PLOT taeji felt stupid when it came to james and that night at in the sticky floored club on kelsey’s birthday she was the most stupid she had ever been.
CHARACTERS park taeji ˒ james lee ˒ inter-stellar
WORD COUNT ~5k
GENRE i’m not sure some type of angst
PLAYLIST t a e j i
﹙ send in songs that remind you of taeji.⠀﹚
a/n this is a old piece from years ago that i decided to rewrite in one sitting with zero proof reading. it’s 2 am right now so if it’s long winded and repetitive look past it lmao.
[ june 2021 ]
it was no secret that taeji loved birthdays. it was always seen as childish and bizarre to others but she didn’t care; she’d always make a big deal out of birthdays. she saw them as a day to celebrate the fact that someone you love was brought into this world. one day a year where nothing else matters but them and they deserved to feel so special they deserved to be the center of attention.taeji was known to be the life of the party, she refused to ever let a night be dull.
which is why her current mood that night was so out of character.
there she was on kelsey’s birthday sat in their reserved booth alone as she stared at the entrance of the club.
she leaned casually against the edge of the high-top table, her fingers lightly brushing over the rim of her drink before drifting to the hem of her dress—well novas dress. it wasn’t hers originally. it was nova’s. she’d bought it on one of her many shopping binges. and it was a very stereotypically’nova’ dress. from the sleek black fabric that felt expensive to the touch to the intricate cut outs that went up the sides, to the high neck that she loved. it was chic and simple yet sexy fit. nova’s style to a tee. it was so distinctively opposite to taeji that when she initially tried it on she thought the contrast to her usual colorful looks would be comical. but it turned out to actually be the opposite.
taeji was pulling out her most dramatic model poses, not taking herself seriously as she gave her nova a mini fashion show. she expected to hear nova’s soft laugh but her silence had taeji stopping mid spin.
“oh my god,” the british girl had whispered, hands flying to her face in exaggerated pride. “you’re hot. like… weapon-level hot.” nova’s eyes had gone wide.
“i’m actually going to cry,” she said dramatically, fake-sniffling. “look at my little taeji, all grown up.”
within seconds the other members had crowded around, all chiming in at once. taeji was the youngest amongst all of them and they never let her forget it. they’d watched her grow up and every slight change she experienced as she grew up was a huge event in their dorm. her members always loved to make a fuss over her and she loved it. but that day was different. they weren’t cooing at her in the childlike babying way they usually did. they looked stunned. as if for the first time in their lives taeji wasn’t a baby.
haeun gave a proud nod. cleo said something about her “entering a new era.” and off the side she saw yoonji —who is not even a year older than her— snap photos of with a maternal smile.
all that to say that without a second thought nova declared the dress officially hers and shoved it into her closet before taeji could argue.
now, standing in it for real out in the perfect setting for it it all felt real. the shift in her energy settling into her body.
her hair done up in messy yet perfectly styled waves versus her usual low maintenance ponytail. her makeup was done sharp and sleek , nova had even smudged some dark liner to highlight her already large eyes. this versus her usual light makeup that mainly focused on her heavy blush and occasional glitter.
taeji didn’t feel embarrassed. she wasn’t uncomfortable either . although it was different she knew she looked good. it was like a new part of her was unlocked. she was always a confident person but in that look he felt… not exactly sexy, but maybe close?
she didn’t usually think of herself that way. she knew she was a pretty girl but it kind of stopped there. she was obviously attractive but she figured it was more in cute sense rather than sexy or hot. maybe it was the fact that she was approaching her 20s and shedding her almost childlike attitude or the fact that she denied this part of her for so long but whatever the reason, this new taeji had her contemplating the way she viewed herself for years. it was not necessarily a reinvention, just a slight upgrade. taeji 2.0 if you will.
and she loved her.
yet there she was sat in their booth. instead of strutting around the club with her girls — laughing, dancing, glowing in her dress like she was meant to — taeji had been planted in their booth for most of the night, half-sipping her drink and half-staring at the entrance like a lovesick idiot.
she’d tried to dance. really, she had. haeun had pulled her up at one point and she swayed for a bit, smiled for a few pictures, even did a couple shots but her eyes kept drifting back to the door. again and again. obsessively. like a reflex she couldn’t stop.
