Love God, Love others.

Be Happy. Respect, Creativity, Patience, Purpose.

[johnnyseng]

remember who you are

reading back to my own blog posts really makes me wonder what has happened during the recent course of my life. what changed. why do I feel ill-willed. and it’s all about my relationship with God.

In 2019, I went on my own little path of understanding. Not too far from God’s guidance. But I was curious to take life under my own direction. But the longer I spent not being around God-centered people, my mind not focusing on the love and wisdom of God, my whole character has collapsed. 

The truthful version of me died. And now I am realizing this and want to turn my boat around. Sailing back to the direction where I see myself going to church every week. Loving God better. Loving myself better. and Loving others better in the future and so forth. 

This is where my family is. This is where my wife is. This is where my heart is.

I need to come back home. I need to be devoted to God again. I need to ask him. I need to listen. I need to simply obey his direction. 

[johnnyseng]

whale whale whale

looking back to this old tumblr account of mine, I can finally laugh about how I am so easily infatuated by the opposite sex. it’s a curse really.

but I guess that means that I am at a good point of my life. Where I am self aware and also at a place where I am not taking my past so seriously. 

times are strange. it’s peaceful, yet stressful. I’m coming to age where I understand that everything now is my own responsibility. My emotions, my health, my faith, my finances, my love life. For so long, I’ve always thought that fish would swim up into my pond if I had enough patience. I told myself false beliefs, stories that were implanted in my head by my own accord to keep everything happy and comfortable.

But this year has a different feel to it, right off the bat. My values have changed, and with that, my way of thinking. My circle of friends are changing, again, and again, a deep but distant area of my heart mourns as that part of my identity gets shed into another written chapter within my on going book.

I’m going to be honest, it’s scary not knowing how my story will unfold. At this point, the despair that I see in the world. When the people in my life, whom I love, are suffering. I feel that pain too. It makes me feel so small for not being able to provide for them.

I’ve come to realize that depression is real. I know I need to eat better meals, and get my body moving. I know the solution. My problem is just doing it. Having discipline to do it. 

You’re smart John. Make your body match your mind. Your body is a slave to your mind. 

sorry that my brain is so scattered. this is the first post after being heavily intoxicated by social media. hoping if I do these long enough, maybe I can write something more cohesive (and less about simping over some chick).

[johnnyseng]

In love again. But this time it’s different.

I’ve fallen for someone again. But this love is.. different. My feelings are so deep and strong that I can’t think for it to be possible for her to feel the same for me. Yet we both know that our personalities and energy match so beautifully. I love this girl in every way. She’s simple and appreciates the small things in life. Ollie loves her, which makes me really happy too. She’s made me learn to cast away my exceptions, which I tend to do all the time because I find myself living inside my head, and to enjoy what we have today. I’ve learned how to truly love someone for who they are. Though she’s not perfect and our zodiacs are the complete opposite. I am deeply attracted to her in so many ways. It’s scary, honestly.

[johnnyseng]

Change

This year has been interesting. 

I’ve promised myself that I was going to change a lot about myself this year.

Regarding the balance of my nutrition, exercise, way of thinking, love life, career choices, giving up drugs? Anything. I was and am sick of being stagnant. Fear that I will be left behind as everyone is taking up full time jobs, choosing their benefit plans, etc.

And tbh, it’s really difficult seeing others succeed while I’m still doing the same thing at Dog Days. I am truly happy for them for their financial success, but I know that a part of me think that’s just wrong. Wrong for me atleast. 

I know God chose this path for me. My own path to my own success. But my patience is dwindling and I’m sitting and waiting. For something.

----

I am pretty happy that I have a great work, life balance. There are several times where I think about the availability I have for my friends, and especially when they come to me for help. and for my my family, when they choose to visit. I sincerely value my time. My time to share as a human being and to develop happy, healthy relationships. It’s something that I know not a lot of people will have down the road.

I am happy that I’m finally getting into a rhythm and routine of cooking and eating healthy. Learning and listening to my body and its needs. However, I feel like I could still cut back on the drugs because that’s just disrespecting my body and, in sense, my spiritual soul.

2017 is a path for change. A change in my career. I’ve adopted all these micro ideas that tells my intuition to try my hardest to follow my dreams. My dream of my camera. My dream of my car to travel and camp throughout this short-living, yet still-beautiful country and world. My dream of moving to Oregon. My dream of bringing and raising my family and dogs there.

