Joseph @joebuehrer - Tumblr Blog

reference 👉 https://www.deviantart.com/friesellfly/art/Beauty-lines-790628974

Beauty lines by FriesellFly on DeviantArt

Fox portrait value study

#digital art #painting #fox #digitalillustration #furry #value study #digital painting

20 minutes into “Star Trek and Chill” and he gives you this look. What you do? 👀

#digital art #furry #anthro #digitalillustration #anthropomorphic #painting #digital painting #fox #vulpine #purple #star trek #deep space 9 #star trek ds9 #ds9

Sometimes I wonder…

Warning: another vent post

I spent 9 years in higher education getting three degrees I barely even use. 9 years of my time and my parents’ money wasted. I’ve only managed to get two jobs that were related to what I was studying after school and in total both of them only lasted me less than two years. With nothing to fall back on I ended up back in retail, working full time as a salesman selling computer hardware to people who barely know how to use it. I’ve been doing that now for almost three years and because I work full time and I rely on my job for my health insurance and I can’t just quit or take a break, I’m barely able to work on art and build my portfolio to apply for jobs that I would truly be happy in. And the devastating thing is I know the longer I wait, the harder it’s going to be for me to get that type of job. I’m already 32 years old. I’ll be 33 in a couple months. With only two jobs under my belt that are barely related to the type of work I want to be doing, I fear this is just going to be the rest of my life. Honestly, sometimes I wonder… why I just don’t blow my brains out. The idea becomes more attractive every day.

I’m not okay. (Vent Post)

I haven’t been doing too good lately. Im not happy with myself or where I am in my life. I feel so utterly worthless and just unable to contribute anything of value to anyone. Thoughts of suicide have been plaguing me. Before it was just a quick way to sort of make myself feel better. Like “haha wouldn’t that be something? No more pain. No more anxiety. No more hating myself.” But now it’s gotten to the point where I’ve started planning out how I’d do it. What would be the quickest least painful way. How I would present myself so as not to completely traumatize my loved ones when they found my body. I’ve started formulating suicide notes in my head. It’s bad and I can’t let this continue. I’ve bitten the bullet and called a psychologist. Hoping to schedule something soon.

Im not writing this to get attention or empathy. Honestly the reason I’m writing it here is because I have next to no followers on tumble so I know next to no one will read this. But I wanted to get it out in some form because holding it in isn’t healthy either. At least here it’s out in the open and there’s almost no chance anyone I know personally will read it.

Just needed to vent.