he wasn’t even late. not technically. there wasn’t really a set time ,she knew how idol life was but every second he wasn’t there made her stomach twist a little tighter.
she should’ve been out there on the floor, making everyone stare. she looked good — she knew she looked good. the dress was doing exactly what it needed to. her makeup was still fresh. her skin was glowing—she’d used the shimmer body lotion nova gifted her the previous year for christmas . it should’ve been one of those nights she remembered forever.
but none of it mattered if he didn’t see her.
stupid james lee.
everything always came back to him.
it was ridiculous. it made taeji sick when she thought about it for too long. pining after someone like james was stupid. he was the type of guy that effortlessly captured everyone’s attention, it was too easy for him. he could flirt with anything and everything that breathed. he was one of those guys that moved around with blind confidence that teetered dangerously close to arrogance. he was charming, charismatic, hot and infuriating. most girls didn’t even get to finish their drinks before he had them gazing up at his sweet doe eyes like they’d finally met the one.
the worst part of it all was the fact that taeji had fell for him the same way half of fucking seoul had.
he’d always been magnetic even as a trainee with his braces and lanky limbs. his ears were a bit big back then yet he never looked awkward despite everything. every girl was obsessed with him. but she was lucky enough to know him. although he was in someway more jeongin’s friend than hers they were an inseparable trio. spending nearly every waking hour together—from practicing choreography to them sneaking snacks into the practice rooms when they were put on strict diets that had them constantly on the brink of fainting. the way they comforted each other when it felt just a bit too much, how they’d cried together when homesick. they anchored each other, they were all they had some days. best friends.
but taeji knew. she knew she liked james. she had for a while.
she hoped it was just a stupid teenage crush. one of those silly things that happened when you were fatigued, emotional, hormonal and around someone good-looking all the time. she thought after he left jyp, once they weren’t together every day, it would fade. she convinced herself it was just the familiarity she missed.
but distance didn’t make her forget him.it made her miss him. and it made her sick in a way that was embarrassing.
every time jeongin mentioned him, something twisted in her chest. every time she saw him at a showcase, taller now, grown into his ears ,sharper jaw andsame dumb smirk—it hit her like a wave. the crush hadn’t faded.
it had grown.
ew.
and despite years of being his friend — of being there, of late-night hangouts and quiet moments and the kind of emotional closeness that should’ve meant something — james had never, ever flirted with her. not once.
the james that could flirt with anyone and anything had never once seen her the way he saw literally every. fucking. girl. just thinking about it made her want to scream.
she’d spent half her life pining after him. watching him flirt with strangers, with her friends, even random stylists or backup dancers. everyone. everyone except her.
it was ridiculous because she knew what he thought of her. he’d said it to her face once, back when they were trainees, after someone joked about them getting married one day.
“she’s like my brother, dude.”
she still remembered the sting of those words like it was yesterday.
brother.
she wasn’t even a girl to him. just an honorary dude.platonic to the bone.
it was so stupid.
yet she still hoped that maybe one magical day he’d wake up and want her. and when she decided to debut taeji 2.0 that night knowing she’d invited him to join them she’d hoped that by unlocking this part of herself maybe he’d see her different. it didn’t matter that she looked good — she could have the entire club staring, but if james didn’t look at her differently… none of it mattered.
and don’t get it twisted — taeji wasn’t insecure. but that stupid sentence — “she’s like my brother” — had taken root somewhere deep in her mind. and it never really went away. it almost shaped how she viewed herself for a while, even if she hadn’t realized the direct connection.
all she wanted — all she wanted — was to prove that she was more than just his “bro” or his “dawg” or whatever dumb nickname he’d decided to throw at her. she needed him to just see her, admit that she was, quite literally so fucking hot and worth his time.
everyone else clearly did — she’d been approached five separate times already. she wasn’t even trying to brag or exaggerate. it wasn’t even random people either, one had definitely even been on the cover of gq for fuckssake. but she turned them all away promising to find them later. not because she didn’t want them but because none of them were him.
and where the hell was he?
