; and also being the one who planned it), and then her reprising the romantic „I‘m not that girl“ - there was just no hint that Glinda was not a least somehow in love with that man.

I just didn’t get anything to backup my „Glinda is a lesbian“ belief, nothing I could point out to all these people out there with no queer perspective.

I felt like part 1 left so much potential for Glinda being in love with Elphaba, there were clues en masse - and then came part 2. And made sure everyone could agree that Gelphie was just platonic. I really feel - disillusioned. But not just concerning Wicked… Concerning everything, I fear. Like… that’s my life. Always getting excited to see representation and getting to feel that I, a lesbian, really do belong into this world and - then realizing, that I‘m still just part of a minority, I am not really part of the game, lesbians are rare and everyone saying that Glinda is not a lesbian has more right to say so than I do saying that she is…

Maybe I am overreacting, probably I am but… Didn’t expect Wicked For Good to leave me this devastated.

[sadmortician]

i loved you so i’ll haunt you

[jillapril]

Currently working on a little #Gelphie fic 🩷💚 Canon compliant, taking place during part 1…

Find it on AO3 & Wattpad ☺️🌹

„Sweetheart’s Day is just around the corner— a day in Oz when flowers are gifted to someone special. For Galinda, one thing is clear: Elphaba has to get some flowers too! But it’s not just the secret gift that gets Galinda into trouble — it’s also her own growing feelings. What is it that pulls her so irresistibly toward her friend? Meanwhile, Elphaba also finds herself tangled in confusion, ever since Galinda became a part of her life…

But where does love begin? How can it grow? And where does it end…“

AO3:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/1510039630?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading_part_end&wp_uname=JillApril2021

[drop-of-infinity]

I don’t think we talk enough about how the entirety of Wicked is built on the irony of No One Mourns the Wicked. The musical exists because Glinda feels the need to tell Elphaba’s story, because she is in mourning and entirely alone in that. Glinda’s love is what creates the musical because no one mourns Elphaba except her, and that is an incredibly lonely place to be. She’s just lost two of the most important people to her, and all she’s trying to do is make someone, anyone else see how important they were.

[warningsine]

Galinda, what are you doing? Stop. No.

[jillapril]

Interesting that Alicent decided to tell Rhaenyra that she has had a lover. It was an absolute unnecessary remark, Rhaenyra did not need to hear this. And regarding how ashamed Alicent has been about this affair the whole time, how she used to scratch her skin to get rid of all this shame - how come she now shares this information in such a casual way like it was not a big thing for her at all? Rhaenyra stumbles upon it right away. And I think this is exactly what Alicent intended.

Everything Rhaenyra knows about Alicent and her attitude towards sexuality is that Alicent has turned astonishingly hateful towards her right after the topic of sexuality ever came up. Alicent used to judge and blame Rhaenyra for following her sexual desires, while Alicent covered herself in righteousness. But Alicent has made some steps by now and she wants to correct Rhaenyra’s image of her as a repressed woman that despises pleasure. She wants her to know that she is a sexual being. That she is finally open to live and explore it. She knew exactly that this information would trigger Rhaenyra. Maybe she also wanted to pinch her a little bit. Making clear that she is different than Rhaenyra thought she was and plant the idea that there really could have been a possibility for them on a level that none of them would have believed to be possible - until now.

By making Alicent explore her sexuality and even tell Rhaenyra about it and by letting Rhaenyra actually have an affair with a woman, season 2 of HotD really opened up another door in terms of Rhaenicent.

[jillapril]

Rhaenyra asking why Alicent came to her, „What has it got to do with me?!“ - and then Alicent gathering herself, biting her nails, answering „He never stopped loving your mother, you know“ - this really was her way of saying: „I never stopped loving you, you know.“

Just like Rhaenyra did in the septa in ep3, Alicent uses Viserys as a cloak to hint to the love these women really hold for each other.

Alicent goes even further, saying that it was the love for Aemma that kept Viserys going - just like it is her love, her memory, her vision of Rhaenyra that haunted her all her life and finally led her now to Dragonstone. That’s what it has to do with you, Rhaenyra. ❤️‍🔥💔

[homicidalbrunette]

[burningmill]

do you think that when rhaenyra muses on the reasons why she wishes she had been born a man in the back of her mind there's just the tiniest seed of the idea "i would have married alicent"

[alicentrism]

#captain of team rhaenyra on the throne and alicent on her lap

[jillapril]

The sacrifices that were made...

