
if i look back, i am lost
hello vonnie
Sade Olutola

Kaledo Art
No title available

shark vs the universe
Cosimo Galluzzi
will byers stan first human second
DEAR READER

★

No title available
sheepfilms

Product Placement
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Discoholic 🪩
AnasAbdin
Three Goblin Art

oozey mess

PR's Tumblrdome

izzy's playlists!
seen from United States
seen from Iraq

seen from Indonesia

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Singapore
seen from United States

seen from Brazil
seen from Japan

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
@joybulanhagui
dam, anong pakiramdam?
(how does it feel?)
(source: sb19 - DAM [music video])
SB19 101 + Songs to Listen to
SB19 is a trailblazing Filipino PPop (Pinoy Pop) group, making waves both locally and internationally with their unique blend of Filipino and Korean pop influences. Formed in 2016 under ShowBT Philippines, the group comprises five talented members: Pablo, Josh, Stell, Ken, and Justin. They are known for their powerful vocals, intricate choreography, and heartfelt songwriting, quickly rising to fame with their uplifting and relatable music.
Must Listen to SB19 Songs
"Go Up" (2019)
Their breakthrough hit, this upbeat song about perseverance catapulted SB19 to fame, earning them wide recognition.
The dance practice:
The official MV:
"Alab (Burning)" (2020)
A vibrant and energetic pop song with a catchy hook, "Alab" is a fan favorite for its infectious energy and danceable beat.
"Hanggang Sa Huli" (2020)
A ballad about unrequited love and heartbreak, this song highlights SB19’s vocal harmonies and emotional depth.
I can only add 10 videos to a post so I selected 10 to share. I didn't include this track but you can watch this song's animated music video here. ⬅️
"Tilaluha" (2019)
SB19’s debut single, a sentimental ballad about longing and heartache, setting the stage for their success with its powerful vocals and emotional resonance.
Watch the music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Fqszuma1zQ
"Mapa" (2021)
A heartfelt tribute to parents, "Mapa" combines "Mama" and "Papa" in its title, symbolizing gratitude and love as well as "mapa" for map, showing gratitude to those who guide us.
The song’s touching lyrics and soothing melody make it a fan favorite. It's their most-viewed video to date, with over 104 million views as of this post.
"WYAT (Where You At)" (2022)
This upbeat, disco-pop track captures the excitement of reconnecting with loved ones after a long time apart. Its retro vibe and feel-good energy make it a standout. Its energy and catchy hook make it a great introduction to SB19’s style.
"What?" (2021)
This powerful anthem speaks about identity and pride, blending rock and pop elements with explosive choreography.
"Bazinga" (2021)
A hard-hitting track with themes of resilience and confidence. It topped Billboard's Hot Trending Songs chart, emphasizing the group's growing international fanbase.
"Gento" (2023)
Known for its hard-hitting beat and confident lyrics, this song symbolizes change and progress. The title is a play on "ginto" (gold) and "ganito" (like this), signaling excellence and ambition. It’s an anthem of self-empowerment and worth, emphasizing the group's hard work and resilience.
It's their second most viewed video after "Mapa" and has been making the rounds on social media for its iconic dance moves. Several Korean idols and other celebrities did not escape the challenge to try the trend.
"I Want You" (2023)
A sultry, smooth track with a slow, sensual beat. This song showcases SB19's ability to blend R&B influences into their music while maintaining their signature style.
"CRIMZONE" (2023)
A powerful anthem of defiance and resilience, this track has an intense energy with a rebellious tone, demonstrating SB19’s versatility in both sound and performance.
This track stands out with its intense beats and themes of perseverance, encouraging listeners to remain steadfast despite challenges. The energetic delivery and impactful lyrics give it an empowering feel.
Here's a link to the official lyric video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-Nh623g0-Y
"Liham" (2023)
A moving ballad about unspoken feelings, "Liham" captures the pain and longing of words left unsaid in a heartfelt letter. It's themes of love, longing, and vulnerability, highlights SB19's emotional depth.
The lyric video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orU-h3eX-Gc
"Ilaw" (2023)
A more emotional, introspective track, "Ilaw" represents hope and guidance, showcasing SB19’s ability to convey deep feelings through gentle melodies and touching lyrics.
Here's a link to the official lyric video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ns8DztSfwo
"Moonlight" (2024)
Moonlight has a dreamy, mellow feel, combining smooth melodies with reflective lyrics. It’s particularly appreciated for its atmospheric and soothing vibe.
They have collaborated with Ian Asher and Terry Zhong in "Moonlight." Other collaborations include "Ready" with Apl.de.Ap of Black Eyed Peas and "Kalakal" with Gloc-9, the latter is often dubbed as the fastest rapper in the Philippines.
Other Must Watch Videos
Apart from their official music videos, it's worth watching live performances and one-take recordings such as from The First Take and Wish Bus.
SB19 offers a dynamic and diverse discography, blending pop, ballads, R&B, rock, and hip-hop, making them an exciting force in the PPop industry and beyond.
Members
Pablo (John Paulo Nase)
The group’s leader, main rapper, and lead vocalist, Pablo is also a talented songwriter and producer. He is credited with writing most of SB19's songs.
Josh (Josh Cullen Santos)
Josh serves as the lead rapper and sub-vocalist of the group. He's the eldest member of the group, but true to his name, Cullen, he's like a vampire who doesn't look his age.
While all of them struggled before reaching where they are right now, Josh's life story is probably the most interesting one (IMO). It could have easily landed an episode of biopic (often dramatic but with life lessons to serve) shows like "Magpakailanman" or "Maalala mo Kaya."
Stell (Stellvester Ajero)
Known for his powerful vocals, Stell is SB19's main vocalist. He is also involved in vocal arrangements and harmonies, bringing emotional depth to the group's music.
Ken (Felip Jhon Suson)
As the group's main dancer and sub-vocalist, Ken has a distinct low vocal range that adds texture to their songs.