“i don’t wanna stop dancing yet,” kelsey whined, her voice slightly slurred as the girls finally shuffled back to their booth.
taeji blinked out of her own thoughts at the sound of her voice, dragging her eyes away from the entrance again. she caught the sight of kelsey pouting dramatically, arms crossed like a child denied dessert. her arms pressed against her pink party dress that clung to her like second skin. somehow making kelsey look even curvier than she already was. her crossed arms pressed into her chest making her already prominent boobs stick out that much more. she couldn’t help but stare at them everytime she remembered their existence. kelsey felt like the exact opposite of taeji. she was effortlessly sexy. and there was taeji with her lack of boobs or definitive curves painfully obvious whenever she was beside her.
kelsey looked too good to not be on that dance floor on her 23rd birthday.
the rest of the girls chuckled, all too tired to move, slumping and melting into the grimey velvet couches without much fight.
“we’re tired, kelsey. ask taeji , she’s been sitting here for fucking ever,” yunhee pointed out, her teasing cutting through the haze.
kelsey’s face lit up like someone had handed her a puppy. “tae tae!” she gasped, turning dramatically toward the youngest member and holding out her hands like she was proposing. “dance with me! you in your sexy little dress — come onnnnn.” she bounced on the spot, practically vibrating with energy.
taeji let out an exaggerated sigh and pretended to weigh her options, but in reality, she was already sliding out of the booth before kelsey could beg a second time. she needed a distraction — desperately. and she was starting to get annoyed with herself. she was not being herself and that needed to change immediately.
when was she ever one to sit in the corner sulking? even yunhee and her hatred for club dancefloors had been dancing. taeji was the only one that managed to keep up with kelsey on a night but there she was letting her dance partner pout on her birthday. she owed it to kelsey in her party dress she’d bought just for tonight, glittery sash they’d bought at some corner store and it’s matching tiara.
she needed to get a grip.
she grabbed kelsey’s hands with a dramatic flair making sure to spin the birthday girl before the two skipped into the crowd.
kelsey squealed, dragging poor yunhee with her despite her loud groans and protests.
the music throbbed around them, vibrating through the floor and pulsing beneath their shoes. the space was packed, heat radiating from the sheer number of people grinding, swaying, and stumbling into each other. it smelled like cheap perfume, sweat, and bad decisions — this was what the night was meant to be.
kelsey moved without any thought, too tipsy to care if her dancing made sense. her arms were flailing one second and in the air the next, laughing with her whole body. so carefree and energetic , her energy feeding taejis own the way it always did., kelsey danced on taeji as if she was trying to seduce her and taeji happily reciprocated it dancing behind her and holding her hips as they moved. yunhee somehow managed to escape back to the rest of the group as the two girls were so consumed in the moment to notice anything but the enthusiastic birthday shots kelsey’s birthday sash, had earned them and the music.
time blurred, in the way it always did when the music was good and your heels didn’t hurt yet.
she wasn’t wasted, not quite. but she was nowhere close to sober either. the number of drinks? unclear. she’d lost track somewhere between shot number three and her fourth trip to the bathroom with kelsey. her cheeks were hot, her eyes were half-closed from the warmth and exhaustion and everything she closed her lips, she could still taste the salt that coated the rim of the margarita that somehow ended up in her grasp.
“you look like you’re having fun.”
the voice cut through the deafening haze she’d been in. she spun around like someone had yanked a cord in her back — so fast it made kelsey blink beside her and somehow pull her out of her indefensible bubble.
taeji knew that voice. that infuriating, cheeky lilt, always a little playful, always alittle smug. that specific tone only one person had ever used on her.
james.
and there he was.
like some twisted joke from the universe, he stood right in front of her. she’d been waiting for him for hours just for him to be right there. face framed by the neon strobe lights and his bambi eyes twinkling in the way that had every girls knees weak— especially taeji. his stupidly endearing smile playing on his lips making her mirror his.
she hadn’t even noticed that she’d stopped checking the door. somewhere in everything she’d forgotten completely that she was even waiting for him. she’d let it go. just starting to let herself feel something that wasn’t longing — and then boom he was there.
taeji blinked quickly, actively trying not to look flustered. her heart was beating so fast she was worried the bass would sync with it.
play it cool. be normal. be sexy. normal sexy fun girl, nonchalant.
she was nothing close to nonchalant, but it was fun to parented she could be in some way.
she swallowed hard before flashing a smile and cocking her head. “it’s a club,” she said, proud of how even her voice sounded. “isn’t that what you’re supposed to do here?”
just as james lips parted, leaning into her to make sure she heard him when a blur of blonde hair and pink intercepted him.
