How He Met His Carl
(Written for @voicesfortheblade's charity event! For prompter @sohrleas)
(AO3)
Summary:
Technoblade has lived a long, long life. Not as long as Philza, but long enough that he has stories to tell. And sometimes, he needs to share those stories to prove a point. For instance, Technoblade is a smart man. Everyone but a singular child seems to believe this, and since Tommy isn't quite an orphan he can dropkick in self-defense, he can at least for the kid to sit down for a little story. Like that time he was being held hostage by Dream. Now isn't THAT a story worth telling?
Word Count: 17274
Bonus Tags: Contains Dream Team; Kidnapped Technoblade; Based off a historical event; Technoblade & Philza are Best Friends; Avian Philza; Dubiously Human(?) Technoblade; Influenced by The Princess Bride Movie/Book; Implied DreamNotFound; Hostage Situation; Manipulation
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"Techno- Techno! Tech- BIG T! Wait! Sto- AHHHH!" Tommy shrieks as he barely manages to block a strike from the hulking, pink-haired figure looming before him. Technoblade merely laughs, swinging down his blade again against the blond's own sword.
"C'mooon, Tommy! What's a bit of sparring between friends? You asked me to train you!"
"When I asked you to- AHH! When I asked you to train me, I thought you'd go easier on- STOP IT! EASIER ON ME!"
Another clash of their blades. A pause. "Would I really go easy on you? Would I really?"
At that, Tommy also pauses. He grimaces briefly and starts laughing nervously. "I guess you would- no. Not really."
"Exactly. You know me so well." With that, Technoblade flicks his wrist up, catching the edge of Tommy's blade with his own and swiftly disarming the teen. The simple sword goes flying in the air before clattering nearby. Technoblade points his sword at Tommy's throat, a wry grin on his face as the boy stares down the point of it. "If you wish to defeat me, train for another one hundred years."
"Oh come on, big man! You know that's exactly why I asked you to train me!"
"And that's why I said you gotta train more." Technoblade sheathes his sword and offers Tommy a hand. The younger boy takes it begrudgingly and grumbles as Technoblade easily pulls him back to his feet. "I can't just go easy on you and expect you to get better if I'm only using 0.000005% of my fighting power."
"Fuck you, bitch," Tommy spits out halfheartedly. "I bet if we stripped away all your strength and dumb- fighting- whatever skills you got, you'd be just as powerless as any other person!"
"You trying to tell me that I'm nothing more than some meathead thug?" Technoblade stretches as the poor insult rolls off his back. "First of all, bruuuuh. Just because I quit my schooling to pursue a fighting career doesn't make me stupid all of a sudden. And secondly," Technoblade grins as he jabs his thumb behind him, pointing to a tree they can rest under, "you really are underestimating me if you think I'm all brawn and nothing else."
"But fighting is what you're known for! It's all anyone knows you for! That, and, well, potatoes, but that's like. That's just a weird character trait thing you got going on. Like, who in their right mind would spend months and months farming potatoes just to one-up the other local potato weirdo?" Despite his little tirade, he follows Technoblade to the tree, gesturing wildly as he continues to ramble. "It's you. You're the weirdo bitch mucking about going oh boy I sure would like me some potatoes right about now and then you go to your potato basement filled with so many potatoes and go hmm, not enough. Plenty weird of you, one might say."
"Dude, why are you going after me and potatoes? What have my potatoes ever done to you?" Technoblade gives Tommy a baffled look as he rests his sword against the tree trunk.
"Well, maybe one would get tired of eating potatoes and steak every goddamn meal! Y'know, you're just as bad as- as Philza with him and those avocado toasts he loves so much. Like, do either of you eat anything else ever?!"
"I like potatoes, and steaks fill you up and give you energy. Phil is the same way with his avocado toasts. It's good for you!"
"Technoblade, I am dying of eating the same things over and over again. You two literally have the worst diets in the entire world!"
"Please." Technoblade rolls his eyes as Tommy plops down beside him with a huff. "Better than you horfing down all my golden apples."
"You give me no choice!" Tommy shrieks loudly. Despite the proximity, Technoblade doesn't flinch. "It's either the gapples or potatoes and steak, and I am picking the gapples every time."
"You're paying me back for every apple you ate, by the way."
"You can't-!" Tommy is about to protest when he sees Technoblade's hand land on his sword's grip. "You can't- uh, um, haha! Of course you can, of course you can..." The teen continues to chuckle nervously as Technoblade relaxes, nearly missing how the teen's eyes comically get wide as the blond immediately turns back to the older man and jab him squarely in the chest. "WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!"
"Dude."
"There you go again! Being all, all strong and scary and threatening! Showing off your stupid killing skills to make me listen to you!"
"And it worked, didn't it?"
"Yeah- well- fuck off! That's not the point!"
"What's the point then, Tommy?" Technoblade rifles through his pouch and pulls out a baked potato. He proceeds to munch on it, ignoring Tommy's look of disgust. "Want some?"
"No. I- what? You just- whatever." Tommy shakes his head. "My point is that all you ever do is be a brute! And it's all you ever are!"
"Well," drawls Technoblade, finishing off his snack, "apparently I'm also a potato weirdo."
"That too." Tommy nods his head before shaking it again. "But that's not what I'm trying to say! I've never seen you be anything else but a brute! It's like- that's all you ever are! Everyone around me keeps saying ohhh Technoblade is so smart or ohhh Technoblade is so big brained and let me just say. Never once have I seen you pick up a book."
Technoblade laughs at that. "What does that have anything to do with anything?"
"It means you're not as book smart as everyone says you are! See? See?! The fact I have to explain myself to you says a lot about your intellect, or lack OF it!"
"I should find it insulting that you genuinely think I'm not smart, but I'll be honest. I just think that you can't fully comprehend the scope of my intellect, and that's not your fault." Technoblade ignores Tommy's indignant squawk as he stands up dramatically and moves in front of Tommy.
"What is this? What are you-" Tommy gestures to Technoblade's whole posture.
"Let me tell you a story, Tommy." Technoblade steamrolls past Tommy's words, his own hand gesturing minutely as speaks. "It's a story you haven't heard yet, because you were probably a baby when this happened."
"Okay but do you have to stand up to tell it? You've told me plenty of stories before like a normal person, and not once have you had to stand up to tell them."
"Well, this one is, ehhh, a little different, I would say." Technoblade grins as he continues to talk. "This isn't like those times of me telling you the story of Theseus. No, this one is more personal. More... longer. And because it's longer, I have to sorta do two things at once or else I go off on some tangent and- you, you get it right? Right?"
"Ohh, right right, yeah." Tommy nods in understanding. "Yeah, you tend to get distracted sometimes. Like that one time with the wood."
Technoblade claps his hands. "Exactly! So, let me do my thing, and hopefully, the two of us can lock in and get to the end of it in no time. That being said," Technoblade begins to pace slowly in front of Tommy, the movement keeping Tommy focused on him, "I am not an infallible man. Neither is Phil, for that matter. And once, when the Antarctic Empire was still very, very young..." Technoblade stops and turns to face the blond.
"Once, the two of us were-"
"Wait, the Antarctic Empire? Didn't that shit fall like, ages ago?"
"Tommy- Tommy. One, you ruined the mood. Two, you ruined the transition-"
"Oh my bad."
"And three, it was not ages ago. It was like... years ago but it wasn't ages. That makes me and Phil sound old, and only Phil is the old one."
"Right, right." Tommy waves his hand dismissively as Technoblade rolls his eyes. "Anyways, you were saying?"
Technoblade takes a deep breath in. "Right, so, back when the Antarctic Empire was still in its infancy, a certain someone saw our slowly growing empire as a bit of a threat. And. Well. Let's just say..."
Technoblade pauses before throwing Tommy a sharp grin.
"Let's just say that Phil and I found ourselves in... a bit of a pickle."
...
When Technoblade came to, the first thing he noticed was the feel of a small, burlap bag over his head. The second thing he noticed were his hands tied behind his back. Both facts were inconvenient at best, but it was something he could work with. He searches his brain to recall the last thing that happened to him.
He and Philza were out on horseback, wanting to explore further past the boundaries of their slowly growing commune. It was clear to the two of them that with more people beginning to find stability in the tundra, that small handful of people could easily explode in growth as they found more stable sources of food and resources. During that last expedition, Technoblade had the sense that they were being followed. Philza noticed too, and the two of them had shared a look before trying to shake off whoever was following them.
The two of them were woefully, embarrassingly unprepared. It was only meant to be a short expedition, so they packed the bare minimum with the intent to return home before dusk. He can still recall Philza's muttered curse when the sounds of approaching horses grew close too quickly for them to flee. They had no weapons - why would they? No one else ventured out to the tundra willingly, and there was no need to worry about the creatures of the night when they were going to be at home before nightfall.
Trying to fight would be nothing short of a pointless, useless struggle that would result in more wounds than it was worth. The look they shared before surrendering was the last thing he can recall before their pursuers evidently knocked the two of them out. How annoying.
Technoblade bites back the instinctive annoyed grumble and instead focuses on his surroundings. He taps his foot down against the flooring and hears the telltale sound of wood. A room? Too early to say.
"Hey," he hears a voice say, "looks like he's awake."
"Just one of them?"
"I dunno."
Okay, he hears two different voices. At least two other people are in the same area as him. Judging by that short conversation, it sounds like Philza might be in the same place as him as well. He listens more closely, trying to get a better idea of his surroundings besides "wood" and "two potential kidnappers".
The distinct sound of horse hooves rhythmically galloping catches his attention first. It sounds like it's coming from outside, which confirms two things for Technoblade. One, they're inside something wooden. Two, the horses are pulling them along somewhere. Are they in a covered cart? He doubts they would waste time dragging hostages into a fancy carriage. Unless it was to flaunt. In which case, they have poor manners and must be some kind of wealthy jerk. Duly noted.
"Hey," he calls out, not respecting his captors enough to care about the situation he's in. "Are we there yet?"
A snicker comes from his side - a familiar one. He nudges the person next to him, receiving a playful nudge back. Philza. Out of the goodness of their hearts, their captors left them side by side. A poor decision but one Technoblade can take advantage of... by letting it slide. For now.
"Be quiet!"
"I mean... you kinda kidnapped and blindfolded us. It's not like I can tell if we're there or not."
"Pipe down anyways. We'll let you know when we get there."
