Thanksgiving
John: I fucking love pecan pie
M/n: ehh, I don’t like nuts
John: that’s not what you were saying last night


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almost home
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@johnwickxmalereader
Thanksgiving
John: I fucking love pecan pie
M/n: ehh, I don’t like nuts
John: that’s not what you were saying last night

Unfair
M/n: why are gay guys so extra? Like, you’re a man, you don’t have to impress women
John: but you’re... we... we’re gay???
M/n: yeah and I wanna dress like garbage but now I have to be extra
Almost flirting
You: am I a bad boy~
John: well yeah, you’ve been very bad
You: really? How bad~
John: you’ve been a complete nightmare if I’m being honest
Going to his house for the first time
You: wow your house is really- are those knives
John: they’re decorative
You: bro they’re knives, hell yeah they are
You walking in the basement: ... John how many dog are you fostering?
John: uhh, f-five
You: then why are they twenty dogs in the basement with better beds and food than we have
M/n: hey john you coming?
John: yeah hold on I’m putting dog in a sweater that says BLM
M/n: nice
John: all right, it’s time for some fucking justice
M/n: fuck yeah!
You: hey our foods here!
John: oh cool did you remember my- why is there so much food
You: I’m stress eating
John: can you eat all of that???
You: nope
John: can I have some
You while eating: nope
You: John... would you love me if I was a worm
John: ...
John: maybe if I was a worm too idk
You crying in the corner: you were supposed to say no
0ver 200 followers
NIcE
Reflecting on the past
M/n: ever since our first fight I’ve haven’t been able to think straight
John yelling from 6 feet away: ... that’s because you’re gay
Passing time
You: John, what are you doing?
John: I’m taking dog on a walk
You: but hasn’t he been on a walk twice today
John:
You:
John: this is actually the tenth time I’m taking him out
You: corona is going to kill dog
John walking out the door with dog: it is what it is
Corona time
John: so looks like we’ll be inside the house for awhile-
You with a insanely large amount of toilet paper: what
John: how many
You: not enough
Texting
John: hey honey~
You: yes
John: can you send me some dudes
You: do you mean nudes?
John: no dudes, I’m getting my ass beat and I need backup
Plants
John: FIVE MONTHS
You: John calm down
John: YOU LET ME WATER A FAKE PLANT FOR FIVE MONTHS
You cry laughing on the floor: John please
I don’t know I’m tired
John with a paper basket on his head chillin: hey m/n
You: hey john, have you seen my little paper basket?
John:
You:
John: look me in the eyes and ask again
You: hey john have you seen-
Usually at 3am
You walking in the bathroom at 3am needing to pee: *flips light switch*
You: what the
You: JOHN! Why are their bloody weapons in the bathroom
John: what bloody weapons
You: (╯- ͜ʖ-)╯︵ ┻. bitch
Forgetting Valentine’s Day
John: M/N GET IN THE CAR
You: why
John: LATE VALENTINES DAY DATE TIME, COME ON WE HAVE RESERVATIONS
You: it’s February?????
John: M/N WE HAVE RESERVATIONS
You: what about dog
John: HES OUR WAITER
You: WHEN DID WE GET TO THE RESTAURANT
John: happy Valentine’s Day
You: wtf