“james!” kelsey shrieked joyfully, throwing her arms wide in a sweetly animated way that only a drunk girl in a club did. before either of them could react, she pulled him into a wobbly hug that rocked both of them side to side.
james laughed, steadying kelsey with an easy arm around her. “happy birthday kelsey,” he said, voice warm and genuine.
“we thought you weren’t gonna come!” she exclaimed, drawing out every syllable as she squeezed him even tighter. “you’re sooo lucky. i was about to shit you out tomorrow”
“sorry ‘bout that. our schedule ran late, and the dorms are still built like a prison,” he replied, the grin in his voice evident. kelsey nodded solemnly — or dramatically, taeji couldn’t tell anymore. and the ponytail she didn’t remember kelsey putting up flopped with such force it nearly smacked james in the face. he swerved ever so slightly just in time, chuckling under his breath.
james gently detached himself, but not before kelsey gave him one final squeeze. she beamed, already swaying to the music again like her mission had been completed.
but then came the ambush.
“good thing you came — taeji’s been waiting for you all night,” kelsey said, tone light and offhand, like she was commenting on the weather.
taeji’s heart stopped. the tequila buzz fizzled instantly. her whole body stiffened. eyes wide. smile frozen.
she turned so sharply it nearly gave her whiplash. “kelsey—” she began, already preparing to intercept, but the damage was done.
james raised an eyebrow slowly, that stupidly handsome smirk creeping across his face as he listened intently to every word that left kelsey’s mouth. his head tilted slightly, eyes glinting with way too much amusement for her comfort.
“is that so?” he asked, already knowing the answer.
kelsey, oblivious as ever, was ready to double down. “yeah, she really—”
“okay kelsey!” taeji interjected, her voice climbing half an octave too high. she placed a firm hand on her friend’s shoulder and spun her toward the booth. “i think it’s time we sit down. join the others. drink some water. breathe.”
kelsey pouted dramatically once againas taeji nudged her gently toward their booth, dragging her through the sea of writhing bodies with determined hands and clenched teeth.
taeji didn’t dare glance back to see if james was following. she didn’t have to. taeji could feel him behind her. his presence was always loud but the moment she felt his hand rest lightly against the small of her back he felt impossible to ignore or downplay her feelings. it wasn’t anything dramatic but just enough to guide her forward. just enough to send her back into her delusional mind once again.
she fought the scream clawing at her throat as she quietly lead them out of the mass of bodies.
how the actual fuck did i think i was going to survive this night? if something as small as his touch had her in a frenzy her original mission was looking impossible to complete. her mind ran wild as she silently freaked out.
she couldn’t look at him. she couldn’t even breathe right with his hand resting so casually there, like it was nothing. like they weren’t burning under her skin. it wasn’t even inherently romantic.
he was just trying not to lose her in the crowd.
get a grip taeji. she angrily whispered to herself mentally
kelsey suddenly lost all interest in walking and broke into a little run, her excitement dialed to a hundred as she spotted their members crammed into the booth.
“my babies!” she squealed, the joy in her voice although fueled by tequila was genuine . she flopped down beside haeun, head immediately falling to the girl’s shoulder like she hadn’t just spent the last hour on the dance floor.
taeji didn’t even get the chance to sit properly before kelsey opened her mouth.
“james is here!” she announced in a sing song voice, wiggling her eyebrows and a bright smile on her face.
taeji wanted to die.
the way every single head in that booth snapped up at once felt so perfectly timed it had to be scripted.
james gave a calm wave beside her, either unaware of her older members unspoken words or choosing to purposefully ignore them. a of chorus muddled, overlapping “hi james~” erupted around them. it was so deeply embarrassing she couldn’t believe that it was real.
taeji froze, an uncharacteristically nervous laugh fell out her mouth. their lack of subtlety had her regretting everything.
the girls didn’t even try to be discreet. they didn’t have to say anything — the collective sparkle in their eyes screamed it all. the whole week they’d coached her on her flirting skills and how to not embarrass herself yet there they were doing it all for her.
taeji’s entire body was on fire, and it had nothing to do with the tequila she’d been throwing back for the last however long.
she had barely lifted one leg to climb into the booth when she felt it ; the soft grip on her wrist.
