Sailor J's Contouring 101 Sentence Meme
"What can I say? I'm a fountain of wisdom."
"Get yo goddamn teeth fixed, you snaggle-toothed ass bitch!"
"That one hurt my feelings a little bit, I'm not going to lie."
"I'm too poor for dental work, but I'm not too poor to contour!"
"Makeup is for women who want husbands."
"Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers and collect the inheritance of their ex boyfriends who disappeared under mysterious circumstances."
"If the men find out we can rearrange the bones of our face, we're finished."
"We might as well PACK OUR BAGS AND GO TO THE NUNNERY!"
"Since it's simply for the dick, we have to do it."
"I don't know if you put your contouring on before the rest of your makeup or after the rest of your makeup, but it doesn't matter; because men are stupid."
"So long as you look like a newborn baby they are willing to mate with you."
"I must warn you, the transition from beginning to end might be startling."
"First you must check your flesh. As you can see here; I have no flesh."
"Once a man walked in on me while I was contouring."
"I had to pretend I was schizophrenic so he'd think I was playing in cat shit and he'd leave me alone."
"If the men find out we can shapeshift, they're going to tell the church!"
"Men will be bewitched and hand over their wallets."
"Men don't like nostrils."
"You want to look like a Pterodactyl. Men LOVE Pterodactyls."
*Pterodactyl screech*
"Beautiful women don't have foreheads."
"If you have too big of a forehead it means you have ugly things like opinions and thoughts of your own."
"Rich people don't NEED to breathe."
"Who needs air when I have another man's money?"
"A cheekbone that can cut through glass!"
"Lady gladiators fight like giraffes"
"Next thing you know we'll be doing things like wearing deodorants and bras."
"Who wants to give me their money?"
"Where's my nose? I don't know."
"Does she have nostrils? No she doesn't. She's above her peers."
"CALL ME RIHANNA!"
"I also bought this at the store because I saw a white woman use it on youtube."
"It is a sponge, drenched with the power of SATAN."
"Ready to take some fucking souls, and ruin some GODDAMN LIVES!!!"
"I look like a completely different person."
"FRONT PAGE NEWS! I HAVE SHAPESHIFTED!"
"I don't even know who I am anymore."
"Men will die tonight."
"Face of a stranger!"
"What a fucking disguise this is."
"Am I Megan Fox? No one knows!"
"Women are dangerous creatures."
-SNEEZES LOUDLY- "HERE I COME, WORLD!"
"Dangerous! Bamboozling! Deceiver!"
-loudly and off key-"WHEN WILL MY REFLECTION SHOW~?!"
One of my favorite videos that never fails to make me laugh. https://youtu.be/QunwzgVENUg?si=kqE3hbvOe-OczPcQ
