escapism
vergil x reader | angst; sensitive topics explored.
no smut, no fluff. this is a therapy session.
trigger warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts, dark thoughts, mentions of wanting to unalive, derealization, vergil is kinda healed here?, therapist!vergil (/j), dante would laugh at this if he knew
i mainly wrote this for myself. is vergil accurate here? depends on how you see him, i guess. the idea of this could probably work with any character, because the point of the fic doesn't rely mainly on him, if you know what i mean. i hope this finds whoever was meant to read it. you're not alone! <3
art by @seyyy_12345 on x
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consumed. that's exactly how i would describe how i was feeling in that moment. in my many attempts to try and keep my life and myself together, i had never anticipated that i would be able to drop lower than the lowest point i'd ever been at. it was like someone had held me up over the edge of nothingness and dropped me until i reached the basement of rock bottom.
i was overwhelmed with emotions, crawling on my skin like ants that wanted to suck all of my desire for life away. i was hurt by wounds whose knives i couldn't pull out and whose purpetraitors i didn't know. i was exhausted from the constant struggle with something i couldn't see.
deep down though, i knew that this fight would last forever. i had already been fighting it for years and years. trying to stay afloat. trying to fly and be normal, and act normal. trying to live just like everyone else. life seemed... sweeter that way.
"walk on everyone else's path and you will never lose your way", right? bullshit. why are everyone else's steps going in the other direction then? why am i the ONLY one here? why have i been walking for days, weeks, years, and yet the scenery changed only for a second? why did it give me a taste of relief only to pry it out of my mouth and replace the sweet fruit with vile poison?
my body dropped to the floor. i was so tired. i'd been crying for hours, breathing barely. even that seemed like too much effort now. i just wanted to be somewhere else. anywhere but here.
as my eyes closed and surrendered to the comforting nothingness that was provided by my eyelids, a bright light shone, disturbing them.
even in rest, i couldn't be left alone.
yet, after a moment, the bright light that seemed like nothing at all, turned its hue a slight blue. a blue so cold it seemed... sad? like me?
most people felt coldness when they saw such a blue, connecting it to the weather that turned everything into a sharp and unforgiving frost, leeching its life away to preserve its domain, or with the deep, unknown lands of the sea, ones no human could ever get to, even if we wanted to.
in that moment, that blue seemed like the most welcoming sensation i had felt in a while.
with a lot of courage and vulnerability that i couldn't exhibit under normal circumstances, i decided to give into it. my eyes opened and in front of me was a room. a room that, on the surface, seemed like a completely normal room - 4 walls, white wallpaper, a deep brown wooden floor. nothing out of the ordinary.
until i looked up and saw pure chaos. time had split and it was a drifting ocean of memories. moments weaved into ribbons of time, breaking with some and interlacing with others. the sky seemed to be full of stars, only those stars didn't shine a bright light that connected you to others or that accompanied the moon. these stars were already dead and they were staring at me. it almost felt like they were communicating with me that they'd wait for me. for my turn.
" curious. "
a word so monotone said that, in the real world (because i sure as hell wasn't there right now), i would've completely ignored. it seemed like a stranger's observation to a completely normal event. something that happened all the time, something that was completely ordinary.
yet i knew that voice. i knew it from my dreams, from the places my mind went to when it needed to explore those realms that didn't have a place in our current, boring reality.
i turned around after realizing that the voice came from behind me. this figure, towering above me with a senseless pride and stone-cold determination was... vergil? vergil sparda?
that can't be right. surely, i must be going insane actually. it was as if someone had slapped me in that moment, taking me back to a sense of understanding and... feeling. i hadn't even realized that up until then, i hadn't felt my body at all. the weight of it and its tiredness hitting me like an angered ocean wave. where had my mind drifted? why did it seem like the world was ending around me, yet this room remained absolutely whole? without a ceiling? without windows? what was this world?
" for a human mind, which is usually so... simple, yours sure does seem... troubled. "
he could read my mind? how?
" why wouldn't i be able to? after all, isn't it easier?" i gulped. audibly. it was almost cartoonish how loudly i had done so. of course it would be easier for someone to read my mind. to make sense of the puzzle i tried so desperately to put together each and every day, only to realize that most of the pieces didn't fit together and the image they created didn't either.
" why am i here? " i asked, curiously, but also cautiously. no matter that he was likely a figment of my imagination, i wanted to be careful. you never know what's crawling inside your mind.
