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@joshbeamer
onfirelou: (Unseen photo, sorry for watermark) my friend sent me this photo of niall, since they are friends, and he was telling me about how they hung out heaps and niall left for England today, Niall went to my friends house this morning to say goodbye and Niall watched my friends soccer game and stuff. I was crying when it happened. He didn’t get a video of him saying “hi Amy”. I was so close.
Allowing his eyes to flutter shut Wallace could already feel the tears began to beacon. Shaking his head fast he ran his fingertips along his scruff, god, he needed a shave. His voice, it was always one of his favorite features about Josh. When they had first broken up he’d just listen to old voice mails play on repeat.
“Hey babe, It’s me. Just calling to see where you’re at. I’m on my way home.”
“Why don’t you answer your texts… You’re probably at work, either way text me back”
“Who the fuck ate all the food? Pick some up on the way home.”
Those words, all put together, with his voice; they were the only way that he really could smile anymore. He would feel like the break up never happened when he’d hear those words. Wallace had constantly gone over the fight they had. Constantly forced himself to think of ways he could fix it,because that’s what people did when they were in love, fixed it. That’s what one was suppose to do, right? Not simply apologize and move on, make it up to them, make the other realize that you genuinely were sorry for what you had done. But no matter what his thoughts were, they would never have worked.
Hi Wally echoed through the other line, and began pulsing through his head.
"E..r.." He began, immediately hating himself for opening his mouth and speaking without thinking. "What’s up?" He questioned, trying to pretend like it was a casual conversation. "I mean- How are you? O..r…" He stammered on, slowly sitting up rubbing his face more. "Yeah."
Just hearing Wallace's voice Josh knew he was upset. That was the thing with them. Even though they were dysfunctional, they still knew each other inside and out. They were a beautiful mess that was a roller coaster. But every twist and turn was worth it because the ride was the best part. Their relationship wasn't perfect, but neither were they. Together though they created something that was beyond comparison of the love that portrayed in movies. The fictional love everyone wanted with a happily every after. To Josh what they had was that. It wasn't exactly happily ever after, but it was a love like no other. Knowing that his Wallace, erm, wallace was upset it killed josh.
"Hi dar-" he stopped himself. he was was so close to calling the brunette the pet name he had given him. He couldn't. It wouldn't be fair to Wallace. He let out a soft sigh pushing his blonde locks back in frustration some. All words just escaped him in that moment. He wanted to say everything and nothing at all.
"I'm good. What about you?" Josh said calmly. For once, after all these years of knowing each other Josh was the levelheaded one. Which he needed to be more than every now for Wallace.
What had he done? Oh god, Wallace’s body was put into immediate shock after what he realized what happened. Closing his eyes tight he pushed his phone away and took the sweater up to his face once more, now the scent only making him sick. A constant reminder that he had lost the only thing that made his life worth living. Those blonde locks and bright blue eyes; they made everything… worth it in the end. Shaking his head quickly he pulled off the sweater and threw it towards the corner of their once shared room, letting his eyes lift to the ceiling above him.
Thoughts of every day since that night began to pulse through his mind, at first he was a mess. He had not spoken to anyone, didn’t even show up for Christmas at the Spade’s house. His phone continued to blow up but they were messages from people who he didn’t want to speak to. Yes, even Roger at that moment. He knew if he had picked up the phone there would be questions about why he couldn’t make it, what had happened. Promises this was just like all the other times. But the problem was, it wasn’t. The genuine statement by Josh was one that Wallace had never heard before. They were done, and they were never getting back together.
A few weeks afterwards, things had slowly grown back to normal. Roger wanted to take Josh’s old room so he could be closer to his best friend. Madelyn had kicked Wallace’s ass back into shape in hopes the boy would turn into his old self, but that would never happen. At least, not without the blonde. He had wandered through life like a ghost, that was until Roger’s graduation had come early, due to his grades immediately lifting being out of his old home.
