[jimintendo]

i don't really know how to live if i am not perceived as beautiful. i hide my smile when i laugh, i don't let strangers look at my side profile for too long, i cover my face but arrange my features in a way i pray is appealing to the eye. i am constantly putting on a show for others in the hopes that maybe when they look at me, they won't think i'm ugly. it's an awful way to live, but it's the only way i know how

[jimintendo]

my best friend and i clasped our best friend necklaces on for each other. i just don’t see how putting a wedding ring on somebody else is supposed to compete.

[jimintendo]

why has the omegaverse society not invented a form of tampon for omega slick…….

[jimintendo]

my absolute favorite thing about the anime community is people always placing oikawa in the same bracket as the nastiest, most heinously diabolical villains to ever grace media like he’s not just some guy

[jimintendo]

sometimes im fine with myself and then i remember that my type of personality is just so hard to like and the people in my life who do like it will never like it as much as other peoples

[jimintendo]

when you’re hanging out with friends and then one of them walks in and you can physically feel just how happy everyone gets at seeing them and knowing that you will never be as loved as they are

[jimintendo]

my loneliness makes me feel stupid my awkwardness makes me feel stupid my rudeness makes me feel stupid my inabilities make me feel stupid my unlovable-ness makes me feel stupid i feel so fucking stupid all the time and im not sure what to do anymore

[jimintendo]

sitting with my friends while they talk about love and boys and experiences and normal things while i sit to the side and quietly burn with the feeling of embarrassment and stupidity and above all else, longing to relate and experience what they have

[jimintendo]

when i was a kid i used to wonder why adults always stared at me. even as a teenager, i constantly wondered why on earth i always caught the eye of some older stranger. what did they want? i get it now, at the age of 22, as i catch myself staring longingly at every instance of childlike innocence i see. i stare because i wish i could go back to that age, when colors seemed brighter and magic was real and my mom liked who i was. they stare because they miss what life was like at that age. i stare because i miss what life was like at that age.

[jimintendo]

sometimes i look at the top musicians or athletes or artists or actors and wonder what it must be like to be so good at something. how great it must feel to know you’re the best in world. it used to make me sad, but then i remember that i don’t need to be the best in the world, i just need to be the best for me. i eat when i’m hungry and i hang out with my friends when i’m bored and i pet my cat when i just want to. i’m the best at making me happy and i think that’s good enough.

[jimintendo]

life is hard until you find out a dress has pockets or the week old grapes are still firm or your friend can hang out earlier than planned and then all of a sudden life doesn’t seem so bad

[jimintendo]

i became happier when i accepted the fact that what brought me joy at 8 will continue to bring me joy when i’m 40 and that aging doesn’t mean i have to give up what makes my life worth living.

[jimintendo]

there’s a lot of things i wish i was. a good person is one of them.

[jimintendo]

to me, siblings more than parents are the definition of family. because with parents there’s that obligatory love, you are my child i created you you are mine. but with siblings, it’s love and understanding just as much as it is hate and rivalry. it’s you’ve known me before birth and you will know me after death and i’m really not sure what i would do without you.

[jimintendo]

my older brother talks about not knowing where he’ll live once he’s finished with school. he laughs when i tell him we should live in the same city. he doesn’t realize that if i could, if he would let me, i would live down the hall from him forever.

[jimintendo]

i’m not sure how i didn’t figure it out sooner. every movie, every book, every show, i would sit and watch or read and love it, and then my favorite character would start showing interest in someone. then they’d fall in love and that initial annoyance would spike. i’d think why’d the writers go and do that? and for every single form of media consumed i’d wonder why is it always about love? every single time. i’d look away during kissing scenes, feel uncomfortable when couples flirted with each other; i just never got it. i avoided romance movies, yet romance continued to be a main point in almost everything. everything. i couldn’t escape it and year after year after year i became more and more angry. why the hell couldn’t i relate to this? why didn’t i enjoy it? why do i still not enjoy it?

yet why do i wish i could? why would i give anything to be able to?

these movies and books had intricate plots and interesting storylines yet nothing compared to the love story in each. the main character could have to choose between saving the entire world or saving the person they love and they’d give up the world every single time. and that, that proof that romantic love is more important than anything else in the world, is like a slap in the face, because if you can’t experience love, if i can’t experience love, then what’s the fucking point?

[jimintendo]

i dont think ive ever seen worse ao3 tags than the ones under supernatural my god…