Also sorry for not posting in forever and the fact that this just slowly gets worse xd
My dad installed parental controls and turned on exclude all non allowed sites
including tumblr :(((
but I managed to disable it >:D
Johnathan: The Nice Relative
He's the one who hosts the parties because the rest of them aren't willing to have their houses absolutely fucking destroyed
No matter what happens, he smiles and laughs as the rest of the family runs around the mansion, accidentally destroying multiple very expensive things in the process.
As a conversationist, he's very nice to everyone, and always listens to anybody and pretends to not be offended at all.
"Oh! No, it's fine, Its an easy repair!" *Meanwhile in the background, curtains are ripped off, the windows are broken, the rug is on fire, the kitchen table has a leg missing*
oh yeah did I mention he does all of this shit himself
Joseph: The Extremely Strange Relative
Oh boy, this man has seen some shit!
He will always tell tales of his grand escapades at the dinner table, about the time he met a human bubble dispenser, partnered up with *GERMAN SOLDIER*s, found out that his extremely hot mentor was actually his mom which made the entire thing where he looked through the keyhole extremely awkward and fought the three Aztec gods of fitness and their one child whose names happen to be eerily close to names of rock bands.
He then has to fight off everyone else saying that his stories are fake, despite the evidence that proves it.
By the way, all of this actually happened.
"OH WOE IS ME, Y/N!! NOBODY BELIEVES ME WHEN I SAY THAT I SLAPPED THE BAND CARS INTO SPACE WITH MY SEVERED ARM!!!!"
Jotaro: The Quiet Relative
He just sits in a corner and doesn't talk at all.
If someone comes up to him, he just answers their query in an extremely blunt fashion and stops all eye contact.
"Yes Y/N, starfish can walk. Now go away."
Josuke: The Offensive Relative
He keeps cracking adult jokes like he does to his friends.
He also has very controversial opinions, both serious and non-serious.
e.g. Aliens are real (Mikitaka lmao), pineapple belongs on pizza, etc...
As much as you want to laugh at all his jokes and tell him how funny he is, you have to pretend to be disgusted because everyone else is, pepe the frog sadge moment...
"I’VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! DIO'S A BITCHASS MOTHERFUCKER! HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING GREAT GREAT GRANDPA! (Johnathan I think) THAT’S RIGHT, HE TOOK HIS NONEXISTENT SPIKY DICK OUT, AND HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING GREAT GREAT GRANDPA! AND HE SAID THAT HIS DICK WAS “sO pOwErFuL” AND I SAID “THAT’S DISGUSTING!” SO I’M MAKING A CALLOUT POST ON MY TWITTER.COM! DIO, YOU GOT A SMALL DICK! IT’S THE SIZE OF STEELY DAN'S STAND, EXCEPT WAY SMALLER! AND GUESS WHAT?! HERE’S WHAT REAL DICK POWER LOOKS LIKE!"
He then proceeds to destroy the entire house and then fix it, before breaking it again.
Giorno: The Talented Relative
Giorno is a man of many talents. Literally.
As the kid of DIO, he was encouraged to be extra special by his biological father after being taken out of his abusive household.
On top of run the biggest mafia family in Italy, he can play the piano and violin, draw realistic stuff far better than the most talented people on Fiverr, cook extremely high-quality food, and negotiate his way out of basically anything thrown at him.
Oh yeah, and let's not forget the infamous SHOVE YOUR EAR INSIDE YOUR FUCKING EAR CANAL-
Although he is talented, he is still super well rounded, and whenever someone complements him, he always tries to downplay his own talent and pulls the uno reverse card and complements their talents.
Overall, super chill, very nice.
"Oh no, what you just witnessed was something that rarely happens, usually I'm way worse than that..."
Jolyne: The Cool Relative
Man, she is C O O L
You look up to her for her high levels of S W A G, something about all that confidence and badass energy oozing out of her like the disappointment of the Hollow Knight community when Silksong is delayed for the 69420th time. (Haha obscure joke)
The fact that she's a basically a vigilante hero just adds to that.
Also gives good but also bad advice about life in general, and helps you with a lot of things.
Yeah not much to say lmao
"You see Y/N, when someone insults you or your parental figures, don't try to negotiate peacefully. Instead, the REAL way to deal with those kinds of people, is to BEAT THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT THEM-"
Johnny: The Relative Who Lives In The Middle of Nowhere
Bro really lives in the middle of nowhere
As in a farm somewhere in the wheat fields of the midwestern US
He usually doesn't show up half the time, mostly because something weird happened along the way.
