No such thing as a free soul:
The bright lights speck vividly, clouding her eyesight like the stars in the night sky. She reaches her hand out to touch one, only to realise it is an illusion, her mind playing tricks on her, like it always does. Her brain always tricks her into getting her hopes up exceedingly high, then lowers the bar down like a game of limbo. She finds it challenging, excruciating even, when she has to distinguish reality from her own vast imagination. Sometimes she feels it is a blessing, rather than a curse, but then she is reminded of the countless horrible events that she has faced throughout her short lifetime, and she audibly sighs to herself. She often finds herself mumbling in defeat, or grumbling in anger, and her day-to-day life is not as it seems. She clutches her heart to her chest, in hopes that one day she will find the missing piece of her heart she has not yet discovered, the one final piece that will eventually slot into place when the time comes. She holds onto a hope that somewhere, albeit far away, something is waiting for her, just within her reach. Something that she doesn't need to fumble with numerous times to understand, but something that unlocks something deep in the vast archive of her heart, and helps her gain a little more knowledge about her purpose, maybe even how she turns out to be in the future. Of course she has aspirations, but none of them have pinpointed her to a certain destination yet, all of them seem to lead her back to this horrible place, the orphanage.
The orphanage is a gloomy place, and if you take a good look at everyone you walk past, they all have some sort of disappointed or disgruntled expression etched on their faces. This is a normal daily occurrence for her, so when you get used to it, it does feel mildly better than of the other seemingly 'normal' public spaces. This could be because of how everyone shows their true selves daily instead of masking themselves behind a fake, smiley facade, but either way, you could say that both are as bad as the other. The winding paths of future looming over her leave nothing to imagination, she envisions the devil himself waiting on her downfall as every day her mind descents into a further spiral of madness, how to rid herself from this place that traps her and swallows her conscience whole. Does she keep the devil waiting, or does she stare at the darkest pit of hell, threatening to engulf her for the rest of her lifetime? Does she hold onto a fantasy that doesn't exist about ever escaping this place and the mental deterioration that comes with it, waiting for solace in the comforting presence of another, or does she decide not to live another day of misery? The voices cease to exist now, the devil may one day leave and save her from this purgatory, but once something so trivial leaves, so will her sanity.
(P.S: I wrote this ages ago, basically millennials ago atp, but I had no motivation to post it or to make the record gif like I did last time which set the mood for the story, but for your guys' benefit I haven't proofread it bc I know I'll delay it again so I'll just post it as is so pls ignore any mistakes🤗)
Once again, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my work, and a like, comment or reblog would be sincerely appreciated!💗
Signing off - jiminslostjamsss🫡