" how would i know? i don't even know why i'm here. " he seemed to be... genuine? but if he didn't know what he was doing here, how could he even help me?
if this was a dream, i could make myself wake up. it always worked when i did it previously. i just need to truly realize that all of this is happening only in my mind and it will bring me back... right?
then why wasn't it happening? there was no way any of this was real in the slightest, right? i mean... he's a fictional character. he doesn't exist.
" who are you to judge my existence and its right?! " the tall man exclaimed, holding up a finger towards me in an accusatory way. right, he can read my mind.
" i didn't make you, don't accuse me of stating the truth! "
" how is any of what you said ' the truth ' ? " i'm giving this fictional man an existential crisis.
" you are not! "
" stop reading my mind! "
" stop invading mine! "
" what? i'm not doing anything! " i really wasn't trying to. had i really brought someone that isn't real into... a separate reality? since when could i even do that?! i'm just a person, nobody special. no prophecy, no powers. no special heritage. nothing.
" jesus, your head is depressing. "
" shut up. i didn't ask for it to be accessible to you at all. "
" well, i didn't even ask to be... here, whatever this is, but here we both are, so how about we try to figure this out, hm? "
that... actually didn't seem like a bad idea. but the way he said that made my stomach felt like it dropped to the depths of hell. if he also had no idea where we were or how one could get here, how would we even get out?
i realized that i was still on the hardwood floor when my knees started to hurt from the awkward position i was in beforehand. i decided to get up, ignoring the stabbing pain in my legs, as it seems like i had spent quite a bit of time on the wood, laying unconscious. was my body really even here?
the sharpness of metal filled the air. i turned my head towards the man and saw that he had unsheated his sword. yamato. this was bad. did he think i was a threat?
" hm, you know what this sword is. are you one of dante's unfortunate buddies? "
" what? dante? no- "
" then let's test your question. are you even real? are you some illusion sent to torment me by mundus? "
" no, wait- " the most excruciating pain hit my stomach for what seemed like a second. i thought i would die right then and there, my eyes closing shut as i prepared for salvation and then... nothing. nothing?
i looked down to see the sword going through my stomach, yet... there was no blood, no pain. my body seemed to... distort? it looked like i was completely made of something resembling smoke? or maybe it was water? who knew. but that confirmed one thing - i wasn't here really. not physically at least.
" you're a psycho! what if i died for real?! " i didn't really know what else to say to him. when my eyes met his for the first time, it was almost like look directly into glass. they were so empty, yet ethereally beautiful. they felt nothing for me at all. they disregarded me like i was nothing. yet all i could do was stare at them.
" you aren't dead, are you? quit whining about it. " he scoffed. he genuinely scoffed at me as if i had asked him the most stupid question in the world that had the most obvious answer ever.
i decided to walk backwards a few steps, slowly freeing his sword from my translucent presence. he pulled it back into its cover and stared, puzzled. the stoic expression i was used to seeing on him was still there, exactly as i'd imagined it would be in a moment like this. the half-demon was trying his hardest to figure out what was going on, find an escape and get out of here as quickly as possible. typical.
i wondered at what point in the storyline was he right now. did nero exist? were him and dante finally okay? had he separated himself?
his eyes darted up to meet mine for the first time and they were shocked beyond belief. that was maybe the most expressive i had ever seen him.
right. he could hear my thoughts. crap.
" how do you know all of this? how do you know who i am? or the people around me? " his hand readied to take out the sword again and so i took a protective stance, putting both hands in front of me.
" i know this may seem unreal, but i- i know you, vergil. i know that you don't know me at all, but i- i know almost everything there is to know about you. "
" how? "
" you- okay, this will sound insane, although.. given the situation we're currently in, i'd say it would fit the narrative. " i don't know why i was nervous. it wasn't like he could actually physically hurt me, we already established that at least. " where i come from... you are a fictional character. "
he blinked once. then another time. then he started blinking so fast in succession that it felt like he was trying to unlock some secret power that would be able to get him out of here.
" what? that's... the most insane thing i've ever heard being uttered from a human's mouth. which is quite an achievement, considering my dear brother who you, apparently, know a lot about. " he took out his sword again and at first, i took a few steps back, thinking that he may have figured out a way to get rid of me for good, until i saw what he was trying to do.