At graduation, Wallace was a bit happier, but a part of him was irritated knowing that Josh didn’t have the time to come see their best friend had finished. When Wallace questioned where Josh was, Roger had commented he didn’t want Josh to come because he had wanted Wallace to go. Then it hit him, Wallace had become selfish. Any event in which Josh would attend, Wallace would refuse. He just, could barely handle seeing the blonde, then soon enough he had stopped coming around all together. Josh had always seemed to handle it better.
Perhaps because he was the one who did the breaking-up.
Soon enough, Wallace had forced himself to become sane once more, that’s when he began taking college courses. He knew what his passion in life was now, writing. It was the only thing that truly allowed him to escape the pain he was feeling. He needed this, desperately to finally be happy.
A few months had progressed, and Wallace was finally growing back into his old self, except those few nights when reality had settled in and he’d look to his side and Josh was no where in sight. His birthday, was one of those nights. That’s when he began to slip again. It’s not as if Wallace had done much either way, he had not been flirting with anyone, or even daring to go out and party. Rather, he spent his nights at home with Roger playing videos, he found it much more soothing.
Letting his eyes settle upon his phone once more, he noticed there was no text or call from Josh. Why didn’t he notice? Did his number change? Was he trying to ignore him? Was he still angry? Maybe he didn’t get it. Maybe I should tr- There it was, the lad’s old ring tone breaking through the silence.
“Still I can’t let you be,
Most nights I hardly sleep,
don’t see what you don’t need from me.
It’s just a drop in the ocean,
a change in the weather.
Praying that you and me
might end up
together.”
God, the words pierced through him in a way he had never felt prior. Slowly he took the phone and slid his finger across the acceptance. He was quiet for a few moments before his broken, shaky voice finally whispered.
”Hello?”
Josh was starting to regret calling back. For the past few months it had seemed as though Wallace wanted nothing to do with Josh. Whenever he would show up to get together with friends Wallace would always be absent. Of course Josh would always get the occasional side glances and questions from people and of course Josh would simply ignore the questions. He didn't want to deal with them. At the time what was done was done. Eventually Josh just stopped trying with their friends back home. He left everything in the past there and moved on to everything he had at college. Now that he looked back on it, it was honestly a shitty move. How could he be so self centered and leave everyone he loved in the dust? and for what? to escape the heartache? It only made it worse.
For the longest time Josh didn't care. He saw things his way and that's how Josh had always been. Everything had always been one sided, only his point of view he had never stop to take the time and see the world, their relationship, their story, through Wallace's eyes. He was too ignorant to realize Wallace's insecurities. If the shoe was on the other foot Josh would've have felt exactly what his ex had. Constantly leaving, having a life away from the one you love, being around the person your lover once called their own. It was a scary thought.
Those thoughts made Josh think about all those times he would reassure Wallace and he'd always come down on himself. What if Wallace didn't love himself to let Josh love him? It was one of those irrational thoughts that always seemed to wander through mind, but it could've been a possibility. He had a perfect boy right there in his hands. It didn't matter how many times Josh showered Wallace with compliments and gifts. He didn't love Wallace right around the time they broke up. He didn't appreciate him they way he should have. He was yet again blind to other's feelings that his own.
That hit him hard.
The phone had been ringing for almost four minutes now and Josh was about to hang up. It was useless. Wallace probably didn't want to speak to him and he didn't blame the boy either. In the back of his mind though the blonde was praying he'd pick up.
In that moment his breathe hitched in his throat. The voice he had not heard in so long finally responded. Josh wanted to cry it was the most beautiful thing he had heard in the longest time. "Hi Wally."
Wallace and Josh had been broken up for a few months now, he couldn’t quite remember what had sparked it all off. His insecurity, or Brooklyn getting into his pants when he was intoxicated. None of it had really mattered, though. Not anymore at least. They were out, having their own lives at this point. Wallace now enrolled in college, sharing his flat with Roger and Madelyn. Things were easier, at least, for everyone else. It was no secret that Josh and Wallace had fought constantly in their relationship.
