jordamn;

Jordan Mathews. 21. Santa Monica. Where do we go from here?

[jordanmathews]

save pls

[childishpsychology-blog]

It’s already 10 days until Halloween and I can’t decide if I should go for Sexy, Scary, or Sexy Scary..

[jordanmathews]

Definitely sexy.

[whiskxyprince]

Did you really need to do that?

[jordanmathews]

Um, yeah. If you step on one you break your mother's back. I was just being careful.

[theevelynwright-blog]

Oh, God, no.  Give me my phone back.  Nothing on there could possibly be any of your business.

[jordanmathews]

Oh, c'mon. What could possibly be on here? Nudes? Because that would be awesome if there were nudes.

[isaiahkushnir-deactivated201507]

I feel like if I ever got turned into an animal it’d probably be something like a porcupine or something.

[jordanmathews]

I would definitely be one of those transparent fish.

[evansreed-blog]

Excuse you, but your place smells like shit, J.

[jordanmathews]

Um, no. I think that's just you.

[matteodonati-blog]

Admit it, you’ve thought of me when you were jerking off, haven’t you?

[jordanmathews]

Oh, absolutely. All the time.. I mean, It's not like I've got a super hot boyfriend to jerk off over.

[emmyrivers-blog]

Some day, I’ll believe you but that day isn’t today. 

[jordanmathews]

Alright. I'm not gonna argue.. but you'll do great and if you ever get overwhelmed I promise Nick will always be available to babysit.

[emmyrivers-blog]

How come you can believe that but I can’t?

[jordanmathews]

Because you're you...? I dunno.. But you're going to do fine.

[matteodonati-blog]

You keep me around for my devilish good looks, basically. 

[jordanmathews]

Oh, right. You are great jerking off material.

[caprixqueen]

It was you. Admit it. 

[jordanmathews]

Alright, fine. It was me. I'm an awful person, I know.

[matteodonati-blog]

I’m awesome, I know. 

[jordanmathews]

This is one of those times where I have to think really hard about why we're friends exactly... And this is also a time where I can't think of one.

[emmyrivers-blog]

I just- Jordan, I’m… scared. I’m so, so, so scared. What if I screw this up?

[jordanmathews]

You're not gonna screw it up. If anyone would make a great mom, it's you. I promise. You might not be perfect, but I think you're going to do great.. 

[caprixqueen]

I didn’t fucking fart. My god.

[jordanmathews]

Just checking, you nerd. It was probably me.

[matteodonati-blog]

And food. Always food, but I’m not going to give you any. 

[jordanmathews]

Um, rude. How dare you.

[caprixqueen]

You could have a bowel problem. Get that checked out, man. 

[jordanmathews]

So, just to be clear-- you didn't fart?

[emmyrivers-blog]

Stop calling my baby a little shit! He’s not a little shit but at this point, that’s actually the only name TJ and I can come up with and- Just… yeah, I-I guess?

[jordanmathews]

Sorry. I'm just trying to help... And I'm going to start calling him the awful little turd making you snap at your favorite cousin in the whole wide world here in a second.