1 horizontal slash. 1 vertical slash. and nothing.
he repeated the motions several times, adjusting the angle, he even moved places, but nothing. no portal opened for him, not even a spark of magic brimmed in the air. the only thing that could be heard were the sounds of time moving around us into the vortex in the sky - a slow, strumming sound, almost like a very quiet lire.
vergil seemed almost defeated by his failed attempts. i could swear i saw his shoulders slum for a few seconds until he sighed in disappointment and frustration. he put back his sword and turned to face me yet again.
" okay... let's hypothetically assume that you aren't absolutely insane and i'm... not real. why am i here? why are you here? "
" i... i am wondering the same exact thing. "
in the nothingness until now, as me and him continued to stare at each other, 2 strangers, completely confused and terrified of their current whereabouts, a thump could be heard. we immediately turned our attention in that direction. the thump echoed through the nothingness, slowly losing itself in the void.
if previously, the room had nothing in it, there was now a book on the floor, laying with its pages opened on a page. as if in sync (we could actually have been, since he could hear my thoughts), we both took a few steps towards the book.
as the distance shortened and we were almost in front of it, the yamato stopped me in my tracks. my eyes drifted to vergil's, seeking an explanation for what he was doing.
" it could be a trap. demons are... cunning things. "
" we're in a place we know nothing about. how are you sure demons are involved? "
" that's precisely why you should always assume demons are involved. "
i sighed. in our world, demons were the last thing we had to worry about, but i had to remind myself that in his world, demons were a source of pain for every unfortunate thing that had ever happened to him, in one way or another.
his eyes moved to mine for a second, confused and irritated. i assumed he could hear me, again, and he disagreed with my thoughts, but he said nothing. instead, he retracted the yamato to his side and nodded in the direction of the newly appeared object in the room.
" go to it then. "
this man changed his tune every 2 seconds.
" and why would i do that? didn't you just say this could be the work of a demon? "
" i... i don't know what this place is, but... maybe this book can give us some answers. i doubt that it was sent here without any purpose. "
cautiously, i approached the object. although he was right, there was still a hint of fear in me at the unknown consequences that may come from this. what if this really was some ancient demon trap? or the work of some other entity, something both me and vergil weren't familiar with.
still, there was no better way to find out than to just... pick it up. plus, if vergil can't hurt me as powerful as he is, perhaps i should be okay if i interact with it.
as i now stood above it directly, the cover of the book beneath my feet, i decided to study it from a distance before picking it up. as i squinted my eyes, i started to notice details on the pages that weren't visible from the distance we were at previously.
intricate designs covered the corners of the pages and there were rows etched into the paper. on the bottom center of the pages, you could see numbers, beautifully written out in a cursive-like font. this wasn't an ordinary book, it was a journal.
a second later, words started to appear on the paper. the glow of the letters as they formed words on the parchment was beautiful, graceful and slow. it took its time, ensuring that each letter was etched into the paper exactly as it needed to look.
i heard vergil stepping closer to me with haste, although he stopped himself about 2-3 steps behind me. was he... rushing in? to protect me? that made no sense, since he barely knew who i was, but as i peered back at him, from the corner of my eyes i could see the conflict in his.
huh, interesting.
the glowing stopped soon enough and i turned my attention back to the mysterious book. it went completely still, with only a few words written on the pages. i knelt down to pick it up and read exactly what it said.
although i wasn't used to the writing style, i could make out the words. they made my skin crawl with terror at the realization.
" only the truth will set you free. be honest with the void and it will answer with the path forward.
lie and here you shall remain, a prisoner of nothingness until your soul becomes one with it."
i handed the book to vergil and turned back from him. my hands instinctively crossed in front of me, holding onto my forearms like i was trying to hug myself, to feel any sense of comfort.
in order to get out of here, i had to be honest with myself. i had to look at my life and let my feelings free. i needed to be one with my pain and let it consume me. only then, would i return.
but... did i want that? my thoughts started to try and rationalize the situation. i could either stay here in the nothingness, trapped with a character i dearly loved or i could confront my fears and pain and go back to a life with so much misery it shattered me.
on all fronts, this seemed way more pleasant.
but... then i felt guilt. such a selfish way of thinking. what about vergil? no matter of the semantics of how he got here, he doesn't want to be. he shouldn't be. and if i don't do this, he will remain here with me and turn to dust, without the chance to return to his own life. to his own problems. to his loved ones.
i bit my lips, a habit i could never quite give up. they were already littered with so many little cuts, some new ones, some old, some that had just closed and i would surely find a way to reopen. all possible scenarios raced in my head, as if they were competing for which one would reach the finish line at the final race and become what i decide to do next, when two huge hands landed on my shoulders. my eyes moved up and saw vergil, who was saying something to me, seemingly upset that i hadn't acknowledged his presence.
i shook away the noise and slowly, but surely, heard the irritated voice of the older half-demon man.