"Alright, alright. I was just asking." Technoblade nudges Philza again. "Hullooo."
"Hey, mate," Philza whispers. "You reckon they know who they're dealing with?"
A loud shushing noise comes from their captors, making Philza snicker again.
"Nah," Technoblade answers. "If they did, we wouldn't be awake yet."
"Hmm," comes Philza's thoughtful response. "True."
"God, aren't you guys hostages?" A third voice chimes in now, sounding thoroughly frustrated. "At least act like we're a threat."
"For your ego? Sure." Technoblade feigns a terrible tremble in his voice. "Oh no! Phil, we've been captured. Whatever shall we do?"
"Oh no, I suppose we ought to beg and plead for our lives," Philza responds in a deadpan.
"Haha, very funny." The galloping comes to an abrupt halt, sending Technoblade careening into Philza and nearly smushing the shorter man under his weight. The two other voices from earlier are also grumbling their complaints; clearly, they too were unaware of the sudden stop. "Well, here we are! Sapnap, George, could you please pull off the blindfolds and escort our hostages out?"
Before he can apologize to Philza, the blindfold is pulled off Technoblade's face. He blinks blearily in the sudden light before a strangled, "Mate..." gets his attention and he leans off of Philza quickly.
"Sorry, sorry."
"It's alright." Philza himself straightens up and has the blindfold removed. It's then that Technoblade has a moment to notice Philza's wings bound tightly to his back. He frowns as Philza blinks in the light and looks around.
Right. They're kidnapped, and he should probably take stock of their surroundings now that he has another sense available to him. Technoblade quickly follows suit and whistles at what he sees.
Well. He be darned. These guys really were flaunting. The carriage they found themselves in was wooden, like he assumed, but the seating was not. Soft cushions adorned the seats directly facing each other, and thick, fabric blinds were pulled and tied to the side, letting in light through the lattice windows. Looking up revealed the wooden roof of the carriage, the underside flat and not at all revealing the arched wooden frames he was expecting. He looked down at the ground and wondered if there was a compartment beneath their feet to hide supplies. Or was it under their seats? He's never ridden in a fancy carriage before-
"Get up." One of the earlier voices speaks to him, and Technoblade remembers oh right, they have captors. He directs his attention to the men in front of them. The one across from Technoblade wore a black tunic that matched his hair and a white surcoat tied together with a girdle around his waist. Oddly enough, he wore a white bandanna around his forehead, the ends of it trailing behind his head. The raven-haired man gestures for Technoblade to stand up, to which Technoblade refuses.
"And who's to say I won't just run off the minute I get the chance? You guys tied my hands behind my back. 'Snot like you got anything to keep me tied to you. Unless you want me to walk backwards, which, might I say, will be awkward for everyone here." The bandanna man narrows his eyes at Technoblade before turning to the man beside him. "George."
The brunet - or George, in this case - wore a similar outfit with the colors being different - he wore a white tunic under a light blue surcoat. Instead of a bandanna, he wore large eyeglasses with large, white frames surrounding the lenses. And unlike the bandanna man, he pulls out a dagger and quickly holds it under Philza's neck. The point of it presses into flesh, drawing a slowly beading drop of blood. Despite his position, Philza glowers at George.
Technoblade bites back a growl and stares unimpressed at bandanna man. "Alright." He stands up and follows after the bandanna man, stopping briefly to look back on Philza. The blond nods back carefully and Technoblade continues out the carriage door, fist clenched tightly as he walks out into the sunlight. Not a moment later, Philza is by his side again, but before either of them can react, swords are drawn at their necks. Philza makes a disgruntled noise when a different blade touches his neck and Technoblade can only sigh in agreement.
What. A. Pain.
"I would say sorry for the treatment, but you guys are our hostages, so." The third voice from before steps out in front of them. Clad in a white tunic and green surcoat stood a... presumably young man with brown hair. He sounded about Technoblade's age at least, although the painted, carved mask does more to give away his identity than hide it. The furred collar of his green cape and golden chains that adorned his clothing only served more to solidify Technoblade's guess of who his captor was.
"Ain't it kinda warm in this area to be wearing furred clothing..." Technoblade's red eyes bore directly into the eyes of his captor's mask, the name sliding off his tongue like bile. "...Dream?"
["DREAM?!" Tommy shrieks loudly, making Technoblade grimace and pause his story.
"Yes. Dream."
"You mean THAT Dream?! The once greatest speedster in all the land?! The man who could fight off and escape from an entire army by his lonesome?! The one who was rising in power and conquered other kingdoms before his downfall in-"
"Yes, that Dream." Technoblade rubs his temples. "You know, you're pulling a real The Princess Bride moment on me."
"Haven't a clue what that means," Tommy answers blankly. "You know, I actually MET Dream before whilst on the road. Mean bitch, that one. Thought he was a friend, but then he went and destroyed all my shit for no goddamn reason! And I was but a wee lad!"
"Yeah uh, turns out rich and powerful people don't like to suddenly lose all those riches and power." Technoblade shrugs. "Pretty sure he's homeless now, but he refuses to admit it every time I see him."
"Yeah... wait, what-?"
"A-n-y-ways, back to the story!"
"Wait-"]
"The one and only." Dream gestures to himself before bowing regally. "And I'm sure you've become acquainted with Sapnap and George by now."
"That's one way to put it," grouses Philza. "Any particular reason you're after us? It's awful hot here, and unlike you, we actually dress for practicality."
"Yeah, these furs aren't for show." He rolls his shoulders, making who he now knows as Sapnap grumble from his movement. The sword presses closer to his throat, but he knows a captor wouldn't go through the trouble of keeping them alive for this long just to kill them off once the ride was over. "I bet those dead foxes really appreciate ya wearing them around your neck under the sun."
"First of all, they're not foxes - they're uh, lemmings." Despite his correction, Dream doesn't look too sure of himself.
"Man doesn't even know his own furs - talk about weak game, huh, Phil?"
As Philza responds with a cackle, Dream crosses his arms petulantly. "Listen, we don't have time to be discussing furs or whatever." With a spin of his heel, Dream marches forward. Sapnap and George push Technoblade and Philza forward, the blades digging into their necks as they carefully match pace with the two captors behind them. Dream doesn't bother to spare a glance behind him as he throws his arms out grandly to the mansion slowly coming into view. "Welcome... to my humble abode."
Green and white banners decorated the stone walls before them as a gate was pulled up to let them in. They walk over a wooden bridge overlooking a moat with what Technoblade could only assume was filled with fish. Dream looked like the kind of guy to pretend to have a scary reptile lurking beneath the murky waters. An all bark and enough bite to feel overconfident about it kind of guy. Technoblade shared a look with Philza. Which begged the question, why them?
"So," Technoblade begins, "going to throw us in the dungeon?"
"Oh, no, not really." Dream leads them into a larger foyer with covered walls of tapestries and even more banners. "I mean, you are our hostages, don't get me wrong, but it'd be a waste to drop you both in the dungeons. And besides, this place is impossible to escape from." The sound of a gate dropping closed emphasizes his point. Technoblade looks around some more, eyeing the few passages he can see. He assumed that a mansion of this size would have an extensive network of hallways, but it was mainly just one large, open space filled with comfortable looking couches, fancy little side tables, and a grand staircase leading upstairs. Of course, there were the aforementioned hallways, but they branched off closer to the staircase. He could spy just four separate hallways, but it was a guess as to how far they actually went.
Just like the rest of Dream, most of the mansion was all for show.
"So why go through the trouble of kidnapping us then?" Philza speaks up, his eyes narrowed as he watches Dream closely.
"Well, I heard your little commune was starting to get... big." Dream gestures to some nearby seats and lets the pair sit down. Once seated, the swords finally drop from their necks, but Sapnap and George still remain standing by their sides. "And I figured it wouldn't hurt to kill two birds with one stone."
"In what way?"
"I wanted to show the other neighboring territories what would happen if they got a little too confident with their growing power."
"So you're making an example of us," Technoblade states, unimpressed. "Even though we didn't do anything to you."
"Oh, just the existence of your commune is a threat to me. Out of everyone else on this land, I hold the most power, and I intend to keep it." Dream steeples his fingers together as he leans forward. "But... I also realized that I could do more than just make an example of you two. I could offer you two a deal."
"A deal?" Philza is skeptical. "Hardly think it'll be a fair one given our circumstances."
"Ha, true!" Dream chuckles to himself. "But I think it's fair enough. Instead of razing your land to the ground and starting a war you two will surely lose, why not just... become a part of my territory? The Arctic Commune can have access to food and supplies all year round, and I don't have to worry about you growing too big to be a threat when you're already a part of my soon to be kingdom. Sounds pretty fair, don't you think?"
Technoblade shares a look with Philza before looking back at Dream. "Ehhh, I dunno, Dream. Sounds like we're giving up our freedom here. I mean... we're up in the mountains. Basically tundra if you keep going north. We don't really have much to offer."
"But you do. You have people. A community. Land that you two control and maintain."
"Control is a strong word-"
"And I've heard that one of you," he points to Technoblade and then to Philza, "happens to be one of the land's greatest warrior ever."
The wording catches Technoblade's attention, and he's sure Philza does as well judging by how the winged man straightens up. Philza speaks up smoothly, his voice betraying nothing as he asks: "And which of us is it?"
"Obviously, it's him." Dream points to Technoblade with a clear sneer in his voice. "And you're the master builder between the two of you. A dream team, some would say." Dream laughs at his own joke as Sapnap groans and George makes a halfhearted chuckle. "...Anyways." The man clears his throat, a curled hand moving up to the mask's painted on smile. It's almost as if he treats the mask as his own face.
Noted.
"So I'm guessing that makes us useful to you, which is why you won't kill us. But also why you kidnapped us." Technoblade drawls out his words to feign his boredom, his mind racing to find a way out of their situation. It wasn't bad, but it definitely wasn't great. And their people would be needing them back soon.
...At least one of them back.
"Exactly! Sapnap and George are my greatest warriors, clearly, but I can't raise an army with just two other people. I need more allies. Friends." He leans forward towards the pair, making them both lean back into the cushions. "So I would like to propose a deal."
"A deal?" Philza frowns. "What sort of deal?"
"Your little commune joins my soon-to-be country, and I can grant you both lord status to keep control of your little territory, so long as it ensures you don't fight against me."
