heated rivalry fic: so you must like me for me - COMPLETE, 36K
art by @anonymouspinkturtle
Relationships: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov
Summary: Shane wants to figure out if he's gay before he gets drafted—and no, the way he felt when Ilya Rozanov smirked at him with a cigarette between his lips in Saskatchewan has nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, the random guy he hooks up with to try and make sure one way or another takes a picture, and Shane gets outed before the draft. In the ensuing scandal, he goes seventh overall, to Ottawa.
It turns out having the worst thing you can think of happen to you when you're seventeen years old can end up being pretty liberating.
Shrugging one shoulder far more casually than he possibly feels, Ilya says, “I like both. Is secret, okay?”
“Okay,” Hollander says.
He doesn’t say anything else. The air’s so heavy around them that it feels like being in the middle of a scrum, the weight and heat of all those bodies pressing down on you. Danger always feels like hockey; it’s the most dangerous thing Ilya knows, except for this. Everything dangerous in his life involves men’s bodies and just how close he can get to them. Closer than he probably should.
Nobody knows why Shane Hollander dropped out of the 2009 draft at the last second, and a year later it stuns the whole hockey world when he's signed by the Boston Raiders. Having the two biggest stars in the league on the same line is great for Boston - but playing alongside their worst rival was never exactly in Shane or Ilya's plans. Especially not when staying away from each other starts to feel just as impossible as getting along.
Ilya meeting Shane's parents must be insane for them like. Mr Ilya "The Terminator" Rozanov, terror on ice and menace in bed, politely stands there. Your very shy son admonishes him for using the word "lovers" and Russia's Greatest Rage Machine just takes it.
You ask when this started and Mister Dickhead makes sure Shane is accurate about when they started this. How dare you stave off half a year of us, Shane?
You ask if they talked to Scott Hunter and Ra Ra Rasputin says that he, famous asshole extraordinaire went to talk to Patron Saint of Hockey Gays to offer him congratulations.
You ask if he has no loyalty to Boston and Mr Fucking Fuck San Francisco is like. Nyet
Your son is having a panic attack and Miike Snow Genghis Khan calls them "boyfriends" and it's your own extremely shy and sensitive and loving son that is like MY WHAT
all my tlt tweets in one place! pretty much all of them have spoilers for nona but major spoilers are marked with a *.
1: god's toughest battles / would you love me if i was a worm
2: sex pal pt 1
3: frontline titties
4: coronabeth's side hustle / nona's wish
5: sex pal pt 2
6: standup comedy pt 1 "which came first"
7: jod's reality check / ninth house's hottest person
8: standup comedy pt 2 "best sex ed"
9: sex pal pt 3
10: "i like my women how i like my..." / corona's bad day
11: reanimation / "trauma lives in the body" *
12: pyrrha's name / "a beautiful name for a baby girl"
13: writer's block
14: 'what is a milf'
15: hot girl summer
I’m currently doing an OUAT rewatch and I had to write this little one-shot in which Regina reveals to Robin what happened to her during the curse of shattered sight because there was never any acknowledgement that Emma purposefully goaded the Evil Queen and DIDN’T LOCK THE DOOR BEHIND HER.
My main point here is not Emma’s forgetfulness/thoughtlessness but the damage this could have done to Regina had she harmed someone after locking herself away so as not to do so because the poor woman was terrified at the very thought and, once again, she was used.
I did love the little canon laughing scene between the Charmings and Regina because we love growth but yeah…this is a little conversation (among so many others that I’m sure I’m gonna need to write as I continue to rewatch) that I feel needed to happen.
It’s hard to spot her at first through the ever-growing throng of people gathered on Main Street and he wonders how this had become the official post-spell meeting place but it’s only for a moment as, through heavy blinks to keep the snow from blurring his vision, he spots her dark hair swinging about her shoulders as she pulls Henry in for a tight hug. His breathing eases a little as he sprints towards her, no visible sign of injury.
“Regina!” he calls as he grows nearer, giving her only a second to turn before he’s gathering her up in his arms. They’ve not had the conversation yet about whether or not she will allow him back into her life and her heart – he can’t return to Marian, was foolish to believe he could and he hates that he is still unable to tell his late-returned wife, but he physically can’t be apart from Regina, he just can’t. Pre-Marian’s return, they hadn’t had much of a chance to explore their relationship in public – they hadn’t had too much time in private either, but he won’t dwell on that – so he’s unsure if she’s okay with this, with his blatant display of affection for all of Storybrooke to see but he’s been absolutely frantic to see her from the moment his vision cleared, and his senses returned with the snow.