Justin (Justin de Dios)
The youngest member and sub-vocalist, Justin is also the creative mind behind much of SB19's visual content, contributing to their music video direction and concepts.
Solo Music
SB19’s members have ventured into solo projects, further showcasing their individual artistry alongside their group success.
Pablo
Pablo's solo single, "La Luna" (2022), is a deep, introspective track that explores themes of inner battles, freedom, and identity, set against a dark, moody backdrop.
He continues to explore deeper themes in his solo work with two recent albums, "Alon" and "Laon" (2024). These albums are a reflection of his growth as a songwriter and producer, tackling topics like personal struggles, introspection, and resilience.
Laon (long time, old, ancient; you get the point) is more upbeat and often edgy, while Alon (waves, like ocean waves) is inspirational but sometimes heartbreaking.
"Butata" from Laon is easily the top track with it's basketball-themed lyrics referencing the anime Slam Dunk, which was a hit in the Philippines back in the 2000s. "Butata" literally means getting zero points or losing a game. It's a gritty, hard-hitting track that reflects Pablo’s ability to mix emotional vulnerability with strong, impactful lyricism.
I like all the songs in Alon, especially "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" and "Drowning in the Water." The former (TBWCW) is surprisingly not about the boy who cried wolf but about the boy who is also the wolf at the same time, and he's having a dialogue with himself. The latter is a song he wrote about a decade or so ago. Let me add "Wala" as well.
Josh
In 2023, Josh launched his solo single "Wild Tonight," which blends dark, edgy themes with electronic pop influences.
Josh later released "1999" this year, which reflects his personal memories and nostalgia of growing up in the '90s. The song blends retro vibes with modern electronic beats, celebrating the simplicity and joy of youth.
Other notable songs from both the first wave of singles and the current ones include Yoko Na featuring Al James, Get Right, No Control, and Sumaya. The entire Lost and Found album (2024) is bop to be honest, but my personal favorites are Silent Cries, See Me, and Honest.
Felip / Ken
Under his solo name "Felip," he has released tracks like "Palayo" and "Bulan," which explore his creative individuality and experiment with contemporary R&B and hip-hop with some traditional elements. Fake Faces easily makes him a "Rocksta." Let me add Kanako too. It's in Bisaya (another language in the Philippines).
Apart from the singles, he has released the 7 Sins (2024) album. I love the entire album, especially the rage song "envy" and the inspiring "ache." The kids choir at the song's bridge can melt your heart further amid the already heart-melting lyrics. His collaboration with Dutch-Filipino R&B singer Cyra Gwynth "lust" is a must-listen to track as well. The entire album is a must-listen to, actually.
Stell
Stell's songs combine a mix of ballads and pop tracks that allow him to express his personal experiences and artistic growth beyond his work with SB19.
(GIF is in his The Voice Philippines coach era)
One of the standout songs from Stell’s solo project, "Room" is a heartfelt ballad that focuses on the themes of love, vulnerability, and personal space. Stell’s rich vocals shine, creating an intimate emotional connection with listeners.
Speaking of that GIF, Stell became a coach for the Philippine franchise of The Voice Generations (2023) and The Voice Kids (2024). His rendition of All By Myself with David Foster further proves his vocal strength.
Justin
Justin’s recent solo releases have also gained attention for their unique storytelling and personal touch.
"Kaibigan" is a touching song about friendship and love (or more like friendzoned). It highlights Justin's lyrical ability to convey warmth and connection, blending gentle melodies with heartfelt lyrics.
"Surreal": This track dives into dreamlike themes of wonder and imagination, offering a smooth, almost ethereal sound that showcases Justin's creativity and softer vocal tones.
These solo efforts from SB19’s members, alongside their group discography, illustrate the depth of their musical abilities and their desire to push boundaries within PPop and beyond.
Erratum: this post is constantly being updated
DAM
Like, damn! The music video for SB19's new single, "DAM," for their upcoming comeback album SAW (Simula at Wakas, translates to "the Beginning and the End" or "Start and Finish") is so damn lit! It has surpassed 4 million YouTube views within 24 hours. That's the second highest record in the Philippines to date.
SAW World Tour
Like, damn! The SAW World Tour Philippine leg at the Philippine Arena (with a capacity of 50,000+ seats) got sold out in just 7 hours! Other tour locations also got sold out! Some even within several minutes! 😱
🍎 Simula at Wakas World Tour Kickoff WE DID IT! We OFFICIALLY SOLD OUT the Philippine Arena in less than 7 hours! From the bottom of our he
SB19 101 + Songs to Listen to
SB19 is a trailblazing Filipino PPop (Pinoy Pop) group, making waves both locally and internationally with their unique blend of Filipino and Korean pop influences. Formed in 2016 under ShowBT Philippines, the group comprises five talented members: Pablo, Josh, Stell, Ken, and Justin. They are known for their powerful vocals, intricate choreography, and heartfelt songwriting, quickly rising to fame with their uplifting and relatable music.
Must Listen to SB19 Songs
"Go Up" (2019)
Their breakthrough hit, this upbeat song about perseverance catapulted SB19 to fame, earning them wide recognition.
The dance practice:
The official MV:
"Alab (Burning)" (2020)
A vibrant and energetic pop song with a catchy hook, "Alab" is a fan favorite for its infectious energy and danceable beat.
"Hanggang Sa Huli" (2020)
A ballad about unrequited love and heartbreak, this song highlights SB19’s vocal harmonies and emotional depth.
I can only add 10 videos to a post so I selected 10 to share. I didn't include this track but you can watch this song's animated music video here. ⬅️
"Tilaluha" (2019)
SB19’s debut single, a sentimental ballad about longing and heartache, setting the stage for their success with its powerful vocals and emotional resonance.
Watch the music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Fqszuma1zQ
"Mapa" (2021)
A heartfelt tribute to parents, "Mapa" combines "Mama" and "Papa" in its title, symbolizing gratitude and love as well as "mapa" for map, showing gratitude to those who guide us.
