The Writer’s Enemy List: Are These People Sabotaging Your Writing Dreams? The Writer’s Enemy List: Are These People Sabotaging Your Writing Dreams? Groucho Marxists are definitely on the writer’s enemy list by Anne R. Allen It can be tough to be a writer at holiday time. Uncle Bob wants to know why you aren’t rich yet. Aunt Susie calls you antisocial because you insist on doing those rewrites for your editor instead of helping with her booth at the craft bazaar. Your high school friend calls you the “b” word because you don’t have time for a coffee at the old hangout. Maybe your book came out six months ago and somehow nobody you know has had time to read it. Or if they have, they’re furious they’re not in it. Or they think that awful alcoholic stepdad character is based on them. The truth is, some people in your old life may find your writing career threatening, and if you’re not emotionally prepared for their indifference–or even hostility–they can derail your project and undermine your self-esteem. In fact, prolonged exposure to negativity from the people around you can be hazardous to your health. CEO Elle Kaplan wrote on Medium in November: “Research has shown that even a small amount of negative brain activity can lead to a weakened immune system, making you more prone to illness, and even lead to a heart attack or a stroke.” Kaplan also said, “negativity compromises the effectiveness of the neurons in the hippocampus — an important area of the brain responsible for reasoning and memory.” Consciously or unconsciously, people on the “writer’s enemy list” can sabotage your writing, confidence, health, and well-being in dozens of subtle—or not-so-subtle—ways. Here are some non-supportive types to watch out for, and tips on how to deal with them: Groucho Marxists The Groucho Marxist manifesto is, to paraphrase the great Julius Henry Marx: “I do not care to read a book, story, or article by a person who would accept me as a friend.” Groucho Marxists are your family members and buddies who assume your work is terrible because it was written by somebody they know. I’m not talking about those helpful beta readers who comb through your unpublished manuscript looking for flaws to be fixed before you submit. These are folks who feel compelled to ridicule and belittle your work, whether they’ve read it or not. No amount of success will convince them you’re any good. A major magazine publishes your story. Groucho can’t be bothered to read it. But he’s always bringing you stories by other writers in your genre, “so you can see how a REAL writer does it.” That big call comes from your dream agent. Groucho will try to convince you she’s a scammer. Why would a real agent represent you? You sign with a publisher. Groucho says the company is about to go under: look how desperate they must be if they’d publish your book. Your indie book comes out to rave reviews. Groucho doesn’t have time to read it. But he has lots of time to find internet articles about how terrible self-published books are. Your book hits the USA Today bestseller list and you’re making a six figure income. Groucho will say “USA Today is hardly the New York Times. Too bad you don’t have a real publisher.” These people are highly competitive and feel your success will make you “better than them.” Remind them of their own skills and accomplishments. If that doesn’t work, the friendship may have to go on the back burner Projectors These are the people who claim to know you have less than noble motives for writing. This is usually because of their own less than noble motives for pretty much everything they do. You’re working on a memoir, so Ms. Projector claims you’re only writing it to get revenge on family members who have wronged you–even though you have a loving family that gets along fine. She, on the other hand, lists her #1 ambition as “dancing on my mother’s grave.” The minute you get an agent, Ms. Projector accuses you of forgetting your old friends now that you’re “rich.” She’s often said if she won the lottery she’d “blow this pop stand and move to Maui.” You write about a serial killer and he’ll claim this is the “real you.” If you’re in a critique group with him, he’ll always refer to the anti-hero protagonist as “you.” When you get that big contract, she’ll say the publishing company must be “crooked,” and if you self-publish, you’ll hear how Amazon is “corrupt.” She knows everybody in business is a crook. (Of course she left her last three jobs under mysterious circumstances…) If you’ve known the Projector long, you’ve probably observed he accuses pretty much everybody of the same terrible things. What Projectors really do with all those accusations is tell the world the dark stuff that’s in their own minds. People who see “corruption” in everybody and a “crooked” thief behind every smile are telling you who THEY are. Be grateful for the warning. They are usually exactly who they say they are. Believe them. Crazymakers Creativity guru Julia Cameron describes these people as “storm centers…long on problems but short on solutions.” They are the drama queens, emotional vampires, and control freaks who crave your full-time attention and can’t stand for you to focus on anything but their own dramas. Writers are magnets for these people because we tend to be good listeners. You tell your Crazymaker friend your writing schedule, but she’ll always “forget,” and show up at exactly the time your story is on a roll. She’ll draw you into a weepy tale of woe, saying you’re the “only one who understands.” Have a deadline for a difficult article? That’s the moment Crazymaker will stomp into your office and confess the affair he had four years ago when you were on a relationship break. Is your publisher waiting for a rewrite? That’s the week Mrs. Crazymaker calls to beg you to babysit her sick child because she can’t take off work. After all, she has a REAL job. Mr. Crazymaker may appear to be wildly supportive of your work, and express an eagerness to read your WIP—only to give entirely negative feedback. Only he can fix your book, which will take lots of time and direction only he can give. Crazymakers need to be center stage, 24/7. You will never be anything more than a generic audience member to them. Erect strict boundaries and only stick around as long as they entertain you. Dream Smashers These are the know-it-alls who specialize in discouragement. If you’re not published yet, they know tons of statistics showing the odds against getting successfully published. If you’re published, they’ll read your whole book and have nothing to say except that you have a typo on page two hundred. Turns out it’s not a typo, but it might be, if you were using UK spellings, which you should be doing, they say. Too bad your publishers are such morons. They’ll send links to articles with dire warnings about blindness, carpal tunnel syndrome and back injuries due to long sessions with the computer. And they have an unending supply of stories about suicide and depression in writers. They always “know” some rule that you’ve broken—probably mis-remembered from their 5th grade grammar class. Or they’ll criticize your premise in a way that’s also a personal attack: “nobody wants to read about women over 50/washed-up athletes/teens with disabilities.” They’ll find fault with anything in your work that doesn’t promote their own world view, and suggest the story would be much better if the hero were more like them. These folks have probably given up on their own dreams, and want you to do the same. Encourage them to find their own creative projects. Do you have any of these people in your life? It’s hard enough to live with the constant rejection we have to deal with in this industry. So when you’re attacked in your personal life, it can feel like a double-whammy. You need to erect strong boundaries and be fierce in defending them. But if you’re serious about your work, the people who really care about you will learn to treat your time and work with respect. The others will evaporate. Chances are you won’t miss them all that much. What about you, scriveners? Have you known anybody on the writer’s enemy list? How did you deal with them? Have you been able to turn someone like this around so they’d be more supportive?
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