Forklift-certified and not afraid to use it.

A mess who's constantly trying to pull himself together Into all sorts of game/shows

[jokerjwoo]

Whenever you saw this in mystery dungeon you knew some serious stuff was about to be said

[wobubling]

Finished colouring this melnem piece... was trying something new

[v35heh]

[ozara13]

[mino2aur]

do i want to come to "the circus"? (apprehensive) describe it with two adjectives first

[weedbongkilldozer]

[myriapoda-1306]

One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

[valtsv]

forget age gaps or differences in rank or whatever the most potently dangerous power dynamic in any relationship is "people like you more than me"

[valtsv]

genuinely nothing is more corrosive to love, respect, or trust than the insecurity of forever being second and last in line. of always being the plus one but never invited; always tolerated on their behalf but never wanted on your own. of knowing that nobody's jealousy or admiration is about you at all, only your place at their side. you tell them that you feel like you only exist when you're with them, and they laugh, charmed, but it isn't a figure of speech. it's not enough that they love you best if everyone else loves them better.

[anik]

i love this guy

[thecolorofthegame]

OOP: How do you guys decide how your artificial windows should look?

IKEA:

[dogpuppy]

[clubpenguinkiller]

cats always step precisely on your most sensitive areas when theyre crawling on you lovingly for cuddles. bladder dick ovaries boobs stomach bruise it doesnt matter. they have homing devices on their paws for the exact area you’re most tender at the moment and they put their full weight into that step. and sometimes they might keep their stance midstride so theyre just standing there forever forcing you to endure the pain. because they are simply too cute to get mad at

[ceruleanheaven]

guys i liedddddd 😭😭😭😭😭 i actually want it 😭😭😭 i want it so bad 😭😭😭😭 i want it so bad its ruining my life 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[nealashitposts]

A year or so ago I went to wood carving club with a bruised eye from my dog slamming his nose into my eyesocket and like every old lady there pulled me aside at some point to ask if my partner hit me here are some of the solutions they had in case he did.

-Replacing his vitimens with poision

- getting her brother to invite him out onto his boat and then killing him and dumping him in the ocean and saying he got drunk and fell off.

- get tboned with him in the passenger seat and then once he was in the hospital theres all kinds of easy ways to kill him like not washing my hands after a poop and then touching his wound casually.

-replacing his drink of choice with moonshine!?

- take him on a hike thats locally notorious for a rapid otter attacking hikers and once he had rabies I could just kill him any ol way and say self defense.

-One lady just cheerfully informed me she had a gun and only a few years left anyway

[lyricwritesprose]

By the way, this is why we have, and why we need, no fault divorce. Because otherwise Granny will cheerfully find you an alternative.

[xtec]

This is what the average YouTube thumbnail looks like now

[noneuclideangarf]

spent too long on this

[segamascott]

they grow up so fast...

[theweight]

they should do emmys for gifs

[transfemininomenon]

it was supposed to be an easy mission: go in, kill the target, escape unseen. nothing i haven't done a thousand times before. what i hadn't expected was for the damn puppy to start beatboxing

[you-need-not-apply]

Actually no how the fuck is it august

[you-need-not-apply]

Pack it up everyone you’ll never be this funny