“hey,” james said, voice lower now, less teasing. “i need to talk to you.”
her heart stopped.
her body stiffened, the sound of the club fading into a low, bass-thumping blur. she turned, eyes locking with his — and just like that, she was done for. her pulse stuttered violently. the grip wasn’t tight, just enough to tether her to the moment, to him.
“i—” her throat was dry. “it’s… it’s kelsey’s birthday, i can’t just—”
“she won’t mind,” nova stated, cutting her off with zero shame and a calm wave of the hand, signaling fir the pair to wander off.
taeji shot her a look, but it was already too late.
“yeah, i don’t mind,” kelsey chimed in with a goofy grin, clearly too drunk and too pleased with herself to be helpful. “go, tae tae have funnnn. ”
taeji didn’t even get a second to protest before james was already guiding her away, his hand still wrapped gently around her wrist. it felt so gentle, but direct — like he’d made up his mind and she was just going to follow because of course she would.
james didn’t let go until they were on the other side of the room — deeper into the back of the club, far from the lights, where a dusty velvet couch sat near the emergency exit, unused and dimly lit by a flickering overhead fixture.
only then did he pause.
taeji leaned against the couch as she watched him closely. the music thudded around them but in this little pocket of quiet, it felt like they were alone. finally.
“okay…” she started, already falling back into their familiar dynamic. “what’s so important you had to dramatically drag me away from my friend on her birthday ?”
james leaned against the wall just a single step away from her, his arms crossed. he shrugged with a small smile. “i figured you invited me so we could hangout one on one so might as well steal you away before kelsey ran off with you the way she always did.”
if it wasn’t for the subtle shift in his eyes she would’ve written the action as him just pulling the only person he properly knew away for a chat but she saw it. he was looking at her, the way he’d seen him look at other girls before. the way she’d been silently begging him to. yet it was also different his smile wasn’t smug and she swore there was something softer in his eyes. some type of honesty or even nervousness.
or maybe she was delusional.
“you look good, tae,” james added after a beat. quietly. almost sincerely.
she blinked, taken aback. every doubt from earlier fading as if they’d never existed.
“ i know.” she smiled making james laugh the way he always did with her, softly shaking his head. “nova let me steal it. there was a fashion show. paparazzi. she cried. it was a whole thing.”
james nodded with an amused expression . “it suits you.” he added making her already red cheeks deepen in colour. “i’m being serious… you’ve always looked good but…” he shrugged again as he gave her a subtle once over that taeji didn’t miss.
you always look good.
the words clouded her mind as her smile spread like a lovesick puppy. her nonchalant exterior faded away before it ever appeared. she could tell that james had picked up on it and just like that she felt a shift again.
“is there a reason you’re blushing like that?”
his voice cut through the noise placing a spotlight on her. was james …. flirting with her?
taeji froze, her heart stalling as her gaze slowly lifted to meet his. he’d moved to standing right in front of her, his tall frame somehow towering over taejis already tall self . james was already watching her with an unreadable expression — something caught between curiosity and something heavier. his head tilted slightly, his features bathed in the low flicker of neon lights. as a smirk spread on his face the longer she took to respond.
“i’ve had a lot of alcohol,” she stuttered out, aiming for light and breezy attitude the way nova had taught her, but her voice cracked at the edges — breathier than intended.
james chuckled softly at that, the sound rumbling low in his throat. it wasn’t loud, but it landed. his hair fell into his eyes as he dipped his head, watching her through long lashes, and the way his lips quirked — subtle, slow, too knowing — made the room spin more than the tequila had.
it was lethal. the smile. the closeness. him.
“why’d you invite me… and not jeongin?”
taeji blinked. that wasn’t what she expected him to say next .
