3 am thoughts
I find it a bit facsinating to think about the passing of time and how things change. One day you’re a kid running around in your backyard trying to catch fireflies and living the best days you could as a little kid who didn’t have to make big decisions. You don’t have to worry about love and what it means, you just tell your friends you love them as you take turns chasing one another through the playground. And then, out of nowhere, without any warning, you’re different. You have to decipher feelings and try to understand love and live through heartbreak and nothing is the same as it was when you were kids. All of a sudden, you’re in someone else’s bed, wrapped in arms that aren’t as familiar as your own and you think you know that this is love and this is how love should look, and feel, and smell. You find yourself enveloped in emotions that don’t make sense, but you pretend they do, and you feel on top of the world and the scene feels perfect, maybe even magical. And your heart is beating a hundred miles a minute because this is new and something you’ve never done or felt before and you feel like nothing in the world could be better than that moment. With the snap of someone’s fingers, you go from spending your days with a book to spending your days with a person whom you’ve come to love. Suddenly you begin to crave the feeling of their lips on yours and their fingers on your skin. It’s odd how in just a matter of moments, a person is capable of changing all of this for you. And just as quickly as it appeared, it’s gone. The feeling of lonliness will begin to set in and life feels unbearable. You realize your mistakes as you deal with the heartbreak of it all and it feels likes it’s never going to end. How one minute, the world is spinning, the birds are chirping, and the sun is shining bright. And the next, all you can smell is the rain on it’s way, the birds flying away, and the world feels like it just came crumbling apart under your feet. Your body becomes heavy and your eyes droop, your face vacant of the smile that felt like it was never going to go away. The words in your head spinning, unsure of which ones to use. Sure, the earth will keep spinning, the stars will still shine, time will still tick. But none of these things are motivation enough to keep you moving. You will, though. You’ll keep dragging yourself out of bed, and you’ll keep on trying your hardest, because you’re scared that if you don’t, that will truly be the end. How quickly we become used to things that could disappear in seconds.