Although my bank account doesn’t show for it yet. 2017 has been, at least, a change of mindset. Big time. and 2018 is the money making year. And it make sense on my timeline. 

----

I wish I was as spiritually in tuned as I was last year, but someone told me that my faith will fluctuate like that. Like all things in life. Some years you will be strong, some years you will fall. But what matters most, is that you remain strong, and maintain the hope to get yourself up again to continue God’s plan for you.

I trust God’s plan of me. I could use more patience right about now. But then there are times like these, where I wake up 5am in the morning and cry. Cry not necessarily out of sadness, but because of how beautiful He made me to be. Every part, mind, body, and soul of me. Of how he made each and every one of us, the context and circumstances of our experiences paired with the exact mix of genes from our parents to create the beautiful human being you stand to be today. At the time that you are reading this, you are purposely made to serve this world. It may take more time for others to realize this, but once they do. You can’t help but change your perspective. The great perspective of your life. And once you have that perspective, God’s true and beautiful vision and version of you. You become responsible to set that into motion. And that motion is a beautiful roller coaster. A roller coaster of emotions, relationships, rhythm and flow, connection, life, freedom, and beauty. I ultimately wish this upon every person I meet in life. What a wonderful world that could be. A world full of creativity, love, intellect, giving, fancy, diversity, and spiritual enlightenment.

[johnnyseng]

Anais! 🐶 (at Montpellier, France)

[johnnyseng]

People I need to spend more time with 💙

Santi Hugh Christine Tien Santana Danny Steven Richard Rachelle

Ideas: camping (big sur, beach camping near SD, Yosemite or national parks). Slack lining. Bean bag toss. San Francisco trip. PNW trip. Hawaii trip.

[johnnyseng]

My Personal Formula

Talking with God Espresso and water rinse (1 hour) Reading Scripture Showering and brushing teeth Work out (bike, run, lift, sport: surf, rock, badminton, boxing) Video edits Meditation with gems Go fishing and learn to be patient. Holidays: surf, snow, rock, slack lining. Balance your body. Express your mind. Connect with God and his creation. All with the time you have.

[johnnyseng]

Europe

This trip has been a life changer for sure. It's changed my values. My heart has been tossed around. I've gotten to understand my body and mind. It has changed my perspective on this world with its people and their many cultures. I'm understanding myself day by day. Being so far away from home, you have no choice but to deal with your self and the thoughts that have been stowed in the back of your mind. I've been questioning my life. About what really matters when I come back. And these are the thoughts and actions I wish to persue when I return back home. I only hope I don't get lazy about them once I'm with Ollie. //Health & Sports Running. Biking. Rock climbing. Weight lifting. Calisthetics. Badminton. Boxing. Check ups with shaking and low bp. Cooking and eating greens daily. //Service & Charity Rock Kids. Production and finding mentors. Dog Days Video. //Family Spending more time with Mom and Dad. Richard. //Learning Lao Self explanatory. //Fulfill Self Projects Dog Days Website. Videos: Improve editing skills by setting time for new projects that require new techniques. //Next Financial Needs Pay off Europe. Research and save up for dslr/mirrorless camera. //Studying Scripture Use a notebook. Read it through once. Then talk with God behind specific meanings. Questions. And speak with life group. The church. There is no more room for drugs. Only a straight path to righteousness with God, our father. Okay, just kidding. There may be room for an espresso machine at the house.

[johnnyseng]

2016

This is the year for growth. Exciting plans coming to fruition. Embracing new friends and new cultures. New perspectives and new challenges. 

I love my new role at dog days. It fits me well and it allows me to show how much of my heart I have for the company, its people and the dogs. I have great ideas and plans for dog days. Opportunities that I hope God can bless us with towards our goals and dream to the northwest.

Being back in part time gives me a liberating feeling of freedom. I love how i can manage my own schedule, but this also means that i will need more self-discipline more than ever. This job and dating in general has really given me a wake up call. Now, more than ever, is the time that I need to focus on taking care of myself. Stop smoking weed. And just fucking get shit done. Day after day.

I cannot wait to travel to France this summer. We just bought our plane tickets. So it’s really happening.. In the mean time, I’ll be checking out Mexico and Lightning in the Bottle this year. I can’t complain about anything.

God, I thank you.