" hey! what does the book mean? what truth? "
i averted his piercing gaze, seeing his desperation to get out of here. naturally, that is all he would care about. he had no reason to care about me, to consider staying in this horrible place with me. of course that's all he would like to know.
when i turned them back, he almost seemed... guilty? confused? i couldn't tell, but i knew i had to tell him.
" the book... or whatever wrote on it, wants me to be honest with myself. about... my feelings. if i do that, it will set us both free and you will return to your world and i - to mine. "
" okay. then do it. "
i genuinely looked at him in disbelief. was mister edgelord really saying that to me?
" mister edge- hey! what was that about? "
" you're not exactly an open book, vergil. i assumed if someone would be able to understand why this would be difficult, it would be you. "
he closed his eyes, seemingly in protest, then sighed. he knew i was right, he was just frustrated because i knew that about him.
when i thought about it, this situation would be terrifying to me if the roles were reversed - being stuck in a place you don't know with someone that apparently knows all the intricate details of your life and you know nothing about them. not even their name.
i almost felt... guilt. guilt that, to my knowledge, was unpromted, considering i hadn't put him in this place. but, what if i had? what if whatever happened had somehow pulled him out of wherever he was and put him here in a place he doesn't recognize with some random girl he doesn't know?
i decided to sit down, getting in a comfortable position. i closed my eyes, just like i did when i was trying to meditate. i needed to organize my thoughts.
judging by the sounds of fabric and shoes moving around, vergil likely did the same. i chuckled slightly at the sight of him awkwardly matching my actions.
" don't laugh, human girl. "
" sorry. "
" what are you even doing? "
" thinking. "
" aren't you supposed to be... saying everything out loud? "
i sighed in frustration. although i was usually great at blocking out other distractions when i remembered to meditate, this one was proving to be rather... difficult.
" i'm trying to organize my thoughts. it helps me voice them out properly. "
" weird. "
i didn't expect to be getting judged by vergil sparda for my coping skills, out of all characters in the world, but here we are.
" weird or not, you're stuck with me. so give me a minute. "
he sighed. loudly. too loudly to be just a normal sigh. it's almost like he wanted me to know how much of an inconvenience this was. as if i didn't feel guilty enough. asshole.
" you do remember that i can hear your thoughts still, right? "
" yes, and? "
whatever he wanted to say, he chose to keep it to himself. i almost wished in that moment to be able to read him. to hear what he must be thinking right now.
i tried to focus again, trying to let all other sounds drift away and focus only on my breathing. yet, whenever i tried, it almost seemed like my mind had turned into an old tv that didn't work anymore - the only thing i could hear were the buzzing sounds of noise, not letting my mind rest for even a second.
i let a defeated sigh and shook my head in frustration. the one time i would actually need to meditate and i couldn't even get myself to focus. great.
" if i may. "
i opened my eyes and raised an eyebrow at the older man. " got any suggestions? "
" the book said that you need to ' voice ' out the truth. perhaps, by getting stuck in your thoughts, you may lose sight of it. it... happens to me sometimes. " he almost seemed surprised for 2 seconds for his own honesty, before returning his features to the ice statue he chose to wore.
" so? what are you suggesting exactly? "
" tell me what you're thinking about. or... i can give you pointers? ask you questions? "
i tilted my head as i thought about it and, as much as i would've loved to disagree with him to simply annoy him, he had a point. as humiliating as it would be to voice out what i was struggling with, perhaps, this was the best option.
" and, think of it this way - after you do so and we're free from here, we won't see each other again. whatever you say remains here. " judging by his features and the way his tone had slightly softened as well, he may have realized this as well.
" okay... you're right. let's try that. "
as scary as it was, i needed to face my fears. life worked out that way always - if you avoid something long enough, the universe will find a way to make you face it. and it seemed like today, it took some extreme measures to ensure that i would face mine.
i took a deep breath in, exhaled and looked at vergil directly, without any apprehension or fear for the first time. it was likely that i put us both in this mess. i had to get us out of it.
