The blog of a prodigy @jonathankarate - Tumblr Blog

Let’s go to bed before you say something real, let’s go to bed before you say how you feel

All I wanna know, is how far you wanna go

Choke down the gateway drug Opened the gates, in came the flood, it comes.

You’ll be my royal highness. My girl, with a little freak to ya.

It’s the return of the mack. I’m still alive, just like Tupac

Yikes

You see how fast the hate turns to love, when everybody has to rate what you've done

Life. Trust 🤞

You’re the water to quench my throat

Fuck it if they talk, fuck it if they try and get to us.

Got that On lock doh

You’re a mindfuck

And I love it

Chatting bout progress, they say it’s a process. But I want it right now

16.5st —-> 14.10st 🏃🏻‍♂️🏃🏻‍♂️🏃🏻‍♂️

This could be the drug that doesn’t bite, just give me a try

1 year

.

I’m so lonely, yet whenever I’m with people all I want to be, is alone. I had one of my first panic attacks in a while last weekend. I’ve always struggled meeting new people especially in group scenarios but this was something else. I got to the party and I was trying to hold my drink and I was just shaking all over the place. As usual, I got completely stressed out that other people would think that I am weird, and that just exacerbated the problem. I almost passed out in that flat, luckily I didn’t. I’ve become more aware of the fact I have zero control over my emotions and it’s not fair on the other people that I hang out with. I’m constantly negative and moody when I’m mentally drained, which seems to be after about 30 minutes of human interaction these days. Because of this I get very paranoid that somehow all my best friends, even ones from university, are starting to dislike me, which again just makes everything so much worse. For example, both of the last weekends I’ve had mini arguments and shit kicking off when I’ve been down in London with friends. These are over such trivial matters and yet I feel sick even thinking about them, just because I’ve become so paranoid. It just builds and builds and I feel like I have to remove myself from the situation, which I don’t think improves it because people feel like I’m angry when I am not, just completely mentally drained.

Mental health is a big topic for me in 2017 and 2018 and I’ve learned a lot more about the struggles of the young people that I know. In fact, both of my very best friends have told me about their own mental health issues, what’s causing them and making them so difficult to deal with. In that sense, I’ve been very selfish in how I’ve seen mental health. Previously it was always me and maybe a couple of outspoken people who were really struggling and everyone else in the world was jolly and loving their life. This isn’t the case. Seeing other people’s lives through the snapshot of social media is so dangerous. You are seeing the highlights of other people’s lives, but not the lowlights. As a result, everyone builds this picture of others being truly happy, when it’s not always the case. I’m someone who lives in my own head almost always, and I need to improve in that area and think about what others are going through as well. My problem is I don’t know what is making me unhappy, as nothing seems to fill that emptiness, it just covers it over for a couple of hours/days.

This is just some ramble shite, don’t expect it to make sense, but it does to me.

I don’t think its healthy to just talk about sad things, so here’s some stuff that I’m thankful for in 2018:

· My family

· My friends

· I have my own place

· I have a job

· I’m not struggling financially

· I own damndaniel.co.uk

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The blog of a prodigy