𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐨𝐝

❝ i don't want a good girl, i been rolling with the B A D D E S T.. she told me she models & she told me she an actress. talking 'bout her, ( she been everywhere up on the atlas. ) doesn't make a difference, she still end up on my M A T T R E S S ! no more room up in my bed, let's take it to the shower.. talking how she love me & she don't want me without her.. you don't love me, you just love ( my money & my P O W E R. ) ❞

[jstiin]

direct message

@liampayne: listen, i heard therapy is a charm so you're already on the right track. i'd try it myself.. but i'm more of a do it yourself kind of guy. lmaoooo got you, manager

@liampayne: i'm actually in hawaii. did you come ?

@justinbieber: trust me, man, it wasn't fucking easy. actually, it was one of the hardest things i've ever done before. but whatever. anyway, jay bieber for the fucking win ... make it happen and wE'LL HAVE THAT ALBUM

@justinbieber: "DiD yOu CoME" headass, of course :)

[jstiin]

sofia.

i know. i could tell. i have this sixth sense with apologies these days. they don’t really do much for me anymore. i’d rather be told a funny joke. you should take her, to the premiere, i mean. it’s going to be everything a little princess could ever dream of and more. yeah, and what am i going to do without this INSURMOUNTABLE fun in a few days ? more like — how are you going to survive without me and shawn once tour kicks back up ?

it must be all you’re gettin’ these days, huh ? okay, you already know how i’m feelin’ about all this, so let me brush up on my comedy. i’ve been slacking, except now i have inspiration. give me the date n’ time, we’ll be there. carpets aren’t really my thing, sofia, but i’ll SETTLE for you. try to put a smile on your face without me, man. that’s the best advice i could give right now. me ? oh, i’ll be fine. n’ fine means putting my life sized cardboard cutouts to good use.

[jstiin]

◜𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 ﹔🍋.◞

SELENA: mmm.. second to last. you beat trump by like.. one point.

SELENA: oh, great. tell him i said thanks ! :) love this for me.

SELENA: OH. well.. yeah. thank you. it was really no big deal.

JUSTIN: so trump is directly behind me ???? damn, i really must be shit then lmao

JUSTIN: got you, i'm sure he'll be elated :) hm we love and stan a healthy life on this side

JUSTIN: no problem. but, sel, /i'm/ supposed to be the liar. not you. i know everything already, and it was wild

[jstiin]

◜𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 ﹔🍋.◞

JUSTIN: wasup shorty ? i know i'm probably the last person you wanna talk to ...

JUSTIN: but i heard about the situation cause i'm sure you know shawn and i are boyfriends

JUSTIN: sorry, this is no time for jokes, but i just wanted to make sure that you were okay .. is that weird lol

[jstiin]

anastasia.

       uh huh. we know you are, bieber. that actually wouldn’t surprise me if it really was. i think you got that backwards. i’m the BEST THING that’s ever happened to you. i know i’m pretty great to be around and all, but you’re going to have to learn to share. the only kylie that fucking matters. is it weird that i’m scared of ellen ? like you see kindness in her eyes, i see a stone cold wolf in sheeps’ clothing. mark my words, okay ! i guess i can settle for just the views, but… give it a like too, just to be safe. you’re too much of a pretty boy to last in jail. that’s a good thing, though. i think. then do i have to come over and poke you until you’re super annoyed ? i can do that. i thought you were supposed to have game, why do you need my help ? have you ever had sex when that thing was on auto drive ? i’ve always wanted to try that. 

      am i though ? i lowkey want out. a whole decade of havin’ cameras shoved in my face really makes this shit not fun. eh, i’m not in the mood for admittin’ things right now. come back later. that whole ‘ sharing is caring ’ bullshit is for kids, stass. it’s a dog eat dog out here. oh, WELL, i didn’t know you n’ kylie wylde were friends. don’t google her. it is weird, yeah. she’s literally an angel on n’ off camera, dude. everyone says it ! don’t be weird. fine. i can’t wait for your mentions to blow up when my fans are jealous. oh, for sure. i’d rather be at max though. i mean, so what if i go crazy ? everyone’s a little crazy, any fuckin’ way. just me ? if you’re willin’ to walk through the pitchforks n’ torches when you land then sure. be my guest. if it ain’t workin’ on you then clearly there’s a flaw in my plan ... no bueno. never, um, i’m not tryin’ to die. put zero trust in technology, shawty, the robots are probably in the works. 

