My appliance test from the university was yesterday. I spent the whole day sleeping today, so I could try to recover from the stress that fucking test made me go through. I think I'm doing pretty fine by now, actually.
But that's not what I want to discuss today in here. It's him. That asshole's got my fucking heart away, and I can't dislike that fact.
Dude, the guy came to my house yesterday after the test just to check if I was okay, because he got so worried that he coulnd't do it by WhatsApp. NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT TO ME BEFORE. I mean, coming without me having to ask. I was pretty anxious before/during/after the test, so having he here was so... so good. And relaxing.
God, I'm so fucking scared. What if I develop another emotional dependence? I don't think I can survive another one. But, oh man, it feels so good to be by his side, and I miss him everytime we're apart.
I slept at his house this weekend, and it were so much easier than I thought it would be. See, I'm a very anxious person. Every little thing makes me feel like the whole world's going to fall apart. But I was so fucking calm at his place... It was weird not having all of the anxiety with me, but so good at the same way. Sleeping and waking up by his side was so good.
Shit, I think I'm falling in love again and again every second I remember the feeling. But I'm not complaining about it, you're not hearing me complaining!
The fact is that I know he's scared too. If we weren't two traumatized idiots, we would be dating by now, for sure. He said he would ask me to be his girlfriend if he wasn't terrified about we not being endgame. And I feel that too... If he asks me, I'll accept it, no doubt of that. But that doesen't changes the fact that I'm also terrified about having my heart broken again. I can't feel what I felt about Alexandre again. I really can't. It would literally kill me.
I don't know if I'm ready to trust someone new with my heart again. I think I'm already doing that without perceiving, but anyway, I don't feel able to make this decision yet.
Well, what comes next only time can tell.
2087
stormborns
tangentwithtanner
pixelskylines
snowghoul