[johnnyseng]

2015

It took me a whole year to finally realize that I’m single again. I never really fully understood this feeling until now. I guess it’s a new and universal feeling coming into the society of adults. 

Looking back, this was never a problem. But I guess we were pretty social back then. Now that we’re adults and have all grown up. We do this ritual called dating. It’s very new for me and quite, frankly.. It’s been awkward as fuck. I’m starting to get used to rejection. And I’m finally understanding what I need to do to get back to my single, selfish self:

- Take care of myself first. Find a routine to live on a healthy & fit diet, cheaply.

- I need to spend a bit more for clothes, accessories, and might need a new car.

- Just do it and don’t give a fuck. Stop being a little bitch.

[johnnyseng]

Five Life Principles.

1. Own your own happiness. You can’t depend on others for it.

2. Challenge your own story. change your perspective. you write your own story.

3. Enjoy the journey, not the destination.

4. Make relationships count. First with God, then with others. This is the only way we bring fruit. Nature shows us that you cannot bear fruit alone.

5.  Balance work with play. This is the key to success.

NTS: Children; its what you leave in them that’s most important, not what you leave to them. 

[johnnyseng]

Only with God.

I’ve learned so much about myself this past year. I’ve gotten hit with depression, addiction, and loneliness. All in subtle forms. I depended on marijuana and thought myself as anti-social, where I felt like I needed to be high just to interact normally with others.

These have been the lies that I’ve been tricked into by the devil. And for that time, I never knew. I really believed I couldn’t find those who could accept me. I felt isolated. Or atleast, set apart from the rest of the world. In this sense, I felt myself distancing myself away from God. Thinking I can handle fixing my “problem” on my own. I became more and more dependent on weed and, in sense, following what the devil wanted me to do. So I played on his turf.

Today I finally got the chance to go to church for the first time in over a month.. It’s been such a long time. I’m so happy to say that I could feel God bringing me back to alignment with him. Through worship, I felt his healing. A healing I took for granted when I was doing good in his eyes in the past.

I felt so lost prior to today. So lost and disconnected with Him and with his family. I felt so ashamed in front of his eyes that I knew I would feel worse if I was there with my life group in our weekly meet ups. I didn’t even serve for toys for joy even though I knew I would love being a part of such an amazing event.

Going back to church today and seeing my church fam again was quick, but very rejoicing. I knew God was happy that I was there, and I’m glad to say that this fast from all things bad. Weed and pornography. Is the first of many steps to get back on track with him. 

I just need to remember what he told me today:

Love and honor my family.

Live my life to its fullest.

Listen and respect Jesus, the lord, our God.

[johnnyseng]

The only way to heal pain is to feel it. The only way to overcome hurt is to be able to talk and even laugh about it. The only way to get past loss is to live with it and move on despite it.

[johnnyseng]

back on the market

[johnnyseng]

I’m scared to trust Him with my life, needing to learn to let go.

[johnnyseng]

I don’t know if this is God’s plan for my life or my own selfish ambitions. But I want it.

eventually.. I would like to move to Oregon. But I know I’d have to earn to live there. My dad wants to move there and finally make his dream come true by buying a 2 story house of his own. or quite possibly, our own. It’s a dream that will rekindle the family story we never had when I was growing up. I never would have thought, but my perspective on my mother and father has changed since I am coming more to age. 

Coming from my teenage years, I had animosity towards him. For not caring enough, or not really being there. or just not providing that father figure I needed. 

But now I’ve come to realize how humble and great of a person he is. And I want to pay him back for staying around us all this time. And having patience with my mother. This dream that he showed me really just makes me yearn to become successful and stable sooner more than ever. 

[johnnyseng]

lately i’ve been thinking about you. about what we had. after more than a year, i’m trying to piece together why we didn’t work out. a lot of it had to do with myself. i wanted to find myself again. and i did. and for that, i don’t regret the decision i made to leave.

now the thought of us is in the past, a great and unforgettable memory. it was definitely my first real relationship. my first real taste of love. it’s definitely bittersweet looking back to our pictures and ollie. thinking about what we could have been if we did this or that. i understand that no relationship is perfect, but it feels like a should’ve, could’ve, would’ve ending to something that was so great and wonderful. 

what we’ve been through was a lot, especially for you. i hope you are doing well and i hope God continues to bless as we journey our own separate paths in life.

hello, goodbye. thanks for visiting.