"I would ride my tractor here, but apparently I can't do that..."
Jo2uke: I COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING FOR HIM IM SORRY-
Melone: *Starts playing piano* Welcome to the internet! Have a look around, anything that brain of yours can think of can be found. We've got mountains of content, some better, some worse, if none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first...
Illuso: *Stuff starts coming out of a mirror* Welcome to the internet! Come and take a seat, would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet? There's no need to panic; this isn't a test, haha, just nod or shake your head, and we'll do the rest! *disappears*
Formaggio: Welcome to the internet! Come and take a seat
Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet?
There's no need to panic; this isn't a test, haha
Just nod or shake your head, and we'll do the rest.
Prosciutto: Welcome to the internet. Hold on to your socks
'Cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock.
They are grainy and off-putting; he just sent you more.
Don't act surprised, you know you like it, you whore.
Pesci: See a man beheaded, get offended, see a shrink.
Ghiaccio: Show us pictures of your children, tell us every thought you think!
Sorbet and Gelato: *In alternation* Start a rumor, buy a broom, or send a death threat to a boomer
Or DM a girl and groom her, do a Zoom or find a tumor in your—
Narancia: Here's a healthy breakfast option, you should kill your mom!
Fugo: Here's why women never fuck you; here's how you can build a bomb!
Risotto: When did they get here-
Trish: Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz!
Giorno, Bruno, Abbachio: *in unison* OBAMA SENT THE IMMIGRANTS TO VACCINATE YOUR KIDS!
Diavolo, hearing this for the 984th time:
Welcome to the internet! Have a look around.
Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found.
We've got mountains of content, some better, some worse.
If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first!
Welcome to the internet! Come and take a seat.
Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet?
There's no need to panic; this isn't a test, haha!
Just nod or shake your head, and we'll do the rest!
Welcome to thе internet! What would you prefеr?
Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur?
Be happy! Be horny! Be bursting with rage!
We've got a million different ways to engage!
Welcome to the internet! Put your cares aside~
Here's a tip for straining pasta; here's a nine-year-old who died!
We've got movies and doctors and fantasy sports!
And a bunch of colored-pencil drawings of all the different characters in Harry Potter fucking each other-
Welcome to the internet! Hold on to your socks!
'Cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock!
They are grainy and off-putting; he just sent you more!
Don't act surprised, you know you like it, you whore!
See a man beheaded, get offended, see a shrink!
Show us pictures of your children, tell us every thought you think!
Start a rumor, buy a broom, or send a death threat to a boomer!
Or DM a girl and groom her, do a Zoom or find a tumor in your—
Here's a healthy breakfast option, you should kill your mom!
Here's why women never fuck you; here's how you can build a bomb!
Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz!
Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids!
Everyone else: HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL ALIVE BOSS
Kira: So, how were you defeated? I was crushed by an ambulance...
Kars: I got thrown into space and turned into a rock.
Dio: I accidentally kicked my enemy too hard and my entire body split open! How dare they be stronger than me!
Tooru: Some Karen gave her son's disease to me at the Morioh wall eyes, I literally crumbled away...
Valentine: Some dumbass horse jockey rotated me so fast that I literally became an old man and died of Parkinson's
Pucci: I was gonna win, but then some brat punched me super hard and I died.
Diavolo: My adversary who was trying to take my position sent me into an infinite loop of deaths using his stand. Good thing I finally get to stop the loop caused by that motherfucker, Giorno Giovanna, such a little asshole-
Dio: *cocks gun* WELL IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GONNA DIE AGAIN FUCKER!
Stand Type: Automatic (At long range) Close Range (At close range)
Power: D (Auto mode) B (Commanded mode)
Speed: B
Range: A
Stamina: B
Precision: D
Potential: A
Stand Ability: When someone with true evil intent* is within the vicinity, the stand will manifest near them as 1-5 vehicles that charge at the enemy and attempt to run them over. The people inside and the equipment are also manifested for a short period of time, even though it barely does anything at all. If the "evil" person gets within detection range of Hayato, the vehicles will transform into transformer-like humanoids that Hayato can command at will.
*By true evil intent, I mean someone with true intention to kill or cause suffering for no good reason. For example, the stand would attack Kira because he literally set up a time loop to keep his identity secret, but not Jotaro, who almost killed Kira because Kira was evil and Jotaro simply was trying to stop him.