[jstiin]

direct message

@liampayne: you're right but... holding onto shit like that doesn't sound too healthy or smart. i'm solid, i guess. you know me, chasing things i shouldn't be

@liampayne: then let's work, bieber. you know i been trying to get you into the studio since we met

@justinbieber: it's not really holding it in when my therapist hounds me for information. lmao chase the bag, the groupies can wait /after/ the album

@justinbieber: alright, you caught me .. let me know when you're the city and i'll sneak my way into a booth lol

[jstiin]

cindy.

WOLFIECIN: any time spent with my cats is not blah

WOLFIECIN: btw at least i’m not getting fucked up and in trouble

RICKTHESIZZLER: i’m a dog kinda guy, and every cat i’ve ever come across is scary as fuck lmao RICKTHESIZZLER: ....... great point. but what’s life without a little fun ? are you /really/ living ? 👀

[jstiin]

hailey.

consider yourself ridiculed, bieber. however, i kind of am in intrigued to know what shit you’ve gotten yourself into by doing this. true, fucking true, when you put it like that then it makes sense. what emotional moment ? did i miss an emotional moment ? you know i don’t understand emotions. 

there’s no one else i’d rather be picked on other than you, baldwin. you heard it here first. why do i always have to get myself into shit ? i, mind you, can be the christian man that i promised myself to be. thank you. yikes, well, that’ unfortunate. either way, now you can’t say that i never tried cause ... i did. guess what ? i’m winded.

[jstiin]

noah.‌

and i believe it, justin. let me hit you with that first text message so that sets you apart from all the other people in my contact list —— then we can talk about tying the knot. sounds like the dream. are you inviting me over now or what ? i guess we know what we’re doing once we get faded at your place. you got it …. catching all of the dirty innuendos in old spongebob episodes. we both know that it’ll be a lot funnier when we’re high. for real ? i got the bieber under my ‘ centineo charm ‘ ? someone fucking put that on a shirt. i’ve succeeded in life. alright, soulmate, what’s the next step in this adventure of ours ? do we run off into the sunset ? or is it a little too soon for that ? 

mission fuckin’ accomplished, i can finally die happy. is this what heaven is like ? noted, man, just make sure you put a ‘lil cute emoji next to my name. there’s no other way i’m takin’ it. ah, c’mon, you should know that you’re always invited. it’ll distract me from third wheelin’ n’ i never pass up an opportunity like that. maybe it’s just me gushin’ over everyone’s man crush monday, but that sounds like a swell time. just me ? never thought shit like that could work on me, noah, so this is ... rare. it’s happening. we’ve been engaged for two seconds n’ we already have merch in the works. name a more iconic duo. uh, shit, hold on. i didn’t think i’d get this far. picnic was my move, but changin’ my name n’ runnin’ to bora bora doesn’t sound bad either.

[mclikism]

◆ —— 𝖘𝖓𝖆𝖕𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖙 … ⁽ open ⁾ ｡

[jstiin]

zayn.

@ZAYN: u know what would have been wild ? if i signed with him way back when  @ZAYN: lmao mate , i think i’ve actually seen ur nudes online before , not that i was looking for them …. but they were surprisingly very easily accessible at one point in time  @ZAYN: let’s hope that none of my ex girlfriends decide to do me dirty bc i know some of them still have that shit on their phones , i’m a hard one to erase :) 

@RICKTHESIZZLER: hey, it’s never too late ! everyone’s converting to the braun brand lol @RICKTHESIZZLER: i can’t even complain cause i’ve seen that shit more times than i wanna admit. just a lesson, man, never fucking swim naked bc you /never/ know @RICKTHESIZZLER: thanks for the useless information, z :) i will, however, applaud you for your confidence. if you would give ‘ big dick energy ’ a face then it’s us, for sure

[jstiin]

─ 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 : 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓻𝓲𝓮 ✨

PERRIE: tru, i'll be the judge of this :) perfect, i just wanna be in my comfies since i don't have to make too much effort

PERRIE: /satisfying/... do u want me to cut u off more often or something ? look, let me tell u right now, u need to watch love island, u will never look back once u have watched it, i promise u that. maybe u just like being told off, maybe that's ur thing. wtf, why do i even have to be discussed :( i'd be a great member here :( do u have crash bandicoot because that's what i rLLY wanna play tbh here. y...es, but that doesn't affect leigh's amazing cooking !

