This is the problem with many people who work with disabled people. They see inclusivity as work. When they leave work, they expect a world in which disabled people don’t exist.
My mother is a paraprofessional. She specializes in teaching children with special needs.
This makes many things she’s done disgustingly ableist.
She hit me as a punishment. It should have been basic knowledge that I’d never be able to make sense of why it’s wrong for me to hit but okay for someone to hit me.
She punished me for arguing whenever I asked for reasons. It should have been basic knowledge that rules are hard to understand without reasons, and that wanting to understand isn’t arguing.
She expected me to hold onto thoughts on command whenever I’m in a loud room with many people talking at once. If I peacefully allowed her to continue the conversation she had but couldn’t hold onto my thought until it was my turn to speak, she got mad. She wrongly accused me of being impatient and expecting her to drop everything to listen to me immediately, even though I made it very clear countless times that I have zero problem with her continuing her conversation but I can’t hold onto my thought on command. It should have been basic knowledge that simply existing in a room with many people talking at once can be overwhelming, and that some people have many thoughts flying through their head regularly and would find it painful to be forced to hold onto one.
She talked very fast and accused me of not listening if I couldn’t perfectly remember what she said the next day. It should have been basic knowledge that people can struggle to process large amounts of information on the spot or remember things like it’s nothing.
She told me to look her in the eye and say that I didn’t do something and assumed I was guilty if I couldn’t do that. It should have been basic knowledge that eye contact is difficult and doesn’t equal paying attention or telling the truth.
She added hidden meanings to things I’ve said and responded aggressively to what she thought I was implying, and didn’t even give me a chance to correct her misinterpretation. It should have been basic knowledge that it’s not possible to accurately assume what someone’s implying, especially when done that quickly.
She expected me to be good at everything because I’m good at math, and expected me to be able to explain math to people who struggle with it. It should have been basic knowledge that someone could have a special skill while being below average in other ways, and that someone especially a child could struggle to explain things.
She expected “talk to people” to be good advice when I struggled to socialize. It should have been basic knowledge that some people can’t socialize naturally and need clearly spelled out rules and steps. It’s understandable to not have perfect solutions, but the advice she gave showed an ignorance of what the struggle even was.
For a while, I wondered how someone could go to school and form a career of teaching children with special needs then miss so much basic information and not even consider that people with special needs exist.
But like your story, it’s because people like that see inclusivity as work. They see disabled people as existing only at work and nowhere else. When they’re not working, they go right back to their fantasy world in which disabled people don’t exist.