"Annnd you get to reap the benefits of our people's hard work." Technoblade rolls his eyes. "Can you believe this guy, Phil? He wants do lame things like 'tax people' and 'kidnap leader-like individuals for clout'."
"He's already got one of those things down pat."
"Right?"
"Hey-HEY! That's not- I didn't say any of that!" Dream shakes his head defensively. "Look, all I'm saying is that you merge your territory with mine, and your people stay safe. Doesn't that sound good? Wouldn't you want that? For your people to be safe? It can't be easy for them living out in the freezing cold all the time."
That does sound nice. It was something he and Philza were working towards this entire time. It was why they were interested in expanding their territory in the first place - sure, the freezing tundra kept people out, but it also kept their people in. They needed to spread out more, and the cover the trees provided from the elements was more than ideal. But of course, exploring the evergreen forest was what got them captured in the first place. Pros and cons, he supposes.
"Can we think on it?" Philza answers Dream first, seeing Technoblade lost in his thoughts over Dream's words. "Give us the night to figure it out."
"Preferably not tied up." Technoblade rolls his shoulders to emphasize the uncomfortable position he and Philza have been in the entire time. "Y'know, maybe give us some real time positives to this situation. Kinda hard for us to say yes to you when we're literally hostages."
Dream tilts his head to the side. "I didn't think I gave you a choice?"
"And taking away our ability to choose will surely work out long term for you," he responds sarcastically. "Surely forcing people to say yes has worked out so well before in history. I bet all those rebellions were led by people who didn't have their ability to choose taken away from them." Technoblade leans back into the seat and mirrors Dream's head tilt. "I mean, c'mon, you want more friends, right?"
"Allies."
"Same thing in the end," he lies. "Better to have us want to say yes than to force us, right?"
Dream goes silent at that. There's a shuffle from behind Technoblade, and then a voice speaks up.
"Dream..." Sapnap says slowly, "I don't like where this is going."
"Yeah." George speaks up. "They're our hostages, aren't they? They shouldn't get to make demands."
"Guys, you trust me, don't you?" Dream questions the two behind Technoblade and Philza. "You're not going to start doubting me now, are you?"
It sounded less like a concern and more of a scoff. Confident. Overly so. This was something Technoblade could work with.
"Well, yes." George speaks with a bit of hesitance despite his words.
"Of course we trust you." Sapnap quickly picks up the conversation, either to hide George's hesitance or prove he's the more trusting of the two, Technoblade could hardly tell. "We just want to make sure these two don't pull anything."
"That's fair," Dream agrees, "but they do make a good point."
"No, they don't," Sapnap argues.
"Yes, they do." Dream stands up from his seat. "You said you trusted me, right? So trust me, right now."
Sapnap falls silent, but George sighs wearily. "Alright," he says simply, "we'll trust you."
"As always." The disgruntled tone isn't missed by Technoblade, but Dream seems pleased by the responses nonetheless.
"Excellent. Now, cut off their bonds. We're going to lead them to their new rooms."
Not a second is wasted as their bonds are finally removed. Technoblade rubs his wrists and looks over to Philza to see him doing the same. The only difference was that-
"Hey." Technoblade fights to keep the irritation out of his voice. "Why are his wings still bound up?"
"Well, I can't risk him flying away all of a sudden. And besides, you should be grateful that I allowed your wrists to be free."
"Oh, sure." The biting sarcasm returns to his voice. "Because removing the cuffs is enough to make us think we're-"
"Tech." Philza puts a hand on Technoblade's arm. "It's fine. I'll make do."
Technoblade searches Philza's expression and finds only the calm confidence he always holds. He relents with a sigh, crossing his arms with a frown. "Alright. Fine."
"Great!" Dream claps his hands together to get their attention. "Now if you would follow me..."
Dream leads them down one of the four hallways off the side of the staircase. He mentions something about how the second floor is off limits to "guests", which was what they were now, Technoblade supposes. However, the first floor was free game. He gave them a brief rundown of what to expect on the first floor: a meeting room, the kitchen and dining area, a hallway of guest rooms (their destination), and the gallery. Somewhere, there was supposedly a door that led to the garden area, but they wouldn't be allowed out there.
Technoblade and Philza had the honor of sharing one room. "It has two beds," Dream explained, "so it shouldn't be an issue."
"Gee, thanks."
"Of course." Dream nods as he's flanked by George and Sapnap. "We can talk again over dinner. Sound good?"
"Sure," Philza responds dryly. "That'll be enough time to make a life changing decision."
"Glad to hear it." With that, Dream closes the door and a following click is heard from behind it.
"Cool, it locks from the outside." Technoblade sighs dramatically and sits on the bed he now claimed as his own. It's softer than the one in his own cottage. He presses a hand down on the bedding, watching as the imprint he leaves slowly fills itself back in.
"Welp, at least we know we have some privacy." Philza sits down on his own bed and rolls his shoulders uncomfortably. Technoblade stares at his bound wings again before getting up and searching the room. "What're you looking for, mate?"
"Something to cut off those ropes," he mutters, digging through the bedside tables and the one lone desk. Every drawer he pulls open is empty. Not even a letter opening knife can be found anywhere. Where are the amenities? "He kinda sucks as a host."
"Agreed," Philza chuckles. "So stop searching. There's no point in it."
"Frankly, I'd like to find a point somewhere. Preferably one that's sharp and comes with a blade."
"Nah, I know what you're thinking. I suggest you leave it."
"And just leave your wings bound up like that? Phil, I hate seeing you like this."
"I know," Philza soothes, "but I think we should stay in his good graces for now. Leave the bindings, I'll manage."
Technoblade gives up the search and plops back down on his bed, semi-defeated. He shrugs off the heavy furs he had been wearing before they were kidnapped and watches it fall to the floor. Philza manages the same, and they both sit in silence, taking in the situation they find themselves in.
Dream wants them alive. To be his pawns in his grab for power. That would mean leaving the people who trusted them in the hands of a man who was too rich to care about the individual lives he was controlling. It was headache inducing, to say the least. Maybe if they had left properly prepared for a fight, none of this would have happened. But they didn't think someone would want land buried in the tundra. Heck, Technoblade didn't even think they were even known. When Philza and him founded the settlement deep in the mountains, the intention was to live a quiet life until they were strong enough to fend for themselves. It was cold and quiet in the mountains, and the people who chose to stay with them liked it like that. Technoblade wasn't much of a builder, but he was proud of the small homes they all made together. He liked having a group of people he could trust and protect. He liked the community they built together.
And he knew the peace wouldn't last forever, obviously. But he could enjoy it with his best friend for as long as possible, before the calls of war brought them back onto the battlefield. It was why he hung up his blade to rest. It was why he picked up the hoe instead. And it was why he chose to pack for a brief journey instead of a long one. He was still in the process of tilling more land, to see what could grow in the icy land he called home. He had plans today, and Dream just came and ruined it all.
Absolutely annoying.
"So," Philza begins, breaking past his thoughts, "what next?"
Technoblade blinks slowly. "What next, huh?"
"Yeah, I know you've got something rolling around in your head. Only a matter of time before you decide to spit it out and tell me."
"Hm."
What next? He thinks back to Dream saying that only one of them was a good warrior, and how he confidently said it was Technoblade. Granted, he wasn't completely wrong, but Technoblade could play it into his favor. He looks around the room they're in, beautifully decorated but that's it. In reality, it was completely sparse and only had decorations to please the eye. It reminds him of the huge foyer they were in. All looks and glam, but barely any substance in it.
Dream was trying to find his footing in all the power he supposes he has. In order to do that, he needed help from people who actually had an idea of what they were doing. He wanted to take all the credit in the group project without doing all the work. So he needed a master builder and a competent warrior on his team. Technoblade looks around the gaudy room that only held the barest of minimums.
"He doesn't need a builder right now."
"No, he does not." Philza looks around the room. "I mean, I'd hope not. This mansion looks pretty finished. And granted, it does look nice."
"But it lacks substance."
"Sure."
"Paper, pens, things to actually make it a room to stay in."
"Right."
"But those are all details he doesn't care for. Things he doesn't notice." Technoblade turns to Philza, a smirk already growing on his face. "He's got the surface level stuff done, but he's missing the obvious details."
"Hmm." Philza makes a small hum as he smiles. "Yup. He sure does."
Dream doesn't know about the Angel of Death. That's great.
"He doesn't need a builder right now."
"No, he does not."
"But he'd want insurance. Something to guarantee no one attacks him."
"So he'd want to keep the strongest warrior, not the builder." Philza nods along. "Alright, sure. But then what?"
"Well, you go home. Do what needs to be done." Technoblade goes back to examining the room. "We'll say, oh well our people need one of their 'leaders' back home or else they'll 'freeze to death'. And if he wants to stay on our good side, he'll agree. With the caveat that I stay."
"As insurance."
"He keeps the strongest man. He feels safe."
"And then what?" Philza's tone makes Technoblade look back at his old friend, and he sees the concern clear as day in his blue eyes. "You stay, I go. But then what? What about you?"
"Ehhh, I'll figure it out on the fly. The last thing I want is to fight a battle empty handed." He pushes some stray hairs back against his head, frowning at how the loose hairs fall back into his eyes. He'll need to fix his braid. It's probably a mess back there. "I need to gain his trust a bit. Make him think it's possible to negotiate while you're back home."
"You want me to prep."
"I trust you'll know what to do."
"Always." Still, Philza looks unsure. "But what about you, mate? Will you be alright?"
"Do you really think so little of me?" Technoblade grins, his canines revealing themselves to Philza.
Philza snorts and shakes his head. "Not like that, but you really make me question my age sometimes."
"That's what happens when you're an old, old man."
"Being old has its benefits. Apparently, you can get forgotten in history despite making history, and then you end up kidnapped and mistaken for a simple builder instead."
"Is that a benefit?"
"In this case, yes." Philza grins brightly before sobering up. "If this works, I want you to promise me that you'll stay safe, alright?"
"Again, you doubt my ability to survive?"
"I doubt your ability to stay out of trouble, mate." Philza looks serious as he holds Technoblade's gaze. "Just promise me that if things go south, you’ll find your way out."
"That's gonna be my plan in the end game anyways." Still, he nods for Philza's sake. "But yeah, I promise. You go, I'll stall. And when the chance comes to escape, I'll take it."
"...Good."
