I'm gonna put this here because almost no one I know knows about this blog.
I'm so tired of living. People always say that suicide is selfish and that "you're taking the easy way out." But isn't it selfish in itself to keep someone around because you don't want to lose them? They're suffering, and they hate being alive, but they should keep going because it's what you want? Bullshit. "You're taking the easy way out." No shit I'm taking the easy way out. Why the fuck would I want to keep suffering here in this hell?!?!
I told my friend yesterday that I'm going to kill myself one day and she said you can't do that, because I love you. Well, so does my wife, but you don't see that stopping me. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. Does it mean I'm not sorry? I've never stopped being sorry. Every time I make a new friend or have someone who cares about me, I want to apologize to them because I know I'm going to end up hurting them by doing this.
But it doesn't make the truth any less real. I don't want to be here. I never have. The one truth that I know is that everyone gets hurt. You get hurt with loving someone, you get hurt hating others, your actions, and feelings will end up hurting yourself or someone else at some point. By doing this, it makes it so I only hurt a few people one last time. That hurt may last a while. It may last forever. But if I stay, I just keep hurting myself, which ironically will continue to hurt those who care about me. But I'm just so tired of it all.
I'll keep going as long as I can, but I know one day it will happen. So if you do know me and you see this. I guess I apologize in advance. I also ask that you don't approach me about this, as I have made my peace with it. Thank you for the memories, both good and bad. I'm sorry