“what?” she asked, voice smaller than she meant.
his smile softened again, lips parting just slightly. his tone shifted again— everything was constantly shifting and it was making taeji dizzy.
he didn’t look away. “i was looking at your section , it’s literally just you guys. not even yugyeom is here. and last i heard they were all over each other. hes not here…neither is jeongin. but i am…when i asked him about tonight, he didn’t even know. so…”
he paused, his head dipping a bit more, their faces now far too close. he uncrossed his arms as they settled on either side of her body on the purple velvet. his broad shoulders completely cut her off from anything else around them. she’d frighten where she was or why she was there. his cologne wafting over him as he never broke eye contact. taeji could feel the heat of his breath over her cheek, the scent of his cologne mixed with smoke of the cigarette he’d definitely had before he’d entered and peppermint. her mind went blank. her fingers twitched by her side. her throat tightened.
“…why me?” he asked again, quieter this time. “aren’t you and jeongin best friends?”
taeji didn’t answer.
not because she didn’t want to — but because she couldn’t. her entire body locked up. her tongue was dry, her mouth uncooperative. and suddenly, she wasn’t just buzzed or tipsy — she was wide awake and unraveling. was this all consuming atmosphere the way he’d managed to wrap every girl around his finger? because it was working on taeji and she could look away from him.
despite the questions being about jeongin there was something else that was being left unsaid. an force of electricity that build in a way that felt like it was going to choke her but it pulled her towards him nonetheless. this was all she’d ever wanted since she’d laid eyes on james. he saw her and she knew she wasn’t delusional. the way his left hand seemed to slowly move from beside her to being half way on her thigh she finally felt what all the hype was about.
and it was all definitely worth all of it.
james’s eyes lingered on her, as he watched her reaction to his had settled on her exposed thigh. the touch scorched her in the most intoxicating way and a want so visceral took over her as she absentmindedly leaned into him. she could see his eyes scanning her face like he was trying to read the things she wasn’t saying.
“you’re never this quiet,” he smiled a soft chuckle following his words. there was something unspoken hanging between them — something old and aching and desperate. and for once, james wasn’t laughing it off or playing it cool.
he was just… waiting.
taeji had always thought james was handsome, but the was something about that night. there was something about the was the neon lights barely reached them but still washing over him at precisely 1:26 am—that had her looking at him even more than she always had. the strobes caught his cheekbones, the curve of his jaw, the glitter that seemed to live in those big bambi eyes of his that had her heart thumping and stomach falling through the sticky floors. he ran a hand through his freshly carrot-orange hair — definitely for a comeback.
she had to say something.
she tried to steady herself. “w-what? i… i can’t hear you,” she stammered.
it wasn’t a total lie—the bass thumped so hard she could feel it in her teeth—but she could hear him. she just couldn’t summon the words with his warm breath fanning her face and his full lips feeling almost against hers and her thoughts swimming through margaritas.
james’s lips curved into that teasing smirk she knew so well. he leaned in closer, brushing his mouth against her earlobe. “can you hear me now?” he whispered.
taeji’s breath hitched, and he chuckled at the shiver he’d drawn out of her. she nodded, too shy to speak, and he pulled back just enough to look at her properly—eyes bright, clearly pleased.
her heart pounded. he definitely could hear it. she was almost certain the air between them had thickened, crackling with something she couldn’t name but recognized immediately: tension.
she swore it was there, thick , obvious and undeniable.
he held her gaze, and she felt it in the deepest parts of her body. she fought a flustered giggle. everything in her wanted to close the gap—to lean in and press her lips to his—but as she summoned her courage, a sweet voice cut through the moment.
“james?!” her voice pitched high with disbelief, her eyes scanning his face like she wasn’t sure if he was real. “you’re here?”
and just like that the moment was over. his hand slipped off her thigh as he pulled away, exposing the club behind him once again. the bass returning as the dj spoke again. he leaned away from taeji as he opened his arms and looked at jieun in a way taeji had learned to read a while back.
they definitely had fucked.
taeji didn’t even bother to pay attention to their interaction as she brought herself back down from the high she was on. they’d moment she’d dreamed of from years was right in front of her yet it felt so out of reach. it was almost as if she was in one of her daydreams again and was rudely woken up.