" go on. "
" question one: what's your name? "
i chuckled slightly at the formality of his questions, but decided to follow along with it. this wasn't something i ever thought i would be doing and neither did he, so if this made the situation any more comfortable for him, i'd oblige.
" my name is ____. "
" okay. question two: what were you doing right before you got here? "
i felt the tips of my fingers freeze up. that was probably not the best question to ask me second, but i would have to think about it eventually. there is no way out, but the truth.
" i... i was spiraling. i've really been struggling to keep myself in a good and happy state as of late. i've been in constant confrontations with my loved ones and it feels like... like... i can't say the right thing. " tears started to well up in my eyes. god, this was truly embarrassing. yet as much as it felt that way, once i started to talk, i couldn't stop. it was almost like an invisible hand was tugging the thread of my feelings out of my mouth like one of those magician tricks. " i've been feeling like... i am the problem. all of the time. like, whatever happens in my life, however i am hurt by something, it always results in someone else being hurt. no matter what i do, i end up hurting the people i love with my own pain... i guess, the last straw was the fight i had with the person i consider myself the closest to..."
the thread was getting thicker as it went out of me, the words getting stuck in my throat as i tried my best not to cry. i had been staring at the floor while i talked, something i hadn't realized as i looked up at vergil again.
i noticed that the pose he had taken was exactly the same as mine and he was... listening. intently. in those blue, cold eyes of his, i saw something so familiar then. that same pain almost reflected in them as i could see the outline of my reflection in them. his gaze was full of understanding.
" i managed to... hurt them again, somehow. even though i thought that things were okay between us, that they were satisfied with our life, it all just... blew up in my face. it feels like... no matter what i do, i end up hurting everyone around me... i feel like i'm mean to be-"
" alone? "
" ... yes. " but of course he would understand how that feels. i felt a sense of calm envelop me. for the first time since our time here, i could see why he was the one that ended up here with me. out of every other person in our universe that could've experienced something similar, although on a different scale, that would be him.
" let me guess: you feel like if you're strong, or you're really good at pretending to be, you will be able to handle anything. any situation, anything that stands in your way, you will fix it. you feel like your pain is a burden that you must carry alone and, by an extension, anybody that tries to carry it with you is not welcomed. am i on the right track? "
i actually couldn't believe this was happening. i blinked once or twice, letting the tears that had been trapped in my eyes freely fall down my cheeks.
" yeah... i guess. "
" and you just wish that things didn't have to be this way? as if there's some force that is always pulling you away from the happy life everyone else gets around you, except you? "
" yes! yes, that's... exactly how i've been feeling. "
vergil laughed. the sound was so loud that it hit the walls of the room we sat in and echoed through the ripples of time. it was the warmest, most innocent laugh i had ever heard. especially coming from someone like him.
" wow... well, i do not think you came here willingly or seeking advice, but, may i offer a different perspective, _____? "
i nodded. i didn't think i'd actually be getting therapy from vergil sparda of all people, but if the universe deemed it right, who was i to intervene with its ways?
" your burden becomes everyone's burden the moment you try to hide it from them. " i looked at him, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. usually, i was pretty good at reading metaphores, but this one seemed to... not really register.
he sighed in annoyance and continued: " let's say you're walking up a mountain. every single person was told to bring one thing with them and carry it to the top. your group and you agreed on what that thing would be and you started walking up it. however, you didn't tell them from the beginning that the thing you'd be carrying is much heavier than what you agreed upon. "
i look down. the guilt i have been trying to suppress slowly starts rising up in me, like boiling water in a closed up pot.
" then, they notice that you're acting differently. they've climbed mountains with you hundreds of times and you've done this exact exercise. however, this time, you're getting tired quickly. you're irritable. you're making mistakes you normally wouldn't. you forget warnings that they've brought up before- "
" okay, vergil, your point? " i was getting frustrated because i had a feeling of where he was going with his explanation, and as much as i hated to admit it, he was right.
