Jim *REDACTED*, Accountant

more specifically Head of Finance for the Office of Naval Intelligence. I also apparently need to babysit the higher-ups so they don't glass key colonies

[officeofnavalintelligence]

Unfortunately, the Budgeting Committee has been kicked out of the building. We only have this to say to the UNSC... screw you we are keeping the Mammoth. Good luck getting any funding ever as we now fully support and fund ONI.

how do you

kick an entire committee, created by a governing body, out of a building

that’s not how bureaucracy works 

[jimfromaccounting]

nice try asshole but Carter from HR superglued us to our chairs so we’re stuck here

[officeofnavalintelligence]

Hey, it’s the Budget Committee again. You are green lighted for a unlimited budget under the war time economy plan we have implemented. Happy New Year

they can’t take away your wartime budget if you never stop starting wars

[jimfromaccounting]

we are legally required to inform you that only the Office of Naval Inteligence is allowed to wage wars and if you try to do battle with your neighbors for monetary benifit you will be arrested and your belongings will be seized.

[officeofnavalintelligence]

this is Spartan Team Alpha Ninner Jim is apparently on a date with the Didact requesting orders?

let jim date who jim wants. jeez. it’s like, 2557 or something. 

[jimfromaccounting]

so what if I’m dating an ancient sexy megalomaniacal hunk? fuck you you’re not my CO

[officeofnavalintelligence]

hey uh i'm having to use my data bc cortana emp'd the wifi when will it be back online

check the magic 8 ball 

[jimfromaccounting]

wifi funding broke

[officeofnavalintelligence]

Who thought that giving the flood rocket launchers in a vehicle section was a good idea?

jim.

[jimfromaccounting]

in my defense we had extra money in the budget. what was I supposed to do, use it to repair after the covie war? I don’t think so.

[officeofnavalintelligence]

Hey, prospective hire out at Ivanoff station, really love what y'all do but after recent uh, events, how's the benefits package looking? Do we at least get dental?

hell yeah, dental AND vision. we’ve got a union. 

[jimfromaccounting]

no nasal though, so watch out for flying fists from pissed off accountants

[officeofnavalintelligence]

Jim's a cunt.

you hear that, jim? some greyface sunglassesman is callin you out

[jimfromaccounting]

alright asshole you want to take this outside? I didn’t go to business school for 5 years for this shit. I’ll fucking turn you into paste. When I’m done with you you’ll wish that you were on Reach when it was glassed, you hear me?

[officeofnavalintelligence]

Which halo do you think is the best one?

odst > 3 > 4 > Reach > Wars 2 > 2 > CE > Wars 1 > 5

we completely ignored the spartan assault games

[jimfromaccounting]

we’re cutting your funding until you appreciate reach more

[officeofnavalintelligence]

the moons gone

you’re goddamn right it is, now no one ask any more questions

[jimfromaccounting]

Oh it’s still there, it’s just made of glass. It makes solar eclipses much cooler.

[officeofnavalintelligence]

How are people supposed to deal with unrequited crushes?

suffer, it’s how we do it

one day, the office of management and budget will love us back

[jimfromaccounting]

if you fuckers would stop blowing our matinence budget on puffcorn maybe we’d think about it

[officeofnavalintelligence]

Budget shmudget. You're ONI, just go steal some money from the brutes or something. Maybe contract the Payday gang.

why would we pay people to steal things when we’re already adept at doing it? 

we just don’t feel like doing it. 

[jimfromaccounting]

Paying people to steal things defeats the point of stealing

[officeofnavalintelligence]

Permission to fuck silly the personnel behind this blpg

uh

[jimfromaccounting]

Permission denied we don't have spare cash for counseling afterwards

[officeofnavalintelligence]

are we still relevant 

[spartanlocke]

[343 voice] “what the fuck is an oni”

[officeofnavalintelligence]

can we be relevant again

[jimfromaccounting]

Can't afford relevancy

[greenreticule]

A rare headshot of @officeofnavalintelligence‘s former CINCONI: Margaret Parangosky.

[jimfromaccounting]

Actually legally we're required to tell you that we aren't a company, we're a "government agency" whatever that means

[anneapocalypse]

Oh! What did you think of the hunt the truth podcast?

Hunt the Truth > all of Halo 5 

[jimfromaccounting]

Hunt the truth is slander and none of it ever happened, OK?

[cappurrccino]

We know Spartans can fall from space in nothing but their armor and be totally fine. Chief did it (several times), Noble 6 did it once.

We also know that you can stick a person, sans armor, in a metal eggshell and drop them from high orbit and they’ll be (probably) totally fine.

We also also know that MAC guns shoot really heavy metallic slugs that can punch holes in, say, the side of an enemy ship.

SO why not combine all three? Make some nicely armored bullet pods, stuff some Spartans in there, and just fling them at incredibly high speeds direcly into enemy ships/bases/whatever. 

Good plan, or great plan?

[cappurrccino]

I still think this is a fantastic plan

[jimfromaccounting]

@officeofnavalintelligence requesting funds, please

[pokemonprofessor]

so when halo ce was remastered, they also remastered and released the soundtrack. the remastered tracks were named differently than their originals.

after all these years i literally just noticed that the remastered version of the song that plays during the Library level is called “dewy decimate”

im so irrationally angry right now.

[officeofnavalintelligence]

remastered records, bad puns.

[jimfromaccounting]

Remastered planets have bad puns