A Review Of Movies I Watched While At My Parentsā Place
I stayed out with my parents for a month in the country. They have no TV reception and a dvd player that takes a lifetime to open and close. Both of these appliances have no remotes so thereās no skipping chapters, accessing settings or special features. Just no frills movie watching.
The best internet they have is 3 bars on your phone by standing near a certain window in the kitchen. This is highly embarrassing when watching pornography.
Bear in mind before you read this, I know nothing about movies. Iāve received three good reviews and five bad ones for the comedy shows Iāve written. Iām pretty much a bullshit person. Ā
Knowing my parentsā predicament, before I left I borrowed The Sopranos box set from one of my house mates. Iām halfway through the second season and I tell you what, this is amazing. It really shows how much HBO were thinking ahead. I donāt know why but it kind of reminds me of Seinfeld in that itās kind of about nothing but also has some pretty heavy issues as well.
Itās also one of the funniest shows Iāve ever seen. The comedy timing is amazing and sometimes it gets real weird and abstract. A lot of the time the mafia stuff takes a back step because the characters are so good.
I think it shows whatever we work in or how we conduct our lives, weāre all human and weirdos.
Watching the cunnilingus episode wouldāve been more entertaining if I wasnāt watching it with my nana but we both learnt one thing; if youāre in the mafia, donāt let word get out that you go down on your lady, which could be handy in the future for both of us. She still calls me and we discuss all the episodes.
This show will live forever
My mum bought this DVD for 6 dollars and wondered why it was so cheap. She couldāve used that 6 dollars to buy one of those dumb books like ā100 movies you must see before you dieā, or used it to put in an āout of orderā pinball machine because that wouldāve been more entertaining than this.
Siding with my mother she bought it for two reasons; Michael Caine and Roger Moore.
I donāt know what Michael did wrong to end up in this stinker but he shouldāve gone back to being a welder for a bit (his previous career to acting, I think). I donāt know of anything Roger Moore has done outside of Bond but if this is any indication, he shouldāve probably picked up a welding trade as well.
Moore and Caine play two different characters each but because they are not known for their character acting, they just play the same role under different names only Caine has an awful American accent to make sure you donāt mix up the two different characters heās playing. To combat this, Moore wears glasses sometimes.
The music is awful as well. Itās like they borrowed all the music Benny Hill rejected because he felt it didnāt objectify women enough.
They practically mouth the script so badly that it sounds like a child overcoming a learning disability.
My parents, aunty and grandmother fell asleep within 20 minutes. My dad briefly woke up and said, āThis is corny.ā
I donāt want to be the kind of guy to over-analyse a spaghetti western but itās hard to say if Clint Eastwood is a genius or total narcissist.
A town under threat by an evil mining boss has nowhere to turn until a little girlās prayers are answered after her dog dies. Those prayers are answered in the form of a preacher (Eastwood).
Usually movies like this start slowly but not in Clintās case. Within the first 5 minutes he begins the lordās work by defeating five blokes using some crazy ninja skills via axe handles, (a technique used a lot in the Wild West). He then helps the community find the biggest nugget of gold, defeats Jaws from the Bond movie, blows up the bad guyās mine and defeats seven bounty hunters in one hit. He does this so flawlessly that the little girl offers herself to him. He says no and instead bangs her mum; the girlfriend of the man who he is staying with. He doesnāt seem to mind.
Not one thing goes wrong for the old Pale Rider except when the little girl nearly gets raped but he rescues her from that situation as well.
I know this doesnāt sound odd for a spaghetti western but it was produced and directed by Eastwood. I know Iāve got self-esteem issues but if I produced and directed a film where Iām depicted as such a goddamn legend Iād have to take ten cold showers a day. That or some charity work.
Elvis did the same thing with his movies. Maybe he couldnāt deal with the guilt like Clint, so he ate himself to death.
I still enjoyed this because Clint knows how to deliver a line. He also leaps out of a horse drinking trough and shoots a guy, which is impressive but disgusting as Iāve seen a horse drinking trough.
After Pale Rider Mum said that she also bought another Clint Eastwood western. After looking through the cupboard the only western I found was Hombre with Paul Newman in it.
I asked Mum if this was the one she meant and she was determined that wasnāt it. She searched the house six times defiantly.
After putting the pieces of the puzzle together that this was the only other western in the house besides Pale Rider, we decided to give it a go.
This starts off as your typical spaghetti western then takes an unexpected turn. The cast are great and the shots are beautiful. Itās got a great message.
The important thing here is that I was right and my mum was wrong, how could you possibly mix up Clint Eastwood and Paul Newman? Seriously?
Martin Scorsese has done some great stuff in his time. He is a great asset to Hollywood but would only be a mediocre director in the foreign film world. (Yes, I am one of those wankers.) This is a highly enjoyable example. He does some cool shots and Sharon Stone is awesome.
Most of the film is commentated by Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci and is about money.
I wouldāve enjoyed this film more but I havenāt been a fan of De Niro since he was voted number 1 actor by Empire Magazine a few years ago. JACK NICHOLSON WAS ROBBED.
Could De Niro have played Schmidt in About Schmidt? I DONāT THINK SO.
Joe Pesci must have been pissed off that the only other role he could get after this was Lethal Weapon 4 as he does a top job. I always thought heād be a better Penguin than Danny Devito but Danny Devito was pretty good as well. Actually Michelle Pfeiffer was a good Catwoman. Ā
All in all Batman Returns was a decent movie. I donāt know why it wasnāt great though.
I borrowed Casino from my housemates. They had two copies.
6.Ā The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassis
I didnāt get around to watching this but I heard itās good. Thereās a hologram on the cover plus itās directed by Terry Gilliam. Did I mention the hologram cover
A small boy that lives near a radioactive plant teaches a group of unruly rats to play basketball. They win the NBA but things go awry when one of them has an affair with a baby deer.
Just kidding this movie is purely fictional. But open to any grants or funding.
Well there you go, folks. At the moment Iām watching an old episode of Midsommer Murders. Itās cool watching the over-acting when people get strangled.
Let me know what you think below about my poorly written babble.