The song’s touching lyrics and soothing melody make it a fan favorite. It's their most-viewed video to date, with over 104 million views as of this post.
"WYAT (Where You At)" (2022)
This upbeat, disco-pop track captures the excitement of reconnecting with loved ones after a long time apart. Its retro vibe and feel-good energy make it a standout. Its energy and catchy hook make it a great introduction to SB19’s style.
"What?" (2021)
This powerful anthem speaks about identity and pride, blending rock and pop elements with explosive choreography.
"Bazinga" (2021)
A hard-hitting track with themes of resilience and confidence. It topped Billboard's Hot Trending Songs chart, emphasizing the group's growing international fanbase.
"Gento" (2023)
Known for its hard-hitting beat and confident lyrics, this song symbolizes change and progress. The title is a play on "ginto" (gold) and "ganito" (like this), signaling excellence and ambition. It’s an anthem of self-empowerment and worth, emphasizing the group's hard work and resilience.
It's their second most viewed video after "Mapa" and has been making the rounds on social media for its iconic dance moves. Several Korean idols and other celebrities did not escape the challenge to try the trend.
"I Want You" (2023)
A sultry, smooth track with a slow, sensual beat. This song showcases SB19's ability to blend R&B influences into their music while maintaining their signature style.
"CRIMZONE" (2023)
A powerful anthem of defiance and resilience, this track has an intense energy with a rebellious tone, demonstrating SB19’s versatility in both sound and performance.
This track stands out with its intense beats and themes of perseverance, encouraging listeners to remain steadfast despite challenges. The energetic delivery and impactful lyrics give it an empowering feel.
Here's a link to the official lyric video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-Nh623g0-Y
"Liham" (2023)
A moving ballad about unspoken feelings, "Liham" captures the pain and longing of words left unsaid in a heartfelt letter. It's themes of love, longing, and vulnerability, highlights SB19's emotional depth.
The lyric video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orU-h3eX-Gc
"Ilaw" (2023)
A more emotional, introspective track, "Ilaw" represents hope and guidance, showcasing SB19’s ability to convey deep feelings through gentle melodies and touching lyrics.
Here's a link to the official lyric video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ns8DztSfwo
"Moonlight" (2024)
Moonlight has a dreamy, mellow feel, combining smooth melodies with reflective lyrics. It’s particularly appreciated for its atmospheric and soothing vibe.
They have collaborated with Ian Asher and Terry Zhong in "Moonlight." Other collaborations include "Ready" with Apl.de.Ap of Black Eyed Peas and "Kalakal" with Gloc-9, the latter is often dubbed as the fastest rapper in the Philippines.
Other Must Watch Videos
Apart from their official music videos, it's worth watching live performances and one-take recordings such as from The First Take and Wish Bus.
SB19 offers a dynamic and diverse discography, blending pop, ballads, R&B, rock, and hip-hop, making them an exciting force in the PPop industry and beyond.
Members
Pablo (John Paulo Nase)
The group’s leader, main rapper, and lead vocalist, Pablo is also a talented songwriter and producer. He is credited with writing most of SB19's songs.
Josh (Josh Cullen Santos)
Josh serves as the lead rapper and sub-vocalist of the group. He's the eldest member of the group, but true to his name, Cullen, he's like a vampire who doesn't look his age.
While all of them struggled before reaching where they are right now, Josh's life story is probably the most interesting one (IMO). It could have easily landed an episode of biopic (often dramatic but with life lessons to serve) shows like "Magpakailanman" or "Maalala mo Kaya."
Stell (Stellvester Ajero)
Known for his powerful vocals, Stell is SB19's main vocalist. He is also involved in vocal arrangements and harmonies, bringing emotional depth to the group's music.
Ken (Felip Jhon Suson)
As the group's main dancer and sub-vocalist, Ken has a distinct low vocal range that adds texture to their songs.
Justin (Justin de Dios)
The youngest member and sub-vocalist, Justin is also the creative mind behind much of SB19's visual content, contributing to their music video direction and concepts.
Solo Music
SB19’s members have ventured into solo projects, further showcasing their individual artistry alongside their group success.
Pablo
Pablo's solo single, "La Luna" (2022), is a deep, introspective track that explores themes of inner battles, freedom, and identity, set against a dark, moody backdrop.
He continues to explore deeper themes in his solo work with two recent albums, "Alon" and "Laon" (2024). These albums are a reflection of his growth as a songwriter and producer, tackling topics like personal struggles, introspection, and resilience.
Laon (long time, old, ancient; you get the point) is more upbeat and often edgy, while Alon (waves, like ocean waves) is inspirational but sometimes heartbreaking.
"Butata" from Laon is easily the top track with it's basketball-themed lyrics referencing the anime Slam Dunk, which was a hit in the Philippines back in the 2000s. "Butata" literally means getting zero points or losing a game. It's a gritty, hard-hitting track that reflects Pablo’s ability to mix emotional vulnerability with strong, impactful lyricism.
I like all the songs in Alon, especially "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" and "Drowning in the Water." The former (TBWCW) is surprisingly not about the boy who cried wolf but about the boy who is also the wolf at the same time, and he's having a dialogue with himself. The latter is a song he wrote about a decade or so ago. Let me add "Wala" as well.
Josh
In 2023, Josh launched his solo single "Wild Tonight," which blends dark, edgy themes with electronic pop influences.
Josh later released "1999" this year, which reflects his personal memories and nostalgia of growing up in the '90s. The song blends retro vibes with modern electronic beats, celebrating the simplicity and joy of youth.
Other notable songs from both the first wave of singles and the current ones include Yoko Na featuring Al James, Get Right, No Control, and Sumaya. The entire Lost and Found album (2024) is bop to be honest, but my personal favorites are Silent Cries, See Me, and Honest.