Every single day was something new, whether Wallace was feeling pissy or Josh was hungry, there was always something making the other angry. And while to everyone else, it was unhealthy, to the boys it was what made them so perfect. Wallace was never one for stable and perfect relationships. He loved the chaos, and when it was his fault he always found a way to make it up to Josh in the end, not to mention how the lad truly made him feel.
Butterflies, constant butterflies, no matter what time of night, or day of the week, or month of the year — Josh gave Wallace butterflies in a way no one ever had before. The brunette could barely handle it anymore. Sighing heavily he made his way towards his room shutting the door. Shuffling over his feet slightly, the boy made his way to the closet and pushed the different items of clothes to the side, seeing an old, worn out sweater that rested in the far back. It was Josh’s. The only thing he was able to keep and truly hold onto without the boy knowing.
Slipping it onto his slender frame, a frame which was shrinking as time passed due to his lack of hunger. Losing Josh left Wallace lifeless. He stumbled over to the bed they once shared and pressed the cloth to his nose, taking in his scent. It was faint, but still there. He had done this countless times in the past month, and missed him more every time.
Weakness had spread throughout the lad as he grabbed his phone and scrolled to his name, hitting his contact ID and accidentally calling. Perhaps this was fate? No. After a few rings, Wallace hung up and shook his head, closing his eyes. He couldn’t.
There wasn't a day that went by that Josh thought about Wallace. That he had thought about their break up. It still felt like it was yesterday that they were snuggling up together watching netflix. It also felt like yesterday when Wallace had told him what Josh never wanted to hear. he tried to forget it, he tried to pretend it wasn't real, but after not being believed in for so long Josh lost it - and he wish he hadn't. It was one of those days where Josh went over the events in his mind. Thinking of every possible scenario that didn't end with him leaving Wallace. But the damage was done that cold December night. No matter how badly josh wanted to turn back the clock and try and reason with the boy he loved, he knew that he couldn't.
Ever since the break up Josh had moved into his dorm that he shared with Cole. With his second year of college coming to a quick end he was desperate to find of place of his own. Not just because he needed to be independent but because things between him and Cole would never be the same. In fact nothing about Josh was the same. The last few months had truly opened his eyes. He wasn't the small insecure Joshua everyone once knew. he wasn't awkward anymore or walked on eggshells because he had a boyfriend to drive home to every Friday. It was a bittersweet realization for Josh. He was free now. Free to be his own man and make his own mistakes without worrying of hurting someone again. All his life he had depended on someone, whether it was his mom, dad, ole, Wallace or even Roger. For the first time in forever he was alone, at least he felt like it. The time alone allowed Josh to grow up. He was almost twenty-three and still needed someone to hold his hand through the fire. But he knew that Wallace was better off without him. So instead of dwelling over his break-up, which josh desperately wanted to do, he went out and lived his life. He joined the football team, hung out with friends and became a new man.
Even going out he still felt the same pang of missing Wallace wherever he went. The brunette just had a permanent place in his mind.
It was one of those nights where Cole had left to do his own thing. Josh had stopped asking a long ago what was going on with cole's life. Honestly he wasn't that concerned but really he just didn't care. It was funny how four years ago they were 'so in love' now here they were, strangers. this night Josh was going to a party with his friend Mason, the only female friend that Josh really made in college. Sure a lot of girls tried to talk to Josh, only because he was a cute blonde, but it was the same tale with most. They tried to get with him, he'd say he's gay (desperately in love with his ex) and they'd move on. With Mason she didn't care, the only thing she cared about was that her blondie was by her side.