“dance with me? come on, just one song.”
before he could answer, taeji stepped forward, her voice light but very obviously strained. “you should go. have fun,” she said to james, forcing a smile. “i’m gonna go check on kelsey anyway.”
james hesitated, his eyes flickering with something unreadable. but ji-eun tugged again, and without any further thought he followed her into the crowd. his ability to move on had taeji feeling crazy, how could he feel all of that and run off as if it was nothing. he simply disappeared into what felt like an abyss.
taeji turned before she could change her mind. her jaw tight as she pushed through the bodies on the dance floor, her frustration and hurt fueling her in a way she’d never felt before. fuck james. she paced towards them in a way that had them furrowing their eyebrows in bewilderment and confusion.
all of them looked up at once when they saw her approaching—then past her, not seeing james.
mimi opened her mouth clearly ready to question what happened before taeji shook her head and raised her hand ending any discussion before it began. if she started she knew she couldn’t stop and she didn’t want to even give it the time of day. james had consumed her every sense before her even arrived and taeji was fed up. she looked to good to cry.
taeji reached her hand out to kelsey without saying a word.
kelsey blinked, then immediately perked up. “yes. finally.” she grabbed mimi and yoonji’s hand, pulling all three of them out with a forced squeal.
and they fell into their previous flow as if james had never even arrived. yoonji spun her with a giggle, and taeji let herself be pulled into the rhythm, into the chaos, into anything that wasn’t james.
every now and then, she caught glimpses of him. ji-eun was glued to his side, constantly tugging at his sleeve, pulling him toward her like a magnet. it was how these nights always went. james would come. ji-eun—or some other girl—would find him. taeji would try to pretend it didn’t sting.
“ignore him,” mimi murmured in her ear as they waited at the bar for another drink as she caught her staring in james’s direction once again
taeji nodded, she hadn’t even noticed, the bartender—a ridiculously attractive guy she vaguely recognized from a recent campaign—leaned over and poured her an extra-full shot with a wink. “on the house,” he said, then subtly slid a napkin across the bar with his number scribbled in bold black ink.
taeji blinked at it, a genuine smile spread across her face as she looked up into the pretty bar tenders eyes. but in her periferal she caught james’s eyes from across the room.
he was watching her.
ji-eun was dancing on him, hands tracing his shoulders, eyes half-lidded with flirtation. but his gaze was locked on taeji.
she smiled. then, slowly, she held up the napkin with the number and gave him a playful little wink. she needed him to seethe in jealousy she carried for way too long. it wasn’t a performance. it was a reminder. not just for him but for herself.
she focused back on her drink. she took the shot never breaking eye contact with the bar tender she’d learned was named hanbin. she could feel james’s eyes still on her but when she looked back again, ji-eun was kissing him.
not just a peck. the messy needy ones that screamed “i want you. i need you.” the type of passion taeji thought she’d feel that night. her hands were in his hair, her body pressed flush against his, and he wasn’t pulling away.
taeji’s stomach twisted. not painfully, not even heartbreakingly—just the sharp sting of disappointment. why was she even surprised. it’s james, it was inevitable that he’d be wrapped up in a girl without even trying.
taeji leaned back against the bar, the burn of the tequila still on her tongue as she continued to watch them unable to pull away.
she waited.
she watched.
and right when she thought he’d disappeared into it—and she’d lost him completely —james’s eyes opened.
not all the way. just enough.
just long enough.
and they met hers, and never looked away
james looked at taeji as ji-eun kissed him.
they didn’t break eye contact. not for one… two… three seconds. something in her told her it felt like she was silently telling her he wished it was her. in his own twisted way kissing jieun as if it were taeji. his lustful look not meaning to rub it in but smearing the lemon and salt of her tequila in the wound he created.
then james slowly closed his eyes again, and his hands slid to ji-eun’s waist. losing himself in her.
he was gone. again.
taeji rolled her eyes, letting out a quiet scoff. she turned back to the bar, not bothering to mask her disappointment this time.
this was how it always went. taeji watching as james chose someone that wasn’t her over and over again. thinking that taeji 2.0 would change their cycle was stupid.
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