Felip / Ken
Under his solo name "Felip," he has released tracks like "Palayo" and "Bulan," which explore his creative individuality and experiment with contemporary R&B and hip-hop with some traditional elements. Fake Faces easily makes him a "Rocksta." Let me add Kanako too. It's in Bisaya (another language in the Philippines).
Apart from the singles, he has released the 7 Sins (2024) album. I love the entire album, especially the rage song "envy" and the inspiring "ache." The kids choir at the song's bridge can melt your heart further amid the already heart-melting lyrics. His collaboration with Dutch-Filipino R&B singer Cyra Gwynth "lust" is a must-listen to track as well. The entire album is a must-listen to, actually.
Stell
Stell's songs combine a mix of ballads and pop tracks that allow him to express his personal experiences and artistic growth beyond his work with SB19.
(GIF is in his The Voice Philippines coach era)
One of the standout songs from Stell’s solo project, "Room" is a heartfelt ballad that focuses on the themes of love, vulnerability, and personal space. Stell’s rich vocals shine, creating an intimate emotional connection with listeners.
Speaking of that GIF, Stell became a coach for the Philippine franchise of The Voice Generations (2023) and The Voice Kids (2024). His rendition of All By Myself with David Foster further proves his vocal strength.
Justin
Justin’s recent solo releases have also gained attention for their unique storytelling and personal touch.
"Kaibigan" is a touching song about friendship and love (or more like friendzoned). It highlights Justin's lyrical ability to convey warmth and connection, blending gentle melodies with heartfelt lyrics.
"Surreal": This track dives into dreamlike themes of wonder and imagination, offering a smooth, almost ethereal sound that showcases Justin's creativity and softer vocal tones.
These solo efforts from SB19’s members, alongside their group discography, illustrate the depth of their musical abilities and their desire to push boundaries within PPop and beyond.
Erratum: this post is constantly being updated
DAM
Like, damn! The music video for SB19's new single, "DAM," for their upcoming comeback album SAW (Simula at Wakas, translates to "the Beginning and the End" or "Start and Finish") is so damn lit! It has surpassed 4 million YouTube views within 24 hours. That's the second highest record in the Philippines to date.
It's my 13 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳
Rizal & Fidel in Pulang Araw
#MCAI #PulangAraw #Fidel
明治11年5月14日
filay, but make it ✨pride and prejudice✨
I haven't painted in so many years so I'm a little bit rusty, but I'm very happy with how this turned out 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 I've been super obsessed with maria clara at ibarra lately and I am RIDICULOUSLY invested in filay's shenanigans!!! THEY ARE SO CUTE!!!!!
nooo MCI ending in 6 days and 😭😭😭😭😭😭 take me back to good old days of my new otp
This is my new OTP for reel only
“Itinatangi Kita” scene in MCI is so far my fave.
Maria Clara at Ibarra took its time with Fidel, and it paid off
AAMININ KO, HINDI ako palanood ng mga teleserye. Nahihirapan akong sumubaybay sa five-episodes-per-week format. In 2022, naisipan kong manood ulit ng teleserye. Isa sa mga naisip kong panoorin ay Maria Clara at Ibarra, isang portal fantasy kung saan ang bidang si Klay ay ipinasok sa mundo ng mga nobela ni Jose Rizal. Basically, Noli/Fili isekai.
I honestly did not have high expectations, knowing kung gaano ka-fast paced ang production ng TV series sa Pilipinas. Kaya pleasantly surprised talaga ako na masasaksihan ko sa MCI ang isang character arc na puwede ko na sigurong sabihing kahanay ng mga paborito ko.
The character arc in question ay ang kay Fidel. Sinulit ng MCI ang teleserye format sa pagbuo ng character arc ni Fidel, taking 17 real-life weeks para ipakita ang development niya. Ita-tackle ko na rin ang nangyari sa unang episode after those 17 weeks kasi hindi ko talaga matiis sa sobrang pagkamangha ko.
Unang lumabas si Fidel de los Reyes sa Episode 3 ng Maria Clara at Ibarra, bilang isa sa mga malalapít na kaibigan ni Crisostomo Ibarra. Original character si Fidel, wala siya sa Noli me tangere, tulad ni Klay. Ang kaso nga lang ay kahit na kaibigan siya ni Ibarra, he is far from likable. Lalong-lalo na para sa bida nating si Klay.
Fidel de los Reyes, raging misogynist
Simula pa lang, malinaw na ang purpose ng character ni Fidel: para ipakita na kahit sa panig ng mga taong tulad ni Ibarra, mababa ang tingin ng kalalakihan sa kababaihan noong 1880s. At mula naman sa perspective ni Klay, para ipakita sa kaniyang marami palang pagkakatulad ang panahon niya at panahon ni Rizal.
"Kung magiging sintalino [ng mga babae] ang mga [lalaki], tila magiging isang malaking kaparusahan ito sa atin!"
Hindi understatement kung sasabihing raging misogynist si Fidel noong una siyang lumabas. Tinitingnan ni Fidel ang pagiging marunong ng kababaihan bilang isang banta sa kalalakihan. Hindi lang siya sa salita mapanghamak sa mga babae, ipinakita rin niyang handa siyang manakit ng babae dahil lang nasaktan ng isang matalinong babae ang ego niya. Nasampal pa siya ni Klay dahil dito (at deserve niya iyon).
Bukod sa mababang tingin ni Fidel sa kababaihan, masasabi ring hinubog siya ng privelege na mayroon siya. Dahil nabuhay siyang hindi inuusig, buo ang tiwala niya sa gobyerno at Simbahan, at wala rin siyang amor para sa mahihirap. Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit napakadali para sa kaniyang hindi makaramdam ng simpatya para kay Sisa sa una.
Itong privilege ni Fidel ang siya ring nagpapaniwala sa kaniyang nasa posisyon siya para utusan si Klay (isang babae) na ipagdasal ("trabaho" ng babae noong panahon ng pananakop ng mga Kastila) ang biyahe nilang tatlo ni Ibarra. Ang pagtawag niyang "bruha" kay Klay ay hindi lang misogynistic kundi bunga ng maka-Kastila niyang paniniwala.