+++ Analyzing Alicent S2 Ep4 +++

First things first: Rest in peace, Rhaenys, you true queen that sadly never was. ❤️ A horrible loss for Rhaenyra’s side.

Loved Jace’s reaction to his mother risking her life to visit Alicent in King’s Landing. Like he was saying „I knew you had a weird relationship with Alicent - but I did not know you were that obsessed!“ 

Speaking of Alicent - I hope she continues this development...

She is going through books, obviously looking for the story that Rhaenyra claimed Viserys was really talking about. So their meeting in the sept has put something in motion inside of her. Though she is telling Larys that it does not really matter and Visery’s intentions died with him - as she keeps on looking for his books, it obviously matters to her on a personal level. I guess she is starting to doubt everything she used to believe in and especially her role in all of this.

Very interesting conversation with Larys anyway. Him saying that she seemed different lately and her explaining this with grieve... This backs the interpretation that Alicent’s sudden affair with Criston was a reaction to all the stress she was going through. Just googled and found out, sex really is a common coping mechanism: „An increase in desire for sex can ironically be used as a way to avoid feeling.“ As Helaena was also talking to Alicent about grieve the episode before, it seems established now that this is what really drove Alicent to Criston. Not romance. Sorry Criston, does not matter how loudly you ask for her favor…

Larys is also asking her if she is worried about Criston being in battle. Obviously, he is mocking her, asking these questions while knowing she just took an abortion tea. However, her unemotional reaction once again gave me the feeling that she really does not care at all. I thought her going through the whole abortion process could also be her symbolically ending this affair and phase in her life once and for all. I certainly hope so...

While she is talking to Aegon, I found her frustration quite entertaining. Looks like she put aside any will to talk sweetly (though that never was her way of talking with Aegon I guess) or even just being diplomatic. However, I guess it wasn’t just her frustration about Aegon and his inability to be a good king, but also her frustration about her own isolated position. Some of his complaints, like how he was treated in council, could have been her own complaints. However, she is too fed up with all of this to even try to empathize. 

„You have no idea what sacrifices were made to put you on that throne“ - leaves room for speculations about what she means. Who exactly sacrificed what? If she is talking about herself, which is most likely, I guess the one thing she has really sacrificed is Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra as a person, as Alicent actively contributed to robbing her throne, thus humiliated her and put her In constant death threat - but also Rhaenyra as her former love. Throughout all these years, Alicent has been trying to suppress any feelings of sympathy for Rhaenyra, trying so hard to turn love into hate, trying to be a person so dutiful and pure that it would justify her breaking with Rhaenyra on a higher level - only to find out that she just can’t kill the feeling nor let Rhaenyra being killed, no matter what! She has destroyed the life of a woman she loved, their relationship and even herself. Now she knows that she has sacrificed it all - for what? Her idiotic son on the throne and a war that is about to kill them all.

[jillapril]

One thing that hit me while watching the sept scene was Rhaenyra saying „My father loved me, Alicent. And I believe he loved you too“, as I just realized how both characters keep on using Viserys as an excuse or bypass for the love they do or did have for each other. Isn’t it funny how often other characters have addressed the love between Alicent and Rhaenyra, while they are always only referring to the love of others or their love for others? 

Examples:

S1 Ep8

Rhaenyra: „I love my father. But I must admit that no-one has stood more loyal by his side than his good wife. She has tended to him with unfailing devotion, love and honor and for that she has my gratitude and my apology.“

Alicent: „Your graciousness moves me deeply, princess. We're both mothers and we love our children. We have more in common than we sometimes allow. I raise my cup to you.“

This really is a love confession hidden beneath pointing out love for like everyone else around the table.

S1 Ep9

Alicent: „The king wouldn't wish for the murder of his daughter! He loved her, I will not have you deny this!“

&

Alicent: „My husband would have desired this mercy be shown to his daughter.“ 

Otto: „Your husband - or you, his daughter's childhood companion?“

&

Otto: „Queen Alicent has not forgotten the love you once had for each other.“

Thank you, Otto, for summing this up.

S2 Ep 1

Aemond: „Alicent holds love for our enemy.“

And thanks to you, Aemond.

S2 Ep 3

„My father loved me, Alicent. And I believe he loved you too.“

To get to the point, she also could have said: „I loved you, Alicent, and I believe you loved me too.“

So while everyone else is calling out the affection between them, Alicent and Rhaenyra keep on dancing around it. Probably because it is too hurtful to admit. Probably because they are ashamed and thinking that the other one only feels hate. Like they have agreed on acting like enemies - how can you talk about love then?