Before they can discuss anything else, the sound of a-
["Wait, hold up." Tommy interrupts Technoblade, dragging him to a sudden halt. "What do you mean, stall?"
"That was my plan, Tommy." He tosses his braid over his shoulder after his constant pacing and moving had it meander its way onto his shoulder. "Anyways-"
"Nononono." Tommy shakes his head in disbelief. "You can't mean to tell me that your master plan was just to stall."
"...Yes? Do you find an issue with that?"
"Yes!" Tommy throws his hands up in the air. "This whole time, I had to sit through you going on and on about those stupid politics talks with Dream, and I thought oh boy, here's the gonna be the grand reveal where Technoblade shows off how supposedly big brained he is, but instead your plan is to just. Stall?"
"Why yes, yes that was my big master plan."
"That's not big brained! That's- that's just STALLING!"
"Ah ah ah." Technoblade wags his finger at Tommy, the boy making a petulant face at the treatment. "You make it sound like stalling isn't an art form in of itself. It's how you stall that matters." Technoblade begins pacing again, making Tommy groan as he leans his head back to hit his head against the tree. "Take, for example, a bad stall. You make up stuff on the spot to distract someone, but it only lasts a few minutes, maybe an hour if you're lucky. That's an ehhh stall. A 'this will do' kinda stall. But a good stall? That can last for however long you want it to last. That takes skill. That takes brains."
"Yeah yeah big man, you love to waste people's time as a hobby, we get it." Tommy waves a hand dismissively. "I don't get how stalling is supposed to one-up Dream. Like, you're a brute. Why not just beat him in a fight?"
"Well, for one, I didn't have any weapons, and I doubt Dream would give me any sort of weapon if he knew of my skill. He wouldn't put himself in that position."
"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." Tommy pouts at the lack of action. "Ah damn, the rest of this story is gonna be mad boring then."
"Tommy, c'mon, you really think I'd be forcing you to sit through a boring story?"
"For fun? Yeah."
"Okay yeah but- but! This is different. There's something to learn from this."
"And what's that?"
Technoblade grins as Tommy groans again. "As the great Sun Tzu once said-"
"Not this bullshit again-"
"Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."]
The door unlocks and Dream opens the door, smiling mask greeting them both as he-
["Stop stop stop stop stop."
"Heh?"
Tommy holds up a hand. "If I have to hear another so-called word from Dream, I am going to literally explode. I did not get sat down just to hear you spit out whatever nonsense that green fuck said! I've got other things to do, Techno. Get on with it!"
"Now you're just being rude."
"We don't have all day, Big T!"
"Fine fine. So Dream takes us to his dining room for dinner and-"
"Can we skip the politics talk too while we're at it."
"But it's interesting stuff! I kiss up to him and lean into the fact that I know more than he does, but he doesn't catch on to it, and I say a bunch of stuff, and Philza pretends he's just a builder to convince Dream even more, and the dude relents and lets Phil go since I promised him I'd spend more time thinking about saying 'yes' to him."
"You see that?" Tommy claps his hands and shoots double fingerguns at Technoblade. "That was great. You fucking summarized that mess of a dinner and now we can move on to the good stuff, yeah?"
"But it ruins the narrative flow-"
"Big T, once again, we do not have all day and I would really like to imagine that when you finish this story, we'll be able to go back and have a nice dinner of not steak, not potatoes, and not avocado toast. In fact, not talking about your dinner with Dream seems like a splendid idea for my stomach, and yours."
Technoblade releases a long, aggrieved sigh. "Fine. Whatever you want, Tommy. I'll just skip to 'the good bits' you want to get to, without all the tension."
"Yeah, you do that." Tommy smiles blissfully. "Now I don't have to get jealous over the normal ass dinner Dream gave you that I'll never get. Because all we have are steak, potatoes, and avocado toast."
"I'll elect to ignore that." Technoblade clears his throat and takes a minute to collect himself. "So, after Dream agreed to let Phil go, he cut off Phil's bindings and freed his wings. Phil and I said our goodbyes, and I watched him fly off into the night sky. I had the room all to myself that night, which was probably not what Dream had intended, but a lot of things would just continue to not be in his favor. And so began the next part of my master plan.
"The stall."]
It's been about a week since Philza was allowed to leave. The avian had whispered for Technoblade to keep out of trouble, at least, just for a while. The message was clear in his jest. Even if Dream and his goons overheard the whisper, they would take it as another more than a tease. It was a good thing he was Philza's best friend, and not these three.
This left Technoblade wandering the halls of the mansion, oddly free to do as he pleased for the past week. Granted, he was always followed by Sapnap or George (well, mainly Sapnap), but that worked more in his favor than Dream would have realized. Sapnap was the one following him today, as he tended to do most days while George slept the day away. Something about being the night watch for Technoblade.
"You know," Sapnap speaks up from behind Technoblade, the two of them wandering the mansion's hallways for the umpteenth time, "I would have figured you've memorized these halls by now."
"What, 'cause I've been doing nothing but walk laps around this place?" Technoblade pauses in front of a landscape painting. The hallway he was "exploring" happened to be a gallery of sorts. A place where Dream seemed to put down works of art and trophies from adventures and escapades. He spent a lot of time here, admiring the art and examining the various treasures the man had on display. It was better than staring at a wall all day, that's for sure.
"If you're planning an escape, it won't work." Technoblade could just imagine the bandanna-wearing man crossing his arms behind him. "This place is locked up pretty tight."
"Me? Escape? Outrageous." He moves onto the next treasure, this one looking like a bejeweled crown. Ohh, nice. "Nah, I'm just tryna become a human map. Soon enough, I'll be able to walk from room to room with my eyes closed. Heck, I'm pretty sure I can figure out which room you were in just from the description of it."
"Oh yeah?" A challenging lilt to Sapnap's voice. "Alright, then tell me how you would get from the dining room to the library."
"Eaaasy." Technoblade turns to face Sapnap with a grin. "You head out the door that's next to the oven and go down the hallway that's just slightly off to the left. Keep walking down it until you see the closed door that looks like it should be locked but isn't, and then you gotta jiggle the doorknob a couple times before it opens up and boom. Instant library."
"...Alright. Not bad." Sapnap tries not to look impressed, but Technoblade can only smirk. "Surprised you actually memorized the entire first floor."
"I've been here for like, what, a week? I got nothing better to do."
"Well, you clearly know where the library is."
"Got nothing better to do since I'm not allowed outside."
"For good reason."
"To bore me to death? That doesn't sound like a good reason."
Sapnap rolls his eyes, but Technoblade could see the corner of his mouth go up. Got him. "If you're so bored, why don't you go read a book in the library or something?"
"Nothing really captures my interest in there." This wasn't even a lie. Technoblade had genuinely gone through the titles of Dream's library to see what he could find there. All he could find were books on fighting and battle strategies, guides and tip books for various skills and tasks, and occasionally a classic story that looked like it hadn't been touched since the day it was purchased. Books that he had definitely read before a long, long time ago. It surprised him that amongst all the battle-oriented books in Dream's library, Technoblade couldn't find his favorite hiding in the shelves.
Well. He supposes that says more about Dream's mindset than anything else.
Technoblade leaves the gallery and resumes his aimless wandering of the mansion. It doesn't take long before Sapnap speaks up again.
"So uh, why'd you guys settle in the tundra?"
"Liked the cold." And the isolation. It kept them safe and away from others who would go after them. Plus, no one would even think to settle in the tundra, which made it an even better place to try and settle down in. "Nothing more than that."
"Weird." A pause. "How do you even survive out there?"
"Easy. Food and water, just like everyone else."
"But shelter?"
"Uh, you make it? It's not like it's a wasteland out in the arctic." If Technoblade didn't know any better, he would have thought that Sapnap was trying to sneak some information out of him for Dream. But, Technoblade has been a boring hostage so far, so he bets that Sapnap is just digging for any kind of interaction to break down the monotony. Technoblade could easily play along without revealing anything serious. "You know, we managed to make board games out there."
Sapnap perks up at that. "Oh yeah? Like what?"
"The classics - checkers, chess. Couple of other games too that Phil plays, but ehh, they never really caught my interest, y'know?"
"Sure."
"One time, Phil made a game that was completely horizontal, and part of the game involved putting checker pieces into these slots that fell down and stacked. The goal was to make a row of four in your colors."
"Oh?" This piqued Sapnap's interest. "That kinda sounds fun."
"Yeah. Unfortunately, Phil made the board himself so I can't really replicate it that easily."
"...Oh." Sapnap actually deflates when Technoblade tells him that. Technoblade hides his smirk as he throws on a placating tone.
"But, I think we can figure out a workaround if you're really curious about how it worked."
"...Yeah. Why not? We have time to burn."
"Nice nice. Just get me a checkers board and its pieces, and I can figure it out from there."
Sapnap ran off a little too eagerly to find the boardgame. While he was gone, Technoblade picked a table to sit at and waited patiently for the raven-haired man to return. His eyes strayed up to the second floor where he was sure Dream was hiding in. From where he sat, he could see one large room with double doors that must be the ballroom. There were a few other doors that were off to the side, but he's seen Sapnap leave one of them on a regular basis, so he could only assume those were the bedrooms of the three captors. He'd yet to see George exit from one of the other rooms, but he's seen Dream exit from all three rooms at least once. Seeing as he was the leader of the group, it made sense that he would see fit to invade the space of the other two men frequently for whatever meetings his heart saw fit.
"Found a set!" Sapnap's voice draws Technoblade's attention back to him. He puts on a friendly smile as Sapnap places the checkerboard down alongside its pieces.
"Niiiiiice. Well, since we got it here, here's a way we can play Phil's game..."
While it wasn't as satisfying as Philza's well crafted game, sliding the pieces down to mimic the pull of gravity was satisfying in its own way. The game also revealed just how competitive Sapnap could get as he requested rematch after rematch every time he lost to Technoblade (which just so happened to be every time). By the time it was dinner time, Sapnap was just about ready to upturn the table. For the final match, Technoblade allowed Sapnap to win without the other man realizing it. The genuine cry of happiness Sapnap made almost made Technoblade feel bad for letting the bandanna man think he would ever have a chance at beating Technoblade.
Almost.
"HA! I beat you this time!"
"Oh no, I'm losing my touch." Technoblade forces a disappointed sigh but smiles again at Sapnap. "Guess you're getting better at it."
"Of course I am! I finally figured out your techniques."