Ang takot niya sa mga tulisan ay bunga rin ng privilege niya at paghanay niya sa sarili sa panig ng mga Kastila. Ang pagharang ng mga tulisan sa isang prayle ang sinabi niyang dahilan para katakutan ang mga tulisan na posibleng humarang sa kanila sa biyahe. Iskandaloso ang tingin ni Fidel sa sagot ni Klay na "Prayle naman pala! Baka masama 'yung prayle na 'yon kaya siya sinaktan." Hindi niya matanggap ang pagsasalita nang ganoon ni Klay laban sa mga itinuturing niyang huwaran.
"Binibining Klay, simulan mo nang magdasal bupang maging ligtas ang ating paglalakbay. 'Yon ay kung didinggin ng Diyos ang dasal ng isang bruha."
Hindi magkahiwalay ang pagiging maka-Kastila, matapobre, at mapanghamak ni Fidel sa kababaihan; lahat ng mga ito ay bunga ng pribilehiyo niya bilang isang mayamang mestizo. Mapapansing nagpakita ng kaunting "respeto" si Fidel nang mag-English si Klay. Sa panahong iyon, matututo ka lang ng ibang wika sa pagbabasa, paglalakbay sa ibang bansa, o pagkakaroon ng white-collar job sa isang British-owned business. Mula sa perspective ni Fidel, tanda ng pagiging edukada o maykaya ang pagsasalita ni Klay ng English; naisantabi niya nang panandalian ang panghahamak sa kababaihan dahil sa tingin niya ay posibleng privileged din si Klay kagaya niya.
'Tunay ka ngang kakaibang babae'
Si Fidel na naniwala kaagad sa paratang na nagnakaw si Crispin at nangmamaliit kay Klay ang siya ring tumulong, sa maliit na paraan, sa paggamot sa injuries ni Sisa sa Episode 25. Hindi niya naiintindihan nang lubos ang nangyayari, but he's trying. Hindi instant ang pagbabago niya. Alien pa rin sa kaniya ang idea ng pagkakaroon ng babaeng manggagamot, pero hindi nagmarunong si Fidel o pinatigil si Klay (in contrast sa tangkang "pagliligtas" ni Don Tiburcio kay Kapitan Basilio at pagharang ni Kapitana Tica kay Klay 10 episodes later).
Sa Episode 25, sa warehouse ni Fidel ginamot ni Klay si Sisa. Hindi pa ganap na nagbago si Fidel, pero nagsisimula na siyang maging mas bukás sa mga bagay na bago sa paningin niya.
Sa kabila ng tension sa pagitan nina Klay at Fidel, malinaw ring intensyon ng series na si Fidel ay magiging potential love interest para kay Klay. Malinaw rin kung anong klaseng love interest si Fidel: lalaking mapang-uyam sa bidang babae pero unti-unting nahuhulog ang loob sa inuuyam niya. Dahil sa tindi ng tension sa pagitan nila ni Klay, I would say na nalaro nito nang ayos ang inaasar-ka-niya-dahil-gusto-ka cliché, lalo na't hindi lang simpleng pang-aasar ang ginagawa ni Fidel sa una.
From Episode 30 onwards, makikita ang pag-develop ni Fidel ng paghanga para kay Klay. Sa Episode 30 nagsimulang magparamdam si Fidel na may nabubuo siyang pagtingin kay Klay. Dito rin siya nagsimulang mang-asar, in the friendly sense, pero na-call out din siya dahil out of line.
In Episode 34, nangyari ang isang rare instance na nang-asar, intentionally, si Fidel dahil gusto niya si Klay. Walang explicit romantic intentions ang karamihan ng instances ng pang-aasar ni Fidel (pero hindi rin masasabing pilít if you read them as romantic). Sinundan ito kaagad ng isang compliment na backhanded, probably unintentionally so. Fidel's trying. And failing.
"Binibining Klay, kung hindi ka pa nadapa ay hindi kita makilala. Mayroon ka palang itinatagong ganda."
Sa Episode 35, mapapansing hindi pa ganap na sumasang-ayon si Fidel sa mga kilos ni Klay. Makikitang nagtangka siyang pigilan si Klay na sumampa sa upuan ang magsalita laban kina Kapitan Basilio at sa mga bisita nito. In the following episode, however, hindi niya pinigilan si Klay sa pagliligtas kay Kapitan Basilio matapos mabilaukan ang matanda. May tiwala si Fidel sa kakayahan ni Klay magbigay ng first aid, as he witnessed ten episodes prior.
Mabagal ang progress ni Fidel, but it's there. Nang iligtas ni Klay si Ibarra through mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and CPR (Episode 40), ipinagtanggol ni Fidel si Klay at nagpaliwanag na "karaniwan itong ginagawa ng mga nakapag-aral ng medisina" kahit na ipagtataka ng mga marami sa panahong iyon na alam ito ng isang babae. Idinagdag pa ni Fidel na katanggap-tanggap sa Kanluran ang mga ito.*
* This might come come off as anachronistic dahil 1900s naging standard procedure ang CPR, pero may mga precursor ng CPR noong mid-1800s. However, hindi chest compression ang ginagawa doon. 1891, seven years after when MCI is set, unang nagamit ni Dr. Friedrich Maass successfully ang chest compressions sa paglilgitas ng pasyente. May mouth-to-mouth resuscitation for drowning victims since the 1700s, though.
Matapos iligtas ni Klay si Ibarra, nakipagkita si Fidel in private kay Klay. Nagsisimula na si Fidel na makita ang halaga ni Klay. Dagdag pa, humahanga siya hindi sa kabila ng pagiging "kakaiba" ni Klay kundi dahil dito. What this means is hindi na niya nakikitang kapintasan ang talino at tapang ni Klay at hindi na rin niya ito nakikita as a threat to his ego.
