Wherein I write that I reduced Shakespeare’s sonnets to quatrains of 136 characters and tweeted them,
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@joshuagraypoetics
Wherein I write that I reduced Shakespeare’s sonnets to quatrains of 136 characters and tweeted them,
Project #2: Gay Jesus
This month is #NaNoWriMo. I am a poet so it is no wonder that i am not partaking in the event. However, I did enjoy my contribution last year.
Last year I wrote my manuscript 3 Marys. It is a long poem, if you will, but written in the form of three gospels, and so, it reads somewhat like a novel. Since I was home essentially unemployed at the time because of my Melanoma, I figured, what the hell. I’ll write it now.
I only finished the first part of the manuscript.
But that’s okay. Finishing is not the object of #NaNoWriMo.
My manuscript is essentially three new-found gospels, Mary Magdalene, Mary of Bethany, and the Virgin Mary. The gospels speak of a gay Jesus. It takes what is written in the New Testament (the gospels) and bring forth this new theory.
You could say it is an anti-Kim Davis manuscript...
...a manuscript that is currently looking for a publisher to take it on.
10 Years of Invincibility: Part II
If you didn’t read Part 1: you might want to do so before reading on.
For a few years just before and after I turned 30, I attended many different personal development courses and seminars. And while in all that time only one seminar brought up things about my health -- and only part of that seminar did -- that had more to do with my participation in these courses than the courses themselves.
Nevertheless, after participating in them, perhaps for the first time in my life I felt really good about myself. I was confident. I went from being a lowly Web developer who was laid off to the Director of Information Technology until I quit ten years later. I purchased hearing aids for the first time. And I felt invincible.
By “invincible”, I do not mean in good health and not unable to be laid off -- although a large part of me felt that way -- and I was not overconfident or egotistical, and I knew full well I was going to die like everyone else But I had this feeling I would not die young, and I thought I would always stay in excellent health.
I felt that way for 10 years. I felt that way all the way up until my 40th birthday.
It was a few days after my 40th birthday party, an incredible party full of joy and friends, a party that was a symbol of the last 10 years of my life, that I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Melanoma.
I had cancer.
I thank my personal development, I thank Landmark Education, for those ten years. Those ten years of feeling great. Sure I still had Epilepsy, wore hearing aids, and all the rest, but those ten years were never ever defined by the hurdles and the permanent aspects of “poor health”. I am thankful for the invincibility.
Today, I am no longer “invincible”. But that’s okay. I am accepting of my health and my fights and my struggles. My personal development matters so much more now than it did then. I have the courage to write a manuscript on Melanoma -- both my personal battles, but also Everyman’s battles. It is an important manuscript I have written. Not just for me. But for everyone.
10 Years of Invincibility: Part I
The first ten years of my life are a blur. I do not count those. Except to say, in those ten years I had two brushes with death: an older sister and a swimming pool.
The older sister was simply someone who enjoyed pinching me, scratching me, and pouring buckets of water over my head. For a five-year-old who never went to church, she was the closest thing to the devil incarnate.
I’ve forgiven her of course. Today she is my dear loving sister. I’ve even dedicated a book to her.
The swimming pool is the means in which I almost drowned at age five. I fell into a pool, unable to swim, and just fell to the bottom. A family friend, about four years my senior, swam down to get me.
Between the buckets and the pool, no wonder I don’t like water.
Why am I writing all this?
Because a wonderful figure artist is painting my portrait, and she wrote me an e-mail yesterday with the subject line “Odd Question”, and proceeded to ask me if I knew good health as a young child. I did not think of the above incidents when I wrote her back, because again, the first ten years are a blur.
But when I was about ten two things happened around the same time: my parents divorced and I had an epileptic seizure. So I told her I was emotionally unhealthy because of the divorce, and then when I found out that I had Epilepsy -- something my parents knew I had since the day I was born -- though to be fair -- the doctors said I had grown out of it -- around this time my subconscious feeling of health had probably changed (I also got several sprains and broken bones from playing soccer) and stayed that way up until I turned 30.
(For some reason, I didn’t mention that I was hard of hearing and very self-conscious about it.)
At age 30, my view of my health changed. At age 30, I felt invincible.
Two more poems
worked on. The first is a nearly finished revision of earlier drafts, the second is an initial draft from notes. #amwriting
I am one step closer to compiling my manuscript of Melanoma poems.
I received
another first dose of the Herpes virus yesterday, to see if I have the same reaction (the first dose is much less than the others, about 1/100).
So far, no fever, no rash.
That sound you hear is the sound of me knocking on wood.
Did I mention that an entire mole scabbed up and fell off?
Exciting stuff, indeed,,,,
Cerberus
was a fool for a dog. I know because I killed him. Publisher Didi Menendez published the evidence.
I wrote the poem about my attempts to make my melanoma moles disappear using products i can buy at a health food store -- or a CVS. What were those products? Frankenscense oil, Neem oil and Hydrogen Peroxide.
THE FINISH OFF
After the white coats went their merry way, I decided to kill Cerberus myself. He growled as I drew near, unveiling those ivory teeth. I bit down hard on my chewing gum, and sprayed fragrant oil onto each foaming head of the dusty gray dog. The scent soured his noses, and he dropped his heads and tucked in his tail.