"Mhm." He allowed Sapnap to believe that. "Guess I'll be the one requesting a rematch after dinner."
"I look forward to it," Sapnap says with a smirk. "Now come on, we need to get to dinner before Chef gets upset that we're leaving his cooking to get cold."
From then on, Technoblade had an easier time getting Sapnap to loosen up around him. They would play games together to keep each other entertained, and it helped to pass the time while he was confined to inside the mansion. Through the games, he learned how fiercely protective Sapnap was of George and Dream, particularly George. If either of them were in danger, Sapnap would be sure to protect both his friends. It was duly noted information for when they would inevitably be involved in a war. But in the meantime, Technoblade was content with beating Sapnap at children's boardgames while learning more and more about the raven-haired man as he spoke more and more of his friends. To keep up the ruse, Technoblade made sure to let Sapnap win every once in a while. Once he did, the raven-haired man would start gloating and bring up even more details of their friendship. He, however, did not reveal any secrets behind the city-state that arranged all of this.
Technoblade had another source he could try wheedling information out of. This came in the form of George and his nighttime escapades. Unlike Sapnap, George wasn't as easy to pin down. No, in fact, he was just slightly harder to get a hold of. Being a man who seemed rarely active in the daytime, Technoblade decided now was the time to flaunt his other skill that only a few people knew of: his horrible, terrible, no good, very bad sleeping schedule. He supposes tormenting his captors by having an unpredictable and difficult to maintain schedule would be a fun way to go about his capture.
Today, he woke up closer to 4 PM, which meant he still had a little time to beat Sapnap at a game of Row of 4 (name still pending, but he figured Philza would get a hoot out of Technoblade making a bootleg of his own game). Afterwards, he could have a nice dinner-for-breakfast meal and then wander around the first floor until Sapnap was forced to retire to his own room to sleep.
And then. Then, it was the waiting game. Now, people didn't know this about Technoblade, but when it came down to it, he could be a very patient man if it meant achieving his goals. So he sat in wait, watching the upstairs rooms carefully with a book held open in his hands. The contents of the book were not particularly interesting (he already knew the best tactics for one-on-one battles), but it would give him something to do as he watched for George's door to open. A few hours passed before he could hear a door creak open. He was surprised he was able to get away with being unsupervised for that long, but he figured he wouldn't complain about it if it meant he could get away with it. The man in spectacles finally walked out, yawning widely as he stumbled out of the room and walked down the stairs. He didn’t seem to notice Technoblade waiting for him in the foyer and simply kept walking. With a quirked eyebrow, Technoblade closed the book and placed it down on his seat to follow the brunet around. Maybe he was keeping his footsteps quiet by accident, but George still didn’t notice Technoblade stalking after him as he made his way to the kitchen to grab some food. Even the kitchen staff stared at Technoblade a bit bewildered as he simply followed after the brunet. It wasn't until Technoblade sat down across from George that he finally spoke up.
"Yoooo."
"OH- shit-!" George jumps in his seat and makes the tableware clatter around the table as his knee bangs against it. After a few curses, his gaze finally focuses on the pink-haired man sitting bemused across from him. "When did you get here?!"
"Considering the fact that I'm your hostage, I've been here the entire time." Technoblade stretches. "But actually, I just sat down when you did."
"I didn't hear you coming."
"I noticed." Technoblade keeps an easy smile on his face as he stares down George. "Y'know, I also noticed you're not a morning person."
George studies him carefully, fork hovered over his meal. "...I have things I must attend to at night."
"Like?"
George hesitates before stabbing a cut of meat. "Some paperwork Dream didn’t get to. Maybe looking at what facilities need repairs or require supplies."
Technoblade cocks his head to the side. "So you're the main guy who makes sure the mansion stays running."
"I mean- not really. I just help Dream at night when he needs rest."
"Hence why you're more active at night." Interesting. "So it's just you at night?"
"Yes." George quickly takes a bite of food. "Which begs the question - why are you still awake?"
"Actually, I woke up late myself." Technoblade leans back in his chair. "Read a book waaay too late in the night, and the next thing I know, it's morning. So I went to bed pretty late and woke up pretty late. It's not like I got much to do, since I'm locked up in here and can't even go outside."
George nods slowly, not taking his eyes off of Technoblade as he eats. A realization dawns on his face before it's replaced with resigned bitterness. "Then that means I'll need to babysit you this time."
"Yuuup." Technoblade grins and spreads his arms out wide. "We're gonna be nighttime pals!"
"Oh. Yaaaayy..."
"Yaaaaayyy!" Technoblade makes a subdued cheer before grabbing a piece of bread the kitchen staff offers to him. Might as well join in the meal if he's going to be sitting here. "Now you have company."
"Just what I wanted."
"Don't worry, I won't interrupt your meal any longer." Technoblade takes a bite of the bread and winks playfully at George. "Eat up."
George glares at Technoblade and takes his time with his meal. The pink-haired man didn't mind, instead enjoying the silence as he snacked away. It was a change of pace from having Sapnap tail him around the mansion. Sure, the board games were more entertaining than he expected, but there was only so much he could do with another man looking over his shoulder. Even surprise interruptions by Dream were getting more and more welcomed as the green-clad man would nag Technoblade about his answer.
"So, when are you going to agree to the merge with my estate?" It was the same question every time, and Technoblade would respond with the same answer every time.
"Ehh, I still need to think about it. You keep promising things, but I haven't really seen them yet, y'know?"
And Dream would leave in a huff as Sapnap watched from behind. He asked the raven-haired man when Dream was planning on showing him evidence of these boons, but Sapnap refused to answer. The constant tug and pull could only last for so long before Dream got tired of it, and when that happens, Technoblade needs to have a plan ready to either stall or leave.
Right now, he could still stall. So stall he would. After all, he still had an argument to make. If Dream couldn't back up his claims, why on earth would Technoblade agree to his terms? They would need to let him go outside eventually, to show him what they really had to offer. It was only a matter of time.
But until then...
He could have some fun poking around the mansion here and there.
George finally finishes his meal and gets up to leave. Technoblade follows his lead and tails the brunet as he walks out of the dining room. The brunet throws Technoblade a haggard stare, to which Technoblade merely returns with a grin. "What? Can't I keep you company? Probably gets lonely at night when you're the only one working."
"I got used to it. Stay here." He stands at the staircase and points towards the bottom of it. "Dream said you're still not permitted upstairs, but I still need to do my work and watch you so... stay here. I'll be back once I get my things."
"Sure thing."
George quickly makes his way up and into his bedroom, leaving the door wide open. Technoblade could wander up anyways and take a peek inside, but he knows that would ruin his plans if he started getting in their bad graces now. Instead, he wanders back to his seat from before and picks up the book he'd been reading. By the time he makes it back to the staircase, George is already rushing down with an armful of paperwork and ledgers. "Alright," the man says breathlessly, glasses a bit askew, "now to the library."
"Sounds like a plan." Like a good hostage, Technoblade remains within George's sight as he walks ahead.
He opens the door for the brunet, earning a surprised and startled noise from George before the man walks in with a mumbled, "Thanks."
"No problem," Technoblade answers as he shuts the library doors behind them.
George settles down at a nearby table quickly and spreads out all the papers and ledgers on top of it. Before Technoblade can get any closer, George points a finger at the pink-haired man to stop him in his tracks. "No sitting near me," George says sternly. "You can sit over there instead." George points to a table not too far from him but still within his view. Technoblade merely shrugs and takes his seat as directed.
The two of them keep silent as George works dutifully. Technoblade skims over the words in his book, listening to George shuffling the papers every once in a while. If this was what the man did every day of his life, he wondered what Dream must be doing that keeps him so busy. Technoblade peeks at George from over his book, the brunet busy scribbling away with a deep set frown on his face. It reminds him of how Philza works when he's handling the administrative work. Granted, Technoblade also helps the avian with his work, so it's odd to see one lone man amongst the piles of paperwork without so much as the chatter of someone to keep him sane.
Isn't it great that Technoblade is here to bother him?
"Say," Technoblade pipes up, forcing George to a stop, "don't you have any hobbies? Is this really all you do?"
"Well," he says slowly, almost hesitantly, "I like to sleep?"
"...Sleep?"
"Yeah, sleep." George resumes his writing as he continues to talk. "Nothing much around here interests me. I'm just helping Dream out because he's my friend."
"Huh. Well, if all you do is paperwork stuff, maybe sleeping ain't such a bad hobby."
George huffs out a laugh. "Yeah. And- well, in dreams? You can have adventures and stuff. And there are no consequences if someone loses or wins. I would much prefer that than real stakes."
"Hm, I see." Technoblade didn't really see the appeal of it all, but he supposes if he was stuck doing all the paperwork for Dream, he too would prefer sleeping over seeing another page of legal jargon to parse through indefinitely. "Do you ever take breaks?"
"I mean, I could?" George looks up from his work a bit bewildered. "But I never really had a reason to? I've also been on my own for some time. I mean, Sap tries to keep me company every once in a while, but Dream needs him during the day, so it's rare that we get to hang out as much."
"That's... kinda sad actually."
"Well-!" George quickly becomes flustered as he drops his pen to wave his hands about. "We all have our reasons! Sap is busy, Dream is busy, I'm busy-"
"But even if you're busy, you should still get the chance to hang out with your buds." Technoblade reclines on his chair and balances it on the back two legs expertly. "Kinda lame in my opinion that it's all work no play for you."
"I can have fun," George sniffs petulantly. "You just don't know me."
"Oh? Then prove me wrong." He grins as he watches George set the papers aside to stare down Technoblade.
"Alright then. Let me go get a book."
Technoblade raises an eyebrow. "Okay."
George quickly gets up and makes a beeline to a very specific part of the library. From what Technoblade can recall, it was a small section dedicated to botany. The selection was minimal at best, but he found himself perusing it every once in a while for a small change of pace. It was a shame they didn't have a book on garden vegetables - knowing how to grow your own food would be pivotal knowledge to starting up a kingdom. He wonders if Dream even considered the art of farming before deciding he wanted to go around kidnapping people to absorb into his wannabe kingdom.
A book is slammed down in front of Technoblade, startling both Technoblade and himself despite being the one who slammed it down in the first place. "Sorry," mumbles George as Technoblade quickly settles his chair properly onto the ground. "Anyways, here's what we'll do." In front of Technoblade is a book about... mushrooms?