Slipping on his leather jacket, Josh pushed his blonde locks back making sure he looked good. He was just about to put the finishing touches on his outfit when he heard his phone ring. Eyebrows furrowed together tightly he picked up his phone and nearly dropped it. Wallace. Right when Josh was about answer the phone stopped ringing. Fuck, what was that about? Maybe it was because he missed Wallace birthday...fuck he had missed his birthday! In that split second Josh had fallen into his old ways letting his mind run wild. He had to be calm though, no more scatterbrain moments for him. Taking in a deep inhale Josh looked at his phone for a moment. He had to face the music sooner or later. At least have some closure from their break up. And with that in mind he pressed call back and waited to see if Wallace would even pick up.
Genre: LGBT, Best friends, Romance
Inspiration: Wallosh, Zuzu.
Availability: PLOT CLOSED NO MORE AUDITIONS PLEASE.
Notes: This is a plot that I hold very close to my heart, and probably won’t accept anyone to play in it with me but one person, unless someone really sparks my interest. It’s a boy x boy plot, and I love it more than words can describe.
What do you do when you fall in love with your best friend? (b1), a young teenager finishing off his years in high school, comes from a dark terrible past. He had lost his entire family due to a murder-suicide killing which his mother had committed.. And found himself distraught. The boy wanted nothing more than to just run away, or even kill himself.. But (b2) stopped him, for, (b1) was his best friend, and he couldn’t handle losing him, especially after all they had been through. The boys’ pasts intertwined in ways that no one could fathom. (b2) had actually been in a very, awful car crash leading him to lose his memory, but (b1) helped him remember all the important facts. Now, they’re living together under one roof, taking care of one another and helping each other grow and get better.. But what happens when they have a little too much to drink, and kisses are shared.
The Proposal
Wallace nibbled at his nails as he stared down at the small box, containing a band. On the inside it read I’ll love you no matter what. The scribe was simple, but completely, and totally honest. He rubbed the back of his neck harder as he began to nibble on his lower lip, drawing blood. It was Josh’s birthday, the perfect time to do this, to finally do what he had been wanting to do for so long. The door knob began to turn, and Wallace snapped the box shut quickly, slipping it into his pocket and rushing out of the kitchen, to their livingroom. He jumped onto the couch and turned on the television. He stared blankly at it trying t make it look like he was interested in whatever was on, but in reality, his heart was racing a thousand miles a minute.
“Wall..” Josh’s concerned voice began, as he walked into the livingroom tossing Wallace’s keys onto the coffee table.
“What’s up?” quickly turning his head to study him.
“Why’re you watching the cooking channel?”
“I uh..” he stammered, looking at the screen and lifting an eyebrow. “trying to learn how to cook..” He mumbled, then furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t know, it’s just interesting.” He mumbled, then shrugged looking to Josh.
“Alright..” The boy whispered, turning and walking towards the kitchen.. A kitchen which had been prepared perfectly for a meal for the two of them. At the table, two plates, candles, romantic things like how Wallace knew Josh would like.
Wallace sat up and nipped at his lower lip excitedly, quickly turning off the television and walking into the kitchen behind him. He waited for Josh to sit down at the table before he moved his hand into his pocket and slowly pulled out a small box. He carefully moved down to one knee and lifted an eyebrow watching the boy.
“Lyle Joshua Beamer, I might not know who was the first person I ever crushed on, or who my first kiss was.. I might not remember what it is like to get a hug from my father or know what my first grade teachers name is..” He began, looking away from Josh, as his cheeks turned a soft shade of red. “But one thing I do know..” He began, taking a long deep breath before looking up to Josh boldly, ignoring the fact his cheeks were a soft pink. “I know that if I could make up my life, the first person I ever crushed on was you, my first kiss, was with you.. My favorite hug, was always yours..” He mumbled and slowly opened the box.
“And you’re the only one I have ever loved this deeply.. Lyle Joshua Beamer, will you do me the honor, of becoming my husband?” He whispered, feeling his heart begin to race and hands begin to shake. Wallace shook his head slowly. “wait, wait!” He stammered blushing more. “That came out wrong, no I had..” He mumbled and moved the ring to the table. “I’m sorry this is just, I just, I’m really.. I really.. Uhm.” He mumbled faster, shaking his head and trying to smile. He fucked it up, he didn’t say it right, it was all wrong.
