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Failing Memory Fuses Robert Wuhl, Kevin Pollack Into Single Entity

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Christians Most Persecuted Religious Group Worldwide, Report Finds

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A report commissioned by the British government found that Christians represented over 80% of those persecuted for religious beliefs worldwide, stressing their treatment in the Middle East approached near-genocide levels. What do you think?

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The Sprawling Sci-Fi RPG Shows Real Promise, But I Can’t Give A Full Appraisal After Only 1,500 Hours Of Play Time

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By now, it’s clear that CD Projekt Red’s Cyberpunk 2077 is among this year’s most anticipated games. Developed by the team behind The Witcher, the title touts an ungodly level of customization, a sprawling science-fiction universe, and an unmatched development pedigree. And while the game showed real promise in our preview at the studio’s office, the fact is that I only scratched the…

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Grandma Wants To Know If You’re Still Drawing

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‘You Were So Good!’

PRESCOTT, AZ—Saying that it’s been ages since you made her one of your special pictures with your art set, Grandma, 86, inquired Monday as to whether or not you are still drawing. “Remember the pictures of my house you drew for me when you were only in second grade? I still have them. You were so good!” said Grandma, who went on to note that you had a real knack for…

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History Of The Filibuster

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The filibuster, a practice in which members of Congress can purposely delay a proposal through a lengthy speech or debate, is a source of controversy among both political parties. The Onion takes a look at the history of the filibuster.

1789:

Philip Schuyler becomes first member of Senate to ramble on a little too long about something no one else cares about.

1805:

Aaron Burr helps…

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Dreadlord's New Sidekick

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As the Legion’s pecking order grows increasingly unclear, Dreadlord undermines VP with a “big” idea.

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Queen Elizabeth Disappointed In New Royal Baby Boy’s Lack Of Proper Inbreeding

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Lily Du and Paul Robalino on the 1973 Yankee Marriage Swap

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Lily Du and Paul Robalino join Raph for a story about baseball, sex, and a life-altering switcheroo.

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My Truck Hauls Ass | Points in Case My truck hauls ass. It hauls so much ass that sometimes I literally cannot believe how much ass it hauls.

R.L. Stine Admits Every Book He’s Written Directly Dictated To Him By God

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COLUMBUS, OH—Revealing at long last the creative process behind a successful career during which he has written over 300 books, best-selling children’s author R.L. Stine disclosed during an interview Monday that all of his writing is dictated to him directly by God. “One morning, I was walking in the woods behind my house when lo! I suddenly heard the voice of the Lord ring out,…

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Kanye West Anthology Series In Works Starring Jaden Smith

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In one of his first forays into television, Kanye West will produce a half-hour anthology series that focuses on perception, with the first season exploring the concept of the ego through an alternate-universe Kanye West. What do you think?

“This is a bold step toward West’s ultimate vision of a universe where everyone is Kanye West.”

Dean Logan • Patter Coach

“Darn, I was hoping he…

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Modern Male Authors Rework Literary Classics by Women George Eliot’s Middlemarch by Tim Gunn Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty that seems to be thrown into relief by poor dress, and she could easily fix that by asking herself just a few questions before hunting through the sales rack at H&M.

The Week In Pictures – Week Of May 6, 2019

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May Day! May Day! Landing the Plane for Trump

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Attorney General William Barr is all about ‘landing the plane.’

Straight from his jeering Senate Judiciary Committee Hearing on the Mueller Report: Attorney General William Barr joins President Trump on a private airfield as they ready for take-off…

DONALD TRUMP – Co-Pilot

Where we going?

WILLIAM BARR – Pilot

I don’t know – the Black Hole looks good.

TRUMP

Did you read the Flight…

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Jack Diamond, P.I. - David Martin, Humor Times

Jack Diamond, P.I. – David Martin, Humor Times

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Presidential investigator Jack Diamond gets a call from the Oval Office.

If thirty years of being a presidential investigator has taught me anything it’s to never trust your client completely. So when I got the call from this Trump fellow, my private eye radar was already receiving suspicious signals.

Jack Diamond, P.I. (Presidential Investigator).

Anyway, I agreed to meet with him and…

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Exclusive! Spy Drone Eavesdropped on Trump-Putin Call: Transcript

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Read an exclusive transcript of the recent Trump-Putin call, recorded by our stealth spy drone!

Still undetected by the CIA or the KGB, our seemingly undetectable spy drone has this time crashed the phone call our feckless leader made to Uncle Putin the other day. We could analyze it and pre-masticate it before feeding it to you like FOX Un-News does, but we will just let you digest it…

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‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Annoyed By Obvious Product Placement For Valyrian Steel

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LOS ANGELES—Expressing disappointment that the beloved series had evidently been tainted by corporate interests, Game Of Thrones fans across the nation were annoyed Sunday at the show’s increasingly frequent and obvious product placement for Valyrian steel. “It’s just so gross and artificial. They really go out of their way to talk up Valyrian steel over and over again,” said local Gam…

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