"Okay?"
"I didn't even explain it yet." George sits down next to Technoblade with his hand firmly on the cover. "We're gonna play a game where I choose the page to look at, and you have to tell me if you think the mushroom we're staring at is poisonous or safe."
"...Heh? I don't know anything about mushrooms."
"Then this is a fantastic time to start learning." For the first time that night, George actually grins as he takes the book and opens it to a random page. He pulls out two sheets of paper and folds them up quickly, placing them in the book before presenting it to Technoblade. The sheets of paper covered up any information regarding the mushroom, leaving only an image for the pink-haired man to study. He had no idea what signs he was supposed to be looking for. "So," George begins, "is this edible or poisonous?"
"Uhhh," Technoblade says intelligently. He stares at the mushroom that looks sort of yellow-ish and a bit flat. A few other pictures were provided, showing the underside of the cap with odd ridges lining it. He blinks slowly. He only knew the brown mushrooms with the smooth caps, which Philza said were okay to eat, and the red mushrooms with white dots, which Philza specifically said do NOT eat. He'd never even seen yellow mushrooms before. "...Poisonous?"
"Unfortunately for you, or fortunately rather, this one is actually edible!" George pulls the paper away from the page to reveal the name of the mushroom.
"...Chanterelle," he reads out slowly.
"Lovely mushrooms, those ones. Got a bit of a buttery taste to them. We can have Chef cook some up for a meal one day once they're in season. Next mushroom!"
"Wait, how can you tell it's edible?"
"Oh, well for this one, I could tell by the cap and the underside." George points to the cap first. "The cap is uniform in color and is a solid yellow. Its lookalikes either have odd bumps covering the top of it or are the wrong color, like brown or a deep shade or orange. The ridges underneath are known as fake gills - its lookalikes would have real gills that look more straight and uniform, versus these vein-like structures. It also helps that I know what chanterelles look like!"
"...I see. Does this apply to every mushroom?"
"Nope." The smile remains blissfully content as George continues. "It depends from mushroom to mushroom."
"Oh. Neat."
"Next one!"
Unlike with Sapnap, Technoblade genuinely struggled to win a single identification "game" with George as he stared down each new entry with equal amounts of confusion. George was all too happy to explain why any given mushroom was either edible or poisonous, and the qualifications for what made any given mushroom fit under either category seemed to vary from each individual mushroom. It all flew over Technoblade's head, and had it not been for the fact that he needed to stay on the good sides of his captors, he would have gotten up and walked away ages ago.
But no. He has to play nice in order for them to lower their guard. So there he sat, flummoxed and frustrated as he swallowed his pride and continued to play along.
About an hour passed before Technoblade was beginning to feel genuinely tired.
"Okay," he says, covering up a yawn, "I think I need to head to bed now."
"Oh, right." George closes the book and takes it back. "I suppose you have been up longer than me."
"Eeyup." Technoblade gets up, George following his lead with the book still in hand. "As fun as that was, I should leave you to work."
"Sure. Gotta make sure you get to your room first."
"Of course. Still a hostage after all, haha!" He points fingerguns at George and starts walking away before the brunet can even process the idea of feeling uncomfortable by his statement. George's footsteps follow after him as he takes strides back to his room.
"So uh, how often are you going to do this thing where you just randomly pop up during the night?"
"Often enough," Technoblade says simply. "I'll show up when you least expect it."
"Huh. Alright." There's a slight lilt to his voice that makes Technoblade smirk. Got 'im.
Technoblade's hand lands on the doorknob to his room, and he turns slightly to give a two finger salute to George. "See ya later, nerd."
There's a slight smile on George's face as he nods. "Right. See ya."
["And that was how I spent the majority of my month. Playing games and hanging out with my captors."
"A rather chill hostage situation you found yourself in." Tommy doesn't look too impressed. "So what, you played house with Dream's friends and got on their good side and that's your big brained moment? Just sounds like you were having a grand ol' time puttering about."
"Oh there was nothing really grand about it." Technoblade paces in front of Tommy as he continues to recount his tale. "Like, I was still a hostage, alright? Dream's patience and grace could run out at any minute. I'd been stalling for, what, a month by then? Telling Dream that maybe I'd agree to his terms, maybe not. I was balancing on a tightrope, and the only thing keeping me on it was the fact that Sapnap and George now liked having me around. And even if Dream wouldn't admit it to them, he did care about what they liked."
"Okay, I guess? Wait, hold on." Tommy holds up his hands to get Technoblade to stay still for a moment. "Why the hell did you stay with them for a month?"
"Over a month, actually. I'm just at the month marker at this point."
"More than a month?!" Tommy shrieks at that revelation. "Why would you stay with them for THAT long?!"
"First of all, it's how you develop relationships, thank you. And secondly, I wanted to give Philza time."
"Time for what, exactly?"
"Well... let's just say, you wouldn't take too kindly to getting kidnapped and being held hostage, would you?"
"Uh, no. Sounds like absolute bollocks actually. Which begs the question - why were YOU there for so long?"
"Tommy, Tommy- read between the lines, would ya? If I had to give Philza time, it was so he could scrape together some manpower."
Tommy's eyes widen. "You lot were going to go up against Dream."
"Ehhh, eventually. You know, preferably when I was back home. Plus, we were still a small commune back then, y'know?" Technoblade rubs his chin in thought as he recalls his memories. "It was more about fortifying the defenses, making it harder for them to attack us. Getting deeper into the terrain so that Dream's poor preparations would bite him later when he tried to go up against us. Why rush training when we can have nature protect us and buy us more time, right?" Technoblade grins as he returns back to the story. "So, here comes the fun part. Y'see, I wasn't just stalling just to stall. I was actually waiting for a sign from Philza, a message for me to get on it with and come home. And one day, I finally got it. And that," he says, holding out his hands and splaying out his fingers in a showy display, "is when the fun really began."]
A tapping at his window draws his attention. He puts down the book he's reading and, after seeing who was waiting for him at the window, quickly barricades his door. It's been a month since he'd been taken under Dream's custody, and both Sapnap and George had been getting more and more lax with just letting him be. Of course, they would still check up on him, so he’d wanted to take the extra precaution just in case. If they ask why he barricaded the door, he could say that he got bored and was rearranging his room. He’s been here long enough to be allowed that privilege. Technoblade rushes to his window and opens it, greeting the little crow that hops about on his windowsill. "Hulloo," he says, holding out his hand and letting the black bird drop a small scroll of paper into his palm. "Thanks, let me find you a treat."
It was a good thing he just had lunch. He grabs what remains of the sandwich he'd been idly munching on and carefully breaks up the bread for the bird. It caws happily and pecks at the crumbs of bread as Technoblade quickly unravels the message that Philza had sent him.
"Hey mate,
Hope you're holding up alright. But knowing you, I'm sure you've suffered no problems so far.
Just letting you know that everyone at home is safe and sound. A few friends will be visiting soon, and they're likely to stay for a long stretch of time.
Winter's just around the corner, but I'm sure you know that already.
Everyone misses you.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Philza"
A large grin forms across his face as he folds up the letter and hides it in his boot. "Pog, alright. Guess it's time to get serious." He walks over to the little crow and gives its head a gentle pet. "You go on and tell Phil I'll be back before he even knows it."
The crow caws happily and flaps its wings in response. Without waiting any longer, it quickly flies off into the sky with a single message to repeat back to his old friend. Technoblade stretches and closes the window before collecting his plate and removing the barricade.
Time for him to lock in.
The first person he finds is Sapnap, idly shuffling a deck of cards in his hands. "Yoo," he greets, getting Sapnap's attention. The raven-haired man looks up with a grin.
"Hey," Sapnap greets. He holds up the pack of cards to Technoblade. "Wanna play a few rounds of Twenty-One?"
Despite being a betting game, the two of them agreed to play just for the sake of playing the game. Technoblade had nothing but his pride to bet on, and Sapnap liked the feeling of winning more than the actual gambling aspect of it all. It helped to pass the time, and the relaxed, low stakes playing made it easy to make conversation without having to think too hard about the game. The set up was just what Technoblade needed to ease his way into the next part of his plan.
"Sure." Technoblade sits down across from Sapnap and takes the cards dealt to him. In his hands are a six and king. Ten points so far.
"Stand or hit?" Sapnap asks, hand on the deck as he looks at Technoblade.
"Hit." Sapnap hands him a card. This one is a five. "Y'know..." Technoblade begins, "I've been wondering when I'll be allowed to go outside. At least to the gardens. Hit."
Sapnap hands him another card. It's a three. "I dunno... I mean, I asked Dream, but he seems adamant that you stay inside. He thinks you'll try to run off the minute we open the doors."
"Me? Run off? Do you really think I'd do that? Stand."
Sapnap flips over the two cards revealing a king and a nine. He deals another card and grins when he pulls a six. "I win."
"Aw, dang."
Sapnap takes the cards, shuffles, and deals him a new hand. "I doubt you'd run. You would have already tried if you wanted to."
"Exactly." He looks down at his hand. A two and a three. "Hit." Sapnap deals him another card. A five. "I'm just saying, if he really wanted me to say yes, he should at least let me see what the outdoors look like. He keeps saying he's got all these supplies, but really, all I've seen is a mansion with lots of rooms, a library, a gallery, an unused meeting room, and a dining area. Heck, I haven't even seen what I think is the ballroom. Hit." Sapnap deals him another card. It's a ten. "Stand."
"I get where you're coming from, I do. But he's real stubborn about this. It's either his way or no way. You know how he is." Sapnap reveals his hand. A ten and a ten. "I win."
"Dealer's rigging the game," Technoblade bemoans dramatically, making Sapnap snicker. "This sucks. My entire savings is down the drain. Now how will I feed my carrot addiction?"
"Get good." Sapnap deals him a new hand.
He glances down. A nine and a ten. "Stand. And there's gotta be another way. If I keep walking down the same halls, looking at the same rooms, I think I'll actually go stir-crazy."
Sapnap grimaces at his words and reveals his hand. An ace and an eight. "Tie. And... I'll see what I can do. It's been a month, and if you're not budging until you see... something, maybe he'll finally let up."
Two new cards. An ace and a ten. Technoblade grins. "Thanks. That's all I can really ask for. Stand."
["With one conversation down, I turned my attention towards George next."]