" before you rudely interrupted me, your difference in behavior to them has no explanation. you either lie or you divert the topic and they move on, because you're still trying to achieve your goal. eventually, they get frustrated, or confused, or even more concerned because your behavior bleeds into something even worse. your words are sharper, your mistakes more significant and eventually, they get hurt too. "
" you could've avoided all of this and you know it. you know it because the point was never to prove that you were strong enough to carry something heavier than them and make it seem like it was nothing. the point was that as long as people don't know your burden, they can't hurt you with it. "
i stay silent. i felt completely exposed in that moment, like a newborn baby that doesn't dare to announce its birth. i couldn't even cry. i could just stare...
" as much as i myself didn't want to admit it, pain is shared. you may experience something horrible, something that hurts you immensely. something that... you can't be the same after. but by choosing to carry it alone and hiding it, you're not allowing anybody else to deal with the pain they've inevitably received too. only now, it's not the shared pain of seeing someone they... care about be hurt. it's the pain of not knowing, it's the pain of insults, it's the pain of abandonment. it's a pain that would've been easier to deal with for all of you if you had just-"
" been honest from the beginning? "
he smiles. a very slight and soft smile, but one that almost seems... proud?
" you can't carry your pain alone. instead of hurting people with it, share it. feel it together. sometimes... they're the only people that will ever get what you're going through. don't waste your time in solitude. believe me... it's time you will never get back. "
i sat in silence for a few moments, trying to absorb everything he said in. was this truly the lesson i was meant to learn? is this the truth that i was running away from all of this time?
" all this time... i thought i was the only one hurting. i... thought that nobody else could understand my pain better than me and yet... "
" and yet, you've never been alone to begin with. for now. "
i raised my eyes at him in question again.
" trust me, some people will continue to bear your bullshit. others... at some point, they will choose to throw away the thorny rose instead of dealing with it. and... there will be no way back. "
" so... the point is - be honest with the people you love? if they're your family, whatever that means for you, they should understand. and they will be there for you, if you let them? "
" correct. "
suddenly, a crack appeared in the skyline above. the ripples of time screamed in agony as the blue light started to peak through. a visual so haunting, yet beautiful, signified that progress had been made. the crack soon burst and an array of stars started to flood the room.
they were falling from all kinds of directions and their colors started to cover us too.
i looked at the older man again, really looking at his face this time and i smiled. he seemed taken aback, perhaps the realization of what was happening or everything that he had just said had started to flood him too. maybe these were thoughts of his that he had never had the courage to share with anyone. the vulnerability that he had been so afraid of finally showing him that it could actually bring him peace instead.
perhaps, this was a lesson for him too.
vergil got up, unsheathed the yamato and alongside the star shower, the sounds of metal cutting through air accompanied the atmosphere. the blue-ish purple cross filled out and a portal opened up, presumably back to where he himself comes from. his own space. his own home.
i realized this would be our first and final meeting.
i had nothing to lose and so i ran in his direction. my arms wrapped around his waist as i hugged him. tightly. i could sense that he tensed up, yet the arm that was holding his sheath gently rested on my back a few moments later.
the stars were still falling around us, slowly covering the floor in warm light like a snowy December morning.
" thank you. "
" for? "
" for finding the courage to be honest. "
" i- "
" you don't need to say anything. just... go. return to your family and- follow your own advice, hm? "
as i backed away from him and stared, he laughed mockingly.
" i won't make any promises. especially not to you, human. "
he stepped with one foot into the portal and i steadied myself. this was the last moment i would ever see him, whether that was really him or not. whether i had truly stolen him from his world and with my sheer will, brought him into my broken mind to remind me of the importance of honesty, i would never know. neither would he.
yet he turned around and looked at me. his gaze lingered and there was a hint of... doubt? his foot remained outside for a minute or two longer and then he stepped in.
at that same moment, my vision started to blur. the steadiness of the lit-up floor dissappeared and i felt like i was about to collapse into nothingness.
the last thing i heard before the darkness consumed me was:
" stay alive. that is a promise i want you to keep, ____. "
my soul fell into the abyss, the light room disappearing from view as my eyes closed with a tiredness i'd never felt.
...............................................................................................................................
what seemed like moments later, i woke up. my eyes struggled to open up and every single muscle in my body hurt. it was like someone had thrown me in a blender, bundled me up into a smoothie and then froze me into whatever i currently was.
once i finally had some strength, i used the wall to get up. and when i looked around, i saw something that i knew definitely wasn't there before.
a singular star in a blue-cyan color, on the right corner of my journal.
and i smiled, knowing at least a part of that hell was real.
" i promise. "