“Thank Merlin, you’re okay,” she whispers as she curls a cold hand around the back of his neck, seemingly as worried about him as he was about her.
He pulls back to get a proper look at her, at eyes that move as quickly around his own face, cataloguing. There is a small scratch at the base of her throat, an angry dark line of dried blood, and he frowns as he cups her cheek before thumbing gently at the redness of her temple. She hisses quietly and his eyes find her own, questioning. She was to seal herself in her vault, that’s what she had told him when they’d last spoke. When she’d been trembling with fear at what this spell was going to unleash in her.
“Regina, I’m not afraid of you.”
“But you really, really should be.”
He wants to ask her what happened, who did this to her, but the prince’s voice cuts across the noise of the street.
David stands in the midst of the crowd, his arm around his wife as he announces, “We’d like to ask you all to join us at Granny’s for some celebratory drinks.”
The overwhelming consensus is agreement. The crowd hums their acceptance and begins to shuffle towards the hub of Storybrooke, the Charmings leading the way. Regina doesn’t move though, not yet.
He turns and watches as she takes a gentle hold of Henry’s hand, telling him that she’ll meet him there shortly. He eyes her warily, looking to Robin with the same questions he is sure are visible in his own eyes, before looking back to her and nodding reluctantly. “I’ll save you guys a seat.”
Regina smiles wetly at her boy, pulling him in and pressing a kiss to his cheek before watching as he jogs to make up the short distance between himself and his other mother.
“What happened?”
She turns and that smile has finally fallen from her lips, her neck bobbing as she swallows thickly and drops her eyes to her boots.
“Regina?”
He almost doesn’t have time to react when she quickly grasps at his hand, lifts her eyes to his and lifts her other hand in a swift upwards motion, his stomach roiling at the sudden pull of her magic. It’s different to anything he’s ever experienced, travelling this way with her and though it’s over almost as quickly as it started, he can still feel the velvety comfort as it engulfed him.
“Sorry,” she tells him once his eyes have readjusted. They’re in her office, the fire roaring to life with only a simple look from Regina. “I just needed a moment before we join them.”
Robin nods his understanding both at the urgency of their departure and her need for it, this was never going to be an easy battle for her, and it appears she’d fared worse than what he’d hoped. She goes to move from him, to turn away and work away at the anxious energy he can practically see vibrating in the air around her but first, he murmurs a soft, “Regina?” smiling softly at her when those flighty eyes meet his own and tugging gently on her hand, bringing her in to him but allowing her the time to pull away. When she doesn’t, he lifts a hand to her jaw and leads her lips to meet his own in a purposefully tender kiss. It’s much like the one they’d shared when she’d come to warn him of the spell’s nearness, when she’d clutched at him as though her very life depended on it. He needed to be her anchor, to reassure her that he would not be moved by man nor beast, by natural or magical force. This is where he belongs, and this is where he’ll stay for as long as she’ll have him.
Regina only presses closer to him when their lips part, wrapping her arms around his back and pressing her face into his neck. The breath she takes is deep and shaky, has him enveloping her all the more in his embrace. Safety is what she craves and it’s what he’s giving her, his love for her pouring into her from his very soul. He’ll give her all he has if she needs it.
“I could have killed them, Robin…” she whispers after a long quiet moment, her breath raising goosebumps on the skin of his neck as his hand moves over her back in soothing passes.
He’s confused, “Who, my love?” because she’d locked herself away…or perhaps she hadn’t managed to get that far. It was a possibility. He’d barely secured himself to the tree before all sense had been stolen from him by tiny shards.
“Snow, Charming…”
“But you didn’t, you-“
“The baby.”
His hand stops at that, through sheer surprise alone but she takes it as disgust, must, because she’s quickly pulling free of his grasp and turning from the judgement she believes he holds for her now. His hand catches hers though and stops her from moving too far away by holding rather than restraining. He won’t use force on her today or ever, but he needs her to stop before her dark thoughts engulf her, take her too far from him.
He laces their fingers together, a silent gesture of unity and comfort – he hopes – that has her turning her head and looking at their joined hands before she’s looking slowly up at his face with a trembling lip.
Robin tilts his head slightly, an invitation for explanation or for none at all should she choose because he trusts her to share what she wishes with him and needs her to see that trust for what it is and she must see at least a little of it because, after allowing a solitary tear to stain her cheek, she pulls him gently with her to sit on the couch, their knees touching and hands clasped atop her thighs.