The night owl was yet again spending the night in the library. However, instead of focusing on the pile of paperwork in front of him, George was focused on a book instead. Technoblade knocked on the open door to get George's attention.
"Yooo."
George's head perked up when he heard his voice. "Oh, hey Techno."
Technoblade wandered over and took a peek at what George was reading. It was the book Technoblade had recommended him - architectural designs for various different buildings. Turns out, George liked more than just sleeping and mushrooms. He was a builder as well. It was why he was willing to help Dream out in the first place. He was waiting for his chance to finally expand past the mansion and actually put his blueprints out into the world with the help of Dream's power and money. All they needed was an actual community to rule over.
Well. Technoblade wasn't going to let the Arctic Commune be dragged into this against their will, but Dream didn't need to know that. Instead, the pink-haired man grinned as he took a seat across from George. "Enjoying the book?"
"Yeah. Dream isn't much of a builder, so he doesn't care much about these kinds of things. It's why he had me design this mansion. Couldn't be arsed to do it himself." George shakes his head, an affectionate smile on his face. "But, his lack of interest means that I can do whatever I want when it comes to building."
"Sure does. You know, my old friend is a great builder himself. He made the cabin the two of us were living in back in my commune. Made me do a lot of resource gathering while he worked. Maybe you should make Dream do the same too."
"You know, he actually did that when I first designed the mansion with another builder. It was the least he could do since he wasn't doing any of the actual designing. This place is my best work, I think. I'm quite proud of it."
"I bet. I've only seen the front and inside though. Never got to see what the backsides looked like. Kinda wish I could."
The smile falls off George's face as he sighs, closing the book carefully. "Dream isn't going to let you outside, Blade. We've been over this, and I've already tried."
"Yeah, but how am I going to agree to anything if he refuses to negotiate? I've been here over a month, and nothing has changed. I'm still a hostage - what's he got to lose if I want to go check out the gardens?"
"He's worried you'll run off."
"To where? I have no idea where I am, and I only have my own two feet to carry me places. In comparison, you guys have all the horses. Ehh, I'm just saying, he's been real paranoid for a guy with all the control here."
The brunet thinks it over, his brow creased as he thinks. "I guess... But still."
This was going to be tricky, but Technoblade knew a thing or two about tricky situations. "You know what? Why don't we all just… spend the day together. All four of us."
That captures George's attention. "All four of us?"
"Yeah. All four of us. A day in the sun. Wouldn't that be nice?"
"It... it would be. Yeah."
"And it'd be a great break from all the paperwork he makes you do. Be a nice way to show appreciate for all the work you and Sapnap do."
"You're right." A determined look crosses George's face. "I do... miss being able to talk with Sap."
"And you can still talk to him," Technoblade encourages. "You could... maybe catch him before you go to bed. Talk to him and maybe figure something out."
"We could... we could both talk to Dream together. He might be more willing to listen to us if we both agree on the same thing."
Yes. Technoblade grins. "Sounds like it's worth a try."
["And just like that, I had both pawns set on the board, whispering to each other as I eyed down the king across from me."
"Wait, king as in the literal chess piece king, or like, king as in Dream is the king of the mansion?"
"Both, Tommy."]
A week had passed since the last time he brought up the subject with Sapnap and George. Whatever the two were figuring out behind his back was none of his business. As long as it worked in his favor, he didn't mind how long it took for them to come together to confront Dream.
Speaking of.
"So. Have you thought it over fully yet, Techno?"
"Man, you keep asking me the same thing over and over again, but you never really offer me anything concrete, y'know?" Technoblade waves a knife in the air before using it to cut up his meal. Tonight was another night of being "blessed" to share a meal with Dream as the two discussed the nature of his hostage situation. "I can't agree to empty promises without proof you'll make good on it."
"Do you really think I'd offer you empty promises, Techno?"
"It's been over a month and mmmm, I've yet to see you show me a mountain of supplies that would be enough to stock a village. I mean, c'mon Dream, you're not broke, are you? With a mansion this big? It couldn't hurt to flaunt your wealth in other ways, right?"
"I'm not broke, Techno. I just... don't want to show off all my supplies and stock to you."
"Sounds like to me you've got nothing to show, and you don't want me to know." Technoblade smirks as he takes a bite of his meal. "Like- is it really that hard to show me a basement full of food or something? A shed with some supplies? It- it can't be that hard, right?"
A pause. It's a pause that lasts a little too long, making Technoblade's eyes widen with surprise.
"Wait," he begins, the smirk growing wider.
"Stop." Dream's voice rises with a pitch when he realizes what Technoblade is insinuating. "Don't even-"
"Wait! Don't tell me, man's actually bro-"
"Dream!" The doors to the dining room burst open as Sapnap and George rush in with serious expressions. "Can we talk?"
"Oh thank god- yes, yes we can talk." Dream gets up from the table and walks away from dinner. "Let's talk outside."
"Actually, we can just talk in the-"
"No no, outside is fine."
"He doesn't want to admit he's dead broke!" Technoblade laughs as Dream spins on his heel and jabs a finger in his direction.
"Shut up! I'm not broke!"
"Broooooke. That's why he doesn't want to show me anything! 'Cause he doesn't have anything to show!"
"I'm not-! I DO have everything I said I have!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, is that an echo I hear? Because of how empty your stocks are?"
"Shut-! Guys, let's go outside now." Dream drags the other two out of the room and shuts the door behind him.
As if a closed door would stop Technoblade. He quickly races over to the door and puts his ear against it to overhear the conversation.
"-I've told you both before that we can't let him out of the mansion!"
"I know, I know, but it's been over a month! Nothing has changed! If we want something to change, we need to do it ourselves!" Sapnap speaks up against Dream with a bit of annoyance. "You keep saying, don't let him out, but it's not like you're doing anything to stop him! It's always George and me doing all the babysitting, never you. And let me tell you, he's been on his best behavior this entire time. The only person who doesn't see that is you, because you're not doing any of the watching!"
"I haven't heard you two complain this entire time about being the ones to watch Technoblade."
"Yeah, but now we're getting tired of holding our tongues." Even George sounds frustrated. "Listen, it'll just be for a day. One simple day. We can't keep him locked up inside forever."
"We can. Because he's our hostage."
"And what a hostage he's been, hanging around us more than you ever do." Sapnap spits out the words bitterly. "He's been more fun to be around than you! If you really cared about anything happening in this mansion, you'd actually be doing something about making the hostage agree to your terms instead of just stomping off when he says nope."
"Just let him out," George says, more calm than Sapnap's anger. "We’ll try it out for one day. If he doesn't run, then we're solid, yeah?"
Silence. And then finally:
"Fine. We try it out for one day, and that's it."
A sigh of relief is heard from one of the two facing down Dream. "Thank you."
The doorknob jiggles, and Technoblade only has a little bit of time to jump out of the way and gather himself as quickly as possible. Dream's mask greets Technoblade, and he can just feel the irritation roll off him in waves.
"Haha! Dream! Mmm, mmm, yeah, that dinner was great! Mmm, always a good meal around here. Haha! I was just about to head off to the library-"
"One day." Dream's voice is stern. "You get one day outside in the gardens. That's it."
"What, really?" Technoblade does his best to feign his ignorance and look surprised. "Pog! Thank you, Dream."
"Don't thank me, thank those two." He jabs his thumb over his shoulder to Sapnap and George. Sapnap grins and gives Technoblade two thumbs up. George waves eagerly.
"Aww, thanks guys." He fakes the sentimentality with a bright grin. "So, when do I get to go out?"
"Tomorrow." Dream turns on his heel and starts to walk away. "Tomorrow, and that's all you get."
"Great! One day in the sun is all I'll need." A door slams shut. He ignores it as Sapnap claps his shoulder with glee.
"First thing's first, I wanna see just how good you actually are with a sword." A fiery determination is bright in his eyes. Something Technoblade hasn't seen before. Probably because it wouldn't be safe to cross blades indoors. Sapnap must have been just as bored as he was some days if he's this eager for a fight.
Technoblade nods. "Sure. Don't cry when I beat you with a blade for the first time."
"As if!" Sapnap releases Technoblade and waves him off as he retreats. "I'll see you tomorrow first thing in the sun!"
"Byeee." He turns to George, who looks equally as excited. "Now I can see what the whole mansion looks like."
"I'll give you a tour of the gardens as well." George grins before yawning. "But first, I'm gonna go take a nap. I'll be awake when you guys go out there."
"Gotcha. See ya later."
George waves as he wanders off to his room to sleep. This left Technoblade alone with just his thoughts. Tomorrow didn't leave much room to plan, but that was probably Dream's intention.
He grins. No matter. He didn't really need much. All his pieces were on the board already. Now he just had to move them all into the right position.
["So what was your gameplan, big man? Was this where you finally made your great escape?"
"Patience, Tommy. A wise man never reveals his plans right away."
"Is that another Sun Tzu quote?"
"I'm not actually sure. But anyways-"
"Dude."
"-'tomorrow' finally arrived, and as expected, all four of us were standing out in the sunlight. For me, it had been ages since I'd felt the sun on my skin. Of course, before I could really drink in the scenery and take a good look around, Sapnap insisted that we-"]
"Fight!" A practice sword is thrown Technoblade's way as he faces off against Sapnap. He's barely given a second to find his grip when Sapnap comes rushing at him. Technoblade quickly narrows his eyes and blocks his attack. The blades were made of cheap metal, the kind that was meant to be easily replaced if a recruit suddenly broke it. It was light in his hands, but that didn't matter to him. It'd been so long since he held a weapon in his hand that his instincts immediately took over.
With a strong outward sweep of his arm, he threw off Sapnap's blade from his own and immediately began his own barrage of attacks. Sapnap parried and blocked as quickly as he could, surprise overtaking his face as Technoblade slashed and struck down with an inhuman strength that was meant for war.
The blades were cheap, meant to be broken. So it wasn't a surprise to him that with his final blow, the swords broke upon impact. Sapnap ends up falling on his butt, the sword he holds broken in half from the force of Technoblade's final blow. Technoblade tosses his own sword aside, offering a hand to Sapnap. The raven-haired man grins and takes the offered hand with no hesitance. He's pulled up easily, and Sapnap laughs as he's back on his feet.
"Wow! Wish I got to fight you sooner. Maybe then I'd have a fighting chance against you."
Technoblade scoffs and stands proudly before Sapnap. "If you wish to defeat me, train for another 100 years."
