Caraphernelia --

The only thing that's more terrifying than the depth of the ocean are the creatures that creep down there. Parmesan cheese is delicious, in moderation. I wish that I'd been born with some sort of oddity - like webbed toes or three eyes. UFO's are legit and I want to make a career out of chasing them. It'd be similar to storm chasing, but with teleportation advances. Bagels are a lifestyle. Disco balls will, and are, making a comeback. I plan to have a disco ball in every room in my future house. Oh, and my name's JOSH. How the fuck are ya?

[ohheyimshaye]

#NowPlaying Toothbrush by DNCE

[thatsebsmythelife-blog]

Hey now, I never said that. I was more thinking that drivel that Rihanna just released, for example. The only thing that song does is provide an interesting view when the guys try and twerk and whatever other dance moves are involved.

[jtanders]

I agree with you. That song is fucking awful. I was sober, so the best part for me was watching sweaty, loud-for-no-reason people slip and slide against each other and try to pass it off as dancing.

[holdenevns]

I’m a little late for the whole breakfast offer but it’s not like you can’t have it anytime of the day. I guess I was one of the lucky ones that got to sleep all day.

[jtanders]

I was bitching about the fact that I woke up early, but as soon as I fed the beast, who’s also infamoulsy known as ‘Josh’s stomach’, I knocked the fuck out. So, I also slept all day. I hope you get some breakfast! French toast is delicious. 

[treyweston]

I totally know the feeling. I’ve been up since like four this morning. But I took a hardcore nap for like five hours and breakfast does sound nice right about now. Thanks for the idea.

[jtanders]

Anytime, man. Make sure you fuel yourself on plenty of hashbrowns. They’re scientifically proven to improve your mood and add years to your life. Probably.

[gmwrpads]

Please pick me. 

[jtanders]

I’ll always pick you. 

Let’s go out to breakfast today? I’m rounding up a group. 

[jtanders]

Text: Jabi

ABI: I want an adventure I need something fun.

JOSH: Did you have anything in mind? I'm down for whateva.

[fcknmojo]

I missed this, but I’m disappointed you didn’t just call me. Tomorrow?

[jtanders]

Sorry, love. I didn’t want to hit you up ridiculously early and wake you up on our day off. 

I ended up going through Taco Bell’s drive thru and got a crunch wrap, smashed it, and fell asleep for the rest of the day. I’m down for breakfast today! Come with me. I’m inviting Brendan and Abi, too. 

[brendope-blog]

I only woke up this early so that I’d have all day to play video games, but food sounds like everything that I need right now.

Bacon pancakes, man. Bacon pancakes. 

[jtanders]

You don’t lose either way you go with those two choices. Both at the same time, though. Imagine. 

Come out with us today. I’m forming a breakfast group. So far, it’s you and me. I’m going to try and recruit Lucy and Abi.

[jtanders]

When school’s called off, you’d think that would mean I’d be sleeping all day. Jokes on me. My internal alarm clock has been corrupted.

Who’s down to go get some breakfast?

[treyweston]

I just really wanna go bowling. Who’s down for food and bowling on Saturday? Lets just get a group of people, have fun and get a start to the summer a little early. Call me lame all you want but we all know bowling is awesome.

[jtanders]

Bowling is awesome. Bumpers or no bumpers?

[bvrningsvnlight]

Oh my gosh, ew! Why would you ever willingly let yourself become another version of Jabba The Hutt?

[jtanders]

Whoa whoa whoa, listen. I don’t appreciate your harsh judgement on my man crush monday. Jabba’s a bad ass gangster. 

[holdenevns]

I guess my night had it’s perks with a date and a limo driver. It was a pretty interesting night, I didn’t get arrested and I didn’t get to deflower a virgin like most movies make it seem like. Did you have a good time?

[jtanders]

Limo’s get me hype. I wish I would’ve rented one. Was there a sun roof? Yeah, dude, I had a rad time. The food was good, they played Kelly Clarkson’s Since You’ve Been Gone, and I was able to get everyone home in one piece. Only shit part was the fact that I got a ticket on my way home. Fuckin’ faulty blinker. I thought putting my hand out the window to signal my turns would suffice, you know, like peds on bikes do? Guess not.

[bvrningsvnlight]

I hope you went to the gym after that, those things felt so filling I could only have like two. 

Seriously, mini cupcakes are how pudgy tummies are made, and who wants that? No one, that’s who.

[jtanders]

I’ve done a bit of running since then, but no hardcore ‘working out’. I’ve just accepted the fact that by time they digest, I’ll be Jabba The Hutt’s doppleganger. Which is cool. I’m down for that. Your need to be fit is admirable, but my need to fit food in my mouth outweighs my need to have hard muscles. Pun intended.

[jtanders]

Text: Jabi

Abi: Are you busy??JOSH: Never too busy for you. What's up?

[ohhnoellie]

I finally managed to move today! Not very far and it was awful, but I did it.

What’s up, party people?

[jtanders]

Had three extra shots of espresso. Today has been phenomenal. 

[pokegirlmarley]

I did! I had so much fun in my little night of adventures! Meaning I mostly stayed in the fort I made and travelled to the kitchen to bake brownies! 

[jtanders]

You win, Marley. Brownies trump everything else. You had the best not-prom night by a long shot. 

[thepurrfectkitty-blog]

You know, I can’t for the life of me seem to remember these coveted dance moves of yours, Josh. I think that just means a reminder is long past due. I mean, I know we’ve gone to a couple dances together, but awkward, middle-school-dance swaying is hardly enough proof that you won’t kill yourself trying to do something a little more advanced…or maybe I’m just feeling extra generous and am giving you a convenient excuse to sweep me off my feet. We’ll never know, but either way - you owe me a dance. My sanity depends on it.

Well, I’d be lying if I said I was entirely surprised. The thought of me in outfits that come with uninhibited visual access to these legs is notorious for making guys weak at the knees, but that’s just a natural response to someone who looks the way I do. That’s all to be expected from the average Joe - but you’re not exactly average. You’re Josh. My Josh; and therefore reside on a different level. That said, I kind of have to believe that this sudden bout of clumsiness is a lot more convenient than natural.

[jtanders]

Ask and you shall receive. I’d be honored to jog your memory.  You’re talking a lot of shit, Wilde! If I remember correctly, and it seems like we can only go off of my memories these days since you’re experiencing some sort of lapse, you had it pretty bad for those middle school moves.  Convenience, conshmenience. Help me, nurse, I’ve bruised my ‘bow. Kiss it better.