Regina takes a moment to compose herself before she’s lifting red, watery eyes to his own, looking utterly devastated. “Emma broke the seal on my vault.” His brow furrows confusedly, anger simmering gently in his belly. He wants to rage instantly but he won’t. She wants to tell him, to confide in him and his rage won’t do any good in this moment, so he merely squeezes gently at her fingers, offering comfort as he nods for her to continue. “She needed my magic to destroy the ribbons Ingrid was using to keep them from hurting her. She told me she’d brought Marian back on purpose,” she shifts uneasily in her seat and swallows thickly, tears marking wet paths down her cheeks, and he can see it pains her to think of despite knowing it is not the truth. “She said she wanted to break my heart, to destroy my happiness much like her own mother had so I threw a fireball at her. It destroyed the bracelets, did what she wanted but I truly wanted to incinerate her right there and then, Robin. It’s a rage I haven’t felt in so long, haven’t wanted to feel but I did feel it. I felt it seeping into every fibre of my being and I welcomed it.”
“It was the curse, Regina.”
She shakes her head, but her fingers squeeze at his. She knows this, his comfort isn’t needed here, not yet. “She didn’t seal the vault when she left, she just ran without looking back, without caging me back up like the rabid animal I was.”
He’s grateful for her use of past tense there.
“I was free to go wherever I pleased, to roam the town freely and do with it what I wished because Emma Swan had no thought for anything other than her own ends and I know she was racing to save us all but her carelessness could have cost her her whole damn family, Robin. And if I had hurt them…if I’d have succeeded in what I’d sought for so long all those years ago…it would have destroyed me. If I’d have hurt that child, Robin…I-“ she cuts off as her throat grows too tight, her voice thick with sorrow as she lifts her hands to cover her crumpling expression as she practically falls forward into him in a silent plea for him to hold her while she pours out every ounce of grief she feels within her.
His arms wrap easily around her as she fits against him just like she was made to do, his soul reaching out to her own, asking her to forgive herself because it was not her fault. “You’re not that person anymore, Regina.” He whispers into her hair, doubting she can even hear him over those heart-breaking cries, but he continues to do so regardless as he rocks them gently.
He’ll give her as long as she needs in his arms, as long as she needs to break herself open because he will be here to help put her back together again. And then, when she’s ready, they will join the rest of the town in the diner to celebrate because, though she doesn’t realise it yet, this is probably the biggest step she’s taken in such a very long time on her road to healing. Recognising the progress she’s made, the hard work she’s put in to create this strange, patchwork family that surrounds her. And when Regina is happily chatting away to her son or his, when she’s good and distracted, he will pull Emma Swan aside and explain to her just how close she’d come to losing both her family and her new friend today.
For now though, he’s content to stroke Regina’s hair as she continues healing in his arms. Glad for every breath he can feel across his tear-dampened skin because it means she’s here with him.
“She moaned into her pillow. “Go away. I feel like dying.” “No fair maiden should die alone,” he said, putting a hand on hers. “Shall I read to you in your final moments? What story would you like?” She snatched her hand back. “How about the story of the idiotic prince who won’t leave the assassin alone?” “Oh! I love that story! It has such a happy ending, too—why, the assassin was really feigning her illness in order to get the prince’s attention! Who would have guessed it? Such a clever girl. And the bedroom scene is so lovely—it’s worth reading through all of their ceaseless banter!””
i think grossness is a vital aspect of life btw and we all experience it and i think its important to represent in art and i think oversanitization of popular media is 100% our downfall. things are gross and disgusting and yucky and thats life we cannot deny ourselves this
I keep thinking about this in the context of caring for my ageing patients. No one TELLS them, before they’re old, how things are going to change, or why. No one talks about the loss of elastin, and how that doesn’t just affect your skin looking old, but also how it heals. No one warns them that their skin will become paper-thin if they live long enough, incredibly fragile and easy to tear. Just “hurr dur wrinkly!!!”
No one tells them their bowels are going to lose strength and coordination, so it gets more and more difficult to have bowel movements. No one warns them about obstipation, much less bowel obstructions. I have a saying I repeat often in clinic: “Proper pooping prevents problems!” I say it because it makes people chuckle, because it destigmatizes needing to poop. Everyone poops. And it turns out pooping requires both a complex network of nerves to create peristalsis, and stools soft enough to move through the bowels, and I have watched more than one elderly patient die because their bowels stopped working right.
