Its just me im nothing special.

darkness, sadness, depression, pain, scars, this is what my life is about

[blowedd]

[blowedd]

black & white blog

[joshrounding]

Old habbits die hard.........

I have always forced things out of my mind to help get over breakups and times of pain. I thought that i kicked it, but it turns out it only became as natural as breathing. Things that i never wanted to forget are gone from my memory. I cant remember certain dates and what happened around spacific times.

[joshrounding]

Sad reality

Do you ever get that feeling that your nothing but a fuck up?? Everything i touch crumbles around me. And because of my selfish, immature, rediculious, inappropriate fucked up ways, i hurt the only person i have ever truly loved. Maybe some people are just meant to be alone forever, meant to die alone with no one there. Today my mind has been nothing but a hurricane of every emotion that iv been holding back. And im at my breaking point. Idk how much longer i can do this.............

[joshrounding]

There are so many things i wish i could just come out and tell you. But we dont have that kind of friendship. Actually i dont think you see me as a friend at all........... im juat a roommate..........

[hkkjvvkigfcbkucv]

[hkkjvvkigfcbkucv]

[joshrounding]

What is wrong with me.

After so long of being able to control it. This weekend i let my guard down thinking that it would be ok. But instead everything that iv been trying to push away came flooding back, like a tidal wave. I broke...... i couldnt contain the feelings. The one that hit me the hardest is jealousy. And its killing me inside.

[lets-be-nakedd]

[ourtwobodiesintoonepinkcasket-d]

this girl is disgusting yo dont let such a piece of shit get you down

u know u deserve better than that what a disgusting bitch she will never be happy 

[ourtwobodiesintoonepinkcasket-d]

u know ur worth more than that shit 

[joshrounding]

She deserves to be alone. The pretty people will fall from their high horse and the normal people will rise, silently, swiftly and unexpectedly.

[itsconsumingme-deactivated20210]

i just dont know 

[shut-it-off]

[joshrounding]

Alternative source.

As the urge gets stronger and stronger. The fight gets harder and harder. My anger gets the best of me some days but i dont go on pointless rampages anymore. I use it to better myself not only mentially but physically. I find myself going harder at the gym. I love the feeling of pain now. I no longer need to cut because the pain i feel from working out hurts even more. And the ammount of anger that i have built up inside is damn near endless. Therefore my energy source is endless.

[schizophrenicsanity]

[joshrounding]

Cant sleep.

Dont you just love being so angry that you can't fall asleep??

[joshrounding]

I thought the choice was finally clear. But it has actually proven its self to be even harder than i could ever imagen.......

[joshrounding]

With how iv been latley idk if im going to be able to watch this part....... anyone who has seen the amazing spiderman 2 will understand this.

[joshrounding]

Trying to reach a new level.

Clense the body, clear the soul and only then you can truly control the mind.

[joshrounding]

Just have to get it out.

So i was going through my bag and came arcoss my condoms. Just to realize that there is one missing. My mind is now trying to push the anger on me. But u know what? FUCK IT IM GOING TO USE THE ANGER AS FUEL!!!!! i know you most likley had sex this weekend. Im glad to see that you are over me and have fully moved on. Now i must try even harder to get over you, ever since i moved to vancouver everything has been catching up to me. And im glad that it finally has. I can now use all the emotions to fuel the fire within and mold myself into a new and better person.