Josh was out getting groceries for once. Since Wallace always bought them, the blonde thought it would be a nice change for his friend. Pulling up into the driveway Lyle took a deep breath. It was his birthday and for some odd reason he felt nervous. Turning Nineteen didn’t feel so bad, he knew he was one year older. Another year alive. He was one year closer to Wallace’s age, hence the two year age gap between him and Wall. Which also meant his high school career was ending. After his parents death Lyle didn’t think he could even finish high school. Yet someone how he managed to pull it off. In all honesty Josh didn’t know what he was going to do with his life. He had many scholarship offers and had been accepted into high quality Collages for his high GPA average. The blonde didn’t know what he wanted to major let alone if he wanted to be far across the country from Wallace.
Finally getting out of the car. He walked up to the steps of their apartment building and made his way into the apartment he shared with Wallace. “Wall..” he asked seeing his brunette friend staring blankly at the tv. “What’s up?” Wallace asked ripping his eyes away from the screen. Josh licked his lips nervously, Normally people forgot about his birthday, he wouldn’t scorn Wallace if he did the same. “Why’re you watching the cooking channel?” Lyle asked now looking at the chief with a fake smile on the TV. “trying to learn how to cook..” Wallace responded. Josh closed his eyes for a moment letting his thoughts clear. He had to pick up his graduation cap and gown soon, Wallace acting funny didn’t exactly help ease Lyle’ stress. “Alright..” He managed to whisper out heading for the kitchen to get something to eat. Even though eating away at his problems wasn’t the best option Lyle still did it.
Once walking into the kitchen. Lyle stopped in his tracks as he saw the candle light dinner on the table. He raised an eyebrow turning around to see Wallace in the door way. With no hesitation Josh sat down waiting for Wallace to sit with him. A small smile came over Josh’s features. Wallace actually remembered his birthday. The next motion confused Lyle greatly as Wallace went down on one knee pulling a small box from his pocket. His heart started to speed up. He couldn’t be? Oh my god was he really? Josh stared at Wallace in awe, his blue eyes growing bigger as he watched his friend.
“Lyle Joshua Beamer, I might not know who was the first person I ever crushed on, or who my first kiss was.. I might not remember what it is like to get a hug from my father or know what my first grade teachers name is..” “But one thing I do know..” “I know that if I could make up my life, the first person I ever crushed on was you, my first kiss, was with you.. My favorite hug, was always yours..” “And you’re the only one I have ever loved this deeply.. Lyle Joshua Beamer, will you do me the honor, of becoming my husband?” “wait, wait!” “That came out wrong, no I had..” “I’m sorry this is just, I just, I’m really.. I really.. Uhm.”
The blonde let the words sink in. Every word felt so surreal. Wallace asked him to marry him. Josh looked at the ground feeling his cheeks grow wet from tears. He was speechless. After heartbreak after heartbreak, Josh finally felt happiness. He didn’t know why his heart felt so heavy though. It was probably the fact that Wallace, out of all people. Practically perfection in Lyle’s eyes picked the small blonde Irish kid. Who acted to depressed at times and was a flight risk with the fear of falling. Wiping his eyes, Josh looked up at Wallace giving him a teary grin. “N-no..No it was..You did fine.” He got up from his chair wrapping his arms around the older male tightly not wanting to ever let go. He pressed his lips To Wallace’s neck whispering in his ear softly. “Yes…Yes i’ll marry you..”
100 Days of Music 16: I Miss You - Blink-182
“Where are you? And I’m so sorry. I cannot sleep. I cannot dream tonight. I need somebody and always. This sick strange darkness, comes creeping on so haunting every time and as I stared, I counted. Webs from all the spiders Catching things and eating their insides, like indecision to call you , and hear your voice of treason. Will you come home and stop this pain tonight.Stop this pain tonight”
iF U C Kate | McFly (2010)
Papa Roach: Hollywood Whore