Then I pulled out the Eau de Légumes Pourris and threw it in his faces. He stepped back and yelped, fur turning blood red, so I spit my gum onto one of his snouts, laughed at his grand ol’ cinnamon mole.
Finally, I drenched him with the extra oxygen that surrounded me. His heads shrunk like bubble gum bubbles losing air. His red fur went as pale as those old white coats, and the three-headed dog turned so sterile it seemed he had taken off, tail clenching belly, at the utter agony of joy.
-- Published in iArtistas, #19
My weekend
was brought to me by Hell. Wednesday I got my first Herpes injections. It was like getting four TB tests. That went fine. I felt nothing all day. I took a picture of my legs all bandaged up.
Thursday, the Fever came. I dropped my father-in-law off at the airport, but I could tell I wouldn’t make the drive home. So I slept on a friend’s couch for a couple hours. I was able to drive home, but then crawled into bed, and only got out to use the toilet for one reason or another.
Friday morning I had lots of nausea, which continued throughout the day. I wasn’t keeping anything down. My wife went to get nausea medicine, but it didn’t help. Finally, I went to the ER around 6.
They gave me all types of nausea medicine, nothing worked. Then my wife remembered my last visit to the hospital. I had this unexplained pain that moved around. They were finally able to treat it with antacids. Strong ones. Yep. That did the trick, and I was released.
Saturday I was still nauseated, but better. Had an antacid. Was able to keep fluids and food down. Slept a lot.
Sunday was my first day of feeling alive.
My oncologist says the fever was to be expected. The nausea was from something else. My son had been sick…
Just before I went to my appointment Jimmy Carter’s impending surgery was in the news. Sunday I learned of Oliver Sacks passing. Folks, Melanoma is everywhere.
Bob Marley
Died of Melanoma. It first showed up on his toe. He died when it got to his brain. I’ve heard he didn’t seek medical attention because of religious reasons.
Not me. I’m seeking it. In fact, I should be starting a treatment where they inject the Herpes virus into the moles. My Melanoma also started on my foot, just under my toe, but I’m not going to let it spread to my brain.
Interestingly, darker-skinned people don’t see much Melanoma. It’s rare. We came back to the States because India doesn’t get a lot of it.
Yet, Bob Marley…
The end is not the finish
Most of the poems I wanted to write have already been written. I mean this with regards to Melanoma. The problem of course is my fight continues on. So what/where/when is the end, really? I think the end of the manuscript is near. But we shall see. Of course, after the poems have all been written, the manuscript stage truly begins. Tomorrow I see my new oncologist. It's like a new beginning, but I don't want this freshness. No smiles on my face. I want staleness. I want Melanoma to be yesterday's news. I want these seven miles on my right leg to disappear forever. I want my life back.
Project 1: Melanoma
I have three current projects at different stages of completion.
I will begin with the project that is sandwiched between the other two: my melanoma diagnosis.
Here is a brief synopsis of my first summer after being diagnosed, also sandwiched between between two other family members and forms of cancer.
Two years after that summer, I moved to India. Two years after I moved to India, I had to come home again. Seven moles popped up while I was there, four years after my original diagnosis. Four years! So close to that five-year window...
Last summer, when I moved back, my dad was also diagnosed with prostate cancer. Now it’s four summers of cancer, not just three.
This past year has been a lot of waiting. More waiting than treatment. My entire family temporarily lived with my parents in Washington DC.
And now I am in Berea KY, still waiting, but also writing. I;m writing poems about my diagnosis and treatment of Melanoma. And I am editing and improving poems I’ve previously written that were bad and filled with anger.
My goal is to complete this collection of poems by the end of 2015.
There you have it, in a long story short...
Beginning of the jounal
I have had this tumblr account for a long time, but never really figured out how to utilize it. After all, I have my “regular” WordPress blog.Why would I need another one.
I have discovered the answer: the journal.
I never really liked journaling. (Is that a word? Tumblr says no. Then again, Tumblr doesn’t recognize its own proper noun...) But last week I sort of figured something out: what I would be journaling about is what I end up writing about. So if I make what I am writing about available to to my readers before a project turns into an actual book, I might get something out of it.
Duh...
Part of the reason why I hate to journal is because I hate actual pen and paper writing. This will sort of take care of that problem.
And so, here it goes, my journal.......
Review of Principles of Belonging
Review of Principles of Belonging
Reviews always make me nervous. Okay, “always” is a stretch — I haven’t received very many reviews in my lifetime. But as an author and poet, you tend to see the criticisms more than the praises, I guess.
That said, having read this review several times…
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Poetry Display in Library
I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I had written a blurb about poetry for my high school library.
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Sort of Review on PoB
I recently came into contact with an old friend of mine. She was the Best Woman at my wedding — I didn’t have a Best Man. But it has been years since we’ve spoken — more than a decade!
Anyway, she bought both my recent books, and write me this note. Yes…
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Blurb on poetry
The head librarian at the residential school where I live is making a poetry poster and asked me to write a blurb about the importance of poetry. This is what I wrote:
THE IMPORTANCE OF POETRY
Poetry is the oldest form of written language that is still…
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Mera Bharat is now available for pre-order!
My chapbook Mera Bharat, which means “My India”, is now available for pre-order!
Read about the book and order your copy here!
Two books in three months! Woohoo!
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