But as this pattern keeps on repeating, I believe: a kind of love confession between Alicent and Rhaenyra has to come at some point. Probably close to the bitter ending, in a moment where everything is so lost that nothing - no pride, no reputation, no men and no fear of the gods - matters anymore. Could be coming from both of them, but I think Alicent really should be the one to speak it out: „I have…“ - or at least - „A part of me has always loved you.“

[jillapril]

+++ Analyzing Alicent S2Ep3 +++

This episode! I think there’s a chance we‘re getting back on track with Alicent. ☺️🍀

Concerning Cole…

- Thank god, it was an episode without Alicent having sex with Cole. After the ending of episode 2 I was concerned about what really drives her to bed with him. I was afraid it was supposed be a real kind of passion, something so strong she just couldn’t resist… But. Now I feel relieved. Her face and her comments during the council meeting with Cole as the hand made very clear to me: she thinks he is stupid, she is annoyed by him and she doesn’t even try to hide it.

- Their talk before he leaves… I believe she really does not care if he is about to fall in battle or not and again: she does not even try to hide it. Cole feels the rejection and as he doesn’t want to be the fool, he loudly asks for her favor and pressures her into this gesture in front of everybody. It looks like a game in which both are actually trying to humiliate the other.

- Brings me to the idea that this is what their whole affair was about. Just another weird form of self-harm. They both hate themselves for having sex and they know this about each other as well. It is against their morals and vows, against every ideal each of them are striving for.

- Finally, I found an idea of how and why it came to this. I imagine it started off with Alicent being in a labil mood after Visery’s death. It was all too stressful and no one around to comfort her - but well, there was this knight she had known for so long, who she had control over and who obviously was not too strict about his vows. Maybe she remembered a spark of attraction she had felt as a girl long time ago, before she was forced into marriage, for this guy - I mean, everyone agrees that he is a good looking guy. However, as she never experienced what it would have been like to try stuff like a teenager would do - and like Rhaenyra has done - Alicent never learned what she really liked or wanted. So in this labil mood, she let go. And then it hurt, she hated herself for it, she hated what it made her, she did not feel any less alone than before. But she continued, even though she then despised what he did and how he suddenly got into power - now desperately trying to stay in control somehow and motivated by a drive to hurt herself (and him) at the same time.

- Interesting scene with Helaena. At first, I just took it as a sweet moment between them. Helaena granting Alicent forgiveness, like she knew that her mother was feeling guilty about having „sinned“ during the murder of the child. But thinking about it again - there is something intriguing to the theory, that Helaena forgave Alicent for something that is yet to come. Could be both.

And finally, the sept scene! 😱😍💔

- Loved it. Since S1Ep2 I am waiting for some kind of honest confrontation between Alicent and Rhaenyra, in which they tell each other why they acted like they did all those years… Their horrible relationship is really based on misunderstandings and misperceptions. Now the sept scene was not exactly what I was waiting for - but at least it was close to it!

- Loved their dynamic. The weird start that was unexpectedly funny… Imagine what a refreshing duo they could have been in this dark world!

- Loved the immediate familiarity between them. Even though it was a very difficult, dangerous and emotionally tense conversation. It was bittersweet. The way they looked into each others eyes - full of uncertainty but also longingly - and slowly realized that they really do believe each other.

- Loved how Alicent was concerned about Rhaenyra possibly getting caught if she stayed too long. I mean: If Alicent had screamed, she could have ended this upcoming war. It could have been over. But she just really doesn’t want Rhaenyra to be killed. There is no solution in sight, everything is about to escalate and eventually, everyone is going die - and yet she cannot betray Rhaenyra. It’s heartbreaking.

- Loved Rhaenyra for taking this risk and trying. Alicent once again showed how much she has gaslighted herself into believing what she wants to believe… She is really hard to crack. However, I believe we saw her walls starting to fall apart. She realizes her mistake about Aegon. But immediately her old program kicks in and she tries to deny everything.

- When she sums up that her father is gone, Cole already off to war, Aemond not being solid - there is so much sadness in her eyes. Like she was just really saying: „I am all alone, Rhaenyra.“ And „Even if I really want to - I cannot do anything.“ And her finishing with „It’s too late“ implies, that maybe it could have been different, if Rhaenyra just would have come to her before. Heartbreaking. 💔

What is to come from here? I hope that Alicent really starts to see things more clearly now. And I hope she tries to take some action, although I cannot image yet what this could look like… But she really has to develope out of this I‘m-completely-depending-on-horrible-men thing. Let’s hope and see.

[honeyandsalted]