That gets Sapnap laughing before he wanders away to talk to Dream. George comes up next, looking just as proud as Technoblade, but he's sure it's for a different reason. "C'mon, you wanted to see what the mansion looks like from behind, yeah?"
"Yup."
"Then let the tour begin!"
The back of the mansion was actually really impressive. Being the back of a building, most would assume that it'd look plain or simple, since it wouldn't be the first thing that people saw when they first arrive. But George clearly cared that it would look just as good from the back as it did the front.
"If you're going to spend time in the gardens, then you'll have to be looking at the back of the mansion as well. It might as well look just as good if you're gonna be spending a good chunk of time outside."
He also took the time to show Technoblade around the gardens. Flowers bloomed all around, the garden being taken care of meticulously. Tulips, roses, and a few others that Technoblade couldn't name off the top of his head were planted in neat rows that looked to be in a specific pattern. It was something he was sure Philza would appreciate if he were to fly over the gardens and see what it looked like in the sky.
But what really grabbed Technoblade's attention was the forest that bordered the gardens. Just out there laid his salvation. As he stared out into the forest, a distant caw could be heard flying overhead.
Perfect.
George and him made it back to where Dream and Sapnap were sitting down on a bench, Sapnap excitedly telling Dream about... something while Dream listened attentively.
"And so Karl-"
"Oh, you guys are back." Dream interrupts Sapnap's story to greet the pair returning. "Had fun on your little tour?"
"Well," George begins, "I couldn't show him all of the gardens."
"Oh?" That piques Technoblade's interest as he focuses his attention again on George. Dream merely nods at this.
"Good. It'd be hard to show him around without the horses anyways."
"Actually..." George looks at Dream with a pleading look.
"No," was Dream's immediate response.
"Aw, please?" George adds a pout to his plea, making Sapnap snicker. "We haven't ridden the horses in ages, and it'd be nice to have a trot about the area. He's only got one day out here anyways - be nice to make the most of it while we can."
"C'mon, Dream." Sapnap nudges the masked man playfully. "You know you can't say no to that face."
"Yeah, Dream." Technoblade joins in the ribbing with a grin. "It'd make George really happy."
That seems to change something with Dream's posture. Oh, well isn't that a fun surprise. "Fine," Dream relents. "But we're all riding together. And I'll decide who gets which horse." With that, he gets up and walks off to get said horses.
Sapnap and George cheer while Technoblade watches them with a smile. He was so close. So close. He knew what Dream's intentions were, but if he played his cards just right...
His eyes glanced up at the sun in the sky. It was still high up there. Noon. He still had plenty of time. But that didn't mean he could just relax and let the time pass him by. After all, it's like Sun Tzu once said: "Cleverness has never been seen associated with long delays."
Dream arrives with four horses in tow. He hands a horse to Technoblade, the horse's sleepy eyes earning it a pet from him. No doubt, this was the slowest of the group. Nevertheless, he mounts it easily and watches as the other three mount their steeds as well. With George leading the pack, he finishes the tour he promised Technoblade by revealing the riding paths that had been etched into the ground from numerous treks around the property. The paths led into and out of the forest, making a sort of track that would loop around the garden. He assumes it's been used for races with the horses, as the well worn tracks are littered with imprints of hooves.
With the end of the tour in sight, it meant that they would have to dismount and return the horses to the stables. That would put a wrench in Technoblade's plans. However, there was one young man who looked itching to start a race. "Hey, Sapnap."
Sapnap eagerly perked up, already anticipating Technoblade's question. "Yeah?"
"Wanna race?"
"Hell yeah."
"George, count us down."
George trots his horse over to the two of them, making sure they were properly lined up before announcing the call. "On your marks, get set, GO!"
Sapnap's horse blazes ahead as Technoblade's horse struggles to keep up. It was no surprise to him that Sapnap beat him back to the start easily. The raven-haired man laughed wildly as Dream clapped him on the back for his win.
"Good race!" He called out to Technoblade as he made it back to the start.
"Yeah, sucks I lost though."
"Eh, you win some, you lose some."
"Dream, why don't you join the races as well?" He turns his attention to the masked man who'd been dutifully distant the entire excursion. "Be nice to join in on the fun."
"Yeah, Dream. Let's race!" George pulls his horse up to the makeshift line, throwing a smile back at Dream. "It's been a while since we did anything like this."
For a moment, Dream doesn't respond. However, he does trot his horse up to the start wordlessly. Sapnap exchanges a grin with George before he goes up and does the countdown. They watch as Dream and George race off through the natural track. Unsurprisingly, Dream gave himself the faster horse. However, George's horse was keeping up quite well. At the last moment, George's horse suddenly pushes forward with a burst of speed that has it overtaking Dream's horse easily, letting George win the race much to Dream's surprise. Sapnap and Technoblade congratulate both of them as the horses catch their breaths.
"Wasn't that fun?" George nudges Dream from his horse, making the masked man huff affectionately.
"Yeah, it was."
"We should keep racing." Sapnap's eager voice speaks up. "Been a while since we all had fun like this."
"I think it's a good idea," Technoblade agrees. "What do you say, Dream?"
"...Yeah, alright." There's a bit of a pleasant tone to his voice. As if he was actually having fun with them. "Wouldn't hurt to keep going."
The group of them cheer with excitement as the races continue. It was Dream against Sapnap, then George against Technoblade. And then Technoblade found himself up against Dream, watching as Dream beat him and leading to his third defeat. He feigned disappointment with the results as the other three laughed.
"Man, sucks that I lost again."
"Yeah, maybe you just have to train for another 100 years before you can beat any of us at horse riding." Sapnap teases him with a grin, throwing back the jab Technoblade used on him.
"Yeah yeah." He lets the light ribbing roll off his back as he grinned. "Hey, why don't we try swapping horses for a bit? Mix things up."
"Sure, I don't see why not." Sapnap gets off his horse and motions to Dream. "C'mon, let's swap."
"You're just sore that I beat you last time," Dream says, a smile clear in his voice as he gets off the horse anyways.
"Whatever." Sapnap rolls his eyes and looks towards George and Technoblade. "You two gotta switch horses too."
"Sure," George says easily, already dismounting. "Let's swap."
Technoblade expects Dream to disagree, but he's too busy swapping with Sapnap to even pay attention. Excellent. Technoblade grins as he swaps with George.
The races continue. With each win and loss, the group swaps their horses around. Technoblade continues to ride, waiting for the right horse to come his way. It feels like hours have passed by the time he swaps horses again with Sapnap. A brown horse with a white diamond on its forehead swishes its tail as it watches Technoblade with curious eyes. He grins as he pets its muzzle.
This was George's original horse.
The secret fastest one out of the whole group. He mounts it easily and lines his horse up next to George. Dream is too lost in the fun to even realize who has which horse as he rides up to begin the race.
"Okay you two. On your marks, get set, go!"
And oh, does Technoblade go. He follows the track up as it curls into the forest. George is ahead of him already with Technoblade not too far behind. Before the path leads out of the forest, Technoblade veers off to the side and off the track.
"Hey! Blade! You're going the wrong way!" George calls out in a surprised tone. However, he does nothing to stop Technoblade as he continues to steer the horse further away from the track. "Techno! Hey, you gotta turn the horse around!"
George's voice gets further and further away as he continues to push the horse forward. He doesn't have much time before they realize he's gone for good, so he doesn't dare look back to check. A caw from overhead grabs his attention, and the crow from before flies just ahead of him as it leads the way.
"TECHNOBLADE!" Dream's voice is loud and off in the distance, slowly drawing closer with each word he screamed. "GET BACK HERE!"
He's not sure which horse Dream has now, but it doesn't matter when he's already so far ahead. Technoblade leans down and urges the horse onward.
"C'mon bud, show me what you're made of."
And just like that, a sudden burst of speed launches the two of them forward as Dream's voice grows more and more distant.
"HAHA! Eat my dust, NERDS!" Technoblade laughs triumphantly as the horse breaks through the forest and runs through a terrain that slowly grows more and more familiar.
Finally.
Finally.
He's coming home.
"And that, Tommy, is the story of how I outsmarted Dream and his goons without having to fight a single one of them."
"Well, technically, you did fight Sapnap-"
"Ah bup bup bup. That wasn't a real fight, that was a training match for fun. It was a nothingburger of a fight."
"Yeah yeah." Still, Tommy's eyes shine with admiration. "So you really just rode off into the sunset with Dream's best horse? Just like that?"
"Just like that." Technoblade sits down and stretches, a grin on his face. "After I got back, I was welcomed by everyone in the commune. We had to prepare for the inevitable battle that would come from Dream, but we had some allies to back us up. We won easy against him when he finally showed up. Not sure what happened afterwards, but I heard he lost everything after we beat him down into the snow."
"Yeah, he's literally homeless now." Tommy pauses. "What happened to Sapnap and George?"
"From what I heard, they had a falling out with Dream. Something about how he prioritized other things over their friendship. Kinda saw it a mile away if I'm being honest." Technoblade shrugs. "But, well, that's the end of that. So, you still think I'm nothing but a meathead now?"
"Hmmm..." Tommy taps his chin thoughtfully before grinning. "Yeah."
"HEH?"
"All that planning relied on luck and nothing else!"
"Yeah, but it was still planning!"
"Doesn't prove anything. You didn't do anything that felt real big brained in the moment."
"What-! What about the whole manipulation thing! Getting them to race and swap horses?!"
"Ehh, anyone could have done that."
"Alright, now you're getting on my nerves." Technoblade stands up with a huff and puts his fingers to his lips. He whistles, loud and piercing, making Tommy cry out and cover his ears.
"You massive dick! What was that for?!"
The sound of an incoming trot gets their attention as a brown horse with a white diamond on its forehead approaches Technoblade obediently. He strokes the horse's muzzle as it whinnies affectionately. "Alright, Carl, let's head home."
"Wait, is that the horse you used to escape Dream?"
"Yup."
"That's so cool! Are we riding back?"
"I'm riding back." Technoblade mounts Carl easily and looks down at the blond teen who stares up at him with shock. He grins as he waves Tommy off. "You can walk back home." Tommy sputters incoherently as Technoblade rides off without him, a boisterous laugh escaping him as he calls out, "See ya later, idiot!"
"TECHNOBLADE, YOU MASSIVE BITCH!"