PERRIE: ( IS NOT ) ew gross, i don't wanna be in a sister squad tho :/

PERRIE: WOW THAT WAS EASY UR ON, SEE U AT THE CHAPEL

JUSTIN: if you're anything like simon then i want out :) just don't get too comfortable and fall asleep on my glorious day, edwards

JUSTIN: i would love nothing more ! someone needs to humble me lmao. the thing about shows is that my attention span doesn’t last longer than twenty minutes. after that ? it’s pointless. i could take a couple yells at, sure, odds are that i’m probably on the other side laughing. agreed, but shawn and i are a package deal which means i don’t make the rules, i enforce them :/ i also almost didn’t have a playstation cause that game made me rage so fucking hard ... don’t let me down

JUSTIN:( WHY DO YOU HATE ME ) then we can rename it the perstin squad and have seth rogan as the mascot :/

JUSTIN: I GOTTA CALL MY MOM AND TELL HER IT'S REAL THIS TIME

[jstiin]

madelaine.

that’s actually on the list of things.. that don’t make me happy. don’t you have a girl to chase down ? what’s her name….. starts with a hard S.

take a page out of miley’s book n’ tell me the seven things you actually like. ‘ s ’ means sleepin’ next to someone else cause it ain’t me. she’s happily taken n’ i’m happily ... happy ?

[jstiin]

madelaine.

out of all people you think you can have a CASUAL conversation with.. i’m not one of them.

alright ... so my breath may smell like garlic cause of somethin’ that i ate earlier, but i’m workin’ on it. c’mon, mads, you GOTTA be happy to see me.

[jstiin]

madelaine.

there’s a lot of things in life i take lightly but sleep deprivation is no longer one of them. i have traveled so much in the last few days that i’m starting to have the WILDEST dreams when i do sleep. i know i asked for this.. and i love my job, i do. but if anyone is willing to put on a red wig and go to all these meetings for me, then that would be fabulous. i promise it’ll be healthier for us both this way.

what’s your definition of a wild dream, huh ? askin’ for a friend. specifically, this friend wants to feel less bad about himself. just saying. i’ll do it, easy, but i really don’t think it’ll be passable. my muscles are practically bustin’ out of my shirt, n’ i have more tattoos than i know what to do with. you can tell ‘em that you’ve been on a very, VERY strict trip towards enlightenment. but, uh, does this mean that you’re turnin’ into me ? good luck.

[jstiin]

cindy.‌

WOLFIECIN: me and my cats judging people on insta until postmates comes thru

WOLFIECIN: sadly this is a pretty normal night for us

RICKTHESIZZLER: that’s a pretty blah way to spend the day, don’t u think ???? RICKTHESIZZLER: it’s already bad enough that social media is full of flash and wannabes lol

[jstiin]

sofia.

but you’re not allowed to apologize right now, remember ? so i’m doing it. you’re the best, you know that ? most of the time, at least. thank you. did you like the music video ? did jazzy ? i wish i could be evie right now. her life is way less complicated than mine.

right. thank god you stopped me cause the words were comin’ out of my mouth. i already knew, yeah, i’m just glad you know. yay. our eyes were glued to the shawty with the blue hair the entire time, to be honest. you know her ? c’mon, sof, it’s not all bad. i mean, i’m here. i’m fun.

[jstiin]

anastasia.‌

          obviously you are. do you even have the exact date written down somewhere ? you’re so weird. why do i talk to you ? like honestly… tell me why. so the rumors about ellen being a mega bitch behind the scenes are false ? not going to lie, she scares me. i wouldn’t fuck with ellen. i think you just like to hit people with your car. are you sure you’re not confused here — you obviously love seeing my face. go watch my bikini haul on my channel, give me the views. watch the ads, love you bye. see, i knew it. there’s no way they’d ever put your ass in jail for real. it’s making you squirm, that’s my favorite part. why are you trying to take this from me ? tell all your friends, stassiebaby is the baddest bitch of them all. if you want a girl’s number… you can get that shit yourself, all right. can i have the most expensive car ?

          leave me, i’m a celebrity. but, uh, i’m pretty sure it’s tattooed on me somewhere under this mess. you know why, stass, cause i’m the best thing that ever happened to you. kylie who ? we probably aren’t talkin‘ about the same ellen here since my ellen is the sweetest, kindest lady with the nicest eyes ever. it was quite the adrenaline rush, i will say. as much as i would love to give ‘ya some coin, i can’t. youtube red blessed the fuck outta me, sis. no ads. ever. part me of thinks it’s cause they know i’m not built for that shit. at all. whatever, shawty, you’re not gettin’ to me. my best guess is that they already know what’s tea, stass. they do. wow, so you’re not even puttin’ your boy on ? rude. take my tesla n’ nothing else. my ghost will be watchin’ you.