No one talks about hemorrhoids, so I have patients coming in terrified by blood in their stools–and listen, blood in your poop is definitely a good reason to see a doctor; if you’re over 50 and you haven’t had a colonoscopy, get one. It’s the best health screening we have evidence for, in my opinion. Colon cancer is a bitch. But more commonly, people have bloody stools because they have either hemorrhoids that are bleeding or because they have an anal fissure after straining on a hard bowel movement. Do you know what a hemorrhoid is? I didn’t, until I was well into medical school. Everyone has them. They’re venous columns that surround the rectum and anus. Internal ones can bleed; external ones can itch. Most people will get them eventually. Be kind about them.
Everyone is going to have trouble peeing if they live long enough. Men can’t start, women can’t stop. Because people with prostates will often have benign enlargement of the prostate–it’s not cancer, but it gets bigger–and the urethra, the tube that lets urine leave the bladder, goes through the prostate. Bigger prostate = compressed tube, less flow. Meanwhile, people with uteruses have much shorter urethras, which means that when we lose that beautiful collagen and elastic, we also lose it in the two sphincters that help us keep from leaking urine, and so we leak urine. Especially when something triggers an increase in intra-abdominal pressure, like a sneeze or a cough or a laugh.
All these things people are taught to be ashamed of and embarrassed about–they are so common. They’re normal parts of having a human body and doing the things one does with a human body. Poop trouble? Welcome to the club! People have been writing about their cures for constipation for as long as written language has existed. Listen, you are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone. And that means that when someone else has a gross problem, you must be kind to them, because that is going to be you. There will be a day when you have diarrhea, because viral gastroenteritis spreads like wildfire every winter. There will be a day when you cough a huge glob of mucus comes out, because mucus is a natural defense mechanism and kind of miraculous but also nasty. Every gross thing a body can do, yours is likely to do, if not now then later.
One of my sister’s friends had blood in her stools for a while, and eventually went to the doctor. That’s how, at the grand old age of 36, she discovered she had bowel cancer. In the shiniest of silver linings you ever heard, they caught it at the point the tumour was on the verge of metastasising - it was massive, and malignant, but hadn’t quite yet spread. As a result, she had an operation to remove it plus a section of her bowel, three rounds of chemo, and then was given the all-clear. She now has to use a colostomy bag (“My bum is now a cul-de-sac!” she told me once). But, assuming the cancer doesn’t make an unexpected comeback, she will live.
But here’s the kicker: after the diagnosis, still not knowing if it had metastasised or not yet (but knowing it almost certainly had because of the size), she broke the news to her family.
And it turned out her father, grandmother and aunt had all also had it. That meant it was a genetic risk; that meant she should have been on a watchlist for it, with regular testing. But she wasn’t, because none of them ever told her.
Why?
They were embarrassed. Bowel cancer was gross and embarrassing, so they all kept it quiet. As a result, because her family was too embarrassed to even tell each other to look out for the warning signs, my sister’s friend was not put on the watchlist to save her life, and it nearly killed her.
Anyway, the cycle ends with her: she’s a comedian and in the name of public awareness she did an Edinburgh show this year about it called Bad Ass.
THIS. The polls are of 750-1000 people, in a carefully selected area. The polls are purchased by the GoP. They are trying to create a narrative that will a) dampen voter enthusiasm b) give them a reason to scream voter fraud when the results are wildly different and c) save their fragile egos when they get their asses beat. The youth vote is coming out, ALL of the voters are showing up in droves. They are sick of the gop’s lies, intimidation, treason, and stealing the rights of the citizens they are supposed to be serving. Blue majority in the senate and the house means the voting rights act gets passed, roe vs wade gets codified into law, and scotus gets either expanded or the corrupt members get impeached. All the stolen rights come back and are protected. Get out there and VOTE. For the sake of democracy, vote BLUE.
Blurb: In a land without magic, where the king rules with an iron hand, assassin Celaena Sardothien is summoned to the castle. She comes not to kill the king, but to win her freedom. If she defeats 23 killers, thieves, and warriors in competition, she is released from prison to serve as the king’s champion. The crown prince will provoke her; the captain of the guard will protect her. But something evil dwells in the castle of glass…and it’s there to kill. When her competitors start dying one by one, Celaena’s fight for freedom becomes a fight for survival, and a desperate quest to root out the evil before it destroys her world.
