I can reach the top shelf @jo-no-swag - Tumblr Blog

emily-barton‌:

Three tips you didn’t ask for from your local rich bitch, Emily Garcetti.

If you’re having any kind of party with enough people that you don’t want to cook for them, look no further than And Three, a brand new catering business opened up by my very own Domme, Marissa Holcomb. She will work with you to get the menu that you want, and deliver high quality food so it’s one less thing for you to worry about while you’re trying to have fun.

The New Eden Animal Shelter is now accepting applications for their reading program. Kids (or adults) can work on their reading and socialization skills by reading to dogs in their kennels. It helps to foster connection and give a purpose or something to the kids so they want to try harder. I dunno, some psychosocial babble or something like that.

You all should go visit Le’Desir. My big sister opened not that long ago, and I know this is something she’s been wanting to do for a while, and I want to see her successful. So drop some money on high quality sex toys, you heathens. You won’t regret it and your partner(s) won’t either.

I’m down with an animal shelter job. They prob let you bring your fur child to work, or at least they should because how cold would that be leaving your own child alone to hang out with other fur kids.

So you sis in the sex toy game huh? How much does that pay?

#dash:emily #all:emily

teganpratt‌:

What? No way, that’s awful! But if there’s anyone who knows the value of wanting to make sure your pets are fed, it’d be the animal shelter, right? They would be happy for the help too I bet.

I’d have def side eyed your whole life. I guess that makes sense. But also when people worry about you being able to care for your fur babies they want to take them a way. I saw this one video of this dude taking a homeless man’s dog to “save it” and it was awful. I will fight everyone over Mister. So if I do that I won’t tell them all my biz. I’ll probs check it out though I like hanging with strays. They get me, ‘cause Imma stray too

#all:tegan #dash:tegan

asherstrahl‌:

You’re somethin’ else, but I dig it. Uh– I don’t– I don’t, uh, think she’s my girl, no. I ain’t ever been one for that kinda thing.

I guess you’re not used to having dope ass partners, huh? Well now I don’t believe you, but I’ll pretend. It’s okay, I got no game for real for real, so you woulda had nothing to worry about anyhow. But don’t let that get out. What kinda thing? Being sweet on some pretty lady or dude? I mean, it’s def overrated. SO if you’re /really/ not into it that’s cool. But as soon as I see a spark I’m totes going to wing man you.

#all:asher #dash:asher

badass-genius

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teganpratt‌:

You should check out the animal shelter, see if they have any volunteer opportunities then. Maybe they’ll pay you in dog food, if that’s what you’re after, and you get to play with other dogs too.

At first I thought you were suggestin I appropriate my goods from an animal shelter instead of a store. I’m not that cold blooded. I mean Imma gangsta, yeah, but one with a heart of bronze. Volunteering at a shelter could be cool. I def would rather hang out with animals than people, but that also sounds like a lot of responsibility and a chance to fuck something important up... I’ll consider it. I’m keeping my limited option super open.

#all:tegan #dash:tegan

asherstrahl‌:

You’re somethin’ else, ain’t ya? You can start as soon as ya want to, really. We do the cleanin’ up mostly startin’ on Thursday nights and get Tuesday, Wednesday off. Weird hours, but good work. Kit? Yeah, she’s cute.

I like to think so. Dope, I do my best Wildin’ out on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I’ll be there thursday dark and late. Paying work equals good work to me, Home Skillet. Is that your potential boo, or should I wear my vomit repellent cologne? I mean since we’re partners and all, I’on wanna be like mackin on your girl.

#all:asher #dash:asher

maxceden‌:

You act more like a user.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure you don’t even know me well enough to know that, but whateve Bev. You’re def allowed to perceive shit however you want. But anyway, you need anything built or maybe like a logo for your drugs R US, hit me up

#all:max #dash:max

asherstrahl‌:

We got some gloves that help loads, if’n you wanna try them first. Oh, nah, nah– I’m not your boss. You’re my partner, really. And you ain’t gotta worry about them shoes or nothin’. That’s usually Kit’s job. She’s a real sweetheart, helps make the food late when she’s workin’.

I’ll take the gloves too, yo. I’ve never had a partner for nothin in my life, and in one night I get 1 and maybe a second,... is some planet retrospecting or something? A’ight pahtnah, I got a couple more questions? When do I I start? And is this sweetheart Kit person cute?

#all:asher #dash:asher

asherstrahl‌:

Sounds like you’re a good match, then– it’s just cleaning up some sweat, some vomit, shit like that. People get real nasty when they think no one cares ‘bout what they do. Even some blood sometimes, cause of the drunken idiots.

Nah, not a murderer. Just need some help gettin’ my work done at the alley.

Guess I’m going to have to appropriate a hazmat suit for this job. Good thing its a night gig, so no one will see me. Yeah people generally suck balls, so it is what it is. So you my boss then? When is it a good time to talk about unionizing?

Good life decision. Kudos. What about the shoes? I’ll clean vomit but no stinky bowling shoes.

#//she showing up in her ghostbuster overalls #all:asher #dash:asher

maliafahey‌:

So listen. I’ve got a lil’ bit of a proposal here for ya. What if you split the job with me? Whatever it is, we can tackle it together as a whole ass duo.

What job we splittin? You got some insider information? I could maybe do this duo thing, you’re not terrible company. But like partners, no bosses. I’m kind of over being bossed around at the moment, by you know, people who aren’t paying me. But yeah I could be down.

#dash:malia #all:malia

maxceden‌:

Sell drugs.

Yeah, I’m more of a runner.

#all:max #dash:max

teganpratt‌:

You should look on Craiglist and stuff. I bet there are a ton of people who need help moving or people for quick odd jobs.

That’s a good idea. I means my guns are impressive and intimidating so I could probably move shit no problem. I think the places with the best dog food are starting to catch on to my hustle so I gotta switch it up and start paying sometimes, and that means having money to pay with.

#all:tegan #dash:tegan

asherstrahl‌:

You know I think I might could use some help cleaning up after a busy night– I usually do it all by myself. Ain’t gonna be a lot of money, but decent enough. Plus the bowling alley owner don’t mind if you get some shit from concessions after hours, so long as you put some tips down for the mornin’ crew.

I’m nott really commanding the big bucks, ya feel me. Money’s money. I’m pretty good at fixing broken shit too, so if there’s something that needs repairs I can do that too. I could take down some concession food. I’m never not hungry, so.

You’re not a murderer though, right? I mean do you, but I’m good with you know being alive right now. Plus I have a child to raise.

#all:asher #dash:asher

Hey yo, ya girl really needs to some work. In need of a handyman? Little brat’s party artist? Want something built? BTW I don’t do plumbing, y’all nasty. But other than that, Holla at me.