Fidel: Binibining Klay, [...] tunay ka ngang kakaibang babae, kaya sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon ay napahanga mo ako. Hindi lamang sa iyong angking talino at lakas ng loob, kundi pati na rin sa [...] independence of mind and spirit.
I particularly like na, at least at the time of the episode's airing, puwede mong ma-interpret ang paghangang ito ni Fidel as something na hindi lang romantic; puwede mong basahin ang paghanga na ito bilang bunga ng nabubuong pagtingin niya kay Klay, pero puwede mo ring basahin bilang magkahiwalay na bagay ang paghanga niya sa kakayahan ni Klay at ang ang attraction niya kay Klay.
Sa kabila ng nabubuong paghanga ni Fidel para kay Klay, hindi pa rin nawawala ang pagkiling niya sa mga Kastila. Tutol siya (at si Ibarra) sa pag-awat ni Klay kay Padre Salvi matapos saktan ng prayle ang ilang tao sa tabing-lawa. Dito iginiit ni Klay na may lakas ng loob ang mga tulad ni Padre Salvi na mang-abuso dahil may mga tulad ni Ibarra na may mabuting hangarin ngunit walang ginagawa para labanan ang kasamaan.
'Tila umiibig ang ginoo!'
Fidel: Sa araw na ito, tila nakilala ko na rin ang babaeng hahangaan ko... Pilosopo Tasyo: Tila umiibig ang ginoo!
It took time bago nagpakita ng explicit na romantic affection si Fidel towards Klay. Nang tumakas sina Klay at Maria Clara para makipagkita kay Ibarra (Episodes 48-49), nakita ni Fidel si Klay sa parehong paraang nakikita ni Ibarra si Maria Clara. Pansin din ito ni Ibarra, pero in denial pa si Fidel sa puntong ito.
May kahambugan pa si Fidel sa pagkukuwento kay Klay tungkol sa pagtingin niya sa isang certain someone na itatago na lang natin sa pangalang Maria Clara Infantes. Iniyayabang ni Fidel na napakapalad ng special someone na ito dahil iniibig niya.
Sa kabila ng mariing pagtanggi sa simula ni Fidel na may pagtingin siya kay Klay, hindi niya kinontra si Ibarra nang tawagin nito sina Maria Clara at Klay na "ating mga Maria Clara" matapos sunduin at pagalitan ni Kapitan Tiago ang magkatukayo.
Ibarra: Paano ba iyan, amigo? Tila karamay mo ako sa pag-aalala sa ating mga Maria Clara.
Episodes 57-58 na umamin si Fidel kay Klay; it took that long. Ang kagandahan sa development na ito sa relasyon nila, on Fidel's part, ay hindi siya nagkaroon ng drastic na pagbabago para lang kay Klay; hindi siya biglang naging "ideal guy". Lumilitaw ang isang character flaw niya: dahil sa pagiging misogynist niya sa simula ng series, it only makes sense na hindi siya marunong makipag-usap sa babae, let alone isang babae na alam kung ano ang deserve niya. On Klay's part naman, she stayed her ground. Hindi niya ni-reciprocate ang feelings ni Fidel dahil lang hindi na ito (intentionally) mean.
Now, let me go into a bit of a tangent because I want to talk about Fidel's confession.
Napakaraming sinabi si Fidel na mako-consider na pang-aasar kung intentional, pero malinaw namang makikita na ang mga nasabi niya ay dahil lang hindi siya maalam manuyo. Fidel's trying. And failing. (1)
Take this exchange, for example:
Fidel: Binibinig Klay, bulag ka ba at hindi mo nakikita? O sadyang manhid ka lang ka lang at hindi mo nararamdaman? Klay: Ang alin ba? Fidel: Na sa kabila ng iyong bangis at pagmimistulang bruha, at ang iyong paglalamyerda sa buong San Diego na madalas ay bastos at walang modo na hindi gaya ng mga de-klaseng babae diyan... Klay: May point ka ba? O recap lang 'to ng judgment sa'kin ng bayang 'to? Nahiya ka pa, isama mo na rin 'yung pagbuntot ko sa amigo mo na parang kerida. Fidel: Isa pa iyon!
Comedy aside, kapansin-pansin na may animosity pa rin sa pagitan ng dalawa, especially on Klay's part. Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit hindi agad makapaniwala si Klay na may pagtingin sa kaniya si Fidel. And that's completely understandabl; ni minsan ay hindi man lang inihingi ni Fidel ng paumanhin ang past actions niya towards Klay. Hindi batid ni Fidel na mabigat ang mga ito para kay Klay dahil hindi pa siya nalagay sa posisyon kung saan siya ay hinahamak.
Another standout exchange is this:
Klay: Magkaiba ang mundo natin. Fidel: Batid ko. Batid ko na tila langit ako at ikaw ay lupa.
Concise ang punchline, dine-defy ang expectation sa isang otherwise predictable expression, at in-character pa para kay Fidel na napakatayog ng tingin sa sarili. I say this is gold.
Bakas pa rin ang pagka-entitled ni Fidel sa expectations niya kay Klay; na magugustuhan agad siya pabalik at papayag na magpakasal sa kaniya. Nagnakaw pa ng halik si Fidel kay Klay. Na-call out din ito ni Klay, siyempre.
May pagka-immature ang reaction ni Fidel sa rejection ni Klay, parang batang hindi pinagbigyan matapos magturô sa tindahan. May halo pang kaunting pagyayabang na kung ibang babae ang susuyuin niya nang ganoon ay hindi siya tatanggihan.
Sinubok din ni Fidel na mangharana para suyuin si Klay, katulad ng panghaharana ni Ibarra kay Maria Clara noon, pero naging malamig ang pagtanggap ni Klay dito. Mahahalatang alien concept talaga para kay Fidel ang hindi mapabigyan sa mga gusto niya.
