What a heavenly way to die.
It's the night before the final mission, while everyone is getting whatever rest they can get, You (Bell) finds yourself outside the safehouse.
Adler/fem!bell
Content warning: suicide alluded.
fic type: heavy angst, cannon death ending, pinning, imposable lose,
i’m trying my hand at writing fanfics again so please enjoy!!
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It was late, very late into the night and you found yourself alone outside the safehouse you had been calling home for the last couple of months. Your mind replayed everything that had been revealed to you.
The truth.
Everything you had known about yourself had been revealed to be a lie.
Vietnam,
Trabzon,
Who you really were.
You stood there, leaning against the metal frame of the door, annoyed you ripped off that damn balaclava off your head and tightly gripped it in your gloved hand. Your mind began to replay memories; finding it difficult to decipher true from false.
The KGB headquarters, the humid nights you spent alone with Adler in the mosquito ridden tent; his voice filling your mind as he spoke into the microphone. At that thought, an odd feeling filled your stomach and your eyes burned, the thought of Adler turned your stomach into knots. The feeling of repugnancy filled your body at the mere thought of him. However you found yourself rubbing the faded scar that sat on the dorsal side of your hand. It wasn't shrapnel from a crashing helicopter that caused it. Your mind flashed back to that night in Vietnam, Adler bandaging up your hand, the two of you so dangerously close, his aviators sitting low on the bridge of his nose allowing a rare glimpse of those pretty blue eyes of his.
You shook your head, exhaling deeply you dug your heels deep into the gravel beneath you. No, no, no. You can't feel like this. After everything they did to you what he did to you; the knot that grew deep in your belly turned into a flutter. This isn't right, I shouldn't feel this way, I can't feel this way.
Deep down, you know how this was all going to end. You know what waits for you when this is all over. You crouched down, knees pressed tightly against your chest and tears? Your eyes burned as tears began to well up. You felt so many emotions at that very moment; part of you felt like screaming into the night, another felt like sobbing, or breaking things, or shooting yourself.
“Bell?” a familiar voice rang out from beside you. You glanced up and saw adler staring down at you. Your face burned as you wiped your tears away. You stood up, unable to look at him. He sighed and spoke,
“Look kid, I get that you hate me, but we need you. You need to pull yourself together and finish this.”
Bile, the back of your throat burned with bile, and you found yourself unable to say anything to him. Sure it's easy for you to say that.
He leaned against the metal door causing it to loudly creek, he produced a cigarette box, pulling one out he held it between his lips and offered one to you. Accepting, you placed the cigarette between your lips and waited as Adler lit his, the glow of the fire reflecting off the deep black lenses. He held out the lighter, the flame softly flickering; you lit yours, hand cupping around the flame and inhaled deeply.
The two of you stood side by side in silence, the only noise being the distant car horns and police sirens. Your mind was starting to wonder once more, but not before he spoke once again.
“I hope you understand how important you wer-are to the team bell, Most of the stuff we accomplished wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you”
You finally spoke,
“I'm glad i could have been a important asset to you, Adler”
A tool, that's all you are.
Silence fell between you once more and your hand soon found itself rubbing that stupid scar.
“Sorry we couldn't stitch you up cleaner” Adler spoke suddenly.
You glanced over to him, head slightly cocked as he continued.
`That night, you had non stop convulsions, i had to hold your head to the side to prevent you from choking on your vomit, however you didn't like that and tried to scratch at my face; ripping out the iv. we had to stitch you up asap”-he took a drag from his cigarette-''damn blood-thinners.”
“Something we have in common now” you spoke between drags, exhaling deeply from your nose.
He hummed.
“A scar, an awful memory.”
“Not all scars are bad.”
Your mind flashed back to the first couple of days here, everyone had warned you not to mention his scar. You did however and his answer was clear,
“The girl wasn't worth it”
“Your answer, the girl wasn't worth it was that girl me?”
He blew out a cloud of smoke before speaking
“This was way before you kid.” he spoke, gesturing at his face.
You glanced over, eyes trailing the loud scar, eyes lingering ever so on his lips.
“Would it have been worth it?” you spoke out, wishing-praying you could take your words back mid-sentence.
Adler stared at you before taking a long drag, flicking the glowing butt he blew a cloud of smoke against your face.
“Just shoot me already” you thought to yourself, god what are you thinking. What? What are you saying?
“Kid?” he spoke in an almost hushed tone,
“I mean, i ment…would it have been worth saving on that tarmac again, knowing everything you know now about me, everything we lost; how close I always felt I was to death?”
You didn't know when or how but the space between you and Adler has suddenly grown smaller.
“For the greater good of the country, of the world bell; I would gladly do it again.”
You dropped your mask, you hesitantly raised your hand reaching for his chest, he grabbed tightly onto your wrist.
“Even if it meant killing me…again?” you spoke, you were so close you could see the reflection of your eyes against his lenes.
“Bell…” he said, his voice trailing off, his grip loosened but you didn't dare to move.
Your half lidded eyes stared back at you and his loose hand moved towards your face; fingers brushing away loose strands of hair.
“Yes?”.
The two of you grew ever so close as his smokey breath filled your lungs.
Something was going on in that secretive mind of his. But your thought was broken by the feeling of his scarred lips brushing against your lips. his hand cupped your cheek, wiping away tears that welled in the corner of your eyes. You leaned into him, finally ceiling the last bit of space between you.
Finally, this is enough, i-I can die now.
I can die now.
It only lasted for a few moments, it wasn't at all as to what you had imagined. It felt rather bittersweet. Finally you two had kissed but at what cause. Tomorrow you will die, there is no changing. Your fate had been sealed from the very beginning. You two pulled away, Adler's gaze never broke yours he spoke, in an almost melancholy tone.
“In another life”-his fingers traced along the edge of your lip- “i could have really loved to do laundry and taxes with you.” his hand pulled away from your face as he slipped back into the safehouse. The night sky had begun to show signs of dawn.
Yes. perhaps in another life.
“Maybe”
You thought as you held your gun out in front of you. Taking in one last glance of Adler before everything went dark and silent.
Perhaps it was the smoking that ultimately killed him. Perhaps he became so consumed by his work his body simply had given out. Regardless of the reason, there is another question to be asked. Why had classified files been found in his personal office? All relating to a mission so secretive that those who found him had no knowledge of it. However one file stood out among the rest and was simply named:
Bell.
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i hope you enjoyed my little ramble, I'll link my ao3 soon once I set it up!












