jo bettina @joebeeteana - Tumblr Blog

250621

i still see you in my dreams every now and then. i used to dwell on it that it consumed me for the whole day. but it happened so many times now, that it doesn’t shock me anymore. Though i still wonder why it occurs.

believe me when i say that i rewired my brain into thinking that we never happened and it was all nothing.

it was my way of coping from the excruciating pain i felt when we parted

#breakup

Lord ang hiling ko lang po ngayong birthday ko ay makagraduate ako as BSA sa July 2024.

Come back to me yud

Still you

If only i knew that it was our last dinner, I should've ignored my mother's call and stay there for a little more.

If only i knew that it would be the last time that i will see you sleep, I should've looked at your peaceful face and memorized every part of your face.

If only i knew that it was our last hug, i didn't let go of your warm embrace and just stay there forever.

If only i knew that it was our last kiss, i should've memorized the traces of your lips and remember what it feels like to tastes your lips.

I prayed ro God to strengthen my love for you

Now, I'm praying that He help me heal from the emotional traumas you gave

the-inspiring-quotes

Moments became memories and people became lessons. That’s life.

Fiestas were the moments I spent with you

Experiencing it this year were kinda unfamiliar

Same event, same place, different experience

You asked me before if I ever cried because of you

Back when you were doubting my feelings if i ever loved you

Now, if you ask me the same question once again

I'd probably lose track trying to count the times I've cried myself because of you

If only you knew how much I've been dying to talk to you

But I don't want to boost your pride

So ima keep it to myself

I wanna beg the universe to stop reminding me of you.

But then I wanna beg you to comeback.

I want you back.

It pains me to admit this after all these years. But this is what my hearts been screaming.

I want to suppress this feeling and just hide it forever. But I guess emotions can't be kept forever.

I wonder how you've been lately.

I know i shouldn't be feeling this way, for we've lost connection for years.

But for once, I wanna be honest to myself.

I truly miss you.

There are days that I don't think about you. But on some days, I get relapse.

I remember what we were before all things fell apart.

I still question the universe why it happened.

Why things turned out that way.

Why we have to break each other's hearts.

But then again, I just wanna ask how have you been? Have you been drinking again? Are you smoking again? How many stick have you finished today? Do you sleep well at night?

Gosh! I just want to talk to you so bad. So bad that it pains me. For not doing so. I tried once. But I don't think you want to talk to me. But it's fine. Somehow, I'm grateful you didn't answer my call. Because maybe, if you did, all these wall I've built for months will simply break with just your voice.

God I loved you so much. So hard that up until now it aches my heart. Everything hurts me still.

things has been draining lately. I'm so anxious if am i gonna pass this sem or I'll just drop some of my courses because I have a grade to retain. But my midterm qpa's were almost all D's. Everyday I'm getting anxious and anxious. Especially now that we're struggling financially, I don't want to retake some courses because it will be an additional expenses to my parents. And i will be delayed if that happened.

I don't know if my younger self is proud of me. But hey, I've come so far. I'm a third year accountancy student already. Did you know tina, that before, you were really anxious if on your third year in college you're still in accountancy. But you made it. You passed the quali. And you're so close to you dream degree.

If my younger self would talk to the 20 years old me i think she'd be so proud of me. I'm so proud of you Ting. Kaharayo na nimo. We used to be anxious of these. We were clueless kun nano imo ittake sa college. Pabalyo balyo imo pinsar sadto. You wanted to take up degree na sunod sa yapak semo mga bugto because you wanted the same validation. Because they are now successful. But now you finally found your path. Slowly, you'll get there. Stop worrying because God know what He's doing. And He's guiding you to the path He's prepared for you. Just trust God and the universe.

Anxiety hits harder at night. I'm afraid that if f2f came, i will have no friend to spend my vacant. Grrr and it makes me super sad and anxious and I couldn't sleep just by the thought of it.

i regret being disrespectful towards my sister. Knowing that she'll never do that to me infront of her friends.

No matter what I do, this is still a mistake. My bloodline, my family, my relationship is at stake if I keep doing this.

I want more. But if by means of more, I will be committing a huge mistake that could affect not only our relationship, but my relationship to my family as well I should stop this madness.

I should swallow the fact that it will never gonna.

There's more than 100% chance that it's a failure, for it is a mistake.

I will end it tomorrow.

It makes me sad tho. And question why the fck do we need to be relatives and have that kind of feelings to each other?

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

jo bettina