Hindi nakapagtataka kung bakit hindi marunong manuyo si Fidel: sa buong panahon na nasa series siya, si Klay lang ang babaeng nakakasusap niya consistently. Si Pilosopo Tasyo na nakausap niya minsan tungkol sa pag-ibig (Episode 44) ang pinakamalapit sa isang father figure na mayroon siya, at wala naman siyang ibang mahihingan ng payo. Ang sariling privilege lang ang masasandigan ni Fidel at this point, kaya pakiramdam niya ay ang privilege din niya ang magdadala sa kaniya ng pag-ibig.
Ang gusto ko lang talagang sabihin for this segment ay magandang romcom material ang lover boy era ni Fidel, saka props na rin sa pag-integrate nito sa kuwento in a way na hindi pilit and makes sense for the character.
Pagbaligtad ng mundo
Noong panahong inuusig si Ibarra, kay Fidel lumapit si Klay para humingi ng tulong. Sa una ay nagawa pang mang-asar ni Fidel na hindi daw siya matiis ni Klay. Hindi pa niya batid ang haharapin niyang pagsubok.
Hindi nagtagal ay nasaksihan ni Fidel ang talumpati ni Ibarra sa pulpito sa simbahan ng San Diego, kung saan inilahad nito na may malubhang sakit ang bayan na pinalalala ng mga nagsasawalang-kibo. Nakiisa si Fidel sa pananawagan ng "Dinggin n'yo kami" matapos ang talumpati ni Ibarra. Ito ang kauna-unahang pagkakataon na tumindig si Fidel laban sa mapang-aping sistema.
By Episode 73, exactly 70 episodes mula nang unang ipakilala si Fidel, pumasok na sa climax ang character arc niya. Nakulong si Fidel kasama ng iba pang may kaugnayan kay Ibarra. Ang panahon niya sa presinto ay nagsimula sa pagyayabang niya sa Guardia Civil na makakalabas agad salamat sa magaling na abogado ng pamilya niya, at iginigiit niyang nakapag-aral siya ng batas kaya alam niyang iligal ang ginagawa sa kanila ng Guardia Civil. Sa gabing iyon din ay napagtanto niya: "Kung sino pa ang gumagawa ng maganda para sa bayan ay siya pang tinatawag na kriminal, habang ang mga makasalanan sa Simbahan at sa gobyerno ay kailangang tawaging 'kagalang-galang'."
Kinausap niya saglit si Don Filipo tungkol sa pagbibitiw nito sa puwesto dahil sa pagiging sunud-sunuran ng gobernadorcillo, at tinanong siya nito pabalik kunghanggang saan niya kayang ipaglaban ang bayan. Kung lalaban si Fidel, kailangan niyang isakripisyo ang pribilehiyong nagpahintulot sa kaniyang maging makasarili noon.
Don Filipo: Don Fidel, hanggang saan mo kayang ipaglaban ang ating bayan nang hindi lamang umaasa sa dasal, conexiónes, o sa iyong yaman?
Nang itakas ni Klay si Fidel, nahuli siya ng Guadia Civil. Kinakailangang gumawa ni Fidel ng isang bagay na bago ang pagtakas ay hindi niya akalaing gagawin niya: ang pumatay ng tao. At ginawa nga niya ito. Ang Fidel na noong nakaraang episode lang ay ipinagmamalaki ang mga nalalaman sa batas ay siya na ngayong lumabag dito. Pugante na siya at pumatay pa ng Guardia sa mismong kuwartel, hindi na maililigtas ng kahit na gaano pa kagaling na abogado.
Magkaibang-magkaiba man ang ikinilos ng Fidel ng Episode 73 at ng Fidel ng Episode 74—at mas lalong malayo sa Fidel ng Episode 3—ay hindi masasabing kilos ito ng magkaibang karakter; kilos ito ng iisang Fidel na noo'y itinaas ang sarili at pagkatapos ay ibinaba, noo'y nanghamak at pagkatapos ay natutong umibig, dumaan sa hamon at pagkatapos ay nagbago, at umabot sa sukdulan at natutong lumaban. Sa kabila nito, may isa pang hindi natutunan si Fidel sa puntong ito: ang ipakita ang pagiging vulnerable; or perhaps more approriately, hindi pa niya na-unlearn ang pagtatago ng vulnerability niya.
Vulnerability and compassion
Pinuna ni Klay si Fidel sa mga kaharutan nito matapos nilang takasan ang Guardia Civil, pati na rin ang pagiging "kalmado" nito matapos nitong mahanap ang sugatáng si Elias na hindi kasama si Ibarra. Naalala ko nang may mga pumuna sa Twitter na mabilis daw masyadong naka-get over si Fidel sa pagbaril sa Guardia Civil, pero sa tingin ko, coping mechanism ni Fidel ang mang-asar para matabunan at maitago ang pangangamba dahil nasanay siyang komportable ang buhay at walang inaalala.
Hindi umiyak si Fidel kahit ni-reject siya ni Klay na pinakamamahal niya sa Episode 75, at sa una ay maaari mong maisip na baka hindi lang talaga dinibdib ni Fidel at the moment dahil nasa panganib sila, o hindi ito gaano kasakit sa kaniya dahil nag-mature na siya. Matapos mahanap nina Fidel at Klay si Elias, ipinakita ni Fidel na hindi siya "kalmado" tulad ng iniisip ni Klay. Lumuha si Fidel. Unti-unti na ipinapakita ang vulnerable side niya.
Lumuha ang "kalmadong" si Fidel. Also, may dahilan kung bakit siya nakahubad diyan. Ginagamit pang-first aid kay Elias 'yung damit niya, pramis!
Sa kampo ng mga tulisan, makikitang ang pag-aalala ni Fidel para kay Klay. Sinusuyo niya si Klay sa mga simpleng paraan tulad ng pag-aalok ng pagkain at tubig, bagay na hinding hindi gagawin ni Fidel noong Episode 3 at hindi niya gagawin nang walang halong pang-aasar bago ang Episode 70. Ipinapakita ni Fidel ang affection niya through acts of service* towards Klay. Walang pag-aalinlangang pumayag si Fidel na samahan si Klay sa bayan para makapagpaalam kay Maria Clara kahit na alam nila pareho kung gaano kalaking panganib iyon para sa kanila.
*I have some reservations about the idea of love languages, pero sa kasong ito, tingin ko naman ay angkop sabihing ang love language ni Fidel ay acts of service.
Matagal bago nailabas ni Fidel ang vulnerable side niya, salamat sa pagiging lalaki at mayaman. Bilang lalaki, marahil ay pinalaki siyang pinagbabawalang umiyak o "magpakita ng kahinaan". Kung hindi rin nagbago ang pananaw ni Fidel sa kababaihan, hindi rin kakayanin ng ego niya na ipakia ang vulnerability sa harap ni Klay. Bilang mayaman naman, ipinipinta niya ang sarili bilang angat sa iba at hindi matitinag. Ngayong tinutugis na siya ng Guardia Civil, danás na rin niya ang nararanasan ng karaniwang taong minamata niya noon.
Alab ng puso
Ang pinakamahalagang bagay na natutunan ni Fidel sa character arc niya ay ang umibig. Una na niyang ipinakita ang pag-ibig kay Klay, at unti-unti siyang natutong umibig sa iba pa. Kung trip mo maging mas cynical Fidel's past actions, puwede mo pa ngang sabihing ang pag-ibig niya kay Klay, although genuine, ay kaakibat ng paniniwala niya, bilang lalaki noong panahon niya, na bahagi ng "tadhana" niya ang umibig sa isang babae, mag-asawa, at bumuo ng pamilya.
Kalaunan ay natutunan ni Fidel na mahalin ang bayan. Ganap na niyang nakilala ang mga kondisyong humulma sa kaniya at sa mga pananaw niya, at napagtanto niyang binulag siya ng pribilehiyo niya, at inamin niyang naging makasarili siya. Nasaksihan ni Fidel ang kapalaran nina Sisa, Crispin, at Basilio; ang sakripisyo ni Elias; ang pag-usig kay Ibarra; ang pagmamalupit ng mga prayle at Guardia Civil; at ang panghahamak sa kababaihan. Ang huli ay hindi lamang niya nasaksihan o hinayaang mangyari; naging bahagi rin siya nito.
Sa huli, isinapuso ni Fidel ang payo (na naka-package deal kasama ng rejection) ni Klay: ang ialay sa bayan ang kaniyang pag-ibig. Ibig niyang ipagpatuloy ang laban nina Ibarra at Elias at idineklara niyang ilalaan niya ang natitirang yaman para sa paghihimagsik at iiwan na ang komportableng buhay na nakasanayan niya alang-alang sa bayan.
Fidel: Magkasama nating ipagpatuloy ang sinimulan ni Crisostomo at Elias.
Inaanyayahan ni Fidel si Klay na sumama sa kaniya sa pakikipaglaban. Sa kasamaang palad ay kinakailangan na ni Klay na bumalik sa mundo niya. Sa pag-alis ni Klay sa mundo ng Noli, umiyak si Fidel. Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, hindi pinigilan ni Fidel ang sarili niyang ipakita ang vulnerabity niya.
Tapós na ang pagtatago ni Fidel ng damdamin niya. Tanggap na niyang may vulnerable side.
From ilustrado to naliwanagan
As of writing, pumasok na sa El FIlibusterismo ang MCI. Ipinakita na si Fidel bilang rebolusyonaryo, kasama sa pangkat ni Elias na nakaligtas mula sa mga pangyayari sa Noli arc.
Bilang mga rebolusyonaryo, may codenames sina Elias at Fidel: si Elias ay si Tagausig, at si Fidel si Naliwanagan. Fidel's codename is especially fitting dahil bukod sa obvious allusion na sa pagkakaroon niya ng 180-degree turn sa character arc niya, may iba pang kahulugan.
Si Naliwanagan at si Tagausig
Nagsimula si Fidel bilang isang entitled at sexist na ilustrado. Towards the end of the Noli arc ay naliwanagan si Fidel sa tunay na kalagayan ng lipunan. Ang "ilustrado" at "naliwanagan" ay parehong "enlightened", pero dahil sa character arc ni Fidel ay malinaw na may opposite connotations ang dalawang ito. Ang "ilustrado" ay enlightened in the sense na may access siya sa edukasyon, samantalang ang "naliwanagan" ay enlightened in the sense na namulat sa mga totoong kalagayan ng bagay-bagay at mga karanasan ng mga karaniwang tao. Dagdag pa rito, Espanyol ang "ilustrado" at Tagalog ang "naliwanagan", angkop sa pagkiling ng ilustradong Fidel sa mga mang-aapi at pamumuhay ng naliwanagang Fidel kasama ang mga inaapi.
Bukod sa opposite connotations ng "ilustrado" at "naliwanagan" sa context ng character arc ni Fidel, masasabi ring may direct relationship ang dalawang ito sa pagbabago ni Fidel: Si Fidel ay ganap na naliwanagan noong magpasya siyang talikuran ang pagiging ilustrado. Si Fidel ay hindi lang naging tao (as Klay would say), natuto rin siyang magpakatao. Natuto siyang malungkot, mangamba, mahabag, mag-alala, makiramdam, magalit sa kawalan ng katarungan, at—higit sa lahat—umibig.
this is very filay farewell 🥲
Sana ganyan nga ang sinabi ni Fidel. “Ngayon humayo ka na. Mag ingat ka.”
Kaso tumangis lang sya ng sobra 😭
Maria Clara at Ibarra | Period Costumes 19th century Philippines
“Sir Fidel.” “Yes? May problema ka?”
Rurouni Kenshin (1996)
olympics pictograms come to life | tokyo 2020 opening ceremony
+ pictogram-san at the post-ceremony presser 🥺
Confessions & Proposals
Kenshin: Would you like to watch the new era with me?
Kaoru